ruin the friendship w/ bsf!sukuna
play while reading: ruin the friendship
The first time he called you stupid, you were seven years old, sitting on the curb with a scraped knee and tears streaming down your face.
âYouâre stupid, you know that?â Sukuna had said, standing over you with his arms crossed. But even then, his hands werenât as harsh as his words. He had knelt down, slapping a neon Band-Aid over the cut with clumsy fingers. âStop crying. Itâs just blood.â
âShut up,â you had sniffled, wiping your nose on your sleeve. âYou dared me to jump off the swing.â
âYeah, I didnât think youâd actually do it.â
That was the baseline. The constant. Sukuna was the boy who pushed you into the dirt and then pulled you back up, dusting you off while complaining about it the entire time.
By the time you hit fourteen, things started shifting. It wasnât some grand, cinematic epiphany. It was a Tuesday. You were sitting on his bedroom floor, doing algebra homework while he played some first-person shooter on his console. You looked up to ask him a question, and the words just died in your throat.
He had grown over the summer. His shoulders were broader, his jawline sharper, and his voice had dropped an octave that made something in your stomach flip. He caught you staring, pausing the game and turning his head.
âWhat?â he asked, raising an eyebrow.
âNothing,â you muttered, quickly looking back down at your textbook. Your face felt hot.
âYouâre staring at me like Iâve got two heads. Do I have shit on my face?â
âNo, youâre just ugly,â you shot back, a defense mechanism youâd perfected over the years.
Sukuna scoffed, throwing a crumpled-up piece of paper ate your head. âFuck off. Youâre just mad youâre still built like a twig.â
You rolled your eyes, but your heart was hammering against your ribs. That was the year the crush settled in, quiet and persistent. By fifteen, it was a dull ache. By sixteen, it was a living, breathing thing that sat between you on the couch, rode in the passenger seat of his beat-up Honda, and lingered in the spaces between your fingers when your hands brushed.
What you didnât know was that somewhere between sixteen and eighteen, Sukuna was having a crisis of his own.
He looked at you one night while you were laughing at a stupid joke he made, the streetlights catching the curve of your smile, and it hit him so hard he couldnât breathe. He was neck-deep in love with you. But Sukunaâs world was chaotic, angry, and unpredictable. You were the only thing that made sense. You were the only constant. If he crossed that line and they crashed and burnedâwhich, knowing him, they wouldâhe would lose you. And he couldnât survive that.
So, he built a wall. A transparent one, but a wall nonetheless.
When you were nineteen, you tried to break it down.
It was raining, and you were both sitting in his car outside your apartment building. The engine was off, the windows fogging up from your breath. The tension in the small space was suffocating.
âAre you going to go out with him?â Sukuna asked, his voice tight. He was staring straight ahead at the dashboard, his jaw clenched so hard you thought his teeth might crack. He was talking about a guy from your psych class who had asked yo out.
âI donât know,â you said softly, turning your head to look at his profile. âDo you want me to?â
âI don't know, why the hell are you asking me.â
You shifted in your seat, turning your body toward him. You were so tired of the games. So tired of the almosts. âGive me a reason to say no, Sukuna. Just one.â
He finally looked at you, and the sheer desperation in his eyes made your breath hitch. He looked like he wanted to devour you, to pull you across the console and never let you go. His hand twitched on the steering wheel.
âWe could be more, you know,â you whispered, reaching out to touch his wrist.
He flinched, pulling his arm back just an inch, but it felt like a mile. âDonât.â
âSukunaââ
âI said donât,â he snapped, his voice rough. He ran a hand through his hair, looking away. âDonât ruin this. Youâre my best friend. Youâre the only good thing Iâve got. Donât fuck it up by making it complicated.â
The rejection felt like a physical blow. You swallowed hard, nodding slowly as you pulled your hand back to your lap. âRight. Okay. I wonât ruin it.â
You got out of the car that night with a fractured heart, and the wall between you turned to concrete.
College was a masterclass in tiptoeing.
You both fell into a larger circle of friends, which made it easier to hide the tension.
It was a Friday night at Gojoâs off-campus apartment. The music was vibrating through the floorboards, the air thick with the smell of cheap beer and weed. You were sitting on the kitchen counter, swinging your legs, watching the chaos unfold in the living room.
âYou look like youâd rather be anywhere else,â a soft voice said.
You looked over to see Choso leaning against the fridge, holding out a red Solo cup filled with water.
âIs it that obvious?â you asked, taking the cup with a grateful smile.
âOnly to people paying attention,â he replied, taking a sip of his own drink. His eyes held yours for a second longer than necessary, warm and steady.
