notes: ONE YEAR SPECIAL!!!, togashi's issues get mentioned (do i run or no), swimmer!reader, hidden relationship, y/n referred to as partner, athletes lwk crazy, this is probably getting edited later
tw: mention of injury, implied homophobia, cursing, mentions of cursing, athletic devotion
…sun✰ HAPPY ONE YEAR TO ME!! 100m is my baby i rlly love this sm
success is the greatest achievement of any athlete.
pushing through failure, feet pounding against pressure towards a glittering future. towards fame, glory, recognition, and any other dream the heart desires. the rush of a race is unexplainable, more of a complex, intangible item than something with words to describe it. the thrill of the 10, 30, 50 seconds that made up a race were weightless, euphoric. colors flew in front of the iris as the world passed by in a blur, and the aches rooted deep in muscles disappeared as legs and arms swung mechanically, rehearsing a dance they knew extremely well.
success trumps self-fulfillment any day of the week. it trumps pleasure, rest, and reality.
the wind blowing through hair and messing up any sense of style, throats and eyes raw and dry from the speed that the body picked up, noses rubbed until they bled and soaked through the uniform were all casualties that made the success of the multitude of seconds worth it. the setbacks the body made to try and limit performance barely phased the top, while they made others crawl at the end of the pack.
10 seconds defined an athlete in history. only a few milliseconds made the difference between a name being inked in the pages of the world for eternity or being known as the one who failed when so close to the end, doomed to coming up short. 10 seconds, familiar to all, meaningful for a few, defined togashi’s life. the same distance, the same time, the same feeling were the only things that gave him meaning as a person.
most tracks that togashi had ran on were red. whoever invented the sport must have decided on that color due to the raw passion seeping through a runners feet staining the floor a deep red as calluses pulled and ankles rolled. a majority of togashi’s uniforms he had worn in his life had been a shade of red, reflecting the passion he ran with and the anger he used to push down on the red track, contracting and extending his muscles with a pressure that only seemed normal to him. there was an intensity that runners have, a love for the game that pushes and pulls the mind in twisted ways, unforgiving in the way in jump starts and ends lives. most runners, with most as the operative word, kept the spark until the day their tendons gave out and their legs were limp and swung weakly when moved. but for some, the pressure weight deeply on their shoulders, increasing the weight exponentially until it was too much to bear and their legs and will snapped.
red blurred as togashi’s feet pressed down against the ground as hard as he could. his chest ached as each meter went by, his mind rushing as it counted each millimeter alongside each second. basal tears flicked up towards his lashes as he moved at an unstoppable speed, and irises dilating the pupil so he could see more but there was still only a thin line transmitting to his brain. 91, 92, 93, 94… he could slow down now.
there was a time in togashi’s still accessible past where he would’ve hated the thought of slowing down. running seriously the entire time, chasing a dream that was a fire slowly losing fuel. each breath was a decrease in want, in need to run as fast as he could. was a day rapidly approaching where he could give up?
the buzzer rang out as final times were posted, togashi’s name glittering in bright yellow on the board. that shimmering mix of kanji used to make his heart swell with pride, taking away all his pains and aches that resided deep in his body. now all it did was make the wind feel the slightest bit colder and cause his heart to beat a little bit slower. he relaxed his posture, his shoulders coming up as he walked off the field towards the lockers.
was there a point to running? togashi knew deep down there was no way he could live without it. there was absolutely no way he could choose to exit this passion without detrimental pain and a feeling of being lost flooding his psyche, but spending his days dedicated to something he wasn’t exceeding in anymore was beginning to feel pointless.
his backpack weighed down his shoulders, joining hand in hand with the dumbbells of pressure that pressed down on his body. exiting from the stadium, he made contact with his partner who came to watch. no, it wasn’t necessary for anyone to watch him at this point in his career. he was successful enough that he had meets all the time where he had a guaranteed victory. his walls were full of trophies and metals that were nothing more than paperweights and dust collectors. togashi’s own parents didn’t even show up to a majority of his meets nowadays, only attending when they were assured about its great importance.
