#wolfie rants

[littlest-w01f]

Goddamn how long has it been 😭😭

Strap in and strap on cause a lot has happened since I've last been here.

Back then I was just in a really dark place overall, I genuinely believed I might not make it, and throughout it all, I still wanted to write even if I didn't have the strength for it.

Like I love all my fandoms but all of them became such a negative space that the escapism concept of it evaporated (my main being acotar and LaDs)

I only had the strength to keep going cause I wanted to write, I wanted my stories told cause I have SO MANY ideas and if I died who would continue my stories?

... Like I'm trying to not make this sad cause I've been sad too long. I stopped posting here and was writing exclusively on AO3 cause of Desire and my love for a fucking actor that I swear came to me when I was at my lowest and I had no idea what was going to happen to me.

I guess he saved me in a way cause I looked forward to him when I had nothing of my own to look forward to.

I'm not going to keep ranting anymorw cause this is very upsetting to me... Someone on AO3 suggested I start a kofi so they can give me graduation gifts cause I will be graduating soon, which I don't even know when cause that also went downhill for a while.

I'm not going to say that the thought of monetizing my work has never occured to me, it has, but I'd be too ashamed of doing it that I've never even tried. If it's a last resort to make money and get out of here I might but I don't wanna make money like this forever, I like doing this for fun.

Especially Tumblr, I miss this place so fucking much, ao3 seems so prefessional. I miss having friends here, I miss getting asksI miss just writi g stright up from my phone stright into the app when I do little oneshots

I wanna be back but idk how, I thought I'd start today but the day is almost over and I only now had rhe strength to type all this out... And after I post this, without many tags CAUSE EMMBARESSED I probably won't pick my phone up till later.

I'm just sorry I kept running away without explaining anything and thank you to EVERYONE who still stayed

[rottenwolf]

Honestly a little disappointed (but not surprised) that they made Sass lose his virginity to Joan instead of just letting him be Ace. Honestly, I think Joan would have been okay with that and been fond of him regardless. Like sure, I get that most people don't understand and/or don't acknowledge there are asexual and aromantic people. It's hard enough getting them to understand they aren't the same thing. I was just really hoping they would have handled Sass' virginity storyline differently.

[jaskierswolf]

Fanfic writer rant undercut

For a website full of people that act like the world is ending when ao3 is down, you really do not support your writers. There's always been a disparity between how art/gifs/shit-posts are treated compared to fanfic, but in the 3 years I've been away from fandom the difference is incredibly noticeable. On any fanfic mine or otherwise, I get maybe a couple of notes, on others fan content multiple reblogs, likes and fun tags. Do fandoms not realise that authors want validation too? We write for us but we share for you. It's been incredibly disheartening.

[localpangendernerd]

Dude

Remember in the og manga

Where Red is completely down for abandoning Blue

And Mrs. Fairy has to make him save him

Why aren’t we talking about that dude

This is gonna drive me crazy bro

[itty-bitty-wolfman]

am i still a permaregresser if i WANT to be a kid? like

WARNING!! RANTS AND TALKING ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AND ABUSE

being younger and someone helping me out all the time

like constantly living like i dont have to worry about things

sure i can help out, do dishes, take the trash out, wipes down tables and counters, stuff like that

but i always have trouble doing laundry

i have pathological demand avoidence and executive dysfunction, its so hard for me to do ANYTHING

i cant feed myself, im trying to learn but its mostly boxed and frozen stuff for me, meal preping and cooking takes so much out of me and if i fuck up even slightly? i cant eat it

i have arfid, its hard for me to eat already, if something looks or smells off, suspect, if it tastes or feels off or the texture is bad? i have literally thrown up before, and it makes me stop eating, im not just picky its an eating disorder brought on by truama

i WANT to do things right, but its hard and it makes me so tied

and i WANT to be a kid at the same time, have all the stress taken off me, im stable on my meds now but still.. everything is taken care of here, food is made by good and really nice chefs, if i have a problem theres techs and therapists and nurses everywhere, if i need somwthing all i have to do is ask,

its so comfortable here, i dont wanna go home, im thibking of seeing of if i can stay for the max amount of time, even if they have to fly me to the other location to do it, its hundreds of miles away, in a different state, but..

am i selfish?

is it bad to want to stay?

i want the help yes and i want to put in the work to manage myself better

i know i have to go home and adult eventually

but cant i take this break for as long as i can..?

cant i take the first time being out of my house this long in 10 years for as long as i can..?

i dont want to go home, moms still unstable, she hurts me, she yells at me, the house is a mess and she yells at me to clean it all myself

im tired

even not in a depressive epiode the thought of going home makes me depressed..

it makes me tired..

it makes me feel small and feel the same feeling i hade when leaving school or daycare to go home every single afternoon growing up

the same feeling of waking up not knowing if ill get the mother that loved me or the stranger that hated me

the same feeling of coming home after the summer with my dad afraid of who id get when i got home

it.. was so tiring..

i was depressed most of my life and now that im not i dont want to go back of one of the sources of it

sure it was a lot of the bipolar, i have bipolar 2, its mostly major depressive episodes, i could tell you that much

but jow im not manic or depressed, i feel good, i just...

i still feel like i need help, i dont need help bathing or clothing myself, but i just wont eat a lot just because i cant bring myself to make myself food, ill eat junk instead if i even have that.. i still need stuff to drink and need to be reminded a lot, and my meds make me dehydrate more easily, and i need help going places, i get panic attacks behind the wheel and i regress and feel like a child in the drivers seat,

ive always been short, so i slip a lot since most people are taller than me, im 5'1, used to be 5'3, im terrified to know where those two inches went...

i just.. i need help but i dont..? i try to find ways to help myself but then i forget to do them or they dont end up helping,

i just dont know what to do,

i.. dont feel like im safe at home.. im 20 and dont feel safe at home

isnt that pathetic? an adult scared of their own mother

they always did say i was dramatic

but that was the only way i was heard..

anyways, if youve read this far, i hope you have a good day/night/afternoon/evening/morning/so on

[kawowru-nagisa]

how i feel after forgetting to eat all day

[wolfie979]

When your friend starts liking the same artists she made fun of you for liking not too long ago and makes it her only personality trait until she doesn't like them anymore and then makes fun of everyone who likes them:

[voiddrop]

About Asks

If you’re going to send me an ask, do me a favour. Use the eyes that you have in your sockets, that you used wonderfully to find the button to send me an ask, and read that big text under my profile picture. You know what that text says? 

I don’t write anymore. 

I haven’t written in months. I haven’t gotten any requests in months. Why the hell I needed to get so many in like one day is beyond me, but if you can find and click on the icon to send me an ask you can read my account information. 

Shit like this is why I stopped writing. I don’t want to get spam sent the exact same request three times in a row, or sent a rude request. I only kept my damn asks on so my followers could interact with me if they wanted to but at this point I’m tempted to just turn them off and delete all the writing posted. 

I am not taking requests. I do not write anymore. Maybe that will change in the future but until my account info changes or I post something to say otherwise, no. I’m turning off anon messages because it’s mainly them who do it. I’m hoping that by switching off that option it’ll stop the rude people from bothering me.

I have had a lot go on in my personal life since November. There was a reason I stopped writing and shit like this just pushes me further from it. 

Think and check before you send a request to any creator. You don’t get to demand requests from people, especially not when they have very clearly listed that they don’t write anymore.