Riding The Emotional Actor Rollercoaster
Yo! Did you miss me? I told you I was going to make blogging about acting part of my everyday jam. Why? Because how else can you focus on something that is so abstract. You can go to classes, you can get your headshots, and all those other tangible things. But about "you?" Your essence.
Being an actor means being open to the world. All the yay, and all the sad, bummer moments. The finding yourself in the middle of this ride. The funniest thing in the "real" world, people try to cheer you up when you're bummed. "Don't be. Distract yourself. Numb yourself to the feelings."
I say hell to the no. People think they're doing you a favor by cheering you up. I've spent a lifetime hearing, "forget about it." Followed by some light hearted conversation. Meaning I get one sentence out about how I'm feeling, and getting promptly shut down from expressing my feelings.
Then polite me says, "You're right." Which is only me denying myself what I'm experiencing. Totally denying myself a moment, 'cause heaven forbid anything in life be other than happy. I love these people in my life who tell me not to think about it. They honestly think they're helping you.
Maybe it's a woman thing? We don't want to disappoint, bother people with our problems aka our feelings. I used to pride myself on not showing any weakness. Yes, this is what I used to call emotions other than happy ones. I'm pissed at you. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of being weak.
As an actor this gives you jack shit to work with, but I have been called the politest on stage. I really did laugh at myself after that critique. That'll help me on stage. The depth of door stop. I'm so not self hating, but I realize this is a major area of growth for most people. I know it is for me.
When a good friend tried to stop for talking about my current depressed mood. There it came. One line from me. Good friend to the rescue. "Maybe you should read or something." I promptly said, "No, I'm depressed, and I need to feel this."
You know what? Today I feel awesome. Why? Because I dealt with what I was feeling, and able to move on. Because if you emotionally avoid something, you just deny yourself an opportunity to grow. Your shit will always be there. Stopping you from being you.