#wwd2

[rubysunstone]

IM SO EXCITED

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why Why We Do What We Do (17)

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Hands trembling, the weightless feeling in Virgil’s chest managed to light his eyes up like they hadn’t been in countless hours. But even the sight of Roman finally sitting up, glassy-eyed but very much okay paled in comparison to those tinglingly familiar words.

“Why do I call you Marilyn Morose?”

Roman’s face that had been like a stranger’s for what must have been an eternity since he’d been injured suddenly filled out in all those right places. That lopsided grin that sent Virgil’s heart fluttering and his head in the clouds threatened to pull him away before he could do what he’d been wanting to do.

“Roman!”

It was all so fast. One moment the air of the room was flying by him at the speed of sound and the next he was pressed up against that achingly familiar chest. The slight pressure of inhale and exhale was already enough to nearly overwhelm Virgil’s already overwhelmed senses.

“You remember! You... remember! ” Virgil’s voice broke as his whole body shuddered with the force his silent sobs.

Digging his hands in Roman’s hospital gown, Virgil let his still trembling hands grab on tight to the anchor he had been losing.

The sudden hand on his head had his body tensing only a moment as the warm hand of Roman came through the touch, that familiar assurance with that frustratingly adorable delicateness Virgil had always pushed back against. He didn’t need that babying type treatment. He wasn’t- hadn’t been threatening to break the moment Roman had been the barest bit reckless.

A hand gripped his. Pulling him along in a crowd, the strange mix of fear and excitement as they navigated through unfamiliar territory that normally would’ve had him running for the hills. A hand gripped his. The sunset making Roman’s face shine with all the beauty Virgil saw in him.

A hand gripped his.

“Virgil?”

Blinking, Virgil’s body tensed as the uncomfortable angle of his head against Roman’s chest had the whole room at a nearly stomach churning angle that had him suddenly pulling back. His hands strangely anchored the bed, a tentative flex found them where they should’ve been all along.

Linked in Roman’s.

The world blurring, Virgil wiped his free arm against his brow as if Roman didn’t have front row seats to the tears flowing from his eyes.

“Oh… Sorry Roman… I- uh… got carried away? I- You didn’t remember and now you might-” Virgil’s voice broke before Virgil swallowed and screwed his eyes shut as he pressed his free hand to his mouth.

A gentle squeeze on his hand stopped Virgil’s spiraling thoughts in its tracks.

Virgil opened his eyes to finally meet Roman’s. And for the first moment, the wave of emotion once again threatened to overwhelm Virgil, but as Virgil’s own hand squeezed back, his surroundings suddenly slammed back into his awareness.

He was in a hospital bed. On top of his boyfriend. Logan and Patton were there. He was in the hospital. He was on top of his injured boyfriend. His boyfriend was injured. He was in public! He was on top of his injured boyfriend. He was hurting his boyfriend in public!

Scrambling back, Virgil tried his best to steer clear of the IV and the various other cords coming off of Roman. His friends were talking, but all Virgil’s vision was concerned with was making sure his knees didn’t hit one of those way too close machines that kept Roman alive (probably).

Only after both Virgil’s feet were on the ground did the grip on his wrist filter into his awareness.

You hurt him. Worthless. Can’t stop doing it. Death’s grip.

“Virgil! Slow down! Breathe for me.” Roman’s lilting voice pulled Virgil out of his tailspin of panic that clouded his thoughts.

Following the line of his arm, Virgil ran his eyes up the familiar hand up to Roman’s very familiar eyes. Blinking for a moment, Virgil snatched his wrist back as his eyes widened and his breathing began to pick up. Virgil’s lungs held the ghost of the hyperventilation he probably had as his thoughts had consumed him, but only now did the inhale and exhale of air finally drown out the still slowly unspooling yarn of Virgil thoughts.

“Virgil? Are you hurt? What’s happening?” Roman’s voice came raw and trembling with the slightest bit of concern.

The irony of the statement to Virgil punched out a laugh, a high, manic laugh that shakes Virgil’s whole body until his limbs were suddenly the consistency of jello and the bed was coming to greet him-

“Virgil!”

Roman’s voice called out as the arms around him lifted him away from the hospital bed like being plucked by a powerful being from the face of the earth.

Turned around by their grasp and lowered to the bed, the last few twitches of manic hilarity finally smoothed out as he breathed in deep, gazing up at the ceiling with eyes cast a thousand miles away.

It was at the warm hand that was so distinctly Roman in it’s curve that Virgil’s lips parted after such a silence.

“Haha…” The ghost of an ache came with the weak laugh through Virgil’s chest. “You’re- you’re concerned about me ? You- You’re hurt- Don’t even remember who I am anymore and you’re asking if I’m okay?”

The arms around him fall away as the anxious energy finally comes pouring out of his body, that rambling energy unfurling. He’s pacing back and forth from the bed, wringing his hands as his words come faster and faster.

“If anyone should be worried it should be me and you’re- You should not- Why didn’t I just-”

Approaching the bed once again, Virgil’s eyes remained downcast. Perhaps that was why the sharp tug on his shirt came as such a surprise.

Warm lips. They were on his. He… Roman…

For the second time that day, Virgil melted into the kiss. A heady smell of everything Roman whisking his thoughts to the back of his mind.

But nothing lasted forever, all too soon their lips separated and the buzz of endorphins made Virgil’s head spin even as the fact Roman still probably had no clue who exactly he was knocked against the corners of his mind. Out of all the concepts and words that could’ve left his mouth, the one that did was: “Why?”

As Virgil’s body tensed at the pure cringe of just asking why, Logan’s voice came from behind him.

