Jul 8, 2015
NOELLE STEVENSON'S RUNAWAYS IS THE MOST PLEASANT COMIC IVE READ IN SOME TIME
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NOELLE STEVENSON'S RUNAWAYS IS THE MOST PLEASANT COMIC IVE READ IN SOME TIME
Version 32.0 of self
We live in such a lucky time at the moment, don’t you think? A cool new fangled technology or social network or technological social network drops everyday other day – let’s face it they’re all incorporating the best bits of each another. We’re definitely living in the age of ‘the update’. How many times a week can a new version of I-tunes be released and what’s up with the facebook news-feed?
I personally love a good update. In fact I support the regular update of self. I don’t think you have to be a gratuitous consumer to keep yourself fresh – that implies updates are external only. Like the constant app updates, updating the self is as easy as acquiring some new functions, settings or positions. The aim should always be to upgrade to a more user friendly and efficient version of the earlier you.
Of course if you can make a few improvements to the interface – they’re not gonna go unappreciated. Your look is as customizable as a home screen – treat the self accordingly and shift the focus to keep people interested. Remember updates aren’t about brutal and unrecognizable reinvention but about subtleties that keep people thinking “yeah that guy seems super relevant and therefore he must be totally on top of his game...”
Beards & Bums
Full beards still seem to be in fashion. This confuses me at times as I find myself occasionally attracted to the stray homeless guy. This is also partially a result of ‘on trend’ vintagey op-shoppy clothes being worn with said full beard. That homeless guy could chuck on a fedora, slip into some creative design firm and occupy a mac for some time before being smelt outta there. In fact Vice magazine would probably snap a photo and write the homeless guy up as a style ‘Do’. I can’t decide if a beard is serious commitment or seriously genius because it requires little maintenance. I’d hate to commit to the growing process only to discover that a beard looks ridiculous on me. It would be great to just be able to try on a beard for a day, full beard, stubble, mutton chops or star burns. I’d also like to be able to try on freckles. The right amount of freckle is hot. I feel for the poor bastards who can’t grow a beard in these times of facial hair. Especially if you know the person and know that they’re trying a little too hard to make it work (cut to me six months ago). The best thing about knowing a beardy guy is that they can play hide and seek with their face. They’ll walk into the room one day and be like, “bam, bet you forgot what these cheeks looked like didn’t ya...” Of course I act all shocked and surprised and end up thinking “gosh that face looks naked, what does he look like with a beard again”.
Unspoken Word
I went to a book launch the other night. Yes, such things still happen. Occasionally books get published and on rarer occasion people still read (or pretend they're going to read) them. So in an attempt to reinvent myself as a supportive friend, I ventured out on a school night for a launch slash free wine opportunity. I must've spent way too much time on my own lately because my chit chat skills are ruuus-ty. Trivial small talk with strangers is banal but an essential participatory part of launch party politics. You'd be a complete bastard if you didn't delve into the six degrees of separation by inquiring "so, how do you know such and such...". A launch speech was made and then to my sheer delight, some spoken word followed. I never know where to look when someone unexpectedly whips out a guitar or journal and starts an impromptu 'performance'. This Goddardesque-film-extra girl was so intense that I was slightly terrified and way too distracted to decode her intelligent cross-literary references. It takes a big pair to get up and share though doesn't it, because truthfully people would probably rather say "I've no fucking clue what just happened then" rather than politely clap. But of course, we all politely clap.
To infinity and beyond...
When is the future? I sometimes find myself thinking more about the next thing I’m going to do than actually enjoying the present. Sounds heavy. But don’t we all do this. So when is this future we’re all so caught-up in preparing for? Is it ever going to arrive? Why does it sometimes feels so close and sometimes so far away? (So many questions...) Then there's the other side, constantly thinking so much about the past that you might as well be living there. These really are some of ‘lifes’ age old deep questions, where have I come from and where am going and sometimes when you’re drunk, where the hell am I... Should I be worried that I might not actually be living in any present or future? The future is a construct that we can never truly reach, but why can’t it be a holiday destination? I would love to pack for the future, all of your stuff would be so authentic and instantly vintage. To stop my head from exploding, it’s time to take comfort in a well-worn cliche: The future is now (wait, it’s now, no now...)
Crumby Nails
I was sitting on the tram trying to think of something to write (which never seems to work). Had I run out of things to write about? Surely not! Thankfully, this woman sitting next to me started filing her nails and suddenly I had something to moan about. My outrage at that filing noise - the kind of noise you feel. Even worse - the nail dust blowing onto my ‘personal’ but ‘in public’ space. So is this kind of personal grooming to be tolerated on crowded transport? Should I embrace a complete strangers morning routine? I mean not managing to get ready in time and dashing for the train and having to do your shoe laces up or brush your hair is cute. I’ve finished breakfast on a tram which always elicits a few knowing smiles. But aren’t my toast crumbs falling into your hair charming in comparison to acrylic nail shavings? Tolerance and patience are virtues you also have to put on in the morning. Sure you can give nail filing lady a passive aggressive look or involve other passengers with an eye roll. Or you can do what I do, just sit there and kind of enjoy getting wound up by her lack of regard and continue to do nothing about it because at 8am you’re too apathetic to sacrifice your precious seat on a crowded tram. Besides, having to stand probably means having someones armpit in your face and bag in your back - so, embrace it!!
When to cut a hairdresser
The hairdressers. Where do we stand with this? It’s marketed as enjoyable and luxurious and supposedly happens in a ‘salon’. For the money you part with sometimes you should expect a goddamn Broadway show with your cup of herbal tea (or glass of champers if you’re very lucky). Sure you get some o.k. chat if there’s a charismatic queen involved, otherwise I’d prefer to cut the chitter-chatter and enjoy the feeling of a moderate strangers hands in my hair (coupled with the occasional crotch rub against my arm). One of the best things about getting a haircut (and this is surely a flaw in the English language, you’re not getting one singular hair cut, its more of a hairs cut…) is the part where you get a shampoo and condition. But why do they bother asking if you’re comfortable? Sure the temperature should be pleasant, but is anyone really comfortable when they’re practically sitting up, head backwards, staring at the ceiling and neck halfway in a basin? I always tell a lie and then regret it when the bitter-sweet ‘head shiatsu’ goes on for longer than my neck muscles can handle. I am crazy loyal to hairdressers to the point where I dodge my ex-cutters in the street. There are several grounds for giving a hairdresser the flick. Some include: jacking the price up each time you visit, taking too much off, not taking anything off, charging you a small fortune to dye your hair the exact same color, bad décor, bad lighting and mirror combo, not sticking to the brief and being ‘experimental’, giving you an asymmetrical doo (which is definitely a don’t), having an out of touch style themselves, taking too long, getting the apprentice to fill in, double booking your appointment so they’re doing two cuts at once, not sweeping between jobs, not brushing the hair off you’re face, being too cool that you feel intimidated, pushing product on you (it’s a haircut not an infomercial) …