(Can be read as a stand-alone, but also as my attempt to give this slightly Angsty fic a happy ending!)
1845 words
Remus and Fabian are together, so Remus doesn't understand why Fabian would be so upset his best friend Benjy is dating someone. Until he learns who Benjy is dating.
Your Person
Remus feels a hint of annoyance as he sees Benjy’s cloak on the hanger. He came over to visit Fabian again. Yet, Remus knows he isn't one to question Fabian’s relationship with his best friend, as that makes him feel somewhat like a hypocrite, and that's a can of worms Remus prefers not to open.
At first, Remus is surprised when he hears raised voices, until he realizes Fabian and Benjy are having an argument about the same thing that has been bothering Fabian all week.
“…just doesn't sit right with me! Oh, hi darling,” Fabian says mid-argument as he sees Remus.
“Hello love,” Remus says, as he walks up to Fabian and gives him a quick kiss. “And hi again, Benjy.”
“Hi Remus,” Benjy says absentmindedly, before continuing the argument. “Fabian, I can't adapt my dating life to you having a ‘gut feeling’.”
“It's more than that! It's just a wrong match, Benj.”
“Then I'll find out in due time,” Benjy shrugs.
“But if I can save you the trouble…”
“Fabian, why do you care so much about who I date?”
Remus, who has just walked into the kitchen to pour himself a beer, thinks that is an excellent question, and he lets Fabian know by leaning against the kitchen counter slowly sipping his beer, while staring pointedly at Fabian.
“I just… That is… Only because… Because he's Remus’ ex!” Fabian exclaims. “You can't date Remus’ ex! That's just bad form.”
Remus isn't entirely surprised about the news that Benjy is dating a guy he has apparently dated before. There are only so many gay guys in their social circle, after all. But he isn't going to let Fabian make this about him. Fabian is the one who has a problem with Benjy dating, so Fabian is going to take responsibility for it. “I don't mind Benjy dating an ex of mine,” Remus says casually. “We all hang out with the same people, we all date guys, it's bound to happen.” He turns to open one of the kitchen cabinets to see if Fabian has any snacks left. “Who are you dating anyway, Benjy?”
“Sirius.”
Remus freezes with his hand halfway to a bag of crisps. “No.”
“Excuse me?” Benjy asks.
Remus turns around. “No. Just… no.”
Benjy frowns. “I thought you didn't mind me dating one of your exes?”
“Not Sirius,” Remus says instantly before he can think about it. “Sirius is… He's different.”
“What’s different about him?” Benjy asks.
“Yes, Remus,” Fabian echoes, looking more smug than upset though. “What's different about him?”
“Sirius and I are still…”
“Still what?”
Well, that is another excellent question. How to describe all the things Sirius still is to him? “We're still close friends,” Remus ends up on, running a hand through his hair. “That makes it different.”
“Of course it does,” Fabian says. “Now that it's about handsome, charming Sirius Black whom you're still oh-so-close with it's suddenly a whole other matter.”
Benjy looks from Fabian to Remus and back. “Something tells me this is more between you two than it has to do with me, so I'm going to let you sort it out.” He gets up from the couch and walks to the front door. “Bye Fabi, bye Remus. See you later.”
As Benjy leaves, Remus glares at Fabian. “Weren't you just saying yourself that you have a problem with Benjy dating my ex? I'm only agreeing with you.”
“I have a problem with the whole principle of it, not with it being Sirius Black!”
“No, but I bet it has to do with it being Benjy!”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Please, Fabian,” Remus says. “You've been acting annoyed and upset ever since you found out Benjy is dating someone. That, with all the time you spend with him, how am I supposed to feel?”
“Well, let me think,” Fabian replies sarcastically. “Probably about the same as it makes me feel when you talk about your ‘special relationship’ with Sirius Black.”
“I haven't been doing that though! I didn't even know it was him whom Benjy is dating until just now!”
“And only then you suddenly had an issue with it.”
“That's different!”
“Different indeed,” Fabian agrees. “I never dated Benjy, you did date Sirius.”
“Hardly,” Remus replies. “We dated for a short period when we were only fifteen years old, that's it.”
“And yet,” Fabian says. “He's not just an ex, he's somehow the ex.”
“At least I already had that experience with Sirius and decided we're better off as friends. With you and Benjy there might still be the question of ‘what if?’”
“I don't…” Fabian sputters.
Sensing an opportunity, Remus presses on. “You never wonder ‘what if?’ when it comes to you and Benjy?”
Fabian recovers himself, though. “You really consider you and Sirius a closed chapter?”
“You're not answering the question!”
“Neither are you!”