“Virgil? Are you done panicking?” The words in any other mouth other than his and Patton would be filled with derision, but instead Logan’s had a soft concern that blew away most of the tension in him.

Virgil shuffled his feet as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. A slight flush of his cheeks was the only thing to betray the act that Virgil had likely forgotten his other friends were even there.

Roman snorted as he wordlessly guided Virgil to lay his head on Roman’s chest.

“Yeah, panic at the disco, you thinking about anything else other than my lips?” Virgil could not even describe the sound that came from his mouth as he buried his face in hands even as Roman’s finger began to make their way tinglingly through his likely greasy hair.

“I couldn’t resist, although… knowing panic at the disco is new, but it felt right. Maybe I’ve used it before.” Virgil tenseed as Roman’s body moved under him, but the singular up and down movement clued Virgil quickly into the shrug that it was. “But to answer your question, I dreamed… something. A- a memory? I-”

“Wait I have to get this down, the doctor will want to know patient response.” Logan interrupted, ignoring the very pointed glare Virgil was sending his way as he scrounged for something in his bag. Eventually, he found a pen and paper and poised them in preparation.

“Now I’m ready, go on” Logan prompted, eyes wide and, Virgil could swear, a little teary. But Patton leaned over fondly, placing his hand on Logan’s dominant hand with his pen.

“Lolo. I think Virgil might strangle you if you do that again.”

“Not might. Will. Please go on Roman, before anyone gets ideas about interrupting again.” Virgil growled, only stopping when one of the hands running through his hair cam down to squeeze one of Virgil’s free hands.

“I’m fine, my… spitfire?” Roman’s chest rumbled in low disapproval. “Not my best nickname, but Logan was fine. I promise. If- When…? I get my memory back, it’ll be funny to laugh at Logan’s… continued quest for knowledge. Yeah… that feels… right…”

Virgil inclined his eyes up as far as they’d go to focus on Roman, but found he was just out of sight from where Virgil was laying on him.

“Princey- Roman?”

Roman’s chest bounced Virgil’s head once again with a short laugh escaping Roman’s lips.

“That’s… that’s what dream you called me. ‘Princey.’ And well… uh…” Virgil leaned himself up on one elbow to finally get a good look at Roman’s face only to find Roman’s gaze cast aside and his cheeks stained a rich red. Virgil’s head tilted, a ghost of a smirk on his face as he looked at an apparently very flustered Roman

“What? You’ve only gotten this red before your amnesia when I surprise kiss you. And I’ve already done that…” Virgil let his voice fade out as Roman’s cheeks only grew redder in response to Virgil.

“Wait. I kissed you in the dream? What’s different about when I did it… um… whenever I did it?” Virgil pursued his lips lightly, the memory of the past few days in the hospital swirling into a blur of fragmented moments. Surely nothing to do with the jaw-splitting yawn that escaped from his lips.

“Well-! Because… in the dream… I loved you. I mean- I felt was it was like to- to love you.” Somehow, impossibly, Roman’s cheeks managed to grow even redder. “And- I- I want that. I want that to be real… again? Or continue to be real? I- I don’t know…”

Virgil’s heart hammered in his chest, seizing as Roman’s face began to fall. He would not let his, current status ambiguous, boyfriend feel any kind of guilt. This was not his fault that he didn’t know.

Cupping Roman’s face, Virgil’s heart only grew faster as Roman’s eyes finally made their way back to his. Gently, he wiped away the beginnings of a tear falling down Roman’s face.

“Roman. Do not ever feel pressured to be my boyfriend, and I mean full boyfriend, unless you remember fully what that means. You are my magnificent boyfriend, but I would never want you to try to be someone you don’t remember for someone you don’t remember. Take your time. I’ll be here, but please ~!” Virgil placed a gentle kiss on Roman's forehead. “I can wait until the stars go out for you to remember and that would never change my love for you.”

“V- Virgil. F- fuck.” Roman’s lip trembled a moment before he pulled Virgil into a fierce hug, with a wince that made Virgil’s own chest throb with pain. The memory of Roman desperately fighting and delirious rocketed through Virgil’s mind without permission. Virgil bit his lip.

“It’s okay… It’s going to be okay…” Virgil soothed, his eyes fluttering as his legs came up beside Roman’s on the bed his head coming to rest back on Roman’s familiar chest.

Maybe he could close his eyes for a minute…

Annoyingly, Logan asked a question to Roman again, something about what exactly happened in his dream. Roman’s chest rumbled under his ear in response, something about a wedding. A pair of fingers ran through his hair

He just…

He just… needed…

A minute…

-

Roman smiled down at the lightly snoring ball of black and purple curled up on his chest, still running his fingers through his hair. That idiot was finally getting the rest he needed. Roman didn’t have to remember anything to understand that Virgil should’ve gone the fuck to sleep well before Roman had woken up.

Roman placed a gentle kiss on Virgil’s forehead.

“Good night, sweet prince.”

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why Why We Do What We Do (18)

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-

Roman smiled down at the lightly snoring ball of black and purple curled up on his chest, still running his fingers through his hair. That idiot was finally getting the rest he needed. Roman didn’t have to remember anything to understand that Virgil should’ve gone the fuck to sleep well before Roman had woken up.

Roman placed a gentle kiss on Virgil’s forehead.

“Good night, sweet prince.”

Roman let the words hang in the air, the rhythm of his hand through his frien-, no his strange-, no his ex-boyfrien-, his boyfriend’s hair (when he had started calling Virgil that?) began to sooth his, admittedly frayed, nerves.

