#word spell

[fedupwithyou]

Once the dust settles

and regret

starts seeping in

an eerie realisation

takes root

in your heart;

the love

you once held

will never

find its way

back to you.

[koof]

words are cool, here look

"furry pickle"

now imagine it, I have gotten you to imagine a furry pickle

[flowery-moth-angel]

I release that which no longer serves me. I do not need you if you think so lowly of me. A friend no more, I ache to say. But it is best we go our own way.

You have hurt me with your words and judgement, refused to listen to my words then paint me as toxic. It hurts that you look at me as self victimized. When I asked for your help in this important time. When you know my family and I let myself be vulnerable. But I let go of the rage and hurt. For if this is you then I am better off without you. And if you prefer the previous me then you do not care for me after all.

I hope one day you may understand this pain. The way it is to watch your body worsen and deteriorate. Unable to stop it and having to fight for help. Having to break just to be believed. I hope one day you may understand the pain of not eating, of struggling for a meal, of losing the ability to care for yourself, to lose the ability to walk. I hope one day you understand what it is like to be vulnerable and to be rejected, told you need to change, blamed for the way things are, and made to feel like I am not trying. You do not know me yet you judge when you are not free of sin yourself.

So I let you go and bid you farewell. This parting was needed. I don't know if we will ever be friends again, but I do not care if we are. You made yourself plain to me and I see the kind of friend that you are. One to snub me at my pain, to ignore the neglect and abuse, to wash your hands of this mess as if I was trying to control you and manipulate you. It is not my fault you decided to see this way. And your lack of controlling your own boundaries and inability to communicate is your own problem and not because of me needing help. So I release these emotions and feel myself in control.

I am surrounded by love and help. I have support of many out there. I have my deities and I have my love. I do not need to change aside from the way my life is changing to better me. If you see me at the best I have ever been and see this as unhealthy and a risk then you never knew me, despite your claims that you were the only one to understand.

So I let go of this pain and this hurt. It will not stop the ache, but I will not let it control me. For I have much of what I need. I will be okay. So mote it be.

[a-nightengales-dream]