even so, his partner insisted on coming to all of his meets, no matter the meaning behind them, so he could cheer him on. it was endearing, but also very unnecessary to togashi’s success. however, this did motivate him to attend the pool and sit in the uncomfortable bleachers to watch his own partner swim. out of all the people togashi knew, he was the only one who truly understood the pain of being stuck in the same, illuminated place. the only person who yearned until his heart was bruised and pumping unevenly, but wished for nothing more than freedom from entrapment in purgatory.
“over here!” a familiar voice called, dragging togashi from his trance and forcing him over towards the boy that spoke. y/n’s friendly face, glimmering softly enough that it wasn’t overwhelming, always broke any facade togashi put on in public. no matter how hard he tried to keep his lips straight in a line, void of any emotion, the second y/n came into view that was suddenly impossible. that phenomenon was represented now as togashi felt his lips involuntarily curving into a smile, y/n’s energy hitting him even though he was standing a few centimeters away, a meter at most.
words tried to escape togashi as he connected his gaze with y/n’s expectant eyes, but he found himself coming up short as he got caught in the glitter hidden in the boy’s irises. “i- thanks- hi.” he sputtered out, the feeling in his legs that was finally coming back deciding to disappear and give him difficulties in standing up.
y/n didn’t seem to mind his difficulties in speech, assuring togashi by wrapping an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his tight bicep sightly. “mhm, of course. let’s get some food for lunch before i have to go to practice.” the smile on togashi’s lips grew the tiniest bit more, his backpack swinging in time with y/n’s as they walked down the road. y/n spoke energetically while togashi listened as he regained some of his human qualities. there couldn’t be someone who understood him as well as the person next to him did.
there were two main reasons togashi chose to not go to a good track high school. one, all of the schools that excelled in track were far from his house, and he didn’t have the energy to take the train or his bike for multiple hours only to have to complete school then track practice on top of that. second, his motivation in terms of running and dedicating time to track were extremely low. they were so low he spread rumors about his own conditions so he could lower expectations about him and his performance. both y/n and he had laughed the entire time while coming up with the rumor, saying things about how he “was suffering from a muscle strain” or “had pneumonia, which was only worsening” so he was less pressured to try.
he still couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to try while he raced. his heart was beginning to be split in two, his legs requiring him to push of the ground and reach a speed so high he ascended, while his brain fought against him, holding him back in chains as he tried to accelerate.
his legs betrayed him even in this current moment, as walking onto school property felt more like a chore than a blessing. he gripped the bag that rested on his shoulder tightly, trying to calm his beating heart as y/n walked beside him. their knuckles brushed against each other every so often, the contact grounding togashi and allowing him to plant his feet deep into the ground.
everyone knew his face. that was maybe normal in his neighborhood, maybe within his school district, but it felt like everyone everywhere knew how he looked. he didn’t even need his face to be plastered on billboards or shoe advertisements for people to recognize him, their eyes going wide and their hands covering their mouths as they talked excitedly to the people around them. being watched constantly, with no rest or breaks, was draining his mental health faster than he wanted to admit. it also was killing his relationships, both romantically and platonically, as now the thought of going outside was nightmarish.
“look!” some student said from across the courtyard. togashi didn’t need to know who the person was talking about, as he could already envision their semi-concealed gazes and their pointing hands towards him. togashi casually swung his head the other way, bringing his bag up to hide his face. y/n mimicked the action, their eyes drooping in exhaustion due to their early morning practice.