Not that he was panicking or as wired as Virgil had been to need as much sleep as he needed.

Just-

Though he couldn’t remember everything clearly, the last had been a lot. Not to mention his friends-

The hand in Virgil’s stilled as Roman’s free hand twitched, his hand curling into a fist.

I was through a bunch, but what about them? Logan, Patton, especially Virgil. They- had to- had to- see that and not know- They couldn’t- wouldn’t know if I was alright. Patton- Wait- He was screaming- He- Is Patton okay?

The world strangely becoming blurry, Roman whipped up to see Logan and Patton sat nearby, halfway paying attention to the two, uh… lovebirds? Why would he describe himself that way? A tingly sensation sparked in his throat at the strange idea.

Him and Virgil. Wrapped up in each other. Calling each other pet names. Wait no- they already did- But he doesn’t remember-

“Roman? Are you okay? You’re… you’re crying.” Logan’s voice cut through Roman’s thoughts, and only then did the growing moistness on his chest consolidate in Roman’s mind into the tears that they were falling from his eyes.

“Oh I didn’t…” Roman sniffed, wiping his eyes as well as he could while still cradling Virgil and keeping still as possible. “Um…”

A secondary bolt of fear arced through him as the memory of Patton’s terrified and concerned scream biting through that weird fuzzy feeling that had cut over him once again surged forward.  

The hand previously rubbing his face clenched around the hem of his hospital gown. His heartbeat began not only thunder through his ears, but through the whole room as the mechanical beeps from the heart monitor sped up with it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Logan and Patton started to surge forward in response to the rapid rise in the monitor’s beeping. It was such a practiced move that Roman’s stomach clenched and churned hard. They shouldn’t have to expect this! 

Before the situation could get out of hand, Roman let out everything in very nearly one breath.

“Patton are you okay I just realized what happened I’m so so sorry that you- I- You were so sad and terrified and concerned-” Roman gasped in a breath. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that way I’m sorry that I- that you thought- that I- that- that…”

Roman’s voice trailed off as he found himself very abruptly wrapped in Patton arms. How he could do that so perfectly with Virgil sprawled against him, Roman couldn’t tell over Patton’s familiar smell and soft cotton of his shirt. Was it rosemary? Whatever it was, it was… he remembered how Patton smelled he-

He opened his mouth to speak, but found Patton’s finger at his lips. Patton had pulled back at some point, searching Roman’s eyes with his own, the small movement making his eyes appear to sparkle.

“Shh… you’ve said enough untrue things today. Quoting our dear Logan: ‘Cognitive distortions are becoming of you.’ Do you trust me enough that I’ll share my feelings?”

Roman glanced away from Patton’s searching eyes. Suddenly it was as if he was on the operating table and everything inside his mind was there for all to see. 

Usually Logan’s the one making me feel this… observed. Naked? Revealed?

Patton shook his head as he leaned back, pressing the heel of his hand into his forehead. “Wait. I’m sorry Roman, that was unfair of me to ask. We’re still strangers. I don’t know why I-”

“Well… that’s not exactly true.” Roman muttered, thumbing with his hospital gown as a fuzzy memory of what happened when you got an excited Patton on your hands. Ears rung from the squeal for minutes after… probably. 

He screwed his eyes shut, ready for the inevitable freakout.

But they popped right back open as a hand gently took one of Roman’s hands wearing wrinkles into his hospital as they rolled the ends through his fingers. Instead, bringing Roman’s hand to his lips in a vaguely familiar way. Something about… cabbages? No… definitely not right.

“Patton?” His voice was tiny and small like he sounded when Patton had yelled his name and everything went dark.

Patton lowered Roman’s hand and smiled.

“I understand. Something’s changed and you don’t have everything. But you know you understand more and you can’t tell what you still have missing for me to understand what you have.” 

Roman couldn’t hold back the tiny gasp that came out of him when Patton lightly squeezed his hand.

And with that, he finally let his eyes snake their way up to find Patton’s. When he did, that pang of familiarity was back, but even though he had no memory of exactly happened each time he met Patton’s eyes like that, he could most certainly make a very good guess. 

The warmth, the softness, the understanding, how could Patton make him feel completely vulnerable one minute and then completely seen but at once still understood and safe.

Maybe… maybe… it was the memories?

Roman winced. All of the tension in his forehead from trying to scour his memory furiously for the last dozen minutes was forced to relax at once as undoing the action lessened the beginning of a throbbing pain behind Roman’s eyes.

“Sorry, I- I’ve been trying so hard to remember that I think I’ve given myself a headache.”

“Logan could you please get the blinds? Roman will need all the help he can get to get the headache back down.”

Roman could barely will himself to open his eyes as simply the clatter of the blinds and Patton’s hushed sent tiny bullets of pain through his skull.

“But I still want to- to talk.” As if he had suddenly sprinted through a desert without water, his voice had turned scratchy and rough in an instant.

“Of course. Go at whatever pace you can.”

“We’re here and we aren’t going anywhere, Roman.” Logan’s voice whispered from the other side of him, his hand being held by a warm, lithe hand. 

Chest rising and falling slowly, Roman let his lungs gather back the oxygen he couldn’t remember losing from held breaths.

“You- I remember you- screaming my name. You sounded so concerned and terrified and it was my fault because of my stupid amnesia. I’m so sorry Patton.” Roman’s scratchy voice broke, Patton’s name becoming barely a whisper.

It took another moment for Roman to take in that he had Patton’s hand against his mouth. The action wasn’t forceful, but certainly had Roman second guessing.