Across the room, you felt the weight of a stare. You didnât even have to look to know it was Sukuna. He was sitting on the arm of the sofa, a beer dangling losely from his fingers, his eyes narrowed as he watched you and Choso.
âAre you two ever gonna just fuck and get it over with?â Gojo yelled over the music, slinging an arm around Sukunaâs shoulders and pointing at you.
The entire room seemed to quiet down for a split second. Utahime smacked the back of Gojoâs head. âSatoru, shut the fuck up.â
âWhat? Iâm just saying what weâre all thinking!â Gojo whined, rubbing his head.
âFuck off,â Sukuna snarled, shoving Gojoâs arm off him. He didnât look at you. He just stood up and walked out onto the balcony, slamming the sliding glass door behind him.
You forced a laugh, looking down at your water. âHeâs just drunk. Ignore him.â
Choso didnât laugh. He just watched you carefully. âAre you okay?â
âYeah,â you lied, your chest aching. âIâm good.â
That was how it went for years. Always okay with how things were, but never enough. Sukuna was always thereâhe helped you move apartments, he threatened guys who looked at you wrong, he remembered your coffee order down to the exact amount of sugar. But he never crossed the line. He kept you safely in the âbest friendâ box, terrified that if he took you out, heâd break you.
And you let him. Because having a piece of him was better than having nothing at all.
_______
It was a few weeks before graduation. The reality of the real world was looming over all of you, making everyone a little more reckless, a little more desperate to hold onto the present. You were all gathered in Shokoâs living room, sitting in a messy circle on the floor, surrounded by empty bottles of tequila.
âAlright, Never Have I Ever,â Geto announced, leaning back against the couch. âNever have I ever⌠failed a class and lied to my parents about it.â
Gojo, Shoko, and Utahime drank.
The game went on, the questions getting progressively more invasive as the alcohol hit. You were sitting cross-legged, your knee almost brushing Sukunaâs. He was quiet tonight, his eyes heavy and dark as he watched the group. Choso was sitting on your other side, his presence a comforting weight.
âMy turn,â Shoko said, swirling the amber liquid in her glass. She looked around the circle, âNever have I ever⌠been in love with someone in this room.â
The room went silent.
Gojo smirked and took a sip. Geto rolled his eyes but drank. Utahime glared at Gojo and took a shot.
You stared at your cup. Your heart was pounding so hard you could hear it in your ears. You could've lied, but you didn't. You were twenty-two years old. You were graduating. You were so goddamn tired of hiding, so you made one selfish thing. One desperate move that you onow would open a pandora box within this corcle.
You raised your cup to your lips and took a long drink.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sukuna freeze. His hand, which had been resting on his knee, gripped the fabric of his jeans so hard his knuckles turned white. He didnât drink.
âOh, shit,â Gojo whispered, leaning forward. âSpill.â
âNo,â Nanami said, adjusting his glasses. âThatâs not the game. Leave it.â
âDon't be a party pooper,â Satoru suddenly said, a hint of mischievousness strengthen by the alcohol evident in his voice. He turned his head to look at you, his eyes burning into yours. âWho?â
The room felt like it had been sucked into a vacuum. Sukuna shifted beside you, his knees tensing, but he didnât say a word.
âSatoru, drop it,â Geto warned softly.
âWhat! I'm just asking?â Satoru repeated, ignoring everyone else. You met his gaze, the tequila making you brave, or maybe just stupid. âYou want to know?â
âYeah. I do.â
You didn't need to mention his name, you looked beside you; towards Sukuna, and he was looking intensely at you, your voice remarkably steady despite the way your hands were shaking. âYou. Since we were fourteen.â
Someoneâprobably Utahimeâsucked in a sharp breath.
Sukuna stared at you, the words hitting him like a physical blow. His expression shattered, the indifference slipping to reveal absolute panic. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
âBut it doesnât matter,â you continued, forcing a bitter smile. You set your cup down on the floor and stood up. âBecause youâd rather be safe than be with me. Iâm gonna go get some air.â
You walked out of the apartment, the heavy silence following you down the hallway. You made it to the alleyway behind the building before the tears started falling. You leaned against the brick wall, pulling your jacket tighter around yourself against the chill of the night.
The heavy metal door creaked open a minute later. You didnât have to look to know who it was.
âDid you mean it?â Sukuna asked. His voice was stripped of all its usual arrogance.