“i wish you could walk into school without getting noticed,” he sighed, togashi’s gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before picking back up as he walked through the door frame. togashi wished that as well. he was tired of people recognizing him for one thing, like he was a one-sided coin only worth its value in speed.
reaching their cubbies, y/n and togashi stopped in sync to take off their shoes. “sometimes, truly, i wish that too.” togashi whispered, gripping the fabric of his bag the tiniest bit tighter. why was he ashamed to be noticed for his athleticism? his nimble feet, his powerful legs that moved his body, and his arms that swung and pumped with every stride were his best, if not most important, features on his body. he opened his locker slowly, the hinges creaking as they reached their max capacity. the fabric of his bag rustled as he unzipped it at the seam, his notebooks and pencils moving against the loose cloth. normally, the bag would be stuffed to the brim with his track equipment with barely any space left over for his books.
the leeway between the pages, shifting back and forth inside the bag, jumped in between togashi’s heartbeats, irregular and unrelenting. there was a large gag in his chest, and togashi wasn’t entirely sure why he was feeling the cold when he was the person who invited in it. “i… i miss the old days of running.” togashi started, y/n’s hand stopped on his left shoe as he looked up at togashi, catching his gaze. his fingers moved first, fumbling at the laces before he yanked at the soles and put one inside his own cubby.
there was a moment of silence as y/n thought of a response, togashi fiddling with the straps of his too-empty bag. “i think there will be a day that the feeling from our youths will return to us.” togashi continued to look down at the tile floor of the school entrance, using his right shoe to pull at the back of the other, pushing it off of his foot. “i agree with you. i miss it.” y/n whispered, adjusting his own bag in his hands so he could easily take off his other shoe and put it in the cubby. unlike togashi’s, his own bag was almost bulging, with books and swim equipment and dreams that were never going to die. silence returned to them as they finished shuffling out of stiff shoes and instead put on their sandals, y/n holding out his hand towards togashi and turning to face him. his gaze caught on the bags that laid heavy beneath his partners eyes, relentless and unwavering like a storm. canvas laid underneath his hands as he took togashi’s bag, the emptiness weighing him down more than if there was a 10 pound dumbbell in there. “but there’s a day in the future where the currents will push us to where we belong.”
adjusting his position, togashi clasped his fingers together in front of his body. his posture had shifted from tall and confident to small and shrimp-like. he could still feel the residuals of the cold tiles hugging his socks, contrasting with the warm, summer sun that shined through every window. the faint buzzing of cicadas could still be heard even as y/n and togashi descended into the school, syncing up with the pace of togashi’s heart. the melody of the two’s small talk bounced through the halls, mixing with other groups of students as they walked to their respective classes. each step taken, each word spoken, and every stretch of togashi’s heart only sunk him deeper and deeper into the pitfalls of his head, clawing at the pink flesh for a chance of escape.
togashi wished he could return to the spot of the fields he was familiar with, instead of this drowning sinkhole he was subjected to.
a certain smell that accompanies most, if not every, indoor pool in existence. the scent of chlorine permeates throughout the air; the intensity depends on how often the pool is used and how often the chlorine is changed, as the ammonia in sweat combines with chlorine to make chloramines, causing the infamous aroma. there’s also a certain staleness from the constant layer of water caking most surfaces in the area: the deck, the stands, and most definitely the blocks. the familiarness of nylon and spandex walks alongside the smell, swimmers shuffling in warm up jackets and swimsuits as they prepped for their races.
togashi had been given a glimpse of this world for a majority of his life, but now was the time where he was honored enough to begin to learn the ins and outs of a place that meant so much to an important person in his life. he slowly became intimate with metal bleachers riding into his thighs at the early hours of weekend mornings and led lights that had a higher albedo than the blazing sun on green grass and the synthetic red tracks. noise bounced off drywall and tiles with ease, sloshing water and the voices of both adults and children alike mixing together to create a loud but comforting white noise.