“Hey, no. Roman.” Cradling Roman’s face in his hand, Patton wiped away tears that had once again surfaced on Roman’s cheeks. “Yes I was concerned. And I was terrified. But what I was concerned about was what made you do that. What made you think you were going to die!”

“Wait. What?!” Roman’s eyes flew open from where they had slipped closed at Patton’s contact. However, the loud noise he was making paired with the sudden jerk of his torso sent bolts of pain once again through his skull.

And worse, Virgil made a tiny noise and shifted against Roman as his fingers twitched against Roman’s gown.

“I- I think we should talk about this later, when Virgil can talk about this too. Just- know that the medicine might have made you experience some… side effects of remembering things. And that is not your fault.”

Roman opened his mouth to protest, but Virgil once again made the most adorable noise Roman could ever recollect hearing. Even without Patton’s increasingly ironclad argument, he was finding it harder and harder to think of a reason to argue as his headache had begun to pound those thoughts into the ground and that noise melting into him like liquid chocolate. Pleasant tingles sparked against where Virgil’s hand’s were unconsciously twitching

“Okay…” Roman relented. Easing his head back onto the pillow as the figurative fight went out of him.

Not because Patton was right. Definitely not. He just… couldn’t think with his headache. That was the only reason.

Surely, when it ended, he would tell them how he felt. That he- that… that he deserved…

What did he deserve?

He… couldn’t remember…

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why We Do What We Do (16)

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Logan watched Patton as he sat by Roman’s bedside. He hadn’t stopped crying since the doctors had to sedate Roman and had carted him off to surgery again for his torn stitches. But in Roman’s hospital room, Patton only let out his tears. 

“Patton, why are you stifling your crying? Letting out your emotions is beneficial to your emotional health.” Logan had asked curiously when Patton had quieted as he entered the room.

Patton had waved him off even as another set of tears fell down his face, “I can’t disturb him. I’ve don-” 

Patton had cut himself off, but Logan had gathered what he was going to say. 

I’ve done enough.

That could mean so many different things, however, Logan had been with Patton for years. He understood Patton and he wasn’t blind to most of Patton’s feelings. To Logan, the devastation and guilt was written on his face. 

Truth be told, it pained Logan everytime he looked at Roman’s unconscious face. The sensation was indeed like a knife in his heart. He hadn’t ever grasped the concept properly, but now that he was experiencing that feeling, he agreed. Logan had almost called for a doctor himself when it started, but soon enough he connected the sight of Roman to the pain. 

But now wasn’t the time to address Patton’s guilt or the pain in Logan’s heart, they all could deal with their feelings about what happened after Roman was at least on the up and up.

For now, Logan just held Patton’s hand while Patton gripped Roman’s. Patton sniffed, wiping his nose with a tissue absently before returning his hand to Logan’s hand.

Patton was really the most optimistic of them three. Virgil appeared to be the most pessimistic at the moment. Virgil was sitting by the window, looking out the window down at the ground below. He was the picturesque depiction of the fateful emo look that every emo or photograph showing emo’s had. The pensive expression, the dark clothes, and the brooding posture that screamed “I’m thinking deeply about things and everything’s going to shit.”

Though in Logan’s opinion, your boyfriend nearly dying may warrant some of that sentiment.

Logan himself was equally hopeful and doubtful. The amount of blood Roman had lost had been extensive and the doctors had also said as much. But Roman was strong, the strongest of them all and Logan assumed Virgil and Patton would agree. 

So Logan held his expectations to a logical point, Roman was strong, but he had lost a lot of blood. He would pull through, he mostly had already in fact, but Logan understood it wouldn't be without drawbacks.

A soft groan came from Roman’s lips.

Patton suddenly perked up. His hand bolted out of Logan’s grip.

“Roman?”

Logan sat forwards, focusing in on Roman’s face. Roman’s face had been mostly neutral as they sat there, but now Roman’s lips had dipped into a frown and his brow furrowed. 

Logan wasn’t sure Roman was awake fully yet, but he was at least stirring. This sure exceeded Logan’s expectations.

Virgil ran over from the window, eyes more full of energy than just moments before. His mouth was parted and his hands were shaking a little.

Patton’s voice was still soft as he ran his thumb faster over Roman’s knuckles. The sadness was evident in his voice, but he tried to keep it level as he coaxed Roman

“Come on Roman, you can do it, just wake up for me. For us.” Patton added the last two words as an afterthought. Logan wasn’t offended, but there was a glint in Virgil’s eyes that signaled Virgil wasn’t as forgiving. Tensions were high, so Logan doubted Virgil went the glare too much.

Logan watched Roman’s face carefully, his own face falling as the heart monitor slowed bit by bit and Roman’s face relaxed once again, the crease in his forehead smoothing out. Logan placed a hand on Patton’s back gently, but was shoved off by Patton’s shifting shoulders.

Patton didn’t look at Logan, but Logan could tell his own hope was fading after soaring high with Roman nearly waking up. Again, Logan didn’t fault Patton for that. Minutes ticked by.

Logan waited until Patton had dropped his hand back down to his side and Virgil had returned to the window to brood again to chance trying to grasp Patton’s hand again. Patton’s hand twitched in Logan’s grasp as he made contact, but he didn’t yank it away like he did before.

Logan slowly tugged Patton’s hand to himself. Patton turned slowly to face Logan as he allowed him to pull Patton towards him. 

Logan waited until he was an inch or two away from Patton’s ear to whisper.

“Let’s go in the hallway, love.”

Patton whipped his head up, mouth opening to protest before a wave of tears crashed over him and he catapulted into Logan’s chest instead.

