#words thoughts

[elysianightt]

Park was never going to love her more than he did on the day they said goodbye. And she couldn’t bear to think of him loving her less.

Rainbow Rowell, in Eleanor and Park.

[forever-deep-in-thought]

Is loneliness contagious? Because I swear I've had this for ages..

[forever-deep-in-thought]

Love does not look for perfection, everyone is worthy of affection.

[witchpleas]

We all will fail anyway. We just have to learn to fail better.

[untitled-by-m]

may 20 2020

As I wondered through the forest, I paused frequently, looking to the sky, listening to the wind, feeling the sun warm my skin. In this world you were all around me, giving me all that I needed to fill my soul with wonder, hope and love.

I was overwhelmed with your spirit. It lifted me up and filled my heart and mind with all the love and tenderness I desperately wanted to share with you, always.

As I continued through the forest, I stopped every few steps and paid tribute to your wonder.

I passed a tree and I delicately carved my words of devotion into the bark.

I passed a stone and I thoughtfully etched my feelings of happiness into the solid surface.

I passed under endless clouds and I tenderly whispered my dreams into each one.

As I paid my tributes to you in the wonder of the forest your love had created for us, I felt my soul slowly surrendering to all that surrounded me.

I stopped walking, when I came to a clearing and sat down. Letting our sun warm my face, I lay down allowing myself to dream of an everlasting happiness.

As I lay, I could feel nature shift. The ground became softer as my soul began to fade more and more into the beauty of this place.

It faded more and more into the forest until I we became one. Heart, body and soul intertwined in a loving embrace that felt safe and everlasting.

Then the storm came.

It started slowly. Low rumblings in the distance, followed by a light drizzle of rain. I paid it little attention because I had seen storms before and none were ever able to penetrate the sanctum of this magical place.

(unfinished)

[maryofone]

Love

The word ‘love’ is pretty subjective. There’s no one clear definition of love, because we all have our own. But I have to say, my personal definition of what love is has definitely changed over the years. And as far as I’m concerned, I used to have that shit ALL wrong.

I used to think that love was a word you used to describe the feeling you have for your family, your close friends, and your partner. Like the people you love have this elite status that you don’t give to just anyone. I used to think you had to know someone for a while in order to know that you love them, and that these relationships with our ‘loved ones’ were mostly what people are referring to when they talk about love. But in recent years I’ve started to expand my view of exactly what the fuck love is, and I think it’s bigger than I thought.

People write a lot about love, talk a lot about love, fantasize a lot about love. As a society we think about it all the time. We have classic phrases about it and metaphors for it. “All you need is love.” “Love conquers all.” “Make love, not war.” And when I used to hear expressions about love, I kind of unconsciously figured they were referring to the people in your life whom you’ve decided are in that exclusive love club. “All you need is love” is a phrase I took to mean that all you need is the love of those people you love. Family, friends, partner. And more narrowly, as I hit puberty and the beginning of my decades-long obsession with men hit me, I read most lines about love as references to romantic love specifically. “Love conquers all” meant find a partner who loves you and you’ll win at life. And I don’t think I’m the only one who’s had this view of love. I think a lot of our society is fucking obsessed with romantic love and familial love, and while those things are great, we’re missing out on the rest of love that’s happening all around us all the time.

Years ago I started to notice a weird quirk in myself. Every so often, I would say hello to a stranger passing by me on the street, and the exchange would choke me up. Not all of the time, but once in a while, if the person looked me in the eyes long enough, or smiled warmly enough, it would hit me right in the heart. When I first starting noticing this habit I figured I was just desperate for love on account of the whole dead relationship I was in, or I was just like, crazy or something. But the habit continued long after the dead relationship, through happier, saner times. To this day, for whatever reason, every now and again, saying hi to strangers makes me want to cry. And I think that reason has something to do with love.

I remember first hearing the expression ‘love is a verb’, and automatically assuming that it was referring to romantic love. I figured the implication was that relationships take work and that love is expressed through actions. And what I’m learning is that the first half of that rationale is garbage, but the second half is very true. Love is expressed through actions, but not just actions in relationships. Love can be expressed through actions towards anyone. Helping someone up who just fell off their bike is an act of love; making a barista laugh when you can tell she’s having a shit day is an act of love; and yes, smiling at someone and saying hello for a total of three seconds is also an act of love. Love is something that people express all the time to each other, but we don’t call it that. We refer to it as being pleasant or polite, but a person can fake being pleasant and polite. The way I see it, when you’re being pleasant or warm or kind to someone, and you really fucking mean it... that shit’s love, man. Even if you don’t really know them.

Love isn’t about deciding that you officially love the entirety of a person and will formally say it to them. Love is about connecting with someone, anyone, even just for a second, and making them feel something in their heart. Could be the fucking cashier at your grocery store. When you see people genuinely smiling at each other, that’s love. When you see people giving each other a hand with something, that’s love. Love is all around us, but I don’t mean that in some cloying, Pollyanna kind of way. I mean that love isn’t that epic. It’s wonderful, and one of the most enjoyable parts of life, but it’s also pretty basic. Every time you want a dose of love you just have to be nice to someone. And I love thinking about love that way, because it’s just so simple. WAY simpler than relationships.

[who-daa-blog]

You know how people get emotional at the oddest of times? I’ve seen people get lost at the sight of the sea, waves rushing into them, leaving them yearning, longing. Breakdowns in romantic settings have been a rarity for me. The sea only stirred emotions that were about the sea. Just being happy that it exists. Mountains, sunrises, the Moon, the things that are supposed to make you feel, reflect, have often left me feeling nothing but appreciation.

But there are moments. Like when you’re brushing your teeth and your hand stops moving. You’re staring into yourself, foam on your lips, toothpaste burning your mouth. You’re making tea and you don’t quite know what to do with the tea bag. You wake up in the middle of the night and get that sinking feeling in your stomach. You’re hanging out with your friends in your room, scrolling on your phone when something on it shakes you up and you have to go under the sheets or into the bathroom to let the only tear flow. You’re peeing and you break down crying.

But all of this, lasts just a moment. You break, let it out a little, you zip up again.

You spit and brush the rest of your teeth. You let that tea bag seep. You turn around and try to sleep, You shake the sheets off of you and keep scrolling. And you get off that damn toilet.