bleachers certainly had to have been created as medival torture, designed to ruin posture and establish back pain that will survive until the end of one’s days. no matter how often togashi adjusted his legs or stretched his back, there was still an ache that settled in his muscles the longer he stayed on the bleachers. maybe it was the restlessness that came with sitting idle, the athletic part of him waiting, jumping for a chance to get back in action subconsciously even if he so despised the idea. his muscles were tensed into start position, a slight shiver crawling up his spine as he jumped at the sound of buzzer. this repeated each time a race began, his calves and thighs contracting until the iconic, loud horn that signaled the swimmers to start caused them to extend again, his eyes dilating and opening as wide as he could.
he was convinced the people around him thought he was insane, or at least saw his behavior as concerning.
the amount of waiting around that togashi had to do at swim meets was certainly impressive. sure, track meets were extremely long as well, the blazing sun burning everyone involved in the affair, but at least during track meets he was free to move around and stretch his legs as he pleased. there was also a carelessness that rested on his shoulders; a confidence in his abilities that made his emotions a diluted version of themselves. when he entered the pool, however, he was pent-up and terrified for his partner’s results.
it’s not that he necessarily doubted y/n’s abilities in his craft. he was a natural-born talent, through and through, with a body that glided through the water so swiftly it was almost like he was born with fins and gills. his arms stretched as he pulled his torso through each stroke, strong legs kicking up small flecks of chlorinated water each time he pushed his feet. even with all the stars in his favor, blessing each race his swims in to be successful, togashi still can’t help but worry about chances of his victory.
success. is that really all athletes were good for? tools for victory, jewelry stands for the parading of glittering metals and jewels. was there absolutely no time to care about other goals, like personal ambition or passion? togashi was sure there was a time for most where that was an option, where enjoyment trumped winning gold, with trophies and medals weighing down both arms and dreams. success, the driving force of all athletes, is truly the end all be all.
life is pushed back into togashi’s eyes the second his optic nerve catches the outline of his partner stepping onto the blocks. togashi racked his brain to try and remember the schedule of today’s events. was this the 100 breast, or the 50? surely it wasn’t already time for the relay? it bewildered togashi how y/n could swim multiple distance, stretching himself into so many different variations all in one discipline. to togashi, running anything but the 100 was almost entirely inaccessible to him, or at least not something he could do on the regular. when he asked y/n what allowed him to do this, he responded with a soft “it’s just in my nature; there’s not a big difference between 50 and 100.” the first thought that came to togashi’s mind when hearing this answer was how talented the man in front of him was, constantly straying further and further from the static place of development that togashi was drowning in.
this event, togashi soon realized after brushing off his own doubts, was the 100 meter breaststroke. humidity grew in the room as the pool was silenced to prepare for the start of the race, togashi fiddling with his fingers as he saw y/n take his marks. with a short countdown, the 8 men in the pool jumped in, extending the arms through the air with the ease of a sharpened blade cutting through brie. there was an ease that overcame togashi’s body whenever he watched y/n glide through the water, the sight of a streamlined body making his place in the space. when y/n swam, it was like the water was less viscous than the air around him, like it only guided his quick and speedy descent in the unknown.
a resounding cheer left togashi’s lungs as y/n was the first to hit the blocks after his 2 laps, his hands splashing the water in victory as he made eye contact with the board. a respectable minute, 2 seconds, and 37 milliseconds. togashi watched over the course of so many years y/n’s time inching closer and closer to those of japanese greats. talent truly coursed through the man’s veins, guiding him into the light and eternal glory that would soon find him.
the rest of the meet went quickly in togashi’s eyes, his nerves settling more and more each time y/n merged with the water. he must have been a fish, the way he so naturally collided with the rush of liquid and set his body free. each new heat, each new race was a reawakening of togashi’s appreciation for the man he watched, for the love that bloomed deep within his partner’s soul. was there anything that surpassed watching someone in their natural habitat?
togashi’s arms precisely swung through the air as he raced down the stairs, his partner dripping water waiting for him at the exit. the air, above the land that his feet walked, was surely his domain. he was supposed to feel most at ease when his feet leaped above the ground, joining the atoms relaxing in the sky. the air, though, was not his domain, as he was not a bird destined to fly and was instead a slowing tortoise that was beginning to forget how to move front and back. the land, where animals roamed and stretched, jumping and briskly running like it was natural. the land, though, hadn’t been his domain for a long time, as his legs now ached and failed him instead of stretching and spreading across terrain like they were meant to.
a simple “hello” sounded through the hall, y/n looking up from his phone to meet togashi’s eyes with a smile.