“Okay, I just- I just-”

Logan ran a hand down from Patton’s head down to his neck. Patton cut himself off as his shivered at the touch. 

“I know, dear. I know you want to protect him and be there for him, but you can be in this room forever. It’s impossible. You need to take some time to get out in the greater world and interact with someone other than Roman or even us.”

Patton sobbed wetly into Logan’s front, and once again Logan ignored the sensations of the dampness against his skin from his tears.

“I- It hurts to-! I don’t want to leave-” Patton shuddered.

Logan sternly replied, “You have to sweetie. It’s hard, I know, but you have to. It doesn’t have to be far, just right outside the door, but it would do us both a little good to get out of this stifling hospital room.”

Patton gasped in a big breath of air as his cries finally dulled to a few shuddering cries. Logan waited until Patton’s cries were next to nothing before he asked Patton.

“Are you ready to go?” Patton didn’t respond for a long moment, but slowly he nodded. Logan gently held Patton as they both walked towards the door. Logan was supporting most of Patton’s weight, but he didn’t mind.

Logan was just about to shoot Virgil a look that meant, look after him for us until we get back, when they all heard the bed shift.

They all turned to Roman sitting up in bed, his eyes glassy but very much awake. Roman’s eyes locked onto Virgil at the window. Virgil’s face scrunched happily, tears of joy springing to his eyes as  he took in how Roman was awake.

Roman surprised everyone when he spoke. His voice was rough and scratchy, but perfectly intelligible.

“Why do I call you Marilyn Morose?”

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why We Do What We Do

Next

No one would look for him.

Honestly, he didn’t understand why he thought they actually cared about him, but he shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. 

He just had to get to somewhere new, somewhere away from them.

The nighttime scenery whizzed by him to fast for his eyes to discern anything other than a blur of movement and color.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, the feel of the coarse material and his strong grip comforting him, as it was one of the only things he could count on. 

He idly tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. 

Even so, the silence was deafening.

He fiddled with the dial for a few seconds before the radio whirred to life with a burst of static before automatically adjusting to the nearest station. Since he didn’t actually care what station he was listening to, it stayed there.

Time went by. Seconds. Minutes. Then hours. 

His eyes were starting to droop.

It is not good to drive when you need to sleep! Pull over! His mind yelled at him, but he simply batted them away mentally to the back of mind.

Another 30 minutes.

The radio, which had been a source of distraction, now served as a sort of white noise. His eyes started to drop with more consistency now, and he was losing track of where on the road he was. He caught his eyes staying closed for a beat too long, and saw he he had veered a little into the other lane when his eyes opened again. Thankfully, no one was coming the other way and he corrected himself with a slight turn of the wheel.

I just need a different radio station.

He shook his head as he turned the knob, again to a station he didn't care to pay attention to other than the company it provided.

He hummed thoughtlessly as he returned his hand to the wheel.

Another 15 minutes.

That’s all it took.

And his eyes closed.

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why We Do What We Do (15)

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What?

What’s happening?

Where am I?

I hear...

Sound, he was hearing sound. He didn’t remember the last time he heard sound.

Or... did he?

Everything was so hard. His thoughts felt like they had to run across a whole desert just to allow him to even think at the moment. 

What was he hearing? His ears were picking up a signal, what was the signal telling him?

Listen.

...

Sniff.

What was that?

That wasn’t him... who was it?

He listened.... and listened...

But... his ears suddenly felt like they had cotton stuffed in them.

He couldn’t focus.

He could hear... something, but it was suddenly far away.

“There....risk...sorry...stop....”

They were talking... whoever they were. Were they talking about him? He didn’t know.

He heard a soft groan, and he felt his chest distantly vibrate. Was that him?

The voices stopped, or... no, now one felt close. 

He felt a distant sensation of someone gripping his hand. 

“Rom...wak...”

Were they speaking to him?

He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t even tell if he was on a bed or sitting, he just felt he was spinning.

The hand felt like it was gripping tighter, but he suddenly felt like he was being dragged down by 2 two weights on each of his joints.

The last thing he remembered was barely managing to weakly squeeze the hand in his, hearing something like a sob before the weights pulled his mind into sleep.

-

“Wake up sleepy head!”

Roman groaned, the sensation of something hitting his face butting into his awareness. He blindly gripped the object and tossed it in a random direction away from him.

He heard a snort above him.

“That wasn't even close, you need to step up your throwing game Princey.”

(Princey?) 

Roman turned to face away from the voice, his body demanding for him to sink back into the embrace of sleep.

That was until the covers were suddenly pulled off of him, he shivered at the sudden exposing of his body to the open air of the room.

With a rising frustration, though he wouldn’t admit it was grumpy instead of true frustration, he shoved himself up rapidly, wincing a little at the slight off-kilter feeling it gave him. He blinked once or twice before focusing on who had been speaking above him.

“Cut it out V...”

(V? What? Why couldn’t he...?)

The person in front of him looked young (younger?) They looked like the spitting image of an emo as Roman ever did see one. Everything save for the purple patch hoodie they had. It looked... good on them.

They... no, V smirked at Roman’s response. V answered back, sarcasm laid on thick, expression full of mock apologetics.

“Oh, I suppose trying to wake you up so that we don’t miss getting dressed for  our friends’ wedding is totally unreasonable for me to so rudely wake you up from your beauty sleep for! I’ll let you miss it then!”

(Wedding? Friends... wait...)

Roman felt his heart double in pace, looking directly in the emo’s eyes as his body went stiff from realization.

“Oh... fuck...”

V chuckled and took a step back, seeming to be waiting for something.

“Oh fuck is right.”

