ok ok ok ok ok MAYBE IM CRAZY. it's entirely possible that I'm deluding myself. was alia dead when they left her? was she for sure not breathing pulse stopped dead? bc i am. I had a crazy thought what if she's in there fighting the dreams. what if she knows what's happening to her-- of course she does!! she knows everything-- what IF WHAT IF SHE'S STILL FIGHTING TO LIVE. what if she's taking that bit of agency she survived long enough to grasp and fighting for it. saying you don't get to decide whether my life is worth living. saying yes they did terrible things to me. no I did not choose to be this. but this is WHO I BECAME and I take pride in it !!
tbh it never seemed to me that she resented her life, and maybe that's because we just didn't hear a ton from her, but i hope against everything that she's tearing lilith a new one for deciding her life was better over than continuing
LIKE !! we know that lilith appears in the dreams she sends. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEE *shredding rubber with my bare teeth*
yesssss!!! YEEESSSSS!!! I mean. when they left her Arthur did explicitly say they were leaving the rest of their supplies with her in case she woke up again and needed them and like. maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part, a way to soften the blow of having to leave her. but what if it WASN’T… what if she is FIGHTING her gentle end, saying you do not get to decide for me if my life is worth living!!
agree also that I don’t think Alia does actually resent her life. I think it’s not for nothing that she was the one to finally clearly articulate that theme that is so central to malev to me, that, “maybe the suffering is vast, maybe there is no reward waiting for us, maybe there is no destination safe enough, but I am choosing to continue anyway, because the point of this journey is not its eventual end.” so yeah I think Lillith was… largely projecting and assuming she knew what Alia felt, actually. Alia accepted the dream bc she Saw that it was the necessary next step, but that doesn’t mean she wanted it.
Alia seems to me like someone who can appear very passive at times, bc a lot of the standard avenues of expression have been taken from her, and also the connection to her vanguard probably takes at least some of her focus, but she’s not actually passive. she seems to be the orchestrator behind pretty much this whole quest, and has commanded the implicit faith of everyone around her. and we know for a fact that her vanguard can’t directly influence her anymore, and still she is making the active choice over and over to fight for reality, even when the odds seem overwhelming. that sure doesn’t say resentment or exhaustion with life to me.
anyway. yeah. Alia meeting up with Lillith and giving her the dressing-down of all time writing so fast she sets the slate on fire. 2k25.