“hello to you too, togashi. did you enjoy the meet?” y/n asked, approaching the man in front of him to place a hand on his shoulder for a moment. togashi sunk into the touch, as fleeting as it was, before making eye contact with man in front of him.
“i did. you’re so incredibly talented, it was amazing to watch in person. it’s always amazing to watch you in person.” togashi missed how y/n’s gaze flicked down to the concrete floor, his towel slipping the tiniest bit off his shoulder. “let’s go to your house so you can shower and enjoy the rest of your day.” y/n let out a sigh at the thought of a hot shower, his hand separating from togashi’s shoulder as he walked towards the exit, leaving the pool.
maybe there would be a day where togashi could confidently leave the track again, knowing throughout his entire body that he would soon return.
can the sun get any brighter than its state at noon on a summer’s day?
sweat dampened togashi’s brow as he stared up at the boiling sky, the bright blue blinding his pupils. y/n laid next to him on the rooftop of the school, their lunches left uneaten as they gazed listlessly at the clouds. their bags were placed underneath their heads, bringing them comfort.
“that one looks like an apple.” y/n proclaimed, raising his right arm to point at an ellipse-shaped cloud, togashi turning his head to gaze at it. it certainly did not look anything like an apple, but he chose to humor the boy that laid next to him.
“the one next to it is like a cat.” togashi couldn’t feel the smile growing on his lips, his left hand crossing over y/n’s to highlight the oval-shaped one resting against the “fruit-like” puff. y/n’s eyes squinted as he analyzed the shapes in the sky, his lip pouting while he sat in thought. the coolness of y/n’s arm radiated over to togashi’s wrist, a soft shiver shaking up his shoulder the sensation settled into his nerves.
y/n let out a puff of air as he made his decision. “you’re kinda right.” he exclaimed with a laugh, his fingers spreading out so he could pet the fake cat in the sky. “hi kitty! you’re so soft!” y/n moved his hand back and forth, togashi letting his forearm rest on y/n’s arm. he felt the skin brush against y/n’s, heat traveling up his ears that had to have been from the touch instead of the blazing sunlight.
the cloud soon dissipated, y/n bringing his hand back down with a frown. “it’s okay, y/n.” togashi whispered, twisting his neck to gaze at y/n’s side profile. “i’m sure he appreciated you affection.” y/n’s head snapped to the right to meet togashi’s gaze, his frown turning into a bright and glittering smile. y/n’s smile was so bright it was fighting with the sun, causing togashi’s eyes to reluctantly close so he wouldn’t get burned.
there was a moment of silence before y/n rolled over twice, plopping himself down on togashi’s body. his head rested on togashi’s chest, his breaths fanning out over the fabric of his uniform shirt. togashi slowly brought his hand back down, placing his fingers on y/n’s shoulder, stiff and unrelaxed. he could feel the stiff, bleached fabric of y/n’s uniform shirt resting against his fingerprints, curves picking up the texture of the clothing item. y/n’s breath ticked his neck, togashi’s skin raising in response to the foreign feeling. their connection of their bodies allowed for a unique heat to surround togashi’s body, one that was fleeting and pleasant, unlike the humid sludge that drowned the tokyo atmosphere.
togashi’s eyes stared straight at the door of the roof the entire time the man sat carelessly on his sternum, the quickening beats of his heart giving away his nerves. y/n’s ear, pressed right over the left side of his chest, had certainly heard the development occurring below him. his thoughts were bubbling at his brainstem, and the unspoken words he meant to say formed a stone in his throat, stopping him from speaking. y/n’s hand, which graced the raised skin on togashi’s neck stopped right at his carotid, the fast rushing of blood pressing against his thumb.