The words had barely left V’s mouth before Roman had catapulted himself from bed, grabbed a few items as he brushed his hair a few times and then sprinted out the door and into a shared bathroom down the hallway a bit. 

He felt like he had done this many times before, a routine that was down to a science, but for the life of him as he stared at his reflection for a moment, he couldn’t remember a single instance of ever doing this. That should’ve really worried him a bit more, but he just continued through the routine he couldn’t remember in a place he couldn’t write recall.

His hands flitted across his face, applying foundation and a little bit of blush, putting gel in his hair to ensure it stayed put. His movements were swift, but calculated nonetheless.

It felt like mere moments before he heard a knock on the bathroom door. A muffled voice from V came through the door.

“You about done in there Mr. Perfect?”

“I’m just about done, don’t worry your pretty head about me!”

Roman could feel Virgil’s smirk through the door.

“Aw... you think I’m pretty!”

It was Roman’s turn to smirk.

“Of course, that’s why I’m dating you Marilyn Morose!” (Dating? Wha?)

Roman’s smirk intensified as he got the feeling that Virgil was most definitely blushing behind the door.

On cue, he realized he was at the end of his routine and opened the door to uncover if his intuition was truly correct.

The sight was just as he was imagining it, save for Vs much more sophisticated suit that nearly made his knees buckle at the sight of them. V’s face was beet red as he had his head turned away from the door, even though Roman couldn't have seen him through it anyway until he opened the door.

V looked up as he did so and his eyes widened, probably similar thoughts to Roman going through his mind. Roman relished that, watching Virgil’s eyes look him over. 

Suddenly, Roman realized they were very close.

Virgil spoke, voice almost to loud despite the fact his voice was barely a whisper. His voice came out slightly ragged, breaking at the last word.

“You got, uh...”

Roman looked into V’s eyes.

“What?”

And suddenly, his vision was nothing but him. 

They were kissing!

Roman’s world filled fireworks, the faint smell of lavender and wood smoke along with a note of coffee filled his awareness. 

No.

It was all Roman was aware of, just the contact and V. (He was disappointed he couldn’t remember V’s name, kissing like this and all.)

But as quick as a flash, there was no one.

He opened his eyes, but nothing changed, his surroundings were as black as the inside of his eyelids.

He was still in the same position as when he was kissing V, but he tensed up, jerking his limbs as a need gripped him.

He... needed to do something. 

What was it?

Wake up. He heard someone say, but he still couldn’t see anything, rapidly looking around to find it’s source.

Wake up! 

This was louder, and... more clear.

His brain reeled trying to grasp onto the concept the voice was saying.

He was asleep? That would explain the vastness of a void around him, but then, why wasn’t he awake?

He... didn’t know.

WAKE UP!

This cry felt as if the very pillars of the earth were shaking, Roman felt filled by the cry, it vibrated his very bones.

And that gave him all the strength he needed to do what he needed to do.

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why We Do What We Do (14)

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Patton heard the commotion before he saw it.

It had been a couple days since the doctors told them they think they could restore Roman’s memories back to their original state before the accident. There was a set of pills that had just entered the realm of legal and federally approved use. It had shown signs of real promise during its experimental stages and while it was not a full proof 100% guaranteed cure for Roman’s amnesia, it was what they hoped for.

The doctors had warned them that there may be some side effects for Roman such as very vivid nightmares or confusion. And Roman had acquiesced even knowing the risks.

“I want to remember you guys, while the accident has changed me forever, I feel like I’d be missing out on something if I just started over.” Roman had said, looking at who he now considered his friends, even if he didn’t remember them after this, he had already formed a bond, whether or not that desire for the bond stemmed from somewhere deep in Roman’s mind that still remembered his friends, he wanted to have those memories back.

Patton knew Roman couldn’t read their expressions, much less what they could be because of. They hadn’t told him about the reason he had driven off and got into a car accident, no mention of a dinner and an argument that led to the unfortunate event that befell Roman ever crossed their lips.

That was what occupied his thoughts as he, Virgil, and Logan walked back to Roman’s room after refreshing themselves anew by going home and taking care of themselves. The doctors had assured them Roman was fine. They were monitoring him and his vital signs for any negative reaction to the drug. Roman was fine.

Or at least, he was supposed to be.

Virgil had just snarked back at Logan playfully at Logan’s comment of ‘You know build-a-bears are not alive right?’, when Patton heard someone distantly shout.

He couldn’t really make out the words, and wasn’t really paying attention, but his heart dropped to his toes as he heard Roman’s voice.

“Fuck off!

In a moment, Patton was running towards Roman’s room, Virgil and Logan no doubt right on his heels.

But when he turned the corner, he almost sobbed on the spot.

Roman was weakly wrestling with a number of doctors and nurses in the middle of the hospital hallway, various leads still attached to him with their machine counterparts closely nearby, beeping from being disconnected.

Roman was sobbing at this point, and Patton’s heart broke as Roman pleaded for his life, begging the doctors and nurses not to kill him.

“Let me go! Please don’t kill me! I-”

“I don’t know who I am! Don’t kill me please! I don't know who I am! PLEASE!”

Patton didn’t even remember running up to where Roman was fighting, all he remembered was watching Roman’s body convulse in sudden pain just as a nearby nurse was finally able to get a tranquilizer and inject it.

Almost immediately, Roman stopped fighting them, eyes open but not really seeing what was in front of them.

But as he did, a deep red spot suddenly bloomed on his gown around the belly area. The nurses and doctors around him became urgent again, knowing that Roman was bleeding likely not just externally, but internally as well.

“Fuck, he’s loosing blood!”

