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Witcher studying...
Geralt of Rivia, the Wolf School.
+ bonus Voren of Dilligen, the Bear School
Poor vesemir, he tries to give his pups life lessons beyond being a witcher, but this is the kaer MORONS we are talking about. The following occurs when they are all trying to make dinner one evening.
Papa vesemir: ok boys familiarize yourself with the spices, these can make walking the path a little nicer, as you can look forward to a delicious meal at the end of a rough day
So they go over to the spice rack to read the labels.
Eskel: basil, oregano, cilantro (yuck), coriander, thyme, paprika...
Geralt: hmm, ground pepper, sounds spicy. Hmm, not sure I like the sound of garlic, seems spicier...
Lambert: cinnamon, nutmeg. Cum? DRIED CUM!?!?!
Eskel: what?? Cum?? Is this a prank??
Geralt: did jaskier put you up to this??
Lambert: I'm not fucking eating dried cum!!!
Papa vesemir: Its CUMIN YOU IDIOTS. that's it! Everyone out of my kitchen and go run the walls, everyones getting plain boiled potatoes for the rest of the week!
Geralt: yay! Finally some good food!
Papa Vesemir: OUT!!!
Jaskier (in the background): *dumping a mouthful of the dried "cum" in his mouth and then gagging* that's NOT CUM!
Papa vesemir: *internally* I bet guxart doesn't have this problem with the cat witchers
*** across the continent at the cat caravan***
Aiden: *gagging* that's NOT CUM!
Guxart: *internally* I bet vesemir doesn't have this problem with the wolf witchers
I always find it funny when Kaer Morhen witchers call each other wolf. It's like calling your sibling by your shared last name.
The Witcher Schools Timeline
A timeline of the foundings and falls of the Witcher Schools, as reckoned by me.
Everything that's canon, as far as I know, is in italics.
Enjoy!
910 - Mages tasked with making monster hunting knights at Rissberg. (In the 10th century)
915 - First witcher is made.
917 - Order of the Witcher established at Morgraig.
935 - School of the Bear established at Haern Caduch.
938 - School of the Viper established at Gorthur Gvaed.
940 - School of the Manticore established.
941 - School of the Cat established at Stygga.
942 - School of the Griffin established at Kaer Seren.
943 - School of the Wolf established at Kaer Morhen.
950 - Behelt Nar and Bialsuf Alsarea are finished being built.
952 - Cats of Stygga are all killed on order of nobles. School of the Cat Dyn Marv caravan is founded.
1146 - School of the Manticore loses majority of their number to a Fire Elemental & loses support of the Zerikaanian crown.
1160s - Monster numbers start to decline.
1164 - Kaer Seren is destroyed with an avalanche by mages who were denied entry to the Griffin library.
1180s - Monster numbers are noticeably small.
1188 - Bears fail to destroy a cabal of vampires, and peasants destroy Haern Caduch.
1194 - Wolf Pogrom.
1210 - Witcher Tournament culls the Wolves and Cats.
1230s - The last Wolf mage capable of performing the Trials died or vanished. The trainees of the late 1230s or early 1240s were the last of the young Wolf witchers to ever be trained.
1230-1257 - Gorthur Gvaed is destroyed by the Nilfgaardian army on The Usurper’s orders for not joining his empire.
1264 - Geralt brings Ciri to Kaer Morhen.
1268 - Nilfgaardian Soldiers overrun the Dyn Marv caravan. (Prior to 1272 the soldiers overran the Cat Caravan)
1272 - Battle of Kaer Morhen.
If you have any canon dates that contradict these, please let me know! Thanks for reading!
Currently obsessed with them a normal amount (please look at the details they're the most self indulgent stuff ever & I love them)
Has anyone written an AU where Kaer Morhen is haunted by dead witchers? Like every winter the surviving wolves get back to their home, and the ghosts are like, "Finally! The entertainment has arrived." Some trainee-aged ghosts move fallen parts of the wall to trip up Vesemir. They place bets on fights between Lambert and Geralt. They walk through Eskel to give him chills. When they know someone is looking for a book in the library, they race to see who can find it first and push it off the shelf. Bonus points if it hits something or someone. They get into huge throw down fights about the living's actions and if they are acceptable for a witcher. If that even matters anymore. If they were all brainwashed into repeating a cycle of abuse for each other.
Prompt 36
THE WIFI WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND I COULDN'T POST MY PROMPT! AAAAA No fear... You will feast today with TWO prompts! The Wolves are the most notorious and feared gunman gang to ever cross the wild west. They've known to frequent a certain bar recently, purely for the man the bar hires to perform there near-nightly. The entire gang loves him and his music, but all of them know damn well that Geralt likes the man a little extra. The singer's music seems to soothe him more than it soothes his brothers. His dumb jokes make Geralt snort or dryly chuckle more than the others. The best part about this performer (aside from giving them all something to tease Geralt about) is that he either has no idea who they all are, or he doesn't care. He winks over at them, he'll raise a glass to cheers them, one night he even danced directly on their table, evidently loving the gang's uproarious cheering as he did so. One night, Lambert comes to them from wherever he rides off to every few weeks and comes back with wagonloads of information, and tells them that he's just learned that The Cats were coming here to fulfil a contract to kill the singer, and given how long it took him to get back, they could be trying to do it as they speak. So the gang ride into town, find the singer, grab him, and ride him back to their camp to protect him from the rival gang that wants to kill him. They just forget to tell him the "we're protecting you" part. Jaskier is really enjoying this gig he's had at this shitty bar for the past few months. This group of burly grumpy men seem to hate everyone and everything but him. It's quite an ego boost, really. Especially the handsome one with white hair. He's sure they liked him. I mean, there were a few times they tipped him enough money for him to rent a room for another month! That's why he's so confused when one night they snatch him right before he goes on to perform and they ride him away from civilization. Oh fuck- Is this how he dies?!
Me, thinking about Aiden and Lambert and all of Vesemir and Guxart's children: catpups
Me: There's no way I can use that in a fic seriously it's too cringe.
Also me, crying: CATPUPS 😭