“togashi, i’ve been meaning to ask you something.” y/n began, his right hand moving to run through the boy’s black hair soothingly. when y/n’s words cleared the air, togashi’s stomach began to twist like a wrung-out towel, blinking his eyes to try and break him out of his daze. his eyes were gentle, caring, as if they were trying to evoke the most genuine response from togashi. his nerves calmed and returned in an instant, togashi bringing his right hand up to grasp y/n’s own in preparation for his question. “if your passion for running truly never returns, do you know what you will do?”
ideas and thoughts raced past togashi in the millisecond afterwards, processing the statement that y/n had made to him. what if he never regained his passion? his passion that drove him to running in the first place, his passion that was slowly dwindling, was now dragging him further and further away from the sport each time it decreased in value. there would be no future without his love for the game, for the rushing adrenaline that surged through his dilated veins. there would be no future if he never acted like y/n again, racing and racing towards an ever-nearing finish line that rewarded those who cared. those who loved the game, those who wanted to win.
“let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” togashi curtly responded, his eyes returning to greet the big blue sky above them. maybe someday there would be an answer awaiting him, hiding deep beneath the clouds that would soon embrace him when he tried to run and leap again. someday, he could return to the podium of the great, with those who ran not because it was a necessity, but because it was a great pleasure that brought them joy. he wished to return to the days of his youth, not to avoid responsibility, but to find solace in the moments where the wind would brush through his hair and caress his face, kissing him in the speed of his movements.
the bell signaling the end of lunch rang, togashi and y/n not stirring from their quiet positions on the rooftop. even after y/n had sat up from his position on togashi’s chest and had picked up their lunches that were left uneaten and unwanted, the boy he laid on stayed stuck on the ground, his eyes devoid of emotion and his lips mouthing a soft phrase without sound.
i really hope it doesn’t come to that
if togashi received a 10-yen coin each time y/n somehow found his way into togashi’s house, took a shower using togashi’s shampoo and conditioner, and then plopped down on togashi’s bed without saying a single word, he would probably be the richest man in japan. when they first became friends, this behavior was certainly abnormal and infrequent, y/n making the choice for the first time to shower at togashi’s house after a late practice where he couldn’t make it home in time. once they had gotten closer, he started to come over once or twice a week to lounge around in togashi’s room, staking his claim over the familiar bedframe and desk.
togashi stared up at his ceiling, his pajama shirt riding up on his torso, allowing the cool air emitting from the AC to touch his skin. he moved his toes back and forth, the calluses on the soles of his feet flexing. his ankles and feet had stopped aching for the night; togashi didn’t know if it was due to his expertise in running or the fact that he only practiced for a short while before quitting. even though the decision to join the track team was not primarily his own, he was grateful for his partner pushing him to try something that he was reluctant to do.
the mantra his soul had been repeating recently was filled with questions wondering when running became a chore. when his one true motivation in life, the thing he lived everyday for prior to his breakout success, became a chore that only pained him to do. instead of being fun, running was now difficult, it was now a bother, it was something that didn’t mean anything. the candle burning deep within his heart was now extinguished, the residuals of smoke and ashes moving his muscles.
togashi stretched his feet, his ankles and calves flexing as he relaxed into the movement of his legs. he tensed his thighs, his quadriceps rippling under his fingers as he held and released the motion over and over again. togashi’s body hadn’t caught up with the memo yet, not knowing that it was time to move on from running. it pained togashi to have to deny his love, deny his body the pleasure it so seeked from the sport.