They angrily stare at each other in silence for a moment. Remus feels justified in his anger about Fabian having been so put out over the last week by the idea that Benjy is dating someone, but deep down he knows that lashing out at Fabian might also be a defense mechanism, as he doesn't want to deal with his own feelings about Sirius moving on. Their conversation at Lily and James’ wedding, where Sirius told him he still felt so much when it came to Remus, has been playing in Remus’ mind more often than he would like to admit.
As if sensing what Remus is feeling, Fabian tilts his head. “Why did you and Sirius never date again? I mean, I know you had this big fight back in fifth year, but you sorted yourselves out, so why did you never date him again?”
Now it's Remus’ turn to be taken off guard. “I… He… We… We barely managed to salvage our friendship. I almost lost him as a part of my life, I didn't want to take that risk again and potentially lose our friendship forever by turning it into something more. There was just too much to lose, he meant too much to me…”
“He what now?” Fabian asks.
“I meant…”
“I know what you meant! You're too scared to risk your ‘special relationship’, while apparently, I'm a whole lot less special than our perfect Sirius Black.”
“That's not what I said! Don't put words into my mouth!”
“I was right to warn Benjy. He should think twice before getting dragged into whatever is going on between you and Sirius.”
“Oh, like you even care who Benjy is dating,” Remus scoffs. “You don't want him dating anyone! Don't you think it's weird how no one is ever good enough for Benjy according to you?”
“He's my best friend! Of course I want what's best for him.”
“Is him being single not more what's best for you?”
“Maybe not,” Fabian snaps. “Maybe I should be with Benjy instead, rather than with someone who doesn't think I'm all that special anyway!”
“And maybe I should be with Sirius then,” Remus snaps right back. “As you're so obsessed anyway with how special our relationship apparently is!”
They are both standing across from each other, their hands clenched in fists, breathing heavily, as each other's words, but also their own words, sink in.
After a moment of silence, Fabian blinks. “I think I might have feelings for Benjy.”
“I think I might have feelings for Sirius,” Remus replies.
They stare at each other, before Fabian groans and lets himself fall on the couch, Remus dropping down next to him.
“Rem, what are we doing?” Fabian asks, hiding his face in his hands.
“Potentially dating the wrong people,” Remus offers.
Fabian lets his head fall on Remus’ shoulder. “We're a mess, aren't we?”
“Fabi,” Remus sighs. “What do we do now? They're dating each other, for Godric’s sake!”
Well, there are a lot of things Remus would rather be doing than going on a double date with his ex, the person he's in love with, and the guy his love interest is currently dating. Like going to the dentist for instance, or swimming with sharks, or jumping out of an airplane perhaps.
Remus gives Fabian, who's knuckles are turning white around his fork, a pointed look. He was the one to agree to this double date after all. Something about observing how Benjy and Sirius are as a couple before potentially intervening.
“Excuse me for a moment,” Remus says, as Benjy makes a show of tickling Sirius’ side, before he heads off to the toilet, desperate to get out of there.
“Remus, I'm so sorry!”
Remus turns away from the sink towards Sirius, who's rushing up to him.
“Did you really think this was a good idea?” Remus hisses, his frustration with the whole evening getting the better of him. “After you basically told me you still have feelings for me at Lily and James’ wedding, for us to go on a double date?”
“I know, I know,” Sirius says, running a hand through his hair and looking unfairly handsome. “But on the bright side, at least I'm finally trying to move on?” He tries.
Remus just stares at him, as Sirius has no idea how little of a bright side that is.
“But for real,” Sirius continues. “Benjy just said a double date with friends, I didn't know it would be you and your boyfriend!”
“Me and my ex,” Remus corrects.
Sirius blinks, then shakes his head. “Merlin, this really is the most awkward double date ever!” Then he gives Remus a sympathetic look. “I'm sorry, Moony. I didn't know. What happened?”
Remus bites his lip, not sure whether saying ‘I realized I'm in love with you’ while Sirius’ date is right in the other room can be considered bad form. “We just realized we weren't each other's person.”
“How?”
“I…” With Sirius’ bright grey eyes looking at him like that, Remus can't keep it in. “I think I realized that you're my person, Sirius. I tried so hard to suppress it out of fear of mucking it up and losing you for good, but it's the truth and it has always been the truth.”
Sirius stares at him for a moment, before the most beautiful smile lights up his face. He takes a step forward and takes Remus’ hand. “Really? You mean it? You would like to finally try again? With me?”
“Pads…” Remus says, staring at their joined hands. “Benjy is…”
“Just trying to make Fabian jealous,” Sirius replies. “I mean, it's been fun with him, but nothing more than just fun, when we both needed a distraction as we were desperately pining after the one we really wanted to be with. As I was desperately pining after my person.”
