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launch | mark lee

word count: 25,916 (yikes)

genre: astronaut!au, 1960′s au, angst, fluff, some suggestive content but nothing too crazy, adventure, husband!au, father!au

warnings: death, near death experiences, a lot of crying, emotional baggage

author’s note: hi again!! so im back with a new fic!!i wanna start off by saying that this fic is not meant to belittle anyone’s accomplishments, even though it is based on real events this work is pure fiction, and should be taken as such. I hope you guys like this fic and i know its very long so if you get to the end just know that i love haha thank you!! also, its very possible that tublr will crash if this is opened n mobile so im sorry about that

synopsis: ever since he was a young boy, mark’s dream was to be the first man on the moon. along his journey to accomplish his dream, he finds there are many hardships would have to face in order to succesfully complete his mission and come back home to the love of his life.

Fall, 1949; 20 Years Before Launch

The music playing from the stereo settled in the corner of the living room travels all through the house, mixing with the sound of excited giggles and yelps of children as they play on the floor of Mark’s decorated home, where his eighth birthday party is in full swing.

The floor is covered in streamers and confetti, a pretty blue cake sits on a clothed table surrounded by bowls of candy, party hats and all types of cheap toys and goodies for the children to take.

The party was almost perfect, the only flaw being the absence of the birthday boy himself. Mark is currently nowhere to be seen. His mother sighs, having an idea where he could be.

-

The music can only be heard faintly from where Mark is. The melodies and instruments are replaced with hushed giggles and the thud of his small sock clad feet as he sneaks up to the attic of his house- where he knows his grandfather will be.

Once he climbs the ladder leading up to the attic, he peeks his head up to see his grandfather hunched over his desk, writing something down before leaning over to take another look out of the telescope that peers out of the open window next to him. The sight of the telescope brings the little boy’s mood up instantly, he had only used it once since his mother told him he couldn’t touch it because it was very expensive and grandpa would be very angry if he broke it. But grandpa can make an exception tonight, right?

It’s his birthday after all…

“Psst…”

Mark didn’t see this but a smile grazes his grandfather’s face as he hears his grandson’s attempt to get his attention. He decides to tease the boy and pretend not to hear him.

Seconds later, another hushed noise comes, “Psst… grandpa!”

This time, the old man can’t conceal his chuckle as he turns in his chair to see nothing but top of Mark’s head, his eyes and his little hands peeking over the attic entrance. The way Mark’s eyes scrunch is an indication that he is sporting a sheepish smile now that his grandfather has given him his attention. “Can I come in?”

The man chuckles once again before waving the little boy over, “Of course.”

Mark quickly climbs up once he had gotten the approval, making his way over to his grandfather’s desk in no time, where his grandfather picks his up and sets his small body on his lap. “Were you not enjoying your party?”

“I was! I just…” Mark can’t help but side eye the telescope next to the desk in hopes that his grandfather will get the message, which he does.

With a chuckle he says, “You wanted to come use the telescope?” The words are followed by eager nods from the boy who looks at his grandfather expectedly.

“Why don’t we then?”

Mark smiles widely before hopping off his lap and hopping to the telescope enthusiastically, his grandfather follows with a slight laugh, shaking his head at how excited his grandson was. (But still secretly glad that he is showing interest in something he himself cares so deeply for). The old man walks towards the telescope that leans half out of the small attic window, his grandson moves out of the way to let his grandfather to set the telescope for him.

Mark excitedly twiddles his thumbs excitedly while watching him, almost shrieking in excitement when his grandfather moves out of the way and tells him to take a look.

It's like an explosion. Of all different stars, colors and constellations all for Mark’s eyes to see. The moon peeks from the edge of his peripheral vision, asking for attention. Mark quietly asks his grandfather if he could move the telescope toward the moon.

When Mark’s eye is pressed against the telescope once again he can’t help but let out a gasp with a wondrous: “wow.”

The moon stares back at him, gloriously shining and brightening up the night even if it’s just a bit. Mark feels himself falling into a trance. The moon is mesmerizing, he wants to touch it.

“Grandpa?” Upon hearing a hum of acknowledgement from the old man, he continues. “Has anyone ever touched the moon before?”

His grandfather chuckles, “Not yet, kiddo.”

“Yet? So it’s possible?”

The man nods, “Absolutely. But it will take a long time to make that happen.”

Mark’s 8-year-old mind is sent reeling. It’s possible! Someone can actually touch the moon. One day at least. Mark doesn’t dare tell his grandfather, but he really really wants to be that someone.

-

Fall, 1958; 11 Years Before Launch

Now that he’s in high school, Mark realizes that going to the moon is a lot harder than his 8 year old mind had figured ten years ago.

While most expected Mark to grow out of this ridiculous dream before he reached high school and settle for something easier and more accessible, Mark knew there was no possible way that he was ever going to let go of his dream. Not when he knows where he’s meant to be. When he knows he’s meant for more than just earth, like his grandfather said all those years ago.

Although his sneakers drag on the cement of the ground in fatigue after having studied all night for an important AP Calc test he has today, he knows that one day all this hard work he put into getting straight A’s will be worth it when he finally achieves his dream and becomes the first man on the moon.

He sighs out before closing his locker, turning round only to bump into the girl he’s been admiring from afar for the past 6 years: you.

You’ve lived in the house across from him for your entire life with your grandparents and sister. Unlike Mark, who preferred to be up in his attic looking through his telescope, you spent the majority of your time outside in your grandmother’s garden. Albeit creepy, Mark admits would sometimes watch you laugh with your sister while playing in the garden and feel his chest fill with giddiness. There was one instance where you caught him looking, Mark immediately ducked down to the attic floor, out of the view of the window. He remembers feeling absolutely mortified, waiting a few minutes before peeking again. You were still there and, to Mark’s surprise, instead of sending him a dirty look and telling him to stop being creepy, you wave slightly and the blushing boy.

Mark always considered this the beginning of your love story. Though, he really didn’t know what he was feeling at the time.

It was in middle school when Mark realizes there is only one thing he liked more than space: that was you. When he saw you smiling brightly at everyone you met (hence the nickname given to you by your peers: sunshine), he knew he was in bad, and your smile would stay on his mind for the rest of the week… but then that week turned into a year, and that year turned into 2 then 5 then 6, into now. You smile slightly at him and wave your hand in front of his face. “Hello?”

Mark feels his face flush as you catch his daydreaming about you, “Yeah! Hi! I’m sorry… Are you okay?”

You nod and laugh lightly, “Are you okay? You seem a little out of it.”

“I really want to kiss you.” He says, except it comes out, “Yeah, just tired.”

“Oh, well then I’ll see you around then.”

As he watches you walk away Mark goes through every possible scenario in his head that would’ve made that experience much more enjoyable than it actually was. He groans into the empty hallway and tries his best to not think about you during his calc test next period.

-

Mark always waits until it’s night time to leave school, partly because he gets to take the bus alone and not be bothered by anyone, mainly because the stars come out to remind Mark why it is he is working hard, why the tiredness and long nights are worth it. They’re up there waiting for him. And he will do whatever it takes to make it up there.

Its a while past 6pm and Mark makes his way home, kicking stones and looking up at the sky, when his vision is torn away from the sky to the silhouette sitting alone at a bench. This person’s shoulders and shaking looks lightly as they cry. Mark’s trains his vision, trying to identify the figure.

His squinted eyes suddenly widen as he recognizes your hair and jewelry. Mark’s body is immediately flooded with concern. Why are you out so late? Why are you alone? And most importantly : why are you crying?

Before he can stop it, his feet are moving him to where you are. Though, once they’ve done their job of getting him there, they immediately abandon him and leave him defenseless in front of you. He doesn’t know what to say or do; his hands sweaty against the textbook he currently has an iron grip on.

You notice him before he speaks, quickly wiping your tears and sending a forced smile his way. “Hey, it’s you again.”

Mark remembers this morning and has to stop himself from cringing. “Yeah…” He stands silently for sometime, kicking some dirt up from the gravel as your sniffles ring through the air around you. Mark looks up at you only when you chuckle.

There are tears streaming down your face but you still manage to laugh at Mark’s awkwardness. “You can sit down if you want, Mark.”

Mark breaths in thickly, eyeing the empty spot next to you on the bench before taking up your offer, and setting himself next to you. He briefly glances at you a few times before quietly saying: “You know my name?”

You bring up a hand to wipe your cheeks, chuckling. “Of course, I do. You're my astronomer neighbor.” It’s an attempt to lighten the mood. “You, always with that telescope of yours.”

Mark smiles at the fact that you called him an astronomer. But it leaves quickly when another tear rolls down your cheek, your face becoming grim once again. Your hands try to cover up their tracks, Mark’s hands act on their own, grabbing your wrist before you could do so. You startle at this, looking at the boy incredulously.

Mark tries to pin point what part of him thought this was a good idea as he studies your face. His grip on your hand loosens as he enters the trance that comes with seeing your features so up close. Your puffy eyes staring back at him, and swollen lips so close Mark has to stop himself from making any more drastic decisions that could scare you off. “A p-penny for your thoughts?” His other hand reaches in his pocket and pulls a penny he remembered putting in there when he saw you in the halls earlier, he sets it on the bench between you two.

You watch the boy with confused eyes that flicker between his face and the hold he has on your wrist at the moment to the penny. You become perplexed when you hear his question, looking away as if your eyes will answer the question for you if he looked too deeply. “Just... things. It doesn’t really matter.” You shrug, wanting to abandon the topic as soon as possible. “School, stress about college. The usual.”

“Oh.” Is all he awkwardly replies, you shift your gaze to where his hand is still wrapped around your wrist. Mark notices and quickly lets it go muttering a quiet, “Sorry.”

You shake your head, watching him rub his hands on his black pants. “It’s okay.”

Mark rakes his mind for anything he can say or do to make you feel better; but judging from his lack of experience with the opposite sex, he finds this task very difficult. That is, until he rolls his head back in thought, catching sight of the bright constellations decorating the night sky. He figures he should stay within his field of interest, and take your mind off things.

His voice is rougher and shakier than he thought it would be when he speaks after some time. “Do you know about the story of the Gemini twins?”

A chuckle rises in your chest. You should have expected this to leave the mouth of the boy who had his nose stuck in space books every time you saw him. And even though you didn’t really care much for space or anything related to it, you wanted to listen to what Mark had to say. “Sure.”

Mark perks up, he mutters a soft ‘Really?’ under his breath that you don’t think you were supposed to hear since he starts talking immediately after. “Well, some people say that the twins in the sky are two boys named Castor and Polydeuces. One who was a mortal and the other who was the son of Zeus himself. Even though they had different fathers, the two were extremely close.” Mark’s wide eyes connect with yours and he interlocks his fingers to emphasize his point, you nod as an acknowledgement. “They spent the majority of their time just reeking havoc everywhere. Traveling, setting things on fire, partying, and basically doing anything they could to assure themselves a good time. They made their mark on the world while always being there with each other. Until one day, they got into a pretty bad fight with some guys over two women and Castor was killed.” Mark smiles when you gasp slightly. “And Polydeuces was so grief stricken that he asked his father Zeus to make Castor immortal like him, so they could be together for eternity.”

Mark pauses to see your reaction, your eyes are bloodshot and swollen but tears no longer leak from them. You lean forward as you wait for Mark to finish the story. “So he did, and that right there,” he points up to the sky where the twins looked down at you, “is them. Spending eternity together like they always wanted to.”

“Sounds great if you ask me.” You say quietly. “To spend eternity with your best friend.”

Mark nods, eyes shifting from the sky to your wonder filled eyes watching the twins. He can imagine the things you’re thinking of, the battles you’re vividly imagining the twins had fought while on earth. Just like when he heard the story for the first time. He wants to know what you think; what you see in your imagination. He just wants to know everything going through your head. (Not just now, but everytime he saw you walking in halls lost in thought, he had collected pennies in the front pocket of his backpack just in case one day he worked up the courage to a (literal) penny for your thoughts. It was stupid, he knew, but it gave him something to forward to.)

Mark doesn’t realize that you caught him staring until your hand rests on his own. Its the first skin to skin contact the two of you have ever shared. Your hand is warmer than he thought it would be although, it doesn’t surprise him at all judging from the fact that you quite possibly had the sun for a soul.

“Thank you for that, Mark.” You smile at his and Mark’s heart feels like it’s already on the moon waiting for him. “I’m sorry you missed your bus.” Truth is, Mark hadn’t even realized the bus had come and gone having been to focused on you. He shakes his head.

“It’s okay.” He says, “We can walk together, it’s dangerous to be out alone this late anyway.” He holds his breath and looks away as he waits for you to reply. Mark feels a weight off his shoulders when your soft voice travels through the chilly wind.

“I would like that.”

-

Summer, 1959; 10 years before launch

“Mark!”

Mark feels your body clinging onto his before he actually registers that you’re hugging him. The force of your impact produces a groan from him, still, he wraps his arms around you and chuckles. “Hey, you.”

Your graduation cap is tilted slightly, he reaches up to fix it for you. This causes you to smile at him lovingly; Mark can’t even begin to explain how much he loves it when you look at him like that. It makes him want to just grab your face and kiss you with everything that he’s got.