when togashi had begun to guide his right leg up to face the ceiling, his toes pointing to assist in the levels of stretch, y/n exited from togashi’s bathroom with a towel hanging around his shoulders. his hair dripped onto his face (so clearly the towel wasn’t doing its job), but the stench of chlorine that surrounded him whenever he left practice had left and was now replaced with the smell of togashi. the sound of the bathroom door clicking startled togashi out of his trance, causing him to sit straight up on his bed and stare at the man in front of him.
y/n wordlessly moved from the opposite side of togashi’s bedroom to join him on the bed, the fluffy mattress dipping as y/n added his weight on top of his partner’s. the drenched strands of his hair that were now wetting his neck and shirt tickle togashi’s face, togashi scrunching his nose as he readjusted himself so that he and y/n were in a more comfortable position. hesitantly, togashi pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of his partner’s head. his own smell emanated back at him, seeping into his nose and calming down his heartbeat which had been apparently beating extremely quickly.
picking up his head, y/n gazed into togashi’s eyes, his lips pursing for a moment. togashi took this as an invitation to connect their lips, pressing his own, chapped lips to y/n’s with little urgency. y/n’s hand, which had been resting against togashi’s arm, stiffened for a second before grasping at the skin once more. after only a few seconds, he let himself melt into togashi’s familiar but infrequent touch, savoring the moments they could spend together.
being with y/n made him realize how unfair it was to run. how that because of the sport he indulged in, he wasn’t allowed the constant solace of the person he wanted the most unlike other people he knew. the vice that was running slowly restricted him more and more, holding him back from expressing he true feelings and wants with the boy he so dearly held in his arms, in his gaze, and in his heart.
y/n was the first to pull away from their kiss, taking short breaths as a water droplet rolled down his face, pressed tightly against the planes of his nose until it reached the tip. togashi took the initiative to peck the area, removing the droplet from y/n’s face. the trail glittered in the light of the room, togashi’s breath catching in his bronchi as he stared at his partner.
how was he so blessed with such a gentle and kind young man? what allowed him to live beside him, appreciating his beauty day in and day out? what sacrifice did he make to get to see this person in this way?
“scoot over, i want to get under the covers.” y/n complained, playfully shoving at togashi’s shoulder to move him over so he could properly join the man on the bed. a soft sigh escaped togashi’s mouth, his lips which had been fixed in a smile relaxing as he leaned over to dim the lights. togashi felt y/n’s stong arms reach around his waist, clasping around his waist and grounding him to the land that he was surely supposed to live on. “you’re so warm, but honestly i don’t mind that much.” y/n whispered into his back, the vibrations snagging on togashi’s cotton tshirt. togashi turned back around to face his partner, to accept his affection he so rarely got to indulge in.
y/n was clad in a baby blue shirt, one togashi had promised not to throw out due to y/n’s unlikely attachment to the old item of clothing. it was the tightest bit too small, so it hugged the muscular areas of y/n’s arms and shoulders gently, like how y/n chose to hug togashi in that moment. silence overcame the couple once again as y/n settled into his favorite nooks and crannies in togashi’s chest.
“i think you’ll be my favorite person forever.” he softly spoke, the sound of sleep already mixing in with his gentle voice. togashi sighed softly, rubbing the side of his drowsy partner.
“forever is a long time.” he stated plainly, pursing his lips. y/n shifted on the boy’s chest, determinedly pulling his head up and sleepily blinking at him, trying to get his message across.
“good thing i’m going to be here for a long time.” togashi didn’t wish for anything different.
the swim season was slowly but surely inching towards the end. as the days began to get shorter, the idea of waking up early to grace an empty pool on early saturday mornings slowly faded away alongside the sunlight. togashi would miss the days spent waiting anxiously on uncomfortable metal bleachers, cheering on y/n as he dove and glided through the water with the ease of a fish. there was nothing more beautiful that someone who succeeded in their craft, and y/n was no exception to that complex.
today was y/n’s final meet of the regular season, and it was the most important one yet, deciding on his final placements in nationals. on their subway ride over to the arena, it was y/n who was calming an anxious togashi more than the other way around. togashi thought he was beginning to become experienced in swimming, in putting all of his trust in the abilities of another, but clearly his anxiety pushed through.