“Your person,” Remus repeats softly, before returning Sirius’ smile.
As they walk back to their table, hand in hand, neither of them can help the smiles still on their faces.
“Benjy, Fabian, I think we need to switch places.”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
by ThePuppeteer28 on Ao3
Gerald White is definately NOT Sirius Black in disguise. Snape is not taking this well.or; Haters (Snape) can't stand to see a bad bitch (Gerald White) winning (living life).
Grimsfall
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
by pixelated(prettyremus) on Ao3
There is a legend in the old city of Grimsfall that a large, black creature used to emerge from the forest at night, and anyone who met its gaze would be driven to madness before the thing dragged them into the depths of hell.
Felt like either one of those was a bit short for a fic rec friday so you get both ^^ The Adventures of Gerald White are just a sweet little crack fic and you basically get exactly what it says on the tin!
Grimfall is a kind of spooky os with some fairytale elements and is pretty smutty in comparison to what I usually rec, so be warned!
don't think my favourite tropes make sense for this one since the fics are very different from each other ^^'
As always leave lots of love and kudos to the author and have an amazing rest of the week <3
It was easier, in the weeks after, for Sirius to be Padfoot. There wasn’t the discomfort of should they talk or shouldn’t they, and Sirius assumed Remus also felt that it would be deeply wrong to smoke in front of Harry (not to mention that Lily would have hexed them if they had even discussed the idea a few months ago), so they needed a different way to smooth over their energies.
And Padfoot made Harry laugh. The baby, just barely toddling around from time to time, having reverted into a younger, clingier self, always in Sirius’ arms or holding on tightly to Remus’ sleeve, would sit alone, playing with blocks and gleefully ripping apart books, as long as Padfoot was in the same room.
“Mother fu—” Re said, once, having walked in with tea to find one of their old Hogwarts textbooks in pieces on the floor.
All Padfoot had to do was huff out a bark, and Remus shut up and sat on the couch, waving his wand to knit the book back together behind Harry’s back.
Emotions were easier as Padfoot, too. Sirius didn’t have to worry if Remus still hated him or what they were to each other, and if part of his fur just so happened to brush up against Remus’ thigh, or arm, or if his tail happened to pat gently on Remus’ stomach—Sirius didn’t have to worry about what it meant.
And logic was easier. Harry said “play” and Padfoot spun in circles. Harry said “uh oh” and Padfoot pretended to trot around aimlessly before tumbling into the block tower Harry had built. Harry laughed and Padfoot thumped his tail for Harry to grab.
Remus said “Sirius, really?” and Padfoot panted with his tongue out and Remus fought against a smile. And Sirius would make a mess of their living room all day just to see Re’s mouth twitch.
He liked changing into Padfoot, too, and watching the awe on Harry’s face as he realized who had suddenly appeared in front of him—“Padfoo!”
And he liked how Remus, as the weeks went on, would drag a hand along his backside if he passed him leaving or entering the room.
“How concerned should we be, do you think?” Remus said, one night, after having stared off into the distance for quite some time, Harry asleep in their bed, Padfoot on the couch so he didn’t have to be in his bed next to Harry without Re.
Padfoot let out a snort and lifted his head to look up at Re next to him.
Remus rolled his eyes. “The not walking thing,” he clarified.
Padfoot breathed out and nudged closer. He put his head on Remus’ leg and tried to control his breathing when Remus began to scratch his head.
“He’s doing better than we are,” Sirius mentioned later, hovering by their bedroom door after Remus had yawned one too many times for comfort.
Remus frowned and rubbed at his sleeves and Sirius was hit with the overwhelming want to pick his boy up and hold him until he settled. But he stayed by the always-open door and watched Remus’ face and felt the back of his teeth with his tongue.
Remus shrugged, and folded his arms and hesitated. “We’re getting there,” he said at last, and he offered a half-smile before pulling his wand out of his back pocket and shutting the lights.
Sirius went into their room and heard Remus settling on the couch and put his hands to his face that his boy might be falling in love with him again.
“Hey, Harry?” Remus called later on, when the sun was up again and Sirius was drinking tea and trying to think of what in Merlin’s name James and Lily did to occupy themselves all those months. “Where’d ya go, bub?”
Sirius frowned and turned from the window. “He’s not with you?”
“Nah, he just walked out—”
Sirius’ heart beat. “He—”
“Padfoo?”
Sirius grinned, absurdly large, he could tell, and felt his gut twitch as he shook his head out and became Padfoot. He walked forward, slowly, waiting to see how far Harry might go—
And there the baby was, no nerves on his face at not having anyone in grabbing distance, just looking around and toddling into the middle of the room.
