The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 2, 1934-1939

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The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 2, 1934-1939
WRITER'S DIARY IN PAIN (Vol. 2):
"Dear Diary,
Today's chapter is finally ready.
It took me much longer than expected because one particular character refused to cooperate and somehow became more interesting than the original plan.
I don't know if that's a writing victory or a writing problem."
August 1st Today is the first day of August. Sniff. July is over. I got up this morning at 6:30. I don’t know why. The dew was very thick and beautiful. All white. Now, however, the sun is out. The sky is blue. And it is going to be a beautiful day. [...]
August 1st Yesterday was not the first day of August. Today is. A free day. Bill and I tried to collaborate this morning but it didn’t work out. [...]
Aug. 3rd Actually I am not sure if today is the 3rd or not. It might be the 4th or the 5th. It really doesn’t matter. [...]
1. The poem present only in a letter Dickinson had sent to Higginson in August 1877, that Popova imagines to have been possibly written having witnessed the eclipse on September 29, 1875:
It sounded as if the streets were running— /And then—the streets stood still—/ Eclipse was all we could see at the Window/ And Awe—was all we could feel. / By and by—the boldest stole out of his Covert/ To see if Time was there/ Nature was in her Opal Apron—/ Mixing fresher Air.
2. Asaph Hall was about to give up his frustrating search for a Martian moon one August night in 1877, but his wife Angelina urged him on. He discovered Deimos (pic 1 below) the next night, and Phobos (pic 2 below) six nights after that. (x)
•••
Joe Brainard, Dairy 1969 | Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway, 1925 | Mary Oliver, August, 1993 | Vincent van Gogh, Sorrowing Old Man (At Eternity's Gate), 1890 | Maria Popova, Figuring, 2019 | Ocean Vuong, Night Sky With Exit Wounds, 2016 | Taylor Swift, August, 2020
01/Oct./22. It's 9:30 pm. I managed to translate another five hundred words from Like the Sea and Sky. Only 4400 words left!
Каждый год 1 сентября я безумно боюсь
Боюсь я и 31 августа и всю неделю до этого, но 1 сентября – особое чувство. Будто я, как в том фильме, ухватилась за куст и вот-вот упаду в бездну. Упаду, разобьюсь на куски. И некому поймать меня.
Когда-то я думала, что если падать достаточно часто и хорошо, то можно превратиться в пыль. А пыль смешать с клеем и сделать из этого что-то хорошее. Правильное и нужное. Что раз уж я падаю, то так и надо. Каждый раз я уговаривала себя отпустить этот бедный куст и нырнуть туда. Вниз. Чтобы однажды разбиться до конца.
Кажется так было всегда. Почти всегда. В 11 классе мне впервые было спокойно. Я впервые смогла увидеть пропасть снаружи. Хотела бы я сказать, что бояться там нечего, но вот только это будет жалкая ложь.
Моя жизнь до сих пор бьётся. На эры, эпохи, периоды. Просто на осколки. Один из них снова закончился, а я и не успела заметить. Кажется, он начинался словами: «Ты в десятый? Я – Саша, а это Катя и Агнесса».
They no longer had secrets to share, they were out of things to tell, their relationship turned empty, like things devoid of newness. Aimndoc
Aimndoc
The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 2, 1934-1939