he had been more pent-up recently, his negative emotions swirling around in a bottle that was capped deep in his chest. his heart yearned for the familiar red track, for the feeling of spongy plastic beneath his shoes that shot him forward with every step. togashi was doomed to forever be stuck in the afterglow of his own success, and he was forced to push himself into his own misery.
y/n’s final meet had certainly flown by. there was almost no competition with him in a majority of his events. with each stroke he took, he was pushed further and further away from the other boys in the pool, creating a gap so wide there was no point for recovery. he took first in the finals for the 50 meter breaststroke with disgusting ease, and the 100 meter was not a different story. his two most notable times came from those events, and togashi was elated as he set personal bests in both of them.
there was nothing to describe y/n’s abilities but pure, genetic talent. the dna that populated his cells had to be special. they had to be the most refined attachments of nucleotides that had ever been formed. how he was able to stretch so far, to streamline so coordinately, and to push so powerfully was entirely and completely beyond togashi. not only were these the types of people who headlined the sport, these were the people who kept with the sport. the fire in their heart never burned up, the ashes never buried the flame in dust. y/n only grew with each new challenge, while togashi sunk.
as y/n took the blocks for his last event of the meet, togashi could barely sit still. his feet bounced up and down, his eyes darting over the scoreboard parading the words ‘heat 1, men’s 200m breaststroke’. this was it, this was y/n’s last admission in his season, his last attempt at closing out the year. his breaths ceased and his heart stopped for a moment while the referees counted down the swimmers, resuming only after the had exploded off of their blocks.
y/n’s pullout dragged him about 10 meters, his head breaking the surfacing and creating his first stroke of the 200. his first lap passed by in a breeze, and then his second soon followed. his arms extended in a cyclical pattern, pulling him forward and allowing his legs to end the motion. togashi moved his knee with each stroke, acting as a human metronome, keeping count of y/n’s timing. his pacing on the 200 had certainly gotten better, and all of his practice was definitely paying off.
by the time y/n reached the middle of his 3rd lap, he became a blur in the middle lane. the water waved around him, hiding his figure under the ripples as he kicked and pulled. he pushed his body towards the end almost haphazardly, the last 50 meters of his race fighting against him.
the strangest part about this race, in togashi’s opinion, was the noticeably smaller gap between y/n and his opponents. normally, y/n would give his all and push ahead, like he did in the earlier heats, but something here was holding him back. with each meter he pushed, someone gained a few centimeters on him, closing in on the guiding light. he still undoubtedly held the first place position, but there was less triumph in each movement he made.
with a little less fervor than usual, y/n touched down on his pad with both of his hands. his name soon appeared in orange lights on the scoreboard, a bright one showing his rank. he shakily raised his hands up to clap for himself. one by one, the swimmer around him began to touch down at the finish line, until the 8th and final one ended his race. in unison with the other boys, y/n reached up for the blocked to assist him in getting only, only to fall back down with a look of discomfort etched on his face.
togashi’s eyes couldn’t leave his partner in the 4th lane, watching as each attempt to get out of the pool ended in failure and not an easy success. the announcers over the speakers droned on about the apparent “issues” with the esteemed swimmer in lane 4, while the timer standing above the boy called for a supervisor on the side.
“it seems that medical is being called for swimmer y/n l/n in lane four.” one of the announcers spoke, togashi standing up from his seat in the bleachers. he maneuvered around the fans in the stands, going to the railing of the balcony so he could get a better view. on the deck of the pool, y/n was being assisted out, the medical staff on site assessing the injury. togashi’s hand gripped the railing, his heart beat quickening.
“shit, shit, shit, shit, this is not good.”
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i love togashi sm... TYSM FOR SUPPORTING ME FOR A WHOLE YEAR AHHH