You wiped your cheeks roughly. âWhy would I lie about that? I tried once when we were in freshman, remember?â
He stepped closer, stopping just a few feet away. He looked wrecked. âSince we were fourteen?â
âYes, Sukuna. Are you really that blind?â
âIâm not blind,â he snapped, running both hands over his face. âIâm just⌠fuck. You donât get it.â
âThen explain it to me!â you yelled, pushing off the wall. âExplain why you look at me like you want me, why you act like Iâm yours, but the second I try to make it real, you push me away!â
âBecause I ruin everything!â he yelled back, his chest heaving. âLook at me! Iâm a fucking mess. Iâm angry, Iâm selfish, and I destroy everything I touch. You are the only beautiful thing in my life. If we try this, and we crash and burn⌠I lose you. I canât lose you. I would rather have you as my friend forever than have you as mine for a year and lose you for the rest of my life.â
The confession hung in the air, heavy and devastating.
You looked at him, really looked at him. At the fear in his eyes, the desperate way he was holding himself together. He loved you. He loved you so much it terrified him.
But it wasnât enough.
âSukuna,â you whispered, your voice breaking. âBy not trying⌠youâre losing me anyway. I canât keep waiting for you to be brave enough to love me out loud.â
He flinched, taking a step back as if you had struck him. âWhat are you saying?â
âIâm saying Iâm done waiting. I'm asking you now, please... just please let's try and make it work.â He stared at you long, voice dying in his throat. He wasn't used to feeling anything other than anger, of all the times he felt happiness.. it was all during the times he shared with you.
He wasn't sure if he can risk losing you, the first time he felt like the world favored him was today, when he heard that you wantes to be with him.. but what can a broken man do when he was raised to believe that all the things he own will be destroyed one day?
When Sukuna didn't speak, you walked past him, your shoulder brushing his. He didnât reach out to stop you. He just stood there in the dark, letting you go to save the friendship.
_____
Four years later.
The music swells, a soft acoustic melody that fills the garden. The sun is shining, catching the delicate lace of your white dress as you stand at the beginning of the aisle.
You take a deep breath, clutching the bouquet of white roses in your hands. Your father pats your arm, smiling proudly.
âReady?â he asks.
âReady,â you whisper.
You start walking. The faces of your friends and family blur together, a sea of smiles and happy tears. Gojo is dabbing his eyes dramatically with a handkerchief, Geto is laughing at him, Shoko is smiling softly, and Utahime looks like sheâs trying not to cry.
And then, at the end of the aisle, is Choso.
He looks incredibly handsome in his tailored suit, his dark hair pulled back neatly. But itâs his eyes that ground you. They are so full of love, so steady, so absolutely certain. Choso never hesitated.
From the moment you took his hand that night after the party when you went inside, after Sukuna stayed quiet, after Sukuna stayed a coward; Choso on the otherhand made it clear that he wanted you. All of you. He wasnât afraid of ruining anything, because he was determined to build something unbreakable.
You smile, your heart swelling with a quiet, peaceful kind of love.
You walked, eyes catching the movement in the front row, on the brideâs side.
Sukuna.
Heâs wearing a suit, which is a miracle in itself. His hair is pushed back, and he looks older, sharper. He is your Man of Honor, a title he accepted with a tight smile and a nod when you asked him six months ago.
You meet his eyes as you pass by his row.
He is smiling at you, a soft, genuine smile that doesnât reach his eyes. His eyes are screaming. They are filled with a grief so profound, an agony so deep, it almost makes you stumble.
In that split second, an entire lifetime passes between you. The scraped knees, the late-night drives, the shared looks across crowded rooms, the unspoken words that suffocated you both.
He didnât ruin the friendship.
He kept his promise. He stayed your best friend, your constant, the guy who helped you pick out the catering menu for your wedding and threatened the florist when they got the order wrong.
He didnât ruin the friendship.
As you break eye contact and look back at Choso, stepping up to the altar and taking your soon-to-be husbandâs hands, Sukuna realizes the devastating truth.
He didnât ruin the friendship.
But he never won either.
He watches you smile at Choso, the way your eyes crinkle at the corners, the way you look so incredibly safe and loved. He swallows hard, the lump in his throat feeling like shattered glass. He wishes he could say he never lost you. He wishes he could say that keeping you as a friend was enough.
Chosoâs thumb gently strokes the back of your hand as the officiant speaks; Sukuna lowers his head, staring at the grass beneath his polished shoes.
He kept you in his life. But he lost you all the same. Atleast he didn't ruin the friendship... right?
an: the way i yearn for bestfriend sukuna fic where he doesn't end up w reader; i've had the song ruin the friendship stuck in my mind for the past 2 weeks and I had to write this down.. i should've just killed him off here, but i can't. â°ď¸đŤľđť