Which… he can, considering he’s been your boyfriend since November, when he clumsily confessed to you under the stars one chilly night.

You recall the memory fondly, the stars, the increasing coolness in the air and the redness of Mark’s cheeks (which, to this date, he blames on the weather but you know better) when he handed you a coin purse full of pennies nervously telling you there was one for each time he wanted to talk to you, and that he really wanted to tell you before Christmas break came. So he did.

He smiles back down at you as he recalls the events of last winter, he leans down far enough that his words are only audible to you. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Do you now?” He nods while chuckling at your teasing expression.

“If our parents weren’t here right now I would’ve already had you twice.” He says this to tease you, but only manages to frustrate himself even further. You stare at him, mouth agape before slapping his chest. Pushing your body away from him, your blush makes Mark chuckle. You playfully walk away from him, still blushing. He laughs and pulls your wrist so your body is pressed against him, he hugs you. “I can’t believe you just said that.” You laugh against his clothes and he does the same.

“Honestly, me neither.”

After laughing fondly for some time, Mark grabs your hands. “I have something for you.” He smiles widely, you give him a confused look as he pulls you toward your parents that sit together chatting. “Hey guys, I’m going to show Y/N something real quick in my car.”

Your parents nod, his mother's protests loudly. “Be back quickly, you two and don’t do anything bad!”

Mark’s graduation gown flows behind him as he side steps away from his scolding mother, hand clutching yours as his feet move quickly. “Yes, mom. We won’t do anything bad, I swear!” He suddenly pulls the two of you into a full sprint towards his car, laughter spills from both your lips and mixes with the air. The two of you bring your unoccupied hands to prevent your caps from flying off your heads.

The scene is quite beautiful, the sun is setting causing a light orange heugh to fall over your elated bodies. Young love flows in the air. It is wonderful.

You’re still chuckling when you finally reach Mark’s old car in the parking lot, he only lets go of your hand to insert the key into the door. Once the car is unlocked he leans into it, reaching into the backseat.

You, both excited and anxious, wait for Mark to get whatever it is he has to show you. When the boy finally comes out of the car, he hits his head on the door frame which causes him to falter lightly, however, once he hears your giggles he continues.

Mark leans out of the car and you gasp as you see a giant bouquet of flowers in his hands. Flowers of all types: roses, sunflowers, lillys, lavender, daisies, and tulips all so different but looking so in place in the bouquet. Mark’s hands hold the bouquet out towards you, “This is for you.”

Your slow hands move to grab to bouquet, touched that he even thought to get you something in the first place. “Mark… They’re beautiful.” You give him a warm smile and hug the bouquet to your body in a small sign of appreciation.

Mark responds with a nervous smile, “I’m glad…” You notice how his cheeks suddenly become tinted and he rubs his hand on his graduation gown slightly. “I have something else for you.”

“You do?” Confused and amused, you go through all the things the boy could possibly present you with. Though, nothing came to your head.

“Yes. but first… I need to tell you something.” His nervous hands come up to scratch the back of his neck, he takes off his blue cap in the process, revealing his flat hair underneath. Mark runs his hands through it, breathing deeply. “Ok. so you know that now that we’re out of high school, things are going to be a lot different. I’m going to have to dedicate a lot of time to my career and once college starts, I’m off and there’s no stopping me.”

You can’t help but grow nervous at the topic of college, knowing how difficult it will be for you two judging from the career path Mark has decided to go down. A million scenarios race through your head of what he could be trying to tell you and none of them are good. “I know, Mark.”

He nods, biting his lip. “And everything I do for the next few years of my life is going to have to adjust to my dream…”

“I know, I support you.” Your worry becomes fear and you figure it's better to voice it now rather than later. “Are you… trying to break up with me?”

The poor boy’s eyes widen to the size of planets and his hands come up to rest on your shoulders. Mark shakes his head vigorously, “No! Oh my god, no.”

“Then where are you going with this?”

He sighs, looking down at the ground, allowing himself time to think. You watch him with a confused look as his head shoots up, he breathes in deeply once again. “Ok. So you know how I love space, right?” He waits for you to nod before continuing. “I love space and the moon but when you look at what the moon really is… it’s just a floating piece of rock, right? The only reason it shines and is beautiful is because the sun shines light on it to make its beauty known. It allows it to be seen. So without the sun we wouldn’t be able to see the moon and everything that it is, am I making any sense?”

The perplexed look you’re sporting answers his question, he sighs, muttering: “this definitely sounded a lot better when I practiced.” His words make you chuckle, but only briefly because he looks up at you again, this time with more determination. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m the moon and you’re the sun, before we met I was so hidden and no one ever really saw me nor did I make the effort to be seen and I started to think that maybe I was just a floating piece of rock too…” his eyes turn suddenly soft and you see a bit of the Mark that was for your eyes only, “ but then when I met you, you’re light was so bright and I felt so seen and so real, like I could do anything. That nothing could stop from shining when you even gave me the light to glow bright at night.”

Usually Mark was either all suggestive comments or shy remarks. This side of him is one that you’ve seen only once before: the night he asked you to be his girlfriend. His words sounded so heartfelt and sincere you felt your insides turning to mush. “Mark…”

He smiles at you before reaching into his car once again, pulling out another item. Though, this time it’s small enough for him to be able to conceal it in between his two hands. You look at his hands curiously. “I don’t know if this too soon, but i need you to keep me glowing and i love more than... anything.” He breathlessly says the last words and looks directly into your eyes. You don’t notice when his hands move away to reveal what was hidden by his hands until he’s down on one knee and a beautiful silver ring with a small shiny stone look back at you.

Your hands instantly fly up to cover your mouth that is agape in shock. Mark nervously searches your face for any signs of disgust but finds none, he continues. “Will you marry me?”

Your momentary silence cause the boy on one knee to grow nervous, Mark feels his insides churning and a slight pang in his heart. Which instantly leaves as soon as you kneel down in front of him, tears flooding your eyes and your hands grabbing the sides of his own. You’re smiling through your tears. Seeing you cry has always made tears come into Mark’s own eyes, soon enough his are growing increasingly wet as well.

“Are you serious?” The feeling you get when he nods is something you can compare to euphoria. You throw your arms around him and whisper into his ear; “Yes, oh my god, yes.”

Mark’s embrace becomes tighter around you, every ounce of nervousness gone and replaced with nothing but undeniable love and appreciation.

He only breaks the hug to cup the sides of your face and kiss you hard on the lips. He uses his thumbs to wipe away your tears while his lips move on yours. The moment can only be defined by pure happiness and adoration for the boy pressed against you. You’re hands wrap around his thin waist and they remain there as he pulls away, tearfully chuckling. His shaky hands move to take the pretty ring out, clumsily sliding it onto your finger.

Mark’s eyes fill with fresh tears at the sight of your left ring finger adorned by the jewelry that would make Y/N and Mark into Y/NandMark. He rubs his nose, “It looks so pretty on you.”

His voice is shaky. You take his hands in your own and admire the way the new piece of jewelry looks against your skin. “It does, doesn’t?"

Mark’s hand brings your own up to his lips, closing his eyes as he presses a lingering kiss on the knuckle just below where your ring sat. Your adoring eyes only move away from the sweet action when your grandmother’s loud voice sounds throughout the parking lot. “Did you do it?”

Mark laughs against your hand and turns to both of your two’s parents who look at you expectedly.

Your fiance raised your hand for their eyes to see, the shiny ring serving as an answer. Excited shreeks leave the women as they race over, the men trailing behind with amused and proud smiles on their faces.

You turn to Mark, “They knew?”

Mark shrugs, wiping his tear stained face as best he could. “I had to get their blessing.”

The thought of Mark nervously going up to your grandparents asking for your hand in marriage makes you giddy and warm, almost as much as you remember that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him.

“I love you so much.” You whisper to him, squeezing his hand.

Mark smiles at you and moves closer to peck your temple. You feel his lips moving against your head when he speaks.

“Not nearly as much as I love you.”

-

Spring, 1961; 8 Years Before Launch

Even in college, Mark was by far the brightest student in the classroom as well as on the field. Flight school required more than just the ability to fly a plane, it required a lot of knowledge and the skills of calculating and acting fast. The way he worked while airborne and calculations and solutions he could bring up in little to no time left even the professor jaw-dropped.

It was obvious he was destined for something great. The professor saw it. His envious classmates saw it. You saw it.

And apparently so did a test pilot for the newly established space research facility (NASA) that Mark has spent hours telling you about: John Suh.

John Suh was a bright man from the north that had been flying since before he could run, everyone who knew him knew he was going to change the world. Mark was no exception; he finds himself opened-mouthed as the legendary man walks onto the field one spring morning. He carries himself with an aura that is supposed to intimidate others, however, Mark finds himself wanting to know more about the man and his career.

His professor stands, “Students, i’m sure you know who this is. If you don-”

“My name is Johnny Suh, test pilot for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.” The man has a deep voice, a lot deeper in real life than on the speakers of the TV that sits in you and Mark’s apartment. He is taller too, though Mark expected that. “I came to you today in search of brilliant minds, I was told there would be many at Purdue.”

The excited muttered of the students fill the air, Mark remains silent. Too nervous and shocked to speak. He stays this way as Johnny walks to the side of the runway and stands with his hands grasps behind him. Its a military stance that brings an even more intimidating aura to him. Johnny Suh would remain there for the rest of the period.

Mark tries hard to focus on the tasks the professor gave the class.

It’s only when a hand comes down on his shoulder that he realizes that Johnny Suh has been watching him this whole time.

The man motions him to lean forward, Mark complies. John whispers, “The calculations you presented and the way you get around up there are impressive, even more advanced than what the professor is teaching you.” Mark can only chuckle nervously, shrugging. “Where did you learn that?”

Mark gulps before clearing his throat. “My grandfather was an astronomer, a pilot too.”

Johnny’s eyebrows rise at that, a pleased smile setting on his face. He watches the younger man shift his weight awkwardly, awaiting his response. Johnny leans in closer. “What's your name kid?”

“Mark Lee, sir.” He reaches out to shake Johnny’s hand. The pilot shakes it back with an amused smile.

“You know, Mark Lee, the president wants to send a man into space.” Mark perks up slightly, Johnny notices. “NASA is looking for a team.”

Mark avoids his eyes nervously, nodding his head. “I’ve heard.”

“So what do you think, can we do it?” The look on Johnny’s face let’s Mark know that the question has a reason behind it, though the words leave Mark’s lips before he even process a better response.

“Of course we can, if a man has already been in orbit, surely we can get to the moon.” When Johnny says nothing, Mark’s nerves increase impossibly. “Of course, there would have to be many preparations and tests and all those kind of things done but surely, it’s not... impossible.”

John nods, “You’re right.” A fond smile rests on the man’s face as he patted Mark’s shoulder. His eyes follow Johnny as he turns away from him and begins walking away. Mark can’t help but feel dejected, though he had prepared himself for this. The man walks up to the professor, interrupting his conversation with a student to whisper into his ear. John’s hand points in Mark’s general direction all eyes (including the professor's) move to him.

Mark’s instinct tells him to lean his head down but the look Johnny gives him tells him he has no reason to. Mark uses this confidence boost and keep looking forward as Johnny smiles proudly and makes his way off the field only to be stopped by the loud voice of an envious student.

“Leaving so soon, Mr. Suh?”

John turns once again and looks at the young boy before pointing Mark’s way with his strong hand. “I’ve already found what I’m looking for.”

-

It takes two weeks for Mark to get the call that will put his dream in motion.

The landline rang loudly through the space of you and Mark’s small shared apartment, you two were currently laid down on your bed, Mark’s arms curled around you. You don’t know how long you had been in that position before you had break away to rush to the phone in the kitchen.

“Hello?”

A pair of lips smack on the other line, “Yes, good morning. Is the residence of a… Mark Lee?” You shift your gaze to the shirtless man that has now moved from the bed to lean against the wall of the hallway, he smiles as you say:

“Yes, this is his wife.”

“Lovely to speak with you, Mrs. Lee. I’m calling from the National Aeronautics of Space Administration, we have some news for your husband.” Your eyes widen as you pull the phone away from your mouth as not have the man on the other line hear your gasp. Your husband approaches you with a concern filled face. Mouthing: “What’s wrong?”

You stare at him for a few seconds, before fighting a wide smile, you lean closer to him. “It’s NASA.” And excited tone is carried in your voice as you say that to him. Much like you, Mark’s eyes immediately widen.

You take a deep breath before pulling to phone back to your ear, clearing your throat. “I’m very sorry about that, sir. I will put my husband on right away.” You usher the starstruck man to grab the phone.

Mark’s shaky hands grab the phone and brings it to his ear, you watch carefully as he converses with the man on the other line. You can’t help but notice how he stands up straighter and carries himself with a different energy, a more professional and manly energy.

You don’t understand much of their conversation, but you do understand the words: “test pilot”, “offer” and even the name of the well-known test pilot John Suh. You decided you would just ask Mark what the conversation was about when he’s done, though it ends much sooner than you expected when your husband says the words: “I think I would like to discuss it with my wife first if that is fine with you.”

He nods while the man speaks on the other line before saying, “I will make sure to, sir. Thank you.”