“Padfoo?”
And Padfoot ran forward and barked. He jumped in excitement, his paws bouncing gently off of Harry’s chest.
“Padfoo!” Harry squealed, his butt falling to the carpet with the impact of Padfoot’s push.
“Sirius!” Remus shouted. “What do you think you’re—”
But Padfoot had snuck a paw around just in case Harry’s head had fallen backward, and Harry just giggled with his dog above him. “Padfoo!”
Remus sighed. “Sirius…”
“Moony?” Harry said suddenly, his uncle and dog in the middle of a faint eye conversation, and Remus knelt down to the carpet.
“Yeah, Harry, I just thought that—”
Harry twisted around and stuck his chubby hands out, hitting Remus in the chest. “Moony!”
Remus blinked. “Yeah, what?”
Harry tapped on his chest again. “Moony!”
Remus stared, and then quirked up the corner of his mouth and fell dramatically to the ground. “Oh, so strong!”
Harry giggled and Padfoot couldn’t hold his joy back anymore and he barked and became Sirius again.
Harry spun around in amazement. He gasped when he saw who had reappeared, and Sirius laughed, and watched as his godson used his hands to lift his diapered bottom off the ground and then teeter to a standing position. Harry took one step, then another, and hit Sirius in the chest, cackling up to the ceiling when Sirius rolled on to his back with a whoop!
Sirius lifted his head to see Remus snickering, and he stuck out his foot to nudge Re on the knee. Remus’ smirk softened slightly, and their eye contact felt glorious and them, and Harry screamed with delight as he tumbled forward into Sirius’ open arms.
I was doing a rewatch of the hp series and got so frustrated... so wrote this to help fix everything. this takes place on The Night, so take care of yourselves if need be.
thank you @rivkahstudies for betaing:) all the love.
cw: brief vomit, mild blood, discussion of character death.
—
Remus landed with a gut punch, the winds of his Apparition spitting past his ears as his pupils dilated.
His breath halted, his throat caved in on itself. His heartbeat ran past his eardrum.
James. Lily. Harry.
The second floor of their house opened to the sky, the roof blown off into smithereens. The doorway was wide open, door shattered in pieces on the lawn. Remus couldn’t tell if lights were on in all the rooms or if a fire rampaged. Either way, crackling came from everywhere, sizzling in the leaves on the trees and coming from deep inside the house as the Potters’ possessions burned.
Debris cluttered the yard, an ashy blanket smothering the trees in the front, the now-charred mums at the doorway, the jack-o’-lanterns along the path. Remus took hesitant steps forward, eyes darting from one smoke-filled window to the next.
His gaze fell on four jack-o’-lanterns in his way–a gasp pushed itself out of his mouth and he clutched his chest.
A deer, a wolf, a dog, and a rat.
He struggled to swallow. Spun abruptly. Bent over, emptying his stomach. Fuck. The vomit splattered on the crisped grass and Remus heaved again at the noise and again at the smoky smell.
He brushed a hand across his face and coughed before turning away and walking towards the door–he needed to get to James, to see if he was okay, needed to find Lily, needed to protect Harry if his parents couldn’t–
A figure emerged in the doorway, panting out the smoke.
His stomach flipped.
He stopped breathing again and shot up his wand arm, directly at Sirius and Harry.
Where was James, where was Lily, he needed to get to them, couldn’t imagine what they were feeling, their best friend–
Sirius’ pants were stained with soot as he stumbled out of the house with Harry in his arms, eyes finally lifting once he stood out of the hazy smoke. His eyes flared when he saw Remus, torso twisting away and wand flying up as if to shield Harry from him. Remus’ jaw dropped.
“You will give Harry to me,” Remus said, each word deliberately leaving his mouth. He knew his arm shook with the urge to do something and spells raced through his brain, but he did not have faith in himself to hit only Sirius and not Harry. He did not have faith in Sirius to not use Harry as a shield–fucking Merlin.
“No, you will back up,” Sirius ordered right back. His eyebrows narrowed and he jutted his wand arm out again. “Get back.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Remus’ voice rose. His eyes pricked and his throat clenched. “Give me Harry right now, you fucking two-faced arsehole, you do not deserve to touch the son of the man who named you his godfather, betraying ass, hand him over!”
“I was not the one who betrayed them, Remus!” Sirius screamed back. “It was Peter, the slimy fuckwad who–” his voice broke, his wand shaking.
Before Remus could respond (fuck if Sirius thought he would believe this bullshit), Harry patted Sirius’ chest and leaned around to get into Remus’ viewpoint.
“Moony?”
