some thoughts on writing schedules & work patterns
something i keep thinking about: i’ve read a lot of dog training books (and just like, a lot of books on how people and animals learn), and one thing a lot of them talk about is the importance of walking away from a training session on a high point, as opposed to pushing through until the trainer and the animal are both totally exhausted. the idea is when you end a work session a little bit earlier than you might want to, everybody leaves in a great mood, feeling good about each other and just riding that high of accomplishment and excitement. you have that exciting feeling of like, “omg, i can’t WAIT to get back to this tomorrow!!! i want to try X, Y, and Z!!”, because you’re still feeling upbeat about what you’ve done, and you still have enough energy left to plan for what you want to tackle the next day.
it’s always hard to know when exactly that point is, in part because when things are going well it feels so GOOD and your brain doesn’t want to look for a stopping point! when a training session is really fun and engaging (or when a lesson plan is going over really well, or when you’re writing and the words are flowing so effortlessly), it’s soooo tough to break stride and consciously shift gears to doing something else. your brain is like “keep going!!!! this is awesome!!!!!” and it feels weird to stop when there’s still enough creative energy and enthusiasm to keep going. BUT THAT’S WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO STOP!!!
to use the example of dog training: maybe you and the dog still have another ten minutes of focused attention left between you, or even another hour if you push it. but if you work up right up to the point of exhaustion, one or both of you is going to start getting tired. as your energy flags, your ability to sustain focus on the task begins to weaken. you start making dumb mistakes, or the work becomes a lot more effortful, and it all starts feeling a little less fun. if you’re working with an animal or teaching a kid, you might start getting a little impatient with each other (or with yourself!), and all parties involved might start to feel like actually, maybe you’re not as good at this as you thought. maybe you’re not really a great team, or an effective teacher, or a writer whose creative brain can perform effortlessly & endlessly. those creeping feelings of doubt make you feel a little shittier about what you’ve already accomplished that day, and a little less confident in your ability to replicate the same easy, fun, exciting parts of that work when you resume the task the next day.
ending early but on a high note builds positive associations. to apply this to writing sessions: when i walk away from a writing session BEFORE i’ve drained every last bit of energy and focus from my brain, i typically spend the evening feeling happy and excited and great about myself. and, as a fun bonus: as i watch tv or read or take a long walk or talk to a friend to unwind, all my favorite leisure activities, my mind is not totally depleted of energy, so often it’ll still be humming away in the background, generating ideas and connections even while i’m not consciously working on my project.
conversely: pushing myself through a grueling work session that leaves me totally exhausted builds a lot of negative associations (as described above). i just feel blah. i can’t really sustain focus on any of my relaxing leisure activities, and i find it hard to unwind because i can’t shake myself out of the tenseness of work mode. and i’m so tired of thinking and generating ideas that i just want to like, never have a thought or idea again, and i feel exhausted by the thought of having to try again the next day. i start to dread writing or working on something, even if parts of the long work session were really enjoyable. etc etc etc.
i’m describing these habits in part to try and attune myself to them better. like right now: i’ve been writing for probably nine straight hours today, on not very much sleep. i’m experiencing one of those wonderful bursts of creative energy this week, and so my instinct is basically like: WRING EVERY POSSIBLE SECOND OF THOUGHT OUT OF THIS TIME!!!! KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU LITERALLY CANNOT FORM SENTENCES ANYMORE!!!! the rhythms of these kinds of workdays are v familiar to me, because during the last years of my phd i just would literally just wake up and write for 10-12 hours straight, barely eating or moving an inch all day, and i got sooooooo good at completely tuning out of my body during those periods. (i would just like, order my brain to suppress every signal my body was sending me -- blurred vision? a pounding headache that begins at the base of my neck and gradually spreads across the entire back of my skull? a growling stomach? holding my pee for so long it’s a miracle i didn’t get more UTIs? shooting pains up my wrists because my carpal tunnel was flaring up? joint pain so intense that when i finally stood up i literally couldn’t take more than a few steps? YOU NAME IT I’VE SUPPRESSED IT!!!!)
anyway lol didn’t mean to get on a side tangent about the many unhealthy habits you develop in grad school (see, my focus is shot because it’s the end of a long writing day, so it’s a struggle to corral my thoughts). MY POINT IS: i know that a big part of why i tend to push myself through those moments is because time feels so precious these days, and those amazing periods where i have a lot of creative energy AND a lot of free time are even more rare and precious. so i feel like i gotta get everything you can out of them! and that feeling can be v dangerous when combined with that grad school-honed ability to push myself way past the E on my fuel gauge and deep into that zone of total mental exhaustion (it’s like in fantasy novels where someone taps out their magical reserves but keeps going, to the point where they’re like, burning up their life force and not just the day’s fuel). i just wanna be more conscious of my own work patterns, and maybe like, experiment a little more with doing short bursts of writing and ending on a high note, even when i know i could keep going.
idk! there’s not really a point to this post i am just processing some end-of-day thoughts. (and yes.. i did try to walk away from work about an hour ago, which means that writing this post is literally my brain’s attempt to circumvent that decision and continue working under the guise of doing some light ~daily processing~. it’s a work in progress. no. not work. an effort in progress? an experiment in progress.)
I’m paying more attention to my ‘one word’ for the year than usual. Perhaps because it feels so necessary. Space. I am allowing myself to step back a bit, to discover some things about myself… Work wise I am largely focusing on editing the Spring issue of magnet, which is in the design stage, thus lots of emails between me and the design team, proofreading, all quite intensive. A meeting has been…
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