You look at him expectedly as he ends the call by placing the phone back up on the wall. He remains with his bare back facing you for some time, until you reach forward and let the palm of your hand rest against his back. “Well?”

You let your hand fall as Mark turns around, his eyes are full of excitement and wonder initially, before they turn rather gloomy. “Mark, is something wrong?”

He shakes his head before looking up at you, “Remember how I told you Johnny Suh came to the university the other week, looking for recruits?” You nod. “Well, he chose me. Now… they’re offering me a job as a test pilot for a new project.”

“Mark! That’s fantastic!” Mark’s worried eyes look back at you. “Why are you upset? Isn’t this what you wanted?” Your confusion at Mark’s expression is intense, you had always pictured him during this moment. Though, it wasn’t ever anything like this.

“It is.” He pauses, looking up at you. “But now that it’s here… I’m worried.”

Mark lets his head fall to the side, turning his view away from you. This is a habit of his that surfaces whenever he is upset; you bring your hand up to cup his cheek and turn his eyes to your own once again. “What are you worried about, love?”

He looks deeply into your eyes, they are so soothing. So familiar. He immediately opens up. “I’m worried about our family, Y/N.”

“Our family?” You and Mark had touched on the topic of children once before, it was clear both of you wanted children, the moment just never came up.

“I want to have children with you, Y/N. I want us to have a family together and this job is going to so much of my time and it is so dangerous and I-”

“Mark Lee. This has been your dream since you were a little kid. You’ve wanted this for so long! You can’t give that up, not when you’re so close.” You try to keep your voice even when you want to tell him his worries are very similar to your own.

“That was before we shared the same heart and before I wanted anything like this with anyone.”

The troubled storm in your husband’s eyes causes your heart to strain.

There’s a part of you that wants to tell him that he is right. That he should stay with you and give you children and never leave your side. But there’s also a part of you that knows that Mark has wanted this his entire life, he has studied and worked for this moment. And there is no way you can take that away from him.

You raise your hands to cup his cheeks, forcing his eyes to yours. You smile reassuringly before sighing.

“Why don’t we make a compromise?”

His eyebrows raises in confusion. “A compromise?”

You nod, “Before everything gets to hectic at work, we can have a baby. That way, when you’re busy, we can keep each other company. And even when you don’t have time, we’ll find a way to make time, we always do.”

Mark eyes are still slightly conflicted. His eyebrows were furrowed, causing burdensome creases on his forehead. You bring your hand up from his cheek to his hair, stroking it as to pacify him while he considers your words. “What if something happens that parts us?”

You process his words before shaking your head softly. “We said until death do us part, and even then I’m still going to be with you. Don’t worry about those silly things.” You continue to stroke his hair, moving your hand down to his forehead. Running your hand gently over the creases, feeling them immediately relax under your fingertips. You trace the bridge of his nose and his lips, him taking the opportunity to kiss your fingers as they pass. Soon enough, your hand finds previous spot cupping his cheek. He leans into your touch and watches you with his big, glossy eyes.

“Nothing is more important to me than you. I want you to always remember that.” His hands grip the night gown you’re wearing at your waist, his jaw clenches as he suppresses his urge to cry. You nod, he breathes in deeply through his nose. “And I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to come back to you, no matter the circumstances.”

You feel yourself become emotional at his words, tears filling your eyes. Mark pokes your sides and says with a shaky voice, “Don’t cry. If you cry, I’ll cry.” You laugh tearfully and make a half hearted attempt to wipe the tear that fell down your cheeks, before wiping the ones that have run down Mark’s as he said the words.

After a moment of silence, Mark leans down to brush his nose against your own. He captures your lips in lingering kiss while holding your back with his hands.

The kiss serves to let you both know that it will be okay, that no matter what happens there will always be Y/NandMark.

The two of you pull away breathlessly, staring into each others bloodshot eyes for a some time before you say, “call them.”

He nods and moves to the phone.

You smile as you watch his talk with the man on the other line. The conversation carries on longer than you expected as they discuss the details of his work over the phone.

You motion toward the bedroom and Mark nods, watching you walk down the hallway towards your shared room.

-

Mark starts working that following Monday.

They said they wanted him working as soon as possible; that a new series of missions named ‘Gemini’ that were to consist of test flights for the grand mission of getting a man on the moon.

NASA was everything Mark expected it to be. The place was full of geniuses, which, he will admit, intimidated him to no end; he was reassured when a Mr. John Suh clapped a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Everyone who is here deserves to be here. Including you, kid.” His words settle well with Mark as he nods with a small smile.

Johnny shows Mark around the facility, while telling him that the two of them are going to have to spend a lot of time together since they work in the same division. He laughs as he tells Mark not to get sick of him too soon. Mark holds back from telling him that he enjoys his company more than he thinks and just laughs at his words.

As they pass by the number room, Johnny steps in to introduce Mark to the lady’s who work there. As soon as they hear the door open, all their eyes shoot up. Muttered words fill the room as they all eye Mark up and down, some even sending flirty waves.

“Ladies, this is Mark Lee. He’s gonna be flying with me.” Johnny notices some stares of want in Mark’s direction (who is currently looking at his shoes nervously, not knowing what to do). Johnny chuckles, “Sorry ladies, he’s a married man.”

The single ladies let out disappointed noises, Mark just laughs nervously along with Johnny. Who waves at the women as they walk out.

As they walk down the hall, Johnny speaks, “So this wife of yours… did you meet in high school?”

Mark blushes at your mention, briefly looking down at the gold band wrapped around his finger. “No, uh, we kinda grew up alongside each other, her house was next to mine.”

Johnny nods, “so you were childhood sweethearts?”

Mark chuckles, “well… not exactly, i don’t think she paid much attention to me before high school.”

Johnny hums. “Are you happy?”

With no hesitation, Mark nods. “Absolutely.” A silence falls after Johnny smiles at him, Mark clears his throat. “What about you?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve seen your wife on TV before… are you happy?” Mark feels like he’s over stepping but it’s too late now that the words have left his mouth.

John nods immediately, “yes.” He hesitates before adding, “Just worried about the future.”

Mark holds back a gasp. Is it possible that The John Suh has the same worries as him? “About what?”

Johnny shrugs, “You know, when you’re in the air every day, there’s a chance. There’s always a chance that something will go wrong and I won’t see my wife and sons again.”

Mark feels slightly comforted that Johnny has the same worries as him despite working in this field much longer than him. But still, hearing it come from someone else makes it much more… real. His face pales.

Johnny notices, stopping in his tracks and grabbing Mark’s shoulders. “But you can’t forget that there is also a chance that everything will go as planned and you will succeed for them, because of them.” His voice is stern in order to get the message to the younger man. Mark nods, looking up at Johnny and noticing how human he looks; realizing that Johnny Suh is just as real as he is.

Mark breathes in deep before nodding his head. He repeats the words in his head like a mantra:

For them. Because of them.

-

Friday afternoon of Mark’s first full week of work, you walked frantically around you and Mark’s small apartment, hurrying to set the table before your husband walked through the front door. The aroma of the dinner you prepared reaches your nose from the kitchen as you place fresh flowers in the vase at the center of the table.

You had been cooking since about midday, all in an attempt to make a nice dinner for Mark who had been coming home more tired these days, his new job taking a toll on him. You wanted to give him special treatment to help him relax a bit, and to celebrate him getting a position at NASA.

You were moving the pot of pasta from the kitchen to the dining room when you hear the sound of Mark’s keys from the entrance of your house. You let out a surprised shriek as you run to the nearest mirror, taking in the sight of your messy hair. You try to smoothen it before Mark walks in, wanting to look nice for him. Though, before you can even react you see his reflection in the mirror. He drops his bag lazily on the couch and walks over to you, watching you closely through the mirror as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You relish in his scent as he does yours, the two of you standing quietly for some time before he breaks the silence. “Hello there.”

You smile bashfully, bringing your hand up to touch his cheek. “How was work?”

He smiles, “Tiring. But good.”

You nod before turning in his hold. He watches you with an amused smile as you get on your tip toes to kiss the corner of his mouth before pulling away quickly. His hands in yours, you pull him towards the dining area. “Dinner is already set.”

Mark is shocked as he sees the neatly decorated table and the pots full of his favorite foods all set on it. He looks up at you. “What is this about?”

Shrugging, you explain: “Well, I know work has been tiring you out and we still haven’t properly celebrated you getting the job because of the time crunch so… I just thought it would be nice.” You shyly look down at your feet. Mark feels himself falling for you all over again. He leans down to catch your gaze, his voice is dripping with love as he speaks.

“It’s so nice, love. I appreciate this so much, thank you.” His wraps his arms around you once again and hugs you tight, kissing the side of your head repeatedly. You smile against his chest before pulling away to excitedly lead him to the table.

“Wait here.” He does as you say, sitting at the table patiently while looking at the pretty flowers in the vase and the various candle your lit up. He smiles to himself.

Soon enough, you walk into the dining area, one hand carrying two wine glasses and the other carrying a big bottle of expensive wine.

He watches as you excitedly sit down next to him, handing the bottle over for him to open. It opens with pop that causes the two of you to laugh. He pours you a glass first and then himself.

“I want to make a toast.” You say, Mark chuckles, leaning towards you.

“Okay. To what?”

You raise your glass as you talk, “To my wonderful, hard working, inspiring husband who surprises me every day. Because you worked hard and persevered to accomplish your dream and it’s finally happening. You made it happen.”

Mark feels emotional as you finish talking. He never thought it was possible to love someone this much. “I also want to make a toast.” He raises his glass as you had done before, “To my beautiful wife, who is always there to cheer me on and support me no matter what, to whom I owe my success. None of this would’ve happened without you. We made it happen.”

You bite your lip as he talks, staring at him with heart eyes. The dreamy feeling you got when he first asked you to be his comes back, it seems the young love still remains.

You raise your glass, “To us, then?”

He smiles, clinking the edge of your glass with his own. “To us.”

-

You feel like a teenager again as Mark presses you up against the wall later that night, kissing you passionately. His hands wander all around your body feverishly before settling on your waist. The satisfying grip of his hands against you cause you to moan lightly, hands moving down from where they were locked behind his neck to the buttons of his white shirt. Your fingers work skillfully, undoing each button with ease before pulling his shirt down his arms rather roughly.

His collarbone and neck become exposed to you and immediately your lips are attached to every surface. Mark moans as you kiss down his Adam’s apple, throwing his head back. His eyes closed, relishing in the feeling of your lips on him.

You pull away only to grab his hand and pull him down the hall. Seeing him in this state is blissful, hair a mess and flushed cheeks. You can see the strain of his erection in his black dress pants and walk faster.

Once you reach you shared bedroom, you laugh giddily as you lie down flat on the bed.

The sight is rather beautiful. You lying there, your hair spread out around you, your dress ridden up slightly showing the upper part of your thigh. Mark wastes no time, crawling over you and capturing your lips once again. His hands move down to the bottom of your dress, pushing it up to bunch at waist.

Just as he was about to move his hands to your underwear, you stop him by setting your hand on his. He immediately halts his movements and pulls away, worried. “What’s wrong?”

“Let’s do it this time, Mark.” Your eyes search his for any signs disgust or hesitation but you only find confusion. “Let’s make a baby.”

Mark’s eyes widen, “Are you sure?”

You nod reassuringly, “I’m sure. Do you not want to?”

Mark nods rapidly, “Oh, I want to. I just…”

“Then give it to me, Mark.” You say bringing his hand back where it previously was. His fingers automatically begin massaging the area between your legs.

“Fuck, okay.”

And that’s what he does. That night, Mark gives you everything he has. Endlessly rounds of love making keep you up until the wee hours of the morning when the two of you collapse next to each other, sweaty and heavily breathing.

Mark tiredly smiles, reaching a hand up to move a sweaty strand of hair from your face. “I love you.”

You smile back at him, leaning forward to capture his lips, pecking them quickly. “I love you more.”

The two do you slowly drift to sleep as Mark scratches your back and the sunrise creeps in through your windows.

-

Spring, 1962; 7 Years Before Launch

At some point throughout the passing year, Mark decides that your tiny apartment wasn’t suited for the two of you anymore. He had made plenty of money throughout the year, saving up a fraction of every single paycheck until he had enough to pay for deposit of a lovely house he had been eyeing.

It really was perfect. It’s double storied, littered with windows that let the light seep in beautifully. The living room is a spacious area fit for slow dancing to the love ballads playing from the stereo placed in the corner of the room. Perfect to fit all the buzzing family and friends that came to celebrate with you today.

Blue party streamers hung from the ceiling, balloons littering the floor, children race around your home laughing wildly as their parents keep an eye on them while simultaneously socializing with each other.

Mark is greeting another guest at the door, smiling politely and leading them to where they can leave their gifts when you appear from the kitchen and into his line of vision.

He can’t help but smile every time he sees you. Your hair is beautiful cascading over your shoulders and a pretty baby blue dress falls over the swell over the pregnant belly gracefully. You smile at a few guests as you make your way towards Mark, who immediately puts a hand on your waist. “Food’s ready.”

He kisses your temple and nods, “I’ll let everyone know.” However, before he can walk to the living room where most of the people reside another knock comes from the front door.