Remus let out a shaky breath. Harry had blood on his forehead, but otherwise looked alright and whole, his body settled in the crook of Sirius’ arm. “Hi, Harry.”
The two men stared at each other, chests heaving, the only sound the crackling of their friends’ house in the background and the plants on the property shedding their leaves to the sky.
Harry patted Sirius’ chest again and Sirius slowly looked down at him, apparently hesitant to let Remus exist unscrutinized.
“Mama?” Harry gazed up at Sirius with wide eyes.
Sirius’ jaw jutted forward. His nose twitched. He looked back to Remus, his Adam’s apple jerking.
Remus gasped, stepping back. A jolt ran through his stomach, across his cheekbones. Sirius opened his mouth as if to say something and Remus lifted his wand higher. “Both of them?” he spluttered.
Sirius’ arm tightened around Harry and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth hard, eyes glancing up to the sky before returning to Remus’ again.
“Give Harry to me now,” Remus started forward. His hand gripped his wand so tightly, he could almost feel splinters in his palm.
Sirius twisted away again and shook his head fiercely. “It was not me!”
Remus let out a scream. “How could it have been anyone but you? You were their fucking Secret Keeper, Sirius! You betrayed them–”
Sirius’ head shook. “No, no! We switched it to Peter. Last week.” His voice broke out. He shifted Harry again. “Last week, we switched.”
Remus scoffed, heat rushing behind his ears. “You expect me to believe that bullshit? I’ve seen you multiple times since last week, Sirius, none of you told me–”
“I–” Sirius’ whole face winced, his mouth trembling. “We–I thought you might be working with them!”
A heavy gasp punched out before his mind had even worked through the logic.
He fell back again, his lungs empty. His wand remained facing Sirius, although who knew how much good it would do now, vibrating while his other hand covered his mouth. While he stared off into the dark forest.
His ears rang. Merlin. Merlin. They thought–
“What possible evidence could you have for such an outrageous accusation?” Remus roared.
Sirius jerked his head towards the woods desperately, eyebrows knit together. “You’ve been away with them for so long, so secretive, I–”
“I’M WORKING FOR THE ORDER!”
“–We live together, I didn’t want you finding out we switched and then–”
“And then what, I go on and tell someone? I put our friends’ lives in danger?” He scoffed and steadied his wand again. “This is a load of absolute shit, give Harry to me before I stun you both.”
“You will not stun us, and you are not getting Harry!”
The boy in question must have moved because Sirius flashed his eyes at Remus and then broke the eye contact, shifting to his godson briefly.
“You want me to accept that Peter betrayed us all, that he… murdered–”
Remus just couldn’t say it, not out loud, not in front of their son.
Sirius’ nostrils flared and then he was screaming back. “I did not betray my brother!”
“He was all our brother–”
“HE IS MY BROTHER!”
The shout echoed around the property. Sirius’ gaze remained steady amidst the twitches of his eyebrows and the corner of his mouth as he tried to keep his composure.
“Where is Peter?”
“I don’t know, when I got here there was no one except for…” Sirius shook his head and swallowed, clutching Harry tighter again. Remus could hear small whimpers.
“Why did you come here? You were supposed to be at the Burrow.”
“I just wanted to check in–”
Remus shot him a glare. “Out of the blue?”
“I had a feeling–”
“A feeling?” Remus shouted. “You expect me to believe a fucking–”
“Why are you here?” Sirius screamed.
“I–” Remus faltered. He shook his head. “I… something was…”
Sirius’ face crumpled. “Something was wrong.”
Remus was no longer sure whether he was breathing or whether the two just shuddered sorrow and anger back and forth. His chest felt empty like never before and his arm, still raised in front of him, shook fiercely.
The woods rustled to Remus’ left and he flinched, pivoting instantly to redirect his wand. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Sirius had done the same, twisting Harry even farther away from this new source of danger.
Fuck, Remus couldn’t do this. He needed to get Harry away from Sirius, away from whatever was about to happen here–which took priority? He risked a glance at Sirius and found him returning the gaze. Strong brow, eyes set.
Remus stopped breathing.
Their friends… were dead.
Their friends were dead.
“Hullo? Who’s there?”
Remus adjusted his stance to prepare to duel and squinted into the woods. A tall, lumbering mass came into the light, ebbing and flickering from the house. Remus tensed, eyebrows furrowing.
The person stepped forward more, brandishing an umbrella in front of them. Remus’ lungs deflated halfway–Hagrid.
He walked closer, umbrella dropping to his side. “Oh, it’s just you lot, and little Harry’s okay, I–” Hagrid’s words faded as he was met with the two wizards’ still wielded wands.
