#xfactor39

[gaknar]

“Hey don’t put your mouth on that!!! THAT’S MY PROPERTY!!!” Zap. Well here’s how the X-Men and X-Factor defeat Mr. Sinister in the blink of an eye at the end of Inferno. After many months of reading nearly 50 comics for the Inferno crossover, the conflict is finally over, and the X-Men and X-Factor part on good terms, each determined to pursue the spirit of Xavier’s dream in their own way.

This end of this crossover kind of falls on the ground like a wet, half eaten burrito getting dropped on the floor of the back alley of a Las Vegas strip club. But, if nothing else, this was a really good reunion for the characters of X-Factor and the Uncanny X-Men, and a good reset for where the two teams stand with each other. Until we meet again, good mutants. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

I don’t know if this is a fact, but I’m going to state it as if it is a fact. This is the only moment in the history of comic books where Wolverine ever refers to another character as a… “dude.” There’s a reason he calls people BUB, comic book. It’s because he’s a hairy, psychotic Canadian and this actually gives him CHARACTER. Right here he sounds like a god damned California surfer dude. Jesus. Dude? C’mon. And what’s he doing here? Poking Storm with one of his god damn razor sharp unbreakable adamantium claws to get her attention? A tap on the shoulder wouldn’t work? You have to break her skin in the middle of that disgusting rubble pile and probably give her a nasty staph infection? Some of these writers just don’t know how create realistic situations. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

Well… he ain’t wrong. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

All this shit comes farting out of Mr. Sinister here about how he’s been manipulating Scott since he was a little kid. This stuff can be considered entirely a retconn, especially this part here where we see Scott getting his ruby quartz glasses for the first time…

…because I remember full well and good that it was Scott’s diabolical optometrist that first prescribed him his glasses. Hmm I suppose this could all be made to fit by saying that Scott’s optometrist was actually Sinister in disguise, but that would require like 20 years well planned out storytelling all culminating in this final issue, and we know that comic book writers aren’t capable of anything that patient. No, that little plot twist is going to have to live on in the amateur X-Men screenplay I’ve been writing since I was 8 years old, which is slowly devolving more and more into a porn parody the older I get. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

The masterful combat geniuses, the X-Men, use Psylocke to form a telepathic rapport with one another and together they devise a plan to use a coordinated effort between all of the members of X-Men and X-Factor to defeat one of the most powerful enemies they’ve ever encountered. Which involves… waiting until he’s not looking and then tackling him. Well, at least this bone-headed 6th grade maneuver was able to free Jean.

(X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

At some point here, the X-Men realize that Sinister is prohibiting Scott from using his optic blast, and they deduce that Sinister must have a weakness or vulnerability to Cyclops’s power because of this (but hey, why wouldn't Sinister just kill Cyclops if this was true? Why tie him up and antagonize him for like half an hour while the rest of the X-Men slowly figure out what's going on? This is almost as boneheaded as being an alien race that fucking DISINTEGRATES whenever they come in contact with water, and then invading a planet that’s made up of 98% water. Dumbass Signs aliens). So the X-Men send Havok to frolic over there and zap Cyclops with his plasma blast until Scott builds up enough power to break free from Sinister’s control. Hey, since when do Havok and Cyclops actually charge each other up when they use their powers on each other? Up until this point, it’s only ever been stated that they are immune to each other’s powers (except when the writers forget). Well whatever. Convenient writing. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

This is the least amount of respect Sabertooth has ever been shown by the Marvel writers, even worse than that time Wolverine finished him off in 5 seconds, because this time they don’t even do him the justice of letting him get his ass kicked ON PANEL. Sabertooth used to be Wolverine’s equal in every way, with the writers often insinuating that he is actually superior to his X-Man counterpart, and that Wolverine could never beat him even on his best day. Now they don’t bother showing us HOW Wolverine is kicking the shit out of him. If this isn’t the biggest bag over the head… punch in the face I ever got. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)

[gaknar]

Whew ok Longshot was just a distraction. That makes way more sense! For a minute there I thought these writers expected me to believe that ol’ Pretty-Boy McLeather-Chaps was going to defeat Mr. Sinister all by himself by throwing his utility belt and spatula knives at him, but it was all just a cleaver ruse devised by the much more capable Beast. Of X-Factor! And I fell for it. (X-Factor #39 – Apr 1989)