He is pleasantly surprised when he sees his tall coworker he has grown close to standing there. “Johnny!”

The man smiles brightly bringing Mark into a short hug. Once they pull away, he steps aside to let Johnny, his wife and three sons through the door. Once you catch sight of him you smile widely, hugging him tight. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

Johnny makes a face, “How could I not when my favorite couple are finally having a baby?” You smile warmly at him before moving to greet his wife, a beautiful woman named Lucy who had so kindly offered you her friendship the first time you met about a year ago. She wraps her arms around you and sways your bodies side to side. “My baby is all grown and having babies!”

You laugh as you pull away, leading her and her sons to the kitchen where the hot food sat ready for their consumption.

That leaves Mark and Johnny by the door. Johnny brings a hand down to clasp Mark’s shoulder, a fatherly gesture Johnny had taken to doing to the younger man. “How are you feeling?”

Mark smiles, “I’m… good. Great actually.”

Johnny chuckles, “You’re gonna be a dad.”

“I am.” Mark’s voice carries underlying wonder that causes Johnny to smile once again.

“I’m proud of you, kid.”

The words warm Mark’s heart, his close friend being someone who never gets too sentimental. He looks directly into his eyes, trying to get his sincerity across. “Thank you, John.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them, that is broken by Johnny who nods his head towards the view in front of him. Mark smiles as he sees you chatting animatedly with Lucy, you’re resting your plate on your big belly bump which makes Mark chuckle. Johnny’s sons sit on the floor in front of you, creating hundreds of scenarios and games with their action figures.

“For them and because of them, right?”

Mark nods but stays silent. You laugh loudly at something Lucy says, your nose scrunching up in the cutest way and your free hand comes down to rub your belly where your son currently was, waiting to join you two. Mark nods once again, only this time it more for himself.

“For them and because of them.”

-

Summer, 1966; 3 Years Before Launch

When Mark said NASA was full of brilliant people, he meant it.

Every person in the facility brought something new and revolutionary to the table, whether it be with their impressive brains or how well they can work the aircrafts.

Mark is positive he hasn’t met a person who hadn’t absolutely blown his mind. This is no exception when he meets the new test pilot that had recruited by Kun, (who was one of the senior pilots along with Johnny; also an excellent flier.) Jaemin Na was his name. He was younger than Mark by a year, making him the youngest test pilot on the field. Though one highly impressive and skilled test flight later, he proved to be just as experienced as the oldest pilots.

He greets Mark with a firm handshake and a bright smile, “Mr. Lee, I’ve heard so much about you.”

Mark raises an eyebrow before chuckling. “Please, call me Mark.” Jaemin nods, letting go of his hand.

Jaemin is at a loss for words in front of the now well-known pilot, his talkative self being pushed into a corner as he tries to control his urge to say just about anything that comes to his head. Mark notices. He considers what to do, and ultimately decides to do what Johnny would do. He claps a hand down on Jaemin’s shoulder, though, he doesn’t feel as natural as Johnny does, he tries his best to come back from it.

“I was just making my way to the cafeteria, do you pack lunch?”

Jaemin perks up and nods instantly, raising his lunch box to Mark’s face. “My wife made some yummy ribs last night n’ packed them for me.”

Mark smiles at the man, In that moment he decides he likes Jaemin.

“Let's head down together, then.”

On the way to the cafeteria, Mark finds out that Jaemin has been married for 5 years. That he eloped with his wife during their last year of high school and they have two daughters together, twins. Jaemin takes the liberty off taking the locket around his neck off to show Mark a picture of a beautiful curly haired woman with her arms wrapped around two equally beautiful curly haired little girls who smiled widely. “Those are my girls.” He said looking down affectionately at the picture. He asks Mark about his wife, he goes off on a tangent about you, how you met and about your little boy, Elliot.

Mark finds out that Jaemin joined NASA because of his love for adventure and flying. He also mentions that he would want nothing more than to make his family proud. Mark refrains from telling him that they would be proud of his nonetheless and lets him ramble on.

It’s halfway through lunch that Mark notes that there is never a silent moment with Jaemin. And he likes that. He’s usually not one to talk much and Jaemin’s voice fills the silence perfectly. His brightness and enthusiasm is contagious, leaving Mark in a good mood even after they part ways at the end of the day.

-

Some days on the field are better than others.

The objective was to test the control of the craft everyone called MH-96, it was nothing Mark hadn’t done before. He speaks with headquarters over his head piece as he situates himself into the cockpit of the craft, strapping in all his seat belts and preparing all his other protective gear. “The weather is good so there shouldn’t be any complications.” Mark hears the familiar voice of Johnny from his head set and smiles.

“What are you doing at headquarters? It’s your day off!”

Mark doesn’t see this but Johnny shrugs as he laughs, “Wanted to come see you complete this mission so I can brag about you at the Washington test flights next month.”

Mark chuckles at his friend’s words, feeling flustered that at the thought of someone bragging about him. He kisses his teeth playfully before smiling, “Are we ready for take off or what?”

Johnny laughs before speaking to a member of the head quarters crew who says something Mark can’t hear. Johnny makes an affirmative sounds before speaking, “I’m gonna let you speak to the professionals now. Good luck man.”

Mark nods before remembering that Johnny can’t see him, he lets out a hum and waits for Johnny pass the headset to the crew member.

-

The mission starts off well. It’s a simple task: test out how high the aircraft can go before coming back down and landing on the designated mark.

The force of the speed moving the aircraft causes Mark to go flat against his seat, his body becoming immobile. This had happened before so Mark could handle it well, (though, he will admit the force is greater than anything he had flown before) what Mark didn’t anticipate was the red flashes and alarming buzzes coming from the control panel of the aircraft. His worried eyes move to the panel before he contacts headquarters. “Talk to me. What’s happening?”

The line silent before a confused voice comes through the headset. “It says here the flight has exceeded its expected maximum capacity of height but the gears are still accelerating.”

Mark processes the information. He has never experienced anything like this before: a point where he’s not in control of the craft. He begins to sweat. The only thing this situation would compatible to is driving a car with no brakes.

Suddenly, the aircraft begins to become extremely hot, a panicked voice rings in Mark’s ears. “The temperature is rising, Mark. You need to form a plan for descent now.”

Mark doesn’t know if the accelerating of heart beat is because of the adrenaline or because of the fear after the thought of you flashed through his head. The thought of you raising your son alone and of moving on without him because he let an aircraft control him. he shakes the thoughts from his head. He has a mission, not only to return safely but to return to you.

Mark brings together all the knowledge his has accumulated in his years of flying. Looking below him, sees the landing mark, where a few men wait for his arrival. After the big landing area, almost outside the fence of the facility, there’s a huge lake he had forgotten was there that served only for crash landing like these, it had never been put to use before but sees it as the only option.

“I’m changing course to the lake, will operate ejection protocol once I’m closer.” The man on the other line gives Mark an affirmative noise even though Mark can hear his nervous, heavy breathing.

As Mark approaches the lake, he steers the craft in a straight down. He is sure his heart beat has never beat this fast, he can hear it over the chatter coming through the headset and the creaking and loud alarms from inside the aircraft. He gets an urge to close his eyes but remembers that he has to eject himself before the aircraft hits the water.

He hurriedly takes off all his seat belts and protective gear, going through the procedure he was taught so many times that he never thought he was going to use. As the aircraft gets closer and closer to the water, the increase in heat and Mark’s heartbeat become more apparent. He makes a pathetic attempt to move his face away from the hottest spots, only to feel another extreme heat wave over his face.

It all happens so quickly Mark wasn’t even aware that he had ever pressed the ejection button until he was floating several feet above the water, getting absolutely soaked by the splash the aircraft produces as it makes contact with the water. His body slowly lowered to the water as well, (maybe a little too slow for Mark’s liking). The adrenaline still pumped through him, making it hard to stay still as his body made contact with water.

He uses up all his energy and adrenaline to swim to the edge of the lake.

Once he reaches the shore, he can barely find it in himself to stand. He hears the sound of frantic voices as his body collapses to the ground and everything goes black.

-

Much like all his mornings, your face is the first thing Mark sees when he wakes up. Though, unlike other times when you would sleepily smile or groan for another few minutes, there are tears streaming down your face and concern flooding your eyes.

Your eyes widen as you become aware of Mark’s consciousness. Immediately, you reach out to touch him. “Oh, Thank god!”

Despite how heavy it feels, he reaches up and sets his hand on yours. He hates seeing you like this. You launch forward to wrap your arms around his laid figure. He doesn’t have enough energy to move his arms but returns your hug by nuzzling his nose into your neck. He lets you sob against him, tears coming into his own eyes before he can stop them. His hoarse voice sounds through the room. “Don’t cry, baby. If you cry I’ll cry.”

You pull away from him and look into his eyes. His heart breaks a bit as he sees your big beautiful eyes full of tears. “W-when Johnny called me and told you were i-in an a-accident, I thought…” You let silence speak that sentence for you. “I was so scared Mark. I thought I lost you.”

Your broken voice and choked sobs go straight to Mark’s heart. He feels tears rolling down the sides of his face into his hairline.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m okay. I’m here.”

He reaches his weak hands against your back and pushes you further against him. Wanting you to feel his body, wanting you to know he was there.

You lay your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, it goes at a steady rhythm that calms you.

Badum… badum…badum

Mark breaks the silence, though he keeps his voice quiet as to not break the comfort you two have created.

“Where is Elliot?” You feel the rumble from his chest on your cheek as he speaks.

“I left him with Lucy.” He nods.

The thought of your son makes Mark smile, then frown. The little boy was almost a replica of his father, pretty eyes, and a small nose. Straight, jet black hair and delicate shoulders. Everything except for his personality. That’s 100% you. The way the little boy squeals in delight whenever he sees Mark and runs up to him, hugging him as tight as he can. The way he always tries to make his father laugh when he can tell he had a bad day, even though he still so young. The way he brightened up Mark’s world and helped him shine. Just like you.

Even so much as thinking of being apart from you and Elliot made fresh tears appear in Mark’s eyes. He never thought he would have so much to lose.

“Y/n?”

“Hmm?”

“Look at me.” You do, eyes growing wide as you see his newly formed tears. He starts talking before you can question anything. Looking seriously into your eyes: “I want you to know that whatever happens, I will always find a way to come back to you and Elliot. Always. Even if…” he pauses to gulp “even if I die, I will still be with you guys. I will never leave you, okay? I will always be there. Do you understand?”

You nod your head as silent tears roll down your cheeks.

“I want to hear you say it.” He says in a stern but shaky voice. His eyes hold sincerity and fear behind them. You nod your head with more force. “I understand, Mark.” His thumbs wipe the tears off your cheeks as you lean in to kiss his lips.

The kiss is sad but heartwarming at the same time, it served as a promise between you and Mark. A promise to never be broken apart even when anything attempts to do so.

“I love you, Mark Lee.” You say softly against his lips, he grips your clothes tighter. He rubs his nose against your own, causing you to smile.

“Not as much as I love you, I can’t assure you.”

Even though the circumstance was not the best, you allowed yourself to think for that time that everything was perfect.

Even if it was just for a moment.

-

Summer, 1967; 2 Years Before Launch

It was rare for Mark to have moments like these. Perfect moments. Your son happily runs and bounces around the house, pulling Mark along with him as he maneuvers his way through your house on clumsy small legs.

Both you and Mark were ecstatic that he had been granted a short break during the summer. Seeing as that all of NASA’s focus would be on the test flights happening up in Washington D.C. where Johnny and a few other senior pilots were flying and showcasing different aircrafts made by NASA to powerful rich people up north, hoping to get the upcoming Apollo Project on its feet.

Taken, the break would only be three days long but Mark would take whatever he could get to spend time with you and your son, who kept him occupied by playing games with him and dragging him all over the house, showing Mark things like paperclips and toy airplanes that might seem simple but still made the little boy’s eyes fill with wonder as he examines it before showing it to his father. It warmed Mark’s heart to no end to spend time with his son, even though he couldn’t possibly make up the time he lost with his son in the next three days, he sure wishes he could.

Mark is too busy looking at paperclips and making airplane soar across the imaginary sky to notice that the phone had been ringing. Not wanting to interrupt their fun, you reach answer the phone yourself.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?” You recognize the voice to be that of Kun’s- he was a colleague of Mark’s who had come over to your house a few times before. Though, you couldn’t imagine why he would call in like this. “Kun? Is everything alright?”

“Is Mark there with you?” You faintly hear giggles and Mark’s voice from the living room.

“He’s in the living room with the baby, do you want me to put him on?”

Kun inhales sharply, “No- I- fuck.”

“Kun? What is wrong?”

“He was doing a test flight and I don’t know what happened, there was some sort of system failure, they couldn’t even explain it, the system just fell and he came crashing down. It all happened so fast, Y/N.”

“Kun! Slow down! What are you talking about?”

He breathes in deeply, his frantic voice becoming a slightly more stable but still having a certain shakiness to it. “Johnny.”

All the puzzle pieces fall into place. A crash, system failure. Johnny. Your hands begin to shake. You bring your other hand to grip the phone as well. “Is he…?”

Kun’s silence is enough of an answer.

