#work emotions

[notfastus]

Shot | Adam Spilker (@adam_spilker) // notfastus.com

[srcry]

[celestepl0x]

Oh my god

[fernwehfound-blog]

Work(ing on) Emotions

There was a time in my late twenties when I went through a rough patch. I’d just broken up with the man I thought I would marry and moved from a rent stabilized apartment in the heart of the Upper West Side to a too-big-for-one-person, double the rent, one bedroom in Park Slope. At the same time, my fast-tracked role at a boutique consulting firm had turned into a daily slog of muddled memos and bright green gantt charts. Another promotion was probably 1-2 years out. I was lonely and demoralized. I tried to hide my inner turmoil at work, but I couldn’t because I sat in the proverbial fish tank of the office. My desk was positioned in the middle of our open space. Whenever someone walked by to get a soda, go to the kitchen, use the restroom or attend a meeting, they could see my struggle. I gritted my teeth, bought a stress ball and ate extra candy. Nothing worked. I was always getting caught with tears running down my cheeks. Tired of scampering to the handicap bathroom where everyone takes interview calls for other jobs and does whatever other things one would want to do in a private stall, I asked to be moved to a corner seat. My proposal was accepted and I gained a sense of privacy that calmed me. The move also led me to start reflecting on the relationship between mood and business, between what is and is not acceptable in professional life and where we ought (is there ever a real ought) to draw the line. We’ve all heard the old adage that there is no room for tears in a Board Room, but do we have to agree? If my catharsis comes in the form of water works and I can otherwise perform as well as if not better than my peers, should I be put at a professional disadvantage for being a bit tear-jerky? To put it bluntly, am I doomed to middle management because my blood pressure rises visibly just before a deadline? Should I not display anger when a direct report falls asleep at his desk and expresses no remorse? Where is the line? History suggests that great leaders are better able than others to control their moods and reactions in high-pressure situations. There is a good reason for this. Research shows that moods are contagious and that if a leader shows her team that she is stressed or upset, they are likely to catch her mood faster than a cold, and produce poorer quality work as a result. On the flip side, if she is able to remain calm, her team will probably do the same and excel. Since humans are not robots, we are all susceptible to intense feelings. So, what do you do when you feel your face turning red and your blood boiling, whether it is the result of something going on inside or outside the office? I’ve never had good answers to these question, so I asked a colleague (thanks TG!) and did a bit of research. What I learned was simple. I was surprised and a little disappointed it took me so long to figure this stuff out. What is the big reveal on how you should you handle emotions at work? Put some concrete tactics in place. Here are several examples. Think ahead. Anticipate what you are going to feel in a particular situation—a meeting, a check-in with your boss, etc.—so that you can control your response. For example, if you know you are going to be upset, develop an action plan for what you will do after the encounter, whether that means crying for five minutes in a private bathroom stall, buying yourself a latte or oggling a puppy cam for 2-3 minutes. Take a walk. Before responding to emails, colleague comments or a bosses’ irrational deadline, take a walk. Get outside of your work environment. You’ll be able to react more professionally and calmly when you get back. Ground yourself. Literally. Find somewhere discreet and stomp your feet. Two big stomps should suffice. By putting yourself back in your body and taking yourself out of your head, you can diffuse some of the emotions you are feeling. Maintain perspective. You have a life outside your job. If you feel like you don’t, you might consider working on creating one. Research shows it will make you more productive and happier. Remind yourself that in the grand scheme of your professional career and life, a given incident is probably just a little blip. Breathe. Take three deep breaths, close your eyes and witness what you are feeling. Try to do this without judging yourself. In other words, practice mindfulness. As you likely know, mindfulness and meditation are trending these days, largely because the practices seem to work well. I’m no model here. I can barely keep my mind quiet for one second. But there are dozens of experts, such as Deepak Chopra, who can help you add this tactic to your toolbox. We all have feelings. We all have coping mechanisms to get through our day-to-day. At 30, I am only now learning how to understand and navigate my emotions. How do you cope?

[simply-spectating]

[rlegacyms]

Widebody STI on Work Emotions

[rhdmeatwagon-blog]