grace, i swear, this is the last poem i will write about you
do you remember
wait, i think i’ve written this poem before
i lost it somewhere with the others.
do you remember, i’m afraid to write this again but do you, wait okay, here goes
we danced around your kitchen, it was storming
we were making a music video, being goofy, like kids do
you had a lighter, because the lyric was “we can set the world on fire”
i told you to be careful so you wouldn’t set off your hair.
we were sitting close on my bed, watching an episode of pretty little liars i had already seen,
on my tiny little screen, i wasn’t watching
just waiting for your reaction
feeling the warmth of your body close to mine.
we were at the pool, i put sunscreen on your back,
always.
i turned around and said, “do me too.”
we were on the bus. at the lunchtable. you had your first boyfriend. i was mad because you didn’t tell me. even madder when i saw him touch you.
we were together, but apart. i was wondering why you had friends you liked more than me.
i used to think you liked me just as much.
im seventh grade, we had french class together. i would go and wait for you by your locker. we were always late.
we used to walk together so much, whenever people called our names it would sound like one word. “MaryGrace!” i liked the sound of that.
in eighth grade, i wanted to cry every time you weren’t at school or dance practice. you had a fever the day of spring show. you came anyway. i was so happy.
in ninth grade, it started falling apart. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. things were changing. we all were. but i still wanted what i had with you.
we were at six flags for a girl scout trip. it was october. there was a haunted house. you were so scared. i grabbed your arm and told you i was scared too. you gripped me back. i held on like i would never let go.
we were in fifth grade and there was some drama going on. someone had stolen somebody’s eraser, or stolen somebody’s friend. we allied up, two knights suiting up for a battle they didn’t want. you told me you didn’t want to lose me as a friend.
i lied. at the haunted house, i told you i was scared too. but i wasn’t scared of the house. only that feeling.
do you remember- but you don’t. because what i remember is not what you remember. these feelings were never yours.
you told me you didn’t want to lose me. but all that time, all i was afraid of was losing you.
time makes us lose everything. but i remember. i remember loving you in ways so big i couldn’t understand it. but you were just my friend. and i was always just Yours.