“I know!”

“We need to get him to surgery!”

Patton came up to Roman and without thinking, tried to grab him, his voice cracking as he yelled out a desperate:

“ROMAN!”

Though Roman seemed to be on the verge of unconsciousness, Roman’s face sluggishly changed to one of vague realization. As Patton was held back by a nurse, Patton saw Roman feebly attempt to raise his head, eyes just barely open and utter a very small sounding:

“Pattah?”

And then Roman’s eyes slipped shut, Patton sobbing as part of him feared that this would be the last time Patton ever saw life in those eyes. And Patton was still trying to reach him, even as his friends took up the mantle of holding him back, shouting, at least Patton thought it was shouting, he could really hear anything over the beat of his own heart really. Even as they got Roman on a bed and whisked them far off to surgery, Patton fought with Virgil and Logan as they held him back.

His mind screamed at them, asking them why they would hold him back.

He needs me! It’s my fault this happened! If I had done something this never would’ve happened! It should be me dying on my way to surgery, not Roman! Roman who doesn’t even remember who he is! Roman, who’s been my friend for years and despite his amnesia still wants to be our friends!

But on the outside, he vaguely realized he was crying and the statements he was shouting in his mind were grief-filled wails to everyone else.

Long after Roman had disappeared from sight, Patton’s increasingly feeble attempts to run after Roman stopped and Patton was held by two of his best friends. His cries and tears felt like they could fill oceans as his sorrow and grief felt endless, like from sea to shining sea.

Patton’s heart cried out to whoever would listen to just take Patton instead, to save Roman from the pain and suffering.

But no such thing could happen, and the cries of Patton’s heart fell on deaf ears and Patton remained where he was with his two other friends and not in Roman’s place.

Patton was sure… Roman was going to die now because of him! 

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@lefaystrent @ironwoman359 @delimeful @supersoftsupersleep @altruistic-skittles @007ardra @illogicalthinking @absolutesandersidestrash @lalazebra @a-little-bit-of-ace @sanderssidesweirdo @oxylillikay @analogical-mess @blue-bis @thepastelanomaly @morannegg @ironfilly @datfearlessfangirl @perfectly-princely-emo-nightmare @ambrechandra @viva-la-pluto @glitchybina 

[katelynn-a-fan]

Why We Do What We Do (2)

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“Wow! Look at that!” “Woah!” “So cool!” A chorus of voices shouted.

Logan looked up from where he was into the night sky and caught a ‘shooting star’ streaking across the sky. He was mildly surprised that he had enough time to see it by the time whoever had seen it and exclaimed and he had looked up. He allowed a small grunt to pass through his lips.

Logan disliked calling them ‘shooting stars’, because they were merely bits of rock and ice that had been shucked off a comet or were tiny bits of rock and dust from impacts of planets or asteriods far away that just happened to enter the Earth’s atmosphere. The only reason they looked like ‘stars’ at all was because they were burning up in the atmosphere from the very high temperature molecules of the mesosphere being pushed together, causing a massive amount of friction to very rapidly wear away at whatever rock/meteor was entering the atmosphere. 

Logan always found the Mesosphere fascinating though. Temperature wise it was the coldest layer, but yet each individual particle contains so much energy. It was very distinct from the Thermosphere above, in that it’s the last layer to contain a significant amount of ozone or even just air for that matter. This ozone was the reason for it to deviate so far into being colder than the troposphere of daily life, because the Thermosphere was the hottest layer of the atmosphere and that sits above the Mesosphere.

Logan coughed a little to clear his throat before continuing.

“Great job on spotting that Cal! Remind me when we go inside and you’ll get a piece of candy.” Logan projected while still gazing up to where the meteor had been.

“Score!” came Cal’s familiar voice to his right a few telescopes down.

Logan inwardly and sarcastically rolled his eyes, but he would never be so unprofessional to disrespect a student like that, much less his students.

College kids and their excitement for free food.

Logan dropped his gaze down from the sky and returned to what he was doing, helping one of his students navigate the controls of her telescope. 

“When it comes to a telescope, even the tiniest movement can sweep over what you are looking for, so always double check the coordinates you have inputed into it, okay?” 

The student, Grace, only kept her gaze on the telescope with an expression of a confusion that he probably had once shared the first time he had used telescope.

Logan waited for the student to say something, before adjusting his glasses and standing up from the stool he had been using when he was looking in the telescope when he got no response. 

He patted Grace’s shoulder. “You’ll get the hang of it. You have the coordinates on your sheet, just use the paddle to input them and look through the eyepiece right here. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for, put the telescope on the lowest speed and move around until you find that signature faint green blob of the nebula.”  Logan affirmed as he pointed his finger to the small eyepiece he had been observing through and then picking up the paddle from it’s place and then returned it back.

“If you still can’t find it, call me or one of my TA’s over to help. The universe is a big place, don’t sweat it if you can’t find what you’re looking for.” Logan smiled a small smile to punctuate his statement.

It could’ve been the very dim red lamps they used for lighting their workspace, but Logan thought he saw Grace blush as she mumbled a small “Thank you” before turning to the telescope and retrieving the paddle to do her work for the class.

Logan strolled over to where his 2 TA’s were standing, chatting about whatever.

“Hey Ramie, Mike! How are they all doing?” Logan’s voice was enough to stop their conversation, but Logan doubted any of his students who could vaguely hear what they were saying were perturbed.

Ramie spoke first. “Good! Theo is getting along nicely with the focus and Alex found the first nebula using the manual controls and the coordinate sheet instead of letting the computer do it.”