Your body goes into temporary shock. Before a sob makes Its way up your throat.

Johnny, the man who had inspired your husband to follow his dreams, who became not only his mentor but also his closest friend, who walked through your front door countless times with his wife and children. Johnny who was basically like family to you. Who celebrated thanksgiving at you and Mark’s house every year.

Johnny. Who will never get to see his boys grow into successful men and will never make it to the moon alongside his best friend like he had always imagined.

“Johnny.” Was all you could say.

It isn’t long before Mark emerges from the living room, your son scooped up in his arms, wearing a smile that instantly washes away as he takes in your state.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

You didn’t want to tell him. You wished he could spend the rest of his life not knowing; losing his best friend would destroy him.

He sets Elliot on the ground before walking up to you, he grips your shoulders. “Y/n, what happened?”

You look into his eyes, trying to remember what the brightness inside them looks like, knowing you wouldn’t see that brightness for a while after this.

“Mark…” You gulp, “Mark, something went wrong in Washington.”

Mark freezes, his eyes becoming serious. “Did anyone get hurt?” His eyes are looking directly into yours. They are already flooded with hurt and sadness, like he knows what’s coming. “Tell me.”

“It’s Johnny.” You say. “I’m so sorry, Mark.” You see as the life slips from his eyes, and his hands slowly fall off your shoulders, hitting his sides.

His voice sounds so small. “Johnny?”

You stare back at him as he stares lifelessly at you, tears are streaming down your face.

You approach him with extended arms, but he steps back out of your reach. He stays there for some time before turning abruptly towards the door, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his car keys.

“Mark…” you say, in pleading tone. “Where are you going?”

“I need to be alone right now.” He doesn’t look at you as he says that, his hand already gripping the door handle.

“Mark, maybe you shouldn’t go out right-“

“I said, I need to be alone right now!” He angrily yells, causing you to take a cautionary step back and watch as he slips out the door.

-

Mark goes to the only place he could think of, the one place he feels most confident, the place where he and Johnny carried out all their mission and cheered each other on: the runway field at NASA.

The place that had always been full of pilots, military men, NASA employees, and planes is now empty, leaving Mark alone with his thoughts.

As he looks across the field, he can practically see the image of everything that happened here applying in his mind. Johnny teaching Mark how to fly an aircraft.

Johnny ridiculously dancing in front of him to help relieve Mark of his nerves when it was his first solo mission. When Johnny told him that he was sure Mark was going to be on the crew that would go to the moon. That they would go together. No matter what. All the late nights they had spent working together, all the laughs, all the flights, all the near death experiences, all the plans.

“ALL FOR NOTHING!” Mark shouts into the emptiness before his hands grip his hair tightly. He finally lets the tears fall, his body crumbling onto the ground under him. He cries out loud for his friend. The pain becoming too much to bare. He screams and shouts at no one. “Oh my god.” He says between sobs.

-

Johnny’s service passes slowly throughout the rest of the week.

Mark can do nothing but stare blankly as they lower Johnny’s coffin into the ground. He’s standing alone. Elliot and Johnny’s three sons play in the grass, oblivious to the tragedy that has just struck their lives, and you are sitting on the ground, the shaking body of Johnny’s wife wrapped tightly in your arms as you let her sob into you.

You could've said you felt her pain as she breaks down in front of everyone at the cemetery, but you know for a fact that what she is showing is only a fraction of what she feels. You had imagined this happening to before; losing Mark and having to raise Elliot on your own. The pain from the thought alone is unbearable. All you can do is hold the woman closer to you, whispering encouraging things to her that really, in hindsight, do nothing but its all you had to offer.

Mark watches you attempt to comfort her but he finds himself thinking that there is no way for you to ever comfort her enough to make up for what she has lost. He feels like pulling you away from her, he doesn’t know why. He knew how comforting your presence was to everyone, yet he wanted to take you away and tell you to leave Lucy alone. Maybe it's because he wanted to be alone. Maybe its because he wants to let her mourn in peace. Or maybe its the hurt inside his heart when he sees her suffering, knowing Johnny’s heart would have broken if he saw her like this. Maybe its because one day it could be you in her shoes. He doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know anything.

-

It is raining when you arrive home that afternoon. Mark walks into the house first, solemnly heading straight to your bedroom. You can only watch him sadly. Elliot was asleep in your arms, you close the front door with your foot before walking down the hall to his room, laying him down on the rocket patterned sheets. After planting a light kiss on his head, you enter you and Mark’s shared bedroom carefully.

The man comes out of the walk in closet at that moment, adorned in his work clothes. His NASA badge hanging from his neck. He only spares you a brief glance as he sits on the edge of the bed, slipping his shoes on his feet.

“Mark, where are you going?”

“I have a lot of work to do.”

“But…” You say, sitting next to him. “Didn’t they say you had a mourning leave?” The last place Mark should be right now is work, too many memories of Johnny and what could’ve been. You knew it was best he stayed home. He, however, seems to not hear you at all as finishes up tying his shoelaces, getting up at glancing at his reflection in the mirror briefly. Before making a brisk walk toward the front door.

“I’ll be back after night falls, don’t wait for my arrival and just sleep.” His voice is thick and strict and so unlike the Mark you know, it’s almost intimidating. It’s also void of any emotion.

Perhaps that’s what scared you the most.

-

Winter, 1967; 2 Years Before Launch

The next months after Johnny’s passing go by agonizingly slow causing Mark to dive fully into his work.

Things at NASA go back to normal after a few months while everyone recovered from the shock of Johnny’s death, things were slower and the big project Johnny was working on -Apollo- was put on hold.

Johnny had told Mark about the ambitious mission that’s main purpose was to get a man on the moon, though he had only heard of it briefly before that day.

Harsh rain is falling on the blue coat Mark held over his head as he runs into the facility in an attempt to avoid the inconvenient weather on the day his life would change forever.

He was shrugging off the bag at his desk and tusking at the sight of his soaked coat when Kun comes rushing over to him, anxiously tapping his shoulder. “Mr. Jung wants to conduct a meeting with us.”

“Mr. Jung?” Mark can’t help but grow nervous at the mention of the head executive. “Why does he want to conduct a meeting with us?”

Kun looks around them, before saying quietly. “He wants to launch Apollo.” The younger man steps back and looks at Kun incredulously, mouth agape and eyes wide open.

“A-Apollo?” His voice slightly shaking, though he can’t find it in himself to care as he processes Kun’s words.

“Yes, so let’s go! He is waiting on us.”

After a brief pause Mark forces himself to move, peeling off his bag and setting it on his desk before following Kun down the hallway.

-

Once they arrive to the meeting room, two men are already sat there waiting. Mr. Jung is dressed in a neat suit with his hair nicely styled to the side, his hands rest on the polished table. Across from him sits Jaemin Na, his hands are resting on his knees as he bounces them nervously. Mark almost sighs out loud at the relief of seeing a familiar face in here with them. Mr. Jung greets them as they take the seats next to Jaemin, who nods at Mark with a smile which he can tell was partially forced.

“Good morning pilots, I can assure that you have an inkling on what this meeting could be about.” Mr. Jung’s deep voice carries throughout the room, the three men across from him nod.

Kun speaks up first. “This is about Apollo, isn’t it?”

A smile grazes Mr. Jung’s face as he nods. “Yes, it is. I am happy to inform you that the men who will carry out the first man mission to set foot on the moon are in this room with me right now.”

A gasp catches in Kun’s throat, as he grips the arms of the meeting room chair tightly. Jaemin immediately sits up straighter and stares at the executive with wide eyes momentarily before looking to Mark for a reaction. The man in the middle, however, shows no emotion. His stoic expression causes confusion among the other men in the room. Jaemin taps his arm. “Mark, are you alright?”

Mark avoids looking at the younger’s face as he nods, hands intertwined tightly on his lap. He really wants to tell Jaemin that he is not alright and Johnny should’ve been in this room with them and been the one to carry out the moon mission. That even though this is everything he has ever wanted, it feels so so wrong to do it without him. He clears his throat. “I’m alright.”

The rest of the meeting is a blur in his mind, Mr. Jung discusses the details of the mission, the vigorous training the men would have to go through in the next few months and the many tests that had to be done before the mission could be carried out. He ends the meeting with a smile and a “Congratulations, men.”

As they leave the room Mr. Jung calls out for Mark to stay back for a bit. The pilot tells his still wonderstruck colleagues to go ahead without him as he steps back into the room. “Yes, sir?”

“Take a seat, Mark.” Mr. Jung says, setting the Apollo mission folder on top of the table. Once the other man is settled, he begins to speak. “I wanted to start off by saying I’m sorry for your loss, I knew you and John were very close.”

Mark nods and looks down at his hands. “Thank you.”

“And I realized you didn’t take the news of this mission very well, judging from your expression.” Mr. Jung clicks his tongue and opens the file, pointing to a part on one of the many pages. Mark recognizes Johnny’s neat penmanship and blinks his eyes furiously to suppress tears as he read the words. “John wrote in the details of the Apollo mission we were developing together that you were to be on the mission as first in command. He chose you for the passion you showed to flying and overwhelming trust he had for you.” Mr. Jung leans forward to emphasize his point. “Even before his passing, Mr. Suh has chosen you to lead this mission. Because he knew you were the best for it.”

Mark leans back into his chair, shocked. Why would Johnny make him the leader of the mission he was planning? What not make himself the leader? What had been going through his head when he made this decision? Mark couldn’t comprehend the situation and he feels as if his chest becomes heavier and the air becomes thicker. He can’t seem to catch a breath but he does manage to stand from his chair and croak out a: “I would like to discuss this with my wife beforehand.” Before rushing out of the meeting room.

-

The moment you hear the sound of Mark’s keys from outside the door, you stand up straighter and smooth down the wrinkles of your dress with your hands.You hate that you have begun to wonder when your husband would finally talk to you, after all this time and that you have to keep your guard up and anticipate when the man who used to go on and on to you about every detail of his day would finally even so much as breathe in your general direction. (Elliot had grown a full two inches since the last time Mark had spent a full day with him. This made you wonder how much more he would grow until you couldn’t handle Mark’s silence any longer.)

Once he is in the house, you watch as he hangs up his coat in silence. Suddenly, to your surprise the man turns to you causing you to perk and smile immediately. (You don’t know this, but Mark’s heart string tug as he sees you so excited to talk to him. He forces a small smile back.) “Hi.”

“Hi.” He replies, hands gripping the back of a dining room chair. “I uh-” It’s almost like he has forgotten how to talk to you. “Mr. Jung held a meeting today.”

You lean forward, urging him to continue. “And…?”

“And… it’s a go.”

“What is a go?” You furrow your eyebrows at him, he looks up at you.

“The lunar mission. Kun, Jaemin and I were brought in today to discuss it.” You stay in stunned silence, Mark grows increasingly anxious. “What do you think?” He asks, itching to know what’s going through your head.

You snap out of your stunned state, out of all the millions of thoughts rushing through your head. You’re terrified, you will admit only to yourself that your blood ran cold the second his words settled in your mind. Nevertheless, you smile. “What do I think? Mark, this is wonderful!” Confusion overshadows your fear as you see that your lover’s face isn’t full of excitement like you expected it to be, but rather discomfort and turmoil. You carefully step closer to him. “Mark? What’s wrong? Is this not what you wanted?” You make sure to keep your voice gentle as you spoke to him, though it seems your words only made matters worse for him. “Do you want to talk? I can make some tea and w-”

“No.” His stern voice resonates throughout the room, at the same time he takes a step away from you. “This is what I want and ill do it even if it kills me.”

You gasp quietly as you step back from the pilot who is looking at you with cold eyes that have built a fortress to contain what he feels. “Mark…”

The man allows you no more words or touches as brushes past you, down the hall to your bedroom, his doesn’t slam the door but he closes it loud enough that it shakes the picture frames on the wall next to it and makes your heart beat quicken.

You think about how this is the first time Mark has made your heartbeat accelerate in a negative way and you run your fingers through your hair is distress, wondering how much more your tired heart can take.

-

The next few months pass by in a similar fashion, Mark dives fully into his training and his duties at work and you force yourself to focus on Elliot and what to answer every time he asks where his father is. You try to explain to him that his father has been busy, that soon everything would be back to normal once Daddy does some things he needs to do. You don’t dare mention the possibility of Mark not coming back, partly for him and mostly for yourself. These days, you and Elliot learn how to depend on each other and support Mark from afar no matter how much it hurts to watch him push you away, hoping that in the end this will all be worth the pain.

-

Spring, 1968; 1 Year Before Launch

Night falls and Mark still hasn’t returned, you still hope the result of all of this will justify the pain but you are sure it will not justify the anger.

His work days usually end at around 3pm, you knew this by remembering all the days when Mark’s would come home to eagerly greet you and your son before telling you, in detail, everything that happened that day. You sigh when you look towards the clock on the wall. 11:32pm.

Elliot had gone to sleep a few hours ago, hugging his toy airplane tightly against his chest. You are left alone with your thoughts as you wait for Mark.

The man has been absent in your life for the past few months. He lived in the same house, slept in the same bed and went with you to all his events, he was there but he wasn’t there.

