#xalina

[elli-mk]

Hoping that tumblr doesn't kill the quality too much, nor destroy the post at all.

I just had to get this feeling out. Square please just give us one shot of the RG squad.

Please

[elli-mk]

Hanahaki AU drabble

connected to this drawing

One petal... then another..

Pure lilac of color and only the faintest specks of red. Until the coughing grew worse. Each petal now more splattered than the previous. Father has told me about this strange sickness. I couldn't help but read more about it. It was fascinating!

If it wasn't threatening your own life.

A sickness of the heart. Unrequited love blooming in your chest, quite literally, clawing it's way through my lungs. Hopeless feelings, taken form, will kill you from within.

Not even magic is able to heal the heart, there is no way to cure it.

No, that's not true..

There is a way.

But.. Giving up my love for him? Risking the chance to never fall in love again?

I won't. I can't. I'll get over it, right? It's just a simple crush, that'll go by, right? I just have to pull through.

But no matter how hard I tried, how much I tried to convince myself that i didn't feel that way about him.. every time another coughing fit ragged through my body, when blood trickled from my chin and tainted petals slid through my fingers.. I knew it was real. And it was killing me, slowly but surely.

I held onto the feeling he gave me. When I went to deliver fathers papers or came to pick up other documents, I often stayed longer than i had to, getting caught up in little conversations at the gate. The guardsmen greet me ever so politely after years of being friends and words would flow out of the blue. And every time he smiled, my heart skipped a beat and this thing in my chest grew another inch. It was hard to keep myself from throwing up but I'd do anything just to see him smile some more.

I don't know what it was, that had him win my heart without even meaning to. Not that he wasn't good looking, because he was! So tall and strong. His hair, styled to dreads, albeit tamed in a low ponytail. His sideburns only added to his handsomeness. And his eyes.. a shade of lavender I've never seen before. So vibrant, I could get lost in them for hours.

Too much, far too much! I nearly choked, excusing myself to find the nearest restroom and hoping no one was there.

I was lucky, I was alone. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to wittness as i retched, body bent over in pain.

Minutes went by until I could even my breathing and my gaze fell down to the mess of red and lilac.

Whole rose blossoms drenched in blood, it's already come that far...

When i go back out, would they ask? What should I say without embarrassing myself, if they do?

I was on the way back as I heard someone running by right around the corner. The inofficial trouble makers of the town must have tried to sneak in the castle again. I laughed quietly. Young Lea sure was a spontanious hothead, not even his friend could keep him in check.

I took the chance to get out without being noticed until someone ran straight into me from behind. The papers flew about everywhere as I was knocked down. It was no one else but the young redhead on his escape, that I did realize, as he speeded past me, apologizing on the run. Thankfully he didn't step on any of the documents. Another figure ran after him and then another. The first was just as tall as the firecracker, but clad in soft blue, it was his friend Isa. The second however was much, much taller. It must have been Aeleus, since an all to familiar voice spoke to me as I felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me. Dilan was kneeling right next to me and I felt the lump in my throat but i kept it there, no matter how much it hurt. I couldn't let him know, so i simply nodded when he asked if i was allright. He didn't seem convinced but helped me to my feet and lent a hand to pick up the scattered papers. I thanked him breathlessly and hurried home.

I still feel bad about it.

I had barely closed the door as my body shook again and I threw up another three blossoms. After quickly cleaning the floor, I put the papers in "their place". In other words, wherever there was a bit of space. It was chaos but at least it was somewhat organized. Neither dear father nor me could keep things tidy for long.

Father... no, I couldn't have him worry about this mess of mine. I left a note, informing him I was out and about, before I took off.

This time to somewhere, far away from wittnesses, in any case.

The outer gardens in the back were often void of people. I often seek that place to think. If I had just known beforehand what would happen...

It was quiet, as I arrived. The rustling of flowers in the wind greeting me as I sat down. But soon the silence broke as the demons from my heart sprang free. Voices dripping with venom, I pushed them out of my head.

But they kept coming back until I agreed to listen to their offer.

As their vessel my survival was vital. But they already knew i wouldn't risk my love subsiding, rather I would die. So they offered me something i could barely refuse... Rid me of this beast in my chest and save the love it feasted on but leave my heart untouched, if I simply lived.

I risked it. And they swallowed me whole...

After all this time, on this journey I've been on, I've never once fell in love with someone again. I couldn't anymore. I had trusted my demons and I payed the price.

Until I met him again. Dilan. Not the empty monster he had become, but my Dilan, finally recompleted and home.. And my hearts skipped beats after beats and i felt like passing out as I couldn't have been happier, had my love not been lost but lain dormant all this time only to learn it was requited from the start.

Fate has it's way but I couldn't have cared less. What mattered whas the future, not the past. But i assure you, dear reader, whoever you may be, it took quite a while to convince my dear father.