“How do we know it’s actually you?” Sirius’ voice was clenched. He sounded like he did at Order meetings when Dumbledore gave out dangerous missions that meant separation for their friends.
“Why are you here?” Remus asked.
Hagrid nodded, “Professor Dumbledore sent me here to see if… He…”
Remus noted Hagrid’s red cheeks and the dripping eyes. Hagrid lifted his sleeve to his face.
“He had charms on the house to alert him if anything happened. Dumbledore wanted me to get Harry if need be.” Hagrid sniffled and watched the house for a moment before tearing his eyes away. He nodded. “I’m to bring him to his aunt and uncle’s, now.”
Remus hadn’t decided yet what he thought of this situation, this Hagrid situation, this Sirius situation; the situation in general lay in a damp mess across his brain–
But Sirius instantly exploded:
“There is no fucking way that is happening!”
“Dumbledore says it’ll be safest for him, away from–”
“Safest? They’re horrific, the whole lot of them!” Sirius turned his stoic glare at Remus briefly, then faced Hagrid again–
“Professor Dumbledore wants him protected–”
“I AM HIS GODFATHER!” Sirius screamed. Harry gave a whimper again and Remus could hear his squirming against Sirius’ jacket. Sirius’ jaw clenched and he lowered his voice to a growl: “Dumbledore can eat shi–”
Hagrid’s eyes darkened. “Do not speak ill of Dumbledore, now!” He started forward. Sirius lifted his back foot ever so slightly.
Remus moved instantly. He strode to Sirius, their wands still pointing at Hagrid’s now raised umbrella.
Sirius would not run in the other direction. Remus would not let him leave with Harry.
“Stand back,” he ordered Hagrid. “You do not get Harry.” Remus ignored Sirius’ pulsing next to him. Sirius would stay silent. Remus would deal with him once Hagrid was gone.
Harry wiggled in Sirius’ grasp again, his arms reaching over Sirius’ to get Remus’ attention.
“I need to take little Harry now,” Hagrid said. “Dumbledore said not to wait around here. More… You-Know-What’s could be coming.”
Remus grit his teeth. Hagrid had a point. He glanced over at Sirius, who adjusted the weight on his feet again.
“You will not leave without me,” Remus growled as low as he could.
“Harry does not go to–”
“I know.”
Hagrid cleared his throat and stepped forwards. “Now, I’m here on official business for Professor Dumbledore, I need to follow his orders and take Harry–”
“To the flat,” Remus muttered, and gripped onto Sirius’ arm hard, fingertips clenching into his boyfriend’s skin. He knew Sirius was already holding fast to Harry, and he spun them and the world. It all turned into a blur of red and orange against the char of their friends’ destroyed home.
–––
Harry started sobbing the second they landed in the main room of their flat.
“I know, I know,” Sirius murmured, “Apparating doesn’t feel good. It’s alright, you’re okay now.” He looked down to where Remus’ fingers still dug into his forearm, then up to his face.
Remus startled back. Their eyes froze for a moment, Sirius bouncing Harry on his hip. Remus bit his lip at how deeply bloodshot Sirius’ eyes were. Tears welled up around the edges, or perhaps they had been there the whole time and he had just been too far away to see.
Harry let out another bawl, the volume rising rapidly, and Remus turned to the door and then the fireplace to cast extra wards. He wanted no one entering, not Voldemort coming back to finish the job, not Death Eaters carrying out his bidding, not Dumbledore coming to take their nephew. Remus glanced over his shoulder at Sirius settling Harry on his chest. He cast an extra ward: he wanted no one leaving this apartment tonight, either.
He returned slowly to Sirius. He braced himself. He extended his arm, palm face up, open wide.
Sirius stared at it, murmuring something soothing to Harry, and then he stopped in the middle of a sentence. Remus saw everything click for him just as Harry began to wail more loudly.
“No, no,” Sirius said. He shook his head as he swayed back and forth for Harry.
Remus gave a firm nod and extended his arm further. His wand dangled in his hand at his other side. Sirius glared at it.
Harry screamed.
Sirius opened and shut his mouth a few times. His eyes bared wide and his head shook minutely.
Harry screamed and rocked back and forth in Sirius’ arms, almost tumbling out of Sirius’ clutch.
Sirius shifted Harry fully to one hip, dug his wand out of his pocket. “Fuck you,” he spat. He slapped it into Remus’ hand and turned around, instantly recommencing his talk to Harry.
Remus sighed and pocketed both wands, walking slowly over to the attached kitchen. He poured two glasses of water. He sipped from his and placed the other on the table by the couch… Sirius glanced down at it and then back to the fridge. Sirius closed his eyes on a dark roll. He opened them at Remus.