He had lost a part of himself when Johnny died. You caught him staring at walls often, silent and thoughtful. You had to yell his name to get his attention sometimes.

You can’t help but feel like you aren’t just mourning Johnny but also Mark. The thought makes your hand ache and an angsty feeling to bubble in your chest.

The sound Mark’s keys interrupt your train of thought. The clock now reads: 11:49pm. You walk quietly to the kitchen where Mark currently was, taking off his coat.

“Hi.” You say is quiet voice, afraid that you will somehow trigger him. Mark’s eyes move to you, he nods.

“Hi.” “Where were you?” You dare.

“Just out.”

“With who?” “Why do you want to know?”

The answer is so cold, so unlike Mark. You are taken aback. You can’t stop yourself from raising the tone of your voice slightly. “Because you’re my husband, Mark.”

He sighs, looking away. He chooses not to answer, hanging up his keys.

Your patience begins to wear thin, you approach him. “Where were you, Mark?” You want to ask: ‘Where are you?’

He kisses his teeth, “I just went out for a drink with some of the guys, okay?”

You let out a frustrated sigh, the sound straight to Mark’s blood, angering him. The tone of his voice is loud when he speaks. “Does that bother you? What is the problem with me going out to drink everyone once in a while? I’m stressed, I’m tired!”

“I know, Mark. I understand that but I just wish that you would come home more, I’m worried about you!”

He gets closer to you, there are traces of anger all over his face. His eyes are wide and his cheeks are red. “Its my job, y/n! What do you want me to do?”

“ I just want you here with me and Elliot, that's all I want!” You throw your hands up in frustration.

“This mission is important to me. You know that this is my dream and so fucking what if i want to go out after working all day? I deserve it!” It’s scares you how little of the him you once knew you see in these cold eyes, you don’t recognize the person in front of you.

“Believe me, I know how important this mission is to you and i'm not asking you to give that up at all, but please sort out your priorities, Mark, we are your family for god’s sake!”

“Why can’t you understand that this mission is my first priority? NOTHING is more important than this mission.”

Your words are caught in your throat. Your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach as his words settle in your mind. You two stare at each other in silence, chests heaving.

You watch as his eyes softens slightly upon seeing the hurt and exhaustion that reside in your eyes. He dares to step forward, only for you to step away from him and turn your back to him. He can see the faint outline of your shoulders blades under your skin when you reach hands up to grip the sides of the kitchen sink. Your knuckles turn white from the grip and your shoulders rise and fall slowly as you try to conjure any words.

“Y/N-“

“You know what, Mark?” You scratch your nails against the wood of your counter. “I know that you’re hurt and I understand that you need time… I get that. And I try my best to respect that but all I’ve done for the past ten years of my life is love and support you and your dream which I’m so happy that you finally get to achieve. Like, you don’t know how absolutely ecstatic I am for you.” You turn to Mark, who watches you with furrowed brows. You desperately try to get your point across to him. “And…, you can put this mission before everything and you can put everything before me and I would understand.” His lip quivers for a millisecond before he bites down on it. You poke an accusing finger at his chest, speaking through gritted teeth. “But don’t you dare prioritize anything over Elliot, okay? He needs you. He needs his father and you’re leaving no guarantee that you will ever come back.”

The last words spill out quickly, they cause tears to spill out of your eyes which you frustratedly wipe away. “So, just take some time to be with him, please?”

He doesn’t have time to answer because you move away from him, racing down the hall to your shared bedroom.

He stands alone in the kitchen. Thinking over your words. He realizes how selfish he has been.

How could he have forgotten that you were also mourning Johnny? That he wasn’t the only one who had lost someone the day Johnny died? How could he not realize that on that day, you lost not just Johnny but Mark as well because he let his own grief get in the way of his judgement. How could he have forgotten that he is a father? That there is a little boy who is wondering where he is. That in his moment of fear when he thought of you in Johnny’s wife’s shoes, he tore himself away from you and Elliot. How could he have been this way to you? After all the promises he had made you.

For them, because of them.

How did he forget?

His feet act before he does, moving down the halls of your house, stopping at the door of your shared room. He opens the door carefully, peering inside. His shoulders sink in defeat when he sees the vacant room. His pillow is lonely on the bed. He wanted to believe you would be in the room, waiting for him for him to come in and apologize, that everything would be instantly fixed.

He is careful not to make too much noise as he walks down the hall, once he reaches the decorated door of your son’s bedroom he turns the handle carefully.

The sight breaks his heart into a million pieces. You and Elliot were squeezed into his small bed, curled into each other for warmth, the duvet thrown on the floor next to you. It breaks his heart to know that he left the two of your alone due to his own selfishness, that you two had to protect and take care of each other when he was supposed to be doing that all along. It breaks his heart to know that he failed you as both a husband and a father.

He moves carefully into the room, taking the abandoned duvet and draping it over your bodies. He watches Elliot’s chest rise and fall, his peaceful face causing fresh tears to form in Mark’s already bloodshot eyes. His shaky hand comes up to brush his black hair away from his forehead. “I’m sorry, Elli.”

-

The next day is Saturday, meaning Mark has the day off. Still, he finds himself waking up before the sun, wanting to get away from the cold, lonely sheets that haunted him all throughout the night.

He peeks into Elliot’s room, seeing the two of you still sound asleep. He smiles sadly, before reminding himself that he has to make it up to you two today. Mark carefully walks towards the bed, leaning down to give you each a kiss on the forehead before slipping out the door.

-

You awoke that morning to the faint sound of Elliot’s laughter. Confusedly sitting up, you notice that you’re alone in Elliot’s blue walled room. You smell the sweet aroma, surely coming from the kitchen and immediately spring to your feet. You race to the kitchen, thinking Elliot was up to something only to be face to face with your husband who carries a tall plate of pancakes in his right hand and a spatula in the other.

He startles when he sees you, putting down the plate rapidly and dusting the flower off his clothes. His nerves obvious to you. “Good morning.”

You stare at him before looking at Elliot, who happily munches on some pancakes at the table, humming softly. You feel Mark’s gaze on you. “Morning.”

The sound of your voice makes him feel a bit better. “I made pancakes.”

You nod, “I can see that.”

Your cold tone causes him to deflate lightly, you can tell but you remember the words he said to you last night and you feel like maybe he deserves it.

“We can eat together, if you want.” His eyes look hopeful. Your heartbeat quickens. It reminds you of when he asked you to be his girlfriend or to marry him; it’s the kind of hopefulness you have never said no to.

You say nothing as you push past him to grab a plate of pancakes before moving to the table, taking your chair beside Elliot.

Mark stays frozen, not knowing what to do. He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anger you further so he stays in that spot, watching you two eat.

“Are you coming?”

Your mouth is stuffed with food but Mark immediately understands and moves to his place at the dining table across from you.

Elliot giggles, “Mommy! Daddy is here today!”

You put on a happy tone, “He is!”

Elliot looks over at Mark, who was already looking at him. “I missed you, Daddy.”

If Mark thought his heart was broken before, he was wrong. “I missed you too, Elli. But from now on Daddy is going to spend more time with you, would you like that?” He blinks rapidly, trying to keep the tears away from his eyes. Elliot nods eagerly.

You watch the interaction and can’t fight back a sad smile. You reach your hand out to wipe some syrup off of Elliot’s cheek, before looking Mark’s way.

He is already looking at you. His eyes hold something in them. They want to tell you everything he is thinking, all the regret, apologies and sadness.

“Daddy?” Elliot’s soft voice ends your long eye contact. Mark looks at your son, humming. “At school, a girl told me that when a boy looks at a girl for a long time, that means he likes her... Do you like Mommy?”

Mark chuckles at your son’s innocent question, reaching a hand up to ruffle his straight black hair. Smiling, you lean back on your chair and watch the two of them talk.

“I like Mommy a lot, Elliot.”

You hide your smile from him, looking away. Elliot gasps, little hands covering his open mouth in a frantic gesture. “Does that mean you want to kiss her?”

Mark laughs once again, before looking over at you, he feels the pieces of his heart getting pulled together slightly when he catches your small smile and the blush on your cheeks. “Yes, I do.”

You scoff, looking away. You stand up grabbing the empty plates and walking towards the kitchen, missing the moment where Elliot leans close to Mark and whispers:

“I think she likes you too.”

-

Mark can’t believe how happy being a dad can make him.

After breakfast, Mark had suggested going on a walk together, you declined telling him to take Elliot and spend some time alone with him. Although you’re rejection bruised him slightly, he begins to think that spending some time alone with his son is what he needed.

Just like you, Elliot is talkative. He talks about everything under the sun, dramatically flailing his arms in order to get his point across. Mark listens and nods, laughing at the strange things his toddler had to say.

While skipping through the park, Elliot suddenly gasps, halting all his movements. “Daddy, look!” He lets go of Mark’s hand and leans down to grab a circular pebble off the ground.

The pebble is grey and has all kinds of bumps on it, Elliot brings it up to Mark’s face. “It looks like the moon!” Mark takes a good look at the rock, realizing his son is right, it does kind of look like the moon.

“It does!”

Elliot grabs Mark’s hand and sets the rock in the middle of his palm. “You can take this little moon with you when you go to the big moon. For good luck!”

Mark’s heart bursts with love as Elliot looks at him hopefully. “That’s a great idea, buddy.”

A big smile identical to his own forms on his son’s face, as he grabs Mark’s hand once again, pulling him down the sidewalk towards the swings.

-

Later that night, after you hear all about their day out from an excited Elliot, Mark finally manages to convince the little boy it was time for bed.

You hear his protests through the walls, along with Mark coaxing and bribing him with different candies.

After a while, all the noise stops. You hear the sound of his door opening then closing before the sound of Mark’s footsteps coming down the hall.

You look up at your reflection in the mirror of the vanity you sat at, picking up the hair brush, trying to look busy as he steps into the room.

At first, he just stands by the door and watches you. You try your best to not look back at him even though you really want to.

He decides to break the ice, walking up to you slowly. He holds out his hand, “Let me.”

You look up at him before setting the hair brush in his open hand.

His hands are gentle as they weave the brush through your hair, working tentatively on every strand, making sure every knot was gone. You watch him through the mirror, his focused gaze to busy working on your hair to notice.

“Done.” He says in a soft voice, setting your brush down on the vanity before moving behind you once again.

The two of you look at each other through the mirror.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers.

You quirk an eyebrow before replying “You think so?”, your fingers fiddle with the sleeves of your robe as you look at your husband who nods rapidly.

“Of course I do.” He moves around you, facing you directly. Mark kneels down in front of you, resting his hands on the sides of the bench of your vanity. He looks up at you with his big eyes. You stare back at him, keeping your hands locked together instead of cupping his face like they were itching to do at this very moment. The two of you just look at each other for what feels like hours before Mark’s face changes suddenly, scrunching up as he lets his head fall onto your lap. You feel his hands grip you waist as his body begins to shake. You feel his tears on your thighs.

Hesitantly, you rest your hands on his head, stroking his hair in an attempt to calm him. “Mark…”

He sniffles, looking up at you with red eyes. It pains you to see him this way, so broken and sorry. You can see how much he has suffered through the exhaustion in his eyes. Guilt rises in your chest as you see your love in such a vulnerable state. “Mark, don’t cry.”

He shakes his head vigorously, “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to you, y/n. All the promises I’ve broken and how much I’ve been lacking for you and our son.”

You listen to his rant with furrowed brows. “I’ve failed you. I didn’t mean it when I said the mission was more important than you, please know that I never meant it.”

You try to swallow the lump in your throat, Mark’s words making you feel emotional. “I told you all those years ago that nothing is more important than you and that still stands. There’s nothing in this universe I love more than you, sunshine. And I will never be able to forgive myself for thinking differently for even a second.”

He hiccups between his words, shoulders shaking as his hands grip the fabric of your robe to keep you with him. Not daring to let you go.

“Mark, it’s okay. You’re here now, aren’t you?” You try to soothe his pain while your own cheeks are becoming wet with salty tears. He shakes his head against your thighs, a sob leaves his lips.

“I should’ve been here always. I left you like I promised you I wouldn’t.” He cries rather loudly. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I just… saw what losing Johnny did to Lucy, and it made my heart break even more than it already was to picture you in that position. I never wanted that to happen to you, so I guess I started to push you away.” He sniffles and swallows thickly. “Now I see that was the wrong thing to do, and I’m so, so sorry.” Mark’s head falls into your lap once again as his body continues to shake.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this broken before. You’ve seen him cry plenty of times, sure. But the way he hunches over, his shoulders shaking as his cries leave his mouth. You bring your hands down to caress the top of his back.

“Lay with me, won’t you?” Mark looks up at you upon hearing your borderline shaky voice. He looks so small and fragile as he nods and stands on his two feet before you, grabbing your hands and allowing you to lead him to your shared bed.

He never lets go, never allows even a brief moment of your skin not touching his own.

He lays on his side, same you. The two of you are facing each other, you bring your hand up to caress the side of his sad face, his eyes immediately close.

“I’m sorry too Mark.” You whisper, Mark’s eyes open. His eyebrows furrow. “I’m sorry you were having a hard time with everything that happened.”

He shakes his head, “It wasn’t your fault.”