“Nice! It seems Cal has some competition for best Astronomy student of the class. But... you didn’t hear that from me.” Logan lowered his voice and placed his hand like he was trying not to let Cal hear to punctuate his statement.

Alex is a lot like me, wanting to prove he knows how to do things without anyone’s help. I just hope he doesn’t get too far ahead of himself. God knows I was too smart for my own good when I was his age.

“Ha ha! Sure, sure. All good here too. I love that tonight will be so easy! They’re all such good kids. Honestly I think this semester’s going to be a breeze.” Mike interjected with a laugh as Raime went over to a student raising their hand.

Logan’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it. It was not professional to check his phone while he was teaching, and he was sure it was a notification from one of the puzzle games he had to entertain himself with on his phone.

“Well, when you’re doing midnight labs, you only get the students who actually want to be here. Not many would want to have a class that ends at barely before midnight. And anyone who came here more for the party scene than to further their education would weed themselves out the moment they saw when Astronomy labs would be.” Logan articulated as he watched Ramie converse with the student about whatever problem they had. Instinctively and unconsciously, Logan lightly patted the pocket of his pants that contained his phone.

“True that.” Mike replied while also observing Ramie help the student.

They sat in silence for a moment or two before Logan’s pocket buzzed again, but Logan ignored it as before. Logan knew it was probably the secondary alert for when a notification stays unopened, he would clear it away later. Mike’s eyes flitted to Logan’s pocket for a second before seeming to think better of something, quickly returning to look at Ramie. Logan caught the glance, but decided to ignore it. 

Mike could have whatever assumption he had, really, Logan couldn’t care less about stuff like that, as long as his assumptions didn’t hinder him in his duty as a TA. 

After Ramie came back, Logan and the TA’s devised a game of Name that Constellation. Everyone would take turns scanning the sky, and when they found each constellation they would name it and any interesting fact about the myth. And if they couldn’t find a constellation or remember the myth to go with it fast enough, that person would be the next to help a student with their telescope.

Luckily, Logan was an astronomy teacher for a reason, and his TAs were grossly  outplayed. Ramie was the first to fall and looked subtly peeved as she then waited for the inevitable hand raise. Mike, luckily for Raime, fell next as his eyes searched the sky for a familiar pattern only to be met by a indistinguishable field of dots. 

Now, both of the TAs were waiting for Logan to falter. 1, 2, 3, 4 rounds and Logan always kept managing to spot countless constellations that they had apparently looked over multiple times with the ease of an adult reading a book for small children learning to read. And even the myths were explained in great detail, not just the basic premise of their myths, the full stories with their exposition, rising action, climax, and resolution. 

Granted, this was the first outside lab of the year, but Ramie and Mike shared the same assumption: that they knew their teacher.

But with this development, both Ramie and Mike shared a look that they both knew meant We have a lot to learn apparently. 

Not only about astronomy, but their teacher as well.

Now Logan did not see their shared glances as he was scanning the sky for his next target, but was broken out of his focusing when his phone went off again.

Logan’s heart sank.

It was a call this time.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to take this call.” Logan excused himself while keeping a mask of indifference with a small dash of embarrassment mixed in.

Logan’s pace remained measured as he descended the small flight of stairs near him, but once he was out of sight, his quickened his pace significantly as he reached the door back into the main classroom.

There was only was one person this could be calling and he knew that they would only call if it was truly important/urgent.

Logan’s heartbeat quickened as he opened the door to the empty classroom. He had pulled the phone from his pocket at some point in his trek, but didn’t want to answer too soon as to be unable to hear the call. Without looking at the lock screen, Logan pressed the call button to accept the call.

He brought the phone to his ear. 

Before Logan could say anything Patton’s voice flooded into Logan’s ear. Patton only got through one sentence before his cries took over his words where they essentially became a part of his crying as the call dropped with Logan’s shitty cell reception.

That one sentence made Logan drop his phone with trembling hands as he burst into tears himself, making Logan sway before sinking into the nearest chair. However, Logan did not have the luxury to cry outright, only letting silent tears leak from his eyes as he took in what Patton meant.

Logan picked his phone back up and saw 10 missed texts from Patton, and kicked himself for not even considering to at least glance at his phone before Patton was resorted to calling him to get his proper attention.

Logan stopped short in his emotional mire, struck by a wave of realization, his jaw setting into a stern and determined expression. Logan knew what he had to do.

Logan swiftly composed himself, wiping away the stray tears from his eyes, as he returned back to his TAs, beckoning them over to where he was at the top of the stairs.

“I have to go. Can you hold down the metaphorical fort with just the 2 of you for the rest of class?” Logan’s mask of indifference was back, hoping that neither the TAs or the students near him could tell he had been crying moments before.

Ramie and Mike now shared a glance Logan caught at full force this time. “We’ll fine, like you said, most of the kids in this class are here because they know what they’re doing.” Mike replied with a hint of something more gentle than Logan had ever seen on Mike’s face and for that he was grateful.

The silence hung between them as a silent message was implied from what they didn’t say. We know you well enough to know that whatever this is is serious. We’ll cover for you. Go.

Logan nodded as he turned and briskly maneuvered down the steps, gathering what little paper material he required for teaching his midnight astronomy class and in short order found himself cranking his car into reverse and driving towards his destination, knowing exactly where he needed to go.

The problem was, in other circumstances, he would enjoy going to his destination.

But the sentence Patton uttered on the phone changed everything. Logan knew those 7 words would haunt him for years to come. 7 words to turn Logan’s world on it’s head.

“They found him, but it’s really bad.”

Taglist:

@ironwoman359 @lefaystrent @delimeful