“We have milk?”
Remus stared at Sirius and watched him rub circles into Harry’s back. Harry whimpered. “I… I can check.” He gave Sirius a once-over and then went to open the fridge again, waiting half a beat as the cool air rushed over him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Sirius said. “I can’t, you have my fucking wand, but… I’m not going anywhere.” His voice wasn’t raised, perhaps even a little lower than usual, but the hurt was there all the same.
Remus knew that Harry liked to sleep on their chests while they talked, Lily said it was something about the rumbling sensation being similar to pregnancy. Harry’s sobs were already just sniffles, and Sirius went back to mumbling to him as he watched Remus. And Remus knew he was being watched, even with his back to him, as he got the sippy-cup from the cupboard and poured some milk.
“You’ll forgive me,” Remus responded. He returned to the living room and walked close to Sirius, doing his best to keep his breath steady. “Hey, Harry, hi, bud.”
Harry turned his face from Sirius’ chest–soot around the edges, blood on his forehead, teary shine around his eyes and all on the apples of his cheeks.
“Want some milk?” He held the sippy-cup close so Harry could grab it.
Harry’s face reddened and contorted, and Sirius shifted him before Harry’s wail could rise again to its full volume. He took the cup from Remus, their fingers entangling as the cup transferred hands, and Remus watched as Sirius’s Adam’s apple bobbed before he resumed his talk to Harry–
“Here, bud, come on, we’re gonna go and wash up, okay? You’ll have some milk, I’m going to get a nice warm washcloth–”
Remus rushed to the bathroom ahead of them. He yanked open the cabinet and pulled down the supplies–washcloth, wizarding healing balm, Muggle healing balm.
He sat on the edge of the tub as Sirius came in, cradling Harry and perching on the toilet. He took the washcloth Remus handed to him.
“Mm, nice and warm, hm? Have some milk, I’m just going to wipe this off, here, and then…”
Sirius halted. He frowned. Harry’s eyes lifted from his sippy-cup to watch as Remus leaned in closer.
On Harry’s forehead. The blood was not just a non-magical gash, or even a spell that had bounced off of something else and accidentally hit Harry. A zigzag, a lightning bolt, etched deep. Dark magic, aimed at Harry. Magic with the intent to hurt a one year-old.
Sirius’ hand curled into a fist around the washcloth. His jaw set and his arm shook until the pressure on the washcloth caused some water to wring out on the floor. Remus watched Sirius’ lips quiver and his eyes go dark looking at his godson’s injury. The wound was wet, and even after Sirius passed the washcloth over it a few more times, the scar still filled with blood.
Remus cleared his throat. “Here, we’ve got some ointment for you.” He lowered his gaze to Harry’s eyes.
The green was piercing.
He pressed a smile on to his face. “Is it okay if I dab a bit on?” He tilted the container so Harry could see, waited for the nod behind the cup.
He used the numbing Muggle balm first, then the wizarding one. He wasn’t sure the wizarding medicine would do anything drastic, as this… Yeah, this was an intensely magical scar. Remus pushed back Harry’s hair and smoothed the bandage. Voldemort had truly tried to murder a one year-old after murdering his parents.
Remus’ fingers stilled.
Voldemort had tried to murder a one year-old after murdering his parents. Why could he not succeed?
“Alright now, time to go to sleep, alright?” Sirius’ voice was soft and gravelly, his head ducking around so Harry could see him. Remus fixed the lids on the medicine.
“Padfoo…”
“Mhm? It’s bedtime now, let’s go get you all cozy…” Sirius lifted Harry up so his head lay on his shoulder and dropped the washcloth in the sink on his way out. Remus watched from his spot on the bathtub as the blood trickled down to the drain.
“Want Mama…”
“I know, bud. Sleepy time now, though, okay?”
“Dada…”
Remus dropped his head to his hands as he heard Sirius take a shuddering breath. They were in Remus and Sirius’ bedroom, now. Remus could picture Sirius’ face trembling.
“Night night, Harry. I love you.”
“Love you, Padfoo.”
Remus’ head fell in between his knees and his eyes gave up trying. His tears dropped to the ground. His shoulders shook. He did his best to keep his breathing down, both for the baby in the next room and for the man trying to help the baby to sleep. But a few sorrowful noises crept out anyway, from deep in his throat where he had no control.
He wanted to sob without care for the people in his apartment. He wanted to lock the bathroom door shut and stand in the shower until the heat burned him away. He wanted to walk into his bedroom and stare at the man inside and feel reassured, but instead he sat and cried as silently as possible and listened as Harry’s breathing steadied and Sirius walked to the doorway of the bathroom.