You go silent for a moment. “Mark… Johnny would be really proud of everything you’ve accomplished, you know that right?”

There they are.

The words Mark has been waiting to hear for the last two years. The words he worked towards. He has been waiting for them, though he never said it.

His breath hitches and his eyes become wet once again. Mark’s jaw clenches as more sobs come from him. He cries into the palm of your hand, his tears pool onto it and run down your wrist. Your lips quiver as you see the love of your life breakdown completely in front of you.

“Sh… it’s okay, baby.”

Mark pulls you closer to him, moving down to rest his head on your chest. You stroke his hair and let him cry, whispering calming words to him. You didn’t realize that Mark had been this burdened by Johnny’s death, and how sincerely regretful he was for being absent.

It takes a while for Mark to finally pull away from your tight embrace. He looks up at you with his tear stained face.

His voice is only a bit over a whisper but still fills the silence that occupied the room, “Thank you for always being there and for raising Elliot so well.”

You smile. “He was happy today.”

Mark chuckles, his arms were still wrapped around your middle as he nods his head. “I was happy too.”

“I am happy to be here with you, close to you.” He corrects himself, you chuckle lightly, scratching his back. You’re glad the man has started feeling better once again.

“You don’t know how happy I am to have you here.” Mark moves up after hearing your words, squirming and moving until the two of you are face to face. He is so close your noses are touching, brushing against each other in a fleeting delicious moment of skin to skin contact. He stares deeply into your eyes before looking down at your lips which were still swollen from crying. Mark’s eyes move to yours once again before fluttering closed when he leans down, pressing his lips on your own.

You had spent the last 10 years of your life kissing this man. He had never kissed you like this before. So regretful and trying to portray every ounce of love he had in his body for you. His arm wraps around your shoulders, pulling his chest flush against your own.

Mark kisses you like it was his first, but also like it was his last. Breaking away only when the burning in his lungs becomes too much, his heavy breath still fans across your lips, adding to the intimacy and heat of the room.

-

The next morning, you wake to the feeling of a hand shaking your shoulder lightly. When you open your eyes, Mark is the first thing you see. He has a soft smile on his face as watches you. “Hey.”

Your voice is rough when you speak. “Mark, what’s wrong?” A glance at the clock hung up on the wall of your bedroom tells you in about half past 5 in the morning. “Why are you up so early?”

“I want to show you something.” The man moves out of the bed quickly, pulling your hand and causing the sheets to falls off your body. You shiver upon feeling the coolness of dawn on your exposed skin when you stand. Mark notices and steps closer to you, his bare chest against you clothed one, bringing a certain amount of warmth to you. His eyes pour into your squinted ones. The pretty dark brown gems are fully open, which makes you suspect that he has been awake for a while. You reach hand up to smoothen out his messy hair as he watches you with loving eyes.

Your voice is quiet when it breaks through the silence. “What is it you wanted to show me?”

-

It had some time since you and Mark had been on a date.

Especially one like this.

Mark drags you up onto the roof of your house, trying his best to not be too loud to avoid waking up Elliot. He had set up his telescope on the roof, along with a small makeshift picnic including two mugs filled with hot coffee and some slightly burnt toast with jelly spread.

He loves the way your eyes light up when you see what he set up. Feeling accomplished, Mark tugs at your stunned hand urging you to go on. You chuckle in disbelief before letting him lead you.

Mark gestures for you to sit down on the spot next to him on the gravely roof.

“What’s all this about?” You say to him quietly, as if anyone would be up this early to hear you.

Mark squeezes your hand that remains in his own. “I figured this is the only way to have some time alone before Elliot wakes up.”

“There’s more.” You say as-a - matter of factly.

“The sky's awake.” You hum, looking up at the bright sky. Mark tries to look up but he can’t seem to take his eyes off you in this moment. Maybe it’s because he has kept himself from seeing this image for a long time or because you were more beautiful than the sky anyway (maybe a bit of both). Either way, you realize Mark is looking and nudge his arm playfully. He snaps out of his daze with a shake of his head, chuckling. “Yeah, I asked it to wake up for you and I today.”

“Oh, did you?”

Mark nods rather cutely which cause you to smile. “Well, it was very nice of the sky to lose her beauty sleep for some little specks on earth like us.”

Mark laughs at that, before leaning over you to grab the mugs he brought up here, handing one to you before taking his one. The cold breeze that blows through the air causes you to shiver and hold your mug tighter, while Mark lets you sandwich your feet between the folds of his bent knees to keep them warm.

The two of you sit in silence for some time just enjoying companies after so long with no tears, rencor, or tension. Just Y/N and Mark Y/NandMark. Like you always thought it would be.

The cold reminds you of something and you giggle lightly as you look up and them, Mark raises an eyebrow at you (though there has been an ever present smile on his face). You leans forward, as does he.

“Do you remember the story of the Gemini twins?”

He smiles softly, becoming mush as he recalls that night. “Of course I do.”

A lot have things have changed since that night. Things you never even imagined that night have occurred. Getting married, having Elliot, Mark getting a job at NASA, commanding the moon mission,losing Johnny, being torn apart by grief and being brought back together.

All things you never in a million years thought would happen between you two he found you crying on the bench that day. But they did. And you wouldn’t change anything.

“We are kind of like the twins now I think.” You say, looking up at the constellation in question.

“How so?” Mark soft voice meets your ears and you smile.

Shrugging, “We’ve been through a lot together. We’ve loved. We’ve created. We’ve suffered. We’ve fought. We’ve cried. We’ve been to the ends of the earth and back; without letting go. We’ve wreaked havoc on this world and have surely left our mark somehow.”

Mark is stunned when you finish speaking. His heart swells with a feeling he can’t describe perfectly but it definitely feels lighter. It feels like the last year of his life has fallen off his shoulders like a discarded coat. For a moment he thinks the two of you have gone back in time to high school and are falling in love all over again.

“I also forgot to mention that I get to spend eternity, at least what I have, with my best friend. Which is pretty… cool.”

Suddenly, his mug is put to the side and his arms are wrapped around you tightly. The position is a bit awkward due to your legs being sandwiched between you two. But neither of you seem to mind, just holding on until the sunrises and the toast gets soggy. Only letting go when you hear Elliot’s calls of your names from downstairs.

-

Summer, 1969; 1 Month Before Launch

Your lives do a complete flip after that. Mark goes back to being his old self. He still mourns the loss of his friend, of course, but he has finally allowed himself the opportunity to heal. He spends more time at home, pulls you in for random slow dances in the living room like he used to, helps you cook and watches as Elliot grows another whopping 4 inches. It still shocks him from time to time how much he has grown (sometimes even bringing tears to the corners of his eyes, but no one other than you has to know that).

He still prepares diligently for the mission, never missing a training or practice at the base. The work is tiring, yes. But Mark knows it will be worth it in the end, when he has finally reached his dream and made everyone he loves proud. When he feels unmotivated or tired, he thinks of your smiling face, his son’s bubbly laughter, and the fact that Johnny trusted him enough to leave such a big mission on his hands. He doesn’t want to let any of you down.

And he won’t.

These very thoughts are the one that dragged him to work this early in the morning. The sun is still in slumber and Mark wonders why Mr. Jung would’ve called the house phone yesterday and asked him to come in early the next day for a meeting.

He brings his coat closer to him as he approaches the facility, smiling upon seeing Jaemin standing outside the door, doing the same thing. Jaemin flashes Mark a big smile and waves him over. The two shake hands when Mark finally reaches Jaemin, “I was waiting for you to get here before going in.” A gust of wind blows causing them both to shiver. “You’d think that in the summer, it would be hot,” says Jaemin, “Let’s go in before I lose my balls.”

Mark laughs as he enters the doors of NASA. Mr. Jung is already waiting on the other side, talking to Kun who nods in greeting at his teammates. He lifts his head up upon hearing the door, smiling as he sees the familiar faces of the Astronauts. “Mr. Na, Mr. Lee, thank you for coming so early, I just wanted to get this out of the way before the busy work day ahead. Shall we move elsewhere?”

-

They move to the meeting room where it all began, it feels strangely nostalgic to be back here again. Mark chuckles when he realizes they sat in the same order they did that day. Jaemin, then Mark then Kun on the end. Mr. Jung across them.

Mr. Jung smiles, dimples form on the sides of his cheeks as he does. “You’ve been through a lot this year, pilots.”

The men nod and Kun lets out a chuckle. “Just get to it, Jaehyun.” Mr. Jung laughs out loud at this.

“Okay, okay. We have to make an important decision. As you know this will be the first man mission ever in the moon, having said that, we need to decide who will be the first man to step foot on the moon.”

The air suddenly grows tense. None of the men ever thought of that. Silence settles for a few minutes before it is broken by the sound of Jaemin’s deep voice. “This first man should be Mark.”

Mark turns wide eyed to the younger man. “What?”

Kun nods, “I agree, you have the best resume out of all of us, and your commander of the mission for Christ’s sake!”

The oxygen momentarily leaves Mark’s lungs and is only knocked back in when Mr. Jung speaks to him. “What do you say Mark?”

“I-“ he stutters, breathless. “I don’t know.”

“Mark,” Kun says, in the most sincere voice he had ever heard him use. “Johnny would’ve wanted it to be you too, you know.”

He does know. He takes a deep breath, and leans back in his chair, “I can’t say no to that.”

-

Mark tells you the news that afternoon, you crash into his arms and hug him tight. His fingers weave into your hair and he pulls you impossibly close. “I’m so proud of you, Mark.”

You pull away and brush at strand of stray hair that has fallen off onto his forehead. “Who knew that astro nerd would be the first man on the moon?”

Mark pulls away, gasping in fake offense. “What do you astro nerd? I was super cute in high school!”

“I didn’t say you were ugly, I said you were a nerd.” You say pushing playfully. He grabs the hand you pushed him with and pulls you close to him.

“A nerd that stole your heart, right?” He says quietly, you can’t help but giggle, feeling the bubbliness in your heart of not young love but love that has been around for some time. Love that has gone through ups and downs and to hell and back. Love that has grown stronger and stronger as the years passed and shaped you into new people. Love that has no end. Love that goes to the moon and back (except like, a million times).

“Right.” You smile. “It’s still all yours.”

-

Summer, 1969; 1 Day Before Launch

Elliot is so tall that he can finally reach the doorbell of Jaemin’s modest suburban house when you arrive for the house party he decided to throw the day they were given off before the Launch. He used his big smile and promises of some of his wife’s delicious ribs he’s always talking about to convince Mark to come.

It takes about two minutes until Jaemin’s bright face appears from behind the door. He smiles upon seeing Mark, going in for a side hug immediately. “Ohh, Mark. I’m glad you could make it.”

He moves to you and give you a brief hug, telling you its been too long since you last saw each other and that it’s nice to see you again. He ruffles Elliot’s hair and bends down to his height. “Look at you! You’ve gotten so tall!”

Elliot giggles, “Mommy says I grew 4 inches!” To emphasize, he holds up 4 chubby fingers. Jaemin’s eyes widen and he plays along.

“No way!”

The three of you laugh as Jaemin leads you into the house finally. It's full of people, some talking, others eating and some dancing in the spacious living room. The atmosphere is wonderful. The kind you wish to be in all the time.

Jaemin’s wife- Victoria- finds you as soon as you walk in, excitedly greeting you and Mark before dragging you off somewhere. Elliot makes friends with one of Jaemin’s twins, Gaby, and sits down on the floor to play airplanes with her.

Mark and Jaemin find their way to the backyard, sitting down as they sip on cold beers.

Jaemin coos as a big golden retriever approaches him excitedly and licks his hands. Jaemin turns to Mark. “This is the only other man in the house, Jojo.” Mark laughs, petting the dog who instantly leans into his touch, enthusiastically licking Mark’s hand to show his appreciation. “He’s gonna protect my girls while I’m gone.” Jaemin looks down at the dog who watches him unaware of the task he was given. “Right, buddy?”

The dog barks back, as if answering. Jaemin laughs, “That’s right!”

Mark watches with a smile. “Maybe I should get a dog for Elliot when I come back.” Mark realizes this is the first time they had ever talked about what would happen after the launch. It makes him feel assured in some way.

Jaemin smiles softly, “I’m sure he’d like that.”

-

The party goes by quickly, to you and Mark’s dismay. Lucy drops by with her sons, Mark remembers you had mentioned the party to her. Still, he was pleasantly surprised to see her there. She is sporting a big smile and a pretty baby blue dress.

“Lucy, hi!” Mark says as the woman hugs him tight.

They engage in small talk until Lucy tells Mark she has something for him.

They walk out on the front patio. “I thought really hard about but I concluded it was for the best.” She opens her handbag and pulls out something that seems to be wrapped in layers of newspaper. She hands it to Mark, who unwraps it carefully. Eyes widening and immediately becoming teary as he sees the badge. “Those are his wings. Please take it with you when you go up there, it will make me feel like he completed his mission.”

Mark runs his hand over his face, wiping his tears. “Yes, of course.” Lucy nods, smiling, looking off at the road.

“Johnny would be really proud of you, you know.” She says. “He would always come home and go on and on about how good you were and how much he wanted to see you succeed.” She looks at Mark, touching his shoulder in a comforting gesture. “That man really cared about you. You were his best friend.”

“He was mine.” Mark says, in a shaky voice. Clearing his throat, “I’m sure I don’t have to mention how many times he talked to me about you, right? He was crazy about you.” Lucy smiled bashfully, somewhat sadly.

“Well let’s not make it a competition now…” she says with a laugh. “He never let me forget how much he loved me.” She adds after sometime, bringing a hand up to wipe her cheek where one tear had managed to slip.

Mark steps closer to her and rests one hand on her shoulder, and clutches Johnny’s badge with the other. “I will make sure Johnny completes this mission with me, and that he goes down in history for everything he did.”

Just like that the days became hours.

-

Summer, 1969; 7 Hours Before Launch

You were awake hours before the alarm went off. So was Mark, the two of you laid side by side, facing each other in silence for hours that night until Mark’s alarm went off before dawn. He doesn’t break eye contact with you as he reaches over to switch off the alarm.

He will admit, he’s scared if he takes his eyes off for even one second everything will become too real for him to handle. He traces a delicate hand down the side of your bare arm slowly, trying to memorize what your skin feels like.

You are the first to break the silence. “You should have breakfast before you go.”

Mark nods, but stays where he is. Not moving a muscle. Not until his alarm rings again, reminding him that time is ticking. You shut it off this time, pulling him out of bed and into the bathroom for his morning routine. “Just think of it as a normal day of work.” You say. Mark nods and undresses to shower in front of you. He leans towards you and wraps you up in his arms, bringing you close to his naked body. Mark reaches a hand up to unclip the gold clip that held up your hair, letting it fall down.

“Shower with me? Please.”

So you do. Solemnly washing his jet black hair for him as he just relishes in your presence for a long as he can.

After your shower, you prepare breakfast as Mark goes into Elliot’s room. The little boy is sound asleep, sleeping all curled up just like you do. Mark can’t help but let out a sad smile. He sits on the edge of Elliot’s bed and brushes his fingers through his son’s hair, careful not to wake him. His voice carries out into the room with a whisper.

“I’ll be back home, Elliot. I promise.” He doesn’t notice he is crying until he sniffles lightly. “And I’ll get you a dog like one Uncle Jaemin has, he said you would like it. I think so too.”

He receives nothing but soft snores in response, he leans down and presses a long, firm kiss onto Elliot’s forehead. “I love you. To the moon… and back.”

-

Mark feels like all his pennies have been spent as he stands across from you at the door way. He had told himself this would be the worst part, (and he was right) but he also told himself he wouldn’t be like this. However, he can’t help it. Not when the fear of this possibly being the last time he sees you creeps up on him.

You pull him into a final hug, scratching his back soothingly and trying to engrave how his warmth felt to your memory. Mark’s fingers shakily clutch the fabric of your nightgown, scared to let go even when you attempt to pull away. “Just a little longer.” He whispers.

You feel a tear fall down your cheek down your neck, you wipe it away as you step away from him.

“Don’t do that.” You say sternly. “Don’t act like we won’t see each other again. Because we are. Everything will be fine, you know that right?” (You don’t know if you’re saying this for him or yourself at this point.)

Mark doesn’t know. Still, “I know.”

He leans forward and presses a long kiss on your lips, your hands cup the sides of his face lovingly. Once he pulls away, he walks slowly at first before suddenly gaining speed and finally reaching his car.

Mark takes one last glance at you.

“I’ll see you later, sunshine.”

-

Summer, 1969; 5 Hours Before Launch

Jaemin is waiting outside as usual when Mark arrives to the facility. It almost makes it feel like any other work day if it weren’t for the tears rolling down Jaemin’s cheeks Mark sees when he finally reaches him. It’s the first time he had seen Jaemin cry, he can’t help but feel a pang in his heart at the sight of the usually bright man in such a state.

Jaemin doesn’t seem to notice him at first, Mark places a hand on his shoulder to both alert him of his presence and comfort him. Upon seeing his coworker, Jaemin sniffs harshly, rubbing his hand over his face, forcing a smile at Mark. “Mark, good morning.”

Mark watches the younger man avoid his eyes, looking down at his clothes and the floor.

He thinks of what Johnny would do, since he always knew what to do. He rubs Jaemin’s shoulder. “Everything will be alright.”

Jaemin bites his lip, balancing himself on the balls of his feet restlessly before looking back at Mark. “I know, but I can't help but worry.” Mark knows the types of thoughts going through Jaemin’s head, and he would love to do anything to ease him, however, all he can do is listen. “Those are my girls, man. My wife and my babies, if I don’t come back they’re gonna be all alone.” Jaemin makes himself more emotional with the thought. “I’m supposed to protect them.”

Mark feels a lump in his throat. He has never heard Jaemin talk so negatively, he wants to tell him that he knows exactly what he is feeling right now and that he should be worried. He remembers his plan of doing what Johnny would do.

“I am worried about that too, if I’m being honest.” He starts, Jaemin looks up at him. “I’m scared Elliot will grow up without a father and I’m scared of making my wife a widow. Terrified, even.” Mark’s eyes find Jaemin’s -who waits for Mark’s next words patiently. “But then I think of why I decided to do this. To make them proud, to give them everything they could ever need and want. Because they told me I could do it, and I know they would never lie to me. Because they supported me everything step of the way and always believed in me.”

“Johnny used to say this thing that I carry with me every day.” He pauses. “For them, because of them. Whenever I was worried about anything I would tell myself this over and over.”

Jaemin smiles, “For them, because of them.”

Mark nods. “You’ll see your girls again, Jaemin. Just so they can say how proud they are of you.”

The other pilot smiles, nodding. “Thank you, Mark.”

Mark smiles, feeling better than when he arrived. Feeling like if Johnny were here right now, he’d clap a hand on his shoulder and tell him he’s all grown up, laughing at Mark’s seriousness. He’d tell Mark he made it and Mark would smile.

Because he did.

-

Summer, 1969; 2 Hours Before Launch

Mark can barely hear the questions being asked over the loud flashes of the bulky cameras being held by the interviewers and journalists. They had been informed there would be a press conference before the launch, which is why him, Kun and Jaemin are sat a long table behind name plates that stated their names and positions in the mission.

Mark squints his eyes at the short woman who was selected to ask a question.

“Hello, I have two questions for Mr. Lee, as the commander of the mission do you feel any added pressure?” He almost says that he absolutely does, (which would be the truth) but he knows that as commander his duty was to reassure the team and keep everything in control.

“I think, uh-” He clears his throat, “I don’t feel that much pressure due to the fact that i know i have a good team backing me up.” He gestures to the men next to him, who smile nod at him.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Says the woman, “My second question is: Are there personal items you will take with you on this journey?”

Mark thinks about Johnny’s badge that sits in the pocket near his chest, and the small pebble Elliot had given him months ago. And the hair clip he snatched out of hair this morning that is clipped to the right wrist of his undersuit. He chuckles and nods at the woman. “Yes, there are a few.”

“Care to share?”

He shakes his head after a few moments. “Perhaps when we return. Just know I take many of my loved ones up there with me.”

The rest of the conference passes smoothly, Jaemin answers some questions about his family with a wide smile that leaves everyone in the room’s hearts melted. Kun stuns interviewers with his impressive answers, and even talks of his wife- Pom- who also worked at NASA herself as an analyst.

Mark watches proudly as they speak, thanking the heavens for giving him the team he got, he couldn't even imagine completing this mission with a different set of people.

-

Summer, 1969; 15 Minutes Before Launch

Elliot’s small hand is engulfed by your bigger one as you pull him along with you to the viewing area of the launch. You can feel the pool of your sweat against your son’s hand and tell yourself it’s just the heat of the summer and not the fact that your husband is about to risk his life.

Once you arrive to the seating area, Victoria and Pom are already there. As soon as they see you they motion you over. Your immediately engulfed in Victoria’s arms, her hug is warm and tight, Pom also takes this opportunity to drape her arms over the two of you bringing you into a group hug. It brings you comfort, and you’re overwhelmed by gratefulness over the fact that you’re not alone in this.

Once you pull away, Victoria’s worried eyes meet yours, there are tears lining her waterline but she still manages to force a smile. “We got this, right?”

You nod, rapidly. Wiping away the tear that fell from your eye and then reaching up to wipe her cheeks as well. Pom rubs your arm comfortingly, no tears in her eyes as she tries to stay strong for the two of you. “Everything will be alright, ladies. They will be back in no time.”

This time, Victoria nods along with you. The three of you walk together to your seats, Elliot sits down next to Jaemin’s twins who immediately invite the boy into their conversation. You smile faintly seeing them interact.

You’re about to mention how cute they are to the others when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn abruptly and are met by Lucy and her three sons. She smiles down at you affectionately. You jump up to hug her, suddenly overwhelmed by emotions, you begin to sob on her shoulder. “T-thank yo-u for coming.” Lucy leans back and wipes your face in a motherly gesture.

“How could I not?” She says in a soft voice. “They’re making history, plus I knew my baby was gonna need someone to be there for her.” It makes you smile that after all these years Lucy still calls you her baby even if the age gap between isn’t much, you remember the day of baby shower and smile softly. Bringing her into another hug, you whisper.

“You’re the best, you know that? You’re so strong.” Her arms hold you tighter and her voice meets your ears not much later, the answer being one you should’ve expected from her.

“I know.”

-

Summer, 1969; 2 Minutes Before Launch

Mark bites his lip as he listens closely to the words coming through the headset. There’s sweat running down his forehead onto his neck. He looks over at Kun and sees the sheen of sweat on the man’s face as well as he presses all the buttons the person at headquarters is instructing him to press while trying to control the shaking of his hands.

Mark hears Jaemin curse through his headset. “This feels like a dream.” Mark can agree with this but has taken to staying silent for the time being.

He leans back and closes his eyes with a sigh, shifting under his many seat belts. He gulps loudly as mission control call the beginning of the launch.

The three men to their practiced protocol for launch and move to lay flat on the seat as they were told to do.

-

Summer, 1969; 30 Seconds Before Launch

On land, you bite your fingernails and Victoria looks away in fear. Pom throws an arm over her, and rubs her back but there’s a shake in her hands that gives away her nerves.

In the aircraft, Mark breathes in deeply and thinks of things that calm him. Jaemin has taken to gripping the seatbelts anxiously and Kun rests his head on the back of his chair and sighs out loud.

Your six minds are restless.

Mark thinks about dancing in the living room with you and kissing you after you’ve both had too much wine. He thinks about Elliot crawling into your bed in the mornings. He thinks about the times he and Johnny laughed until it hurt and all the times Jaemin and Kun would crack jokes while practicing for this very launch.

-

Summer, 1969; 6 Seconds Before Launch

He thinks about his grandfather and what he would say if he saw Mark right now. He thinks about his attic window where it all started, about the tulips your grandmother had planted in her garden.

“5..” He thinks about how you might be feeling right now.

“4..” He hopes you’re not scared.

“3..” He wonders if you’re holding Elliot’s hand.

“2..” He wants you to know he loves you.

“1.”

-

Summer, 1969; 0 Seconds Before Launch

The force pushes his body flush against the seat of the aircraft, making hard to breathe for a brief moment. The rattling noises are all he can hear as the craft ascends. His hands clutch the seat tightly as he waits for the worst part to be over.

You watch as the rocket blasts off the ground and into the air. Biting your nails and praying to every god that everything goes well.

Elliot excitedly tugs your hand. “Mommy look at that!”

You smile forcefully at him and pat the jet black hair on his head. Then looking up at the craft that holds your everything as it disappears into the sky.

-

Summer, 1969; 7 Hours After Launch

The voices through the television ring throughout you and Mark’s house giving updates of the coordinates of the spacecraft and telling the billions of people watching that everything is going just as planned.

Victoria, Lucy, their children and Pom have decided to come over after the launch and wait for any news together.

The children are happily playing on the floor in the living room and the woman are talking only briefly and silencing whenever the reporter comes with an update.

Night falls and you are all still in your house, you offered for them to stay in your guest rooms which they accepted. Victoria stayed with her girls in the guest bedroom, Lucy and her three boys stayed in Elliot’s bedroom while Pom slept in the next guest bedroom.

You and Elliot take your bedroom. The little boy lays close to you, cuddled into your side. It's nearing 1am and your eyes are still wide open, you run your hand through Elliot’s hair to try to calm your racing mind. A smile moves onto your lips as you touch his hair, which is a replica of his father’s just like the rest of him.

“Mommy?” You startle slightly as Elliot’s small voice meets your ears and he turns in your hold suddenly.

“What’s wrong, Elliot? Did I wake you?” The boy shakes his head, he leans forward until your noses are touching, he lets out a giggle which makes you smile. You rub your nose on his before leaning back. “What is it then?”

“Daddy’s going to be okay.” He says, “And we’re going to be okay too.” You blink your eyes furiously to mask the burning that arose around them at his words.

You pinch his cheek briefly before kissing his forehead and pulling his head into your chest. “I know, baby.”

“Daddy told me to tell you that.” This makes you chuckle sadly.

“I’m sure he did.”

-

Summer, 1969; 3 Days After Launch

Once they finally reach the moon, they are instructed to