Remus watched Sirius’s feet as they shifted weight.
“I left–” Sirius coughed. “I left the door open,” he continued hoarsely. “Just a bit. I wanted to be… if he needs anything.”
Remus nodded. He peered at Sirius’ face. He blinked up his lashes, the tears dripping off.
Sirius convulsed, instantly, his mouth scrunching and the corners of his eyes turning down.
“Re.”
His voice was a shell of itself and the two stared at each other and knew the other needed a hug–no, not a hug, that was too proper a sentiment for what they needed. The two stared at each other and knew the other needed human contact, arms wrapped around each other and fingers digging into the other’s back, pressing closer until their heartbeats could echo each other. They needed to shove their noses into the crook of their boyfriend’s neck and shake and hold each other up as the other struggled to stand. They needed to stumble to their room and crawl under the covers on either side of Harry Potter and grip hands and stare at him and each other.
But Sirius had thought (or still did think) that Remus would betray them all.
And Remus had thought (and his stomach wouldn’t stop insisting) that Sirius had betrayed the boy and girl they had grown up with.
This was a difficult, deep in his gut feeling to push aside.
Sirius cleared his throat. “I don’t know where…” he shuddered. “I don’t know where to find Peter. I want to–”
Remus stood abruptly and walked forward. “You aren’t leaving.”
“No,” Sirius frowned, “I know, I’m not leaving you and Harry–”
“No,” Remus clarified, “you aren’t leaving because you could send them all back here.”
Sirius startled back. “Remus, I–you seriously–”
“No, I,” Remus pressed his hands to his head. “I can’t do this in the bathroom. Move.” He needed more space, to be able to pace. He looked into his bedroom and saw the bundle of blankets on the bed where Harry breathed softly.
“He’s asleep,” Sirius said quietly from behind him. “He’s peaceful right now.”
Remus could feel Sirius’ heat. If he leaned back, Sirius would catch him.
“You thought I would betray you,” he spat out, spinning to see the instant torture on Sirius’ face.
“I–I did not know. Peter is our friend–” Sirius glanced at the open bedroom door and backed up. Remus knew he was trying to shield Harry from the noise. Remus knew there was no way either of them would use a charm to separate the two of them from Harry right now, even just a Quietening one. Remus didn’t know what to make of it all.
“I am your…” Remus shook his head, hands kneading on his temple. “Fuck, I’m nothing to you.”
“You are my soul.”
“No, I’m not. I am clearly not. I would never harm them, I would die before–”
“You thought I had–”
“I have evidence!” Remus hissed. Sirius’ entire face sunk. “What the hell did you have, Sirius?”
Sirius wept. “I had–we had doubts.”
Remus punched out a breath again. “They doubted my loyalty too?”
Sirius lifted his eyes to the ceiling. “You were away often. You were unresponsive when you were here, it… it was hard to know what was going on with you.”
“You were living with me.”
Sirius jerked his head at the past tense. Remus held the eye contact; he did not get to pull emotions here. He would defend himself or Remus would stun him.
“I figured if something was actually going on, I would figure it out sooner or later, but James and Lily, they didn’t have that–”
Sirius fell to the couch and rested his head in between his knees, palms covering his face.
Remus bit down hard on his lip. James and Lily didn’t have that kind of time.
“They…” The sentence died in his throat.
Sirius met his hesitant stare. “James had fallen by the doorway,” he whispered. “Lily was in Harry’s room. Harry was in his crib, um, just… staring at her.” He shuddered and the tears began a new flow. “He lifted his arms and called my name when I walked in, asking for Lily and James as we…” his voice lowered to just a breath, “passed them.”
Sirius curled forward more and Remus could no longer tell the difference between his own heaving cries and breaths for sustenance.
Remus crouched down in front of Sirius and pulled both wands out of his pocket. He set them on the table and bit his lip.
Sirius looked up through his lashes. Not at the wands, not at the table.
Remus frowned and chewed his lower lip.
Sirius shuddered out another sob and held Remus’ gaze. “I did not murder James and Lily.” He blinked and tears rushed out. “I did not betray our family.”
Remus moved forward, into Sirius and on to the couch. Remus wrapped one of his legs around Sirius’ hips and pulled him close, his hand clutching at Sirius’ shoulders, Sirius grabbing both the front and back of Remus’ shirt, his curled and smokey hair tickling the bottom of Remus’ chin and then taking over all of Remus’ senses as he pressed his face into the top of Sirius’ head. He wrapped his arms around Sirius’ back and the two rocked back and forth.
“Remus, Re–” Sirius sobbed.
“I–” Remus shut his eyes so the whole world turned black. “I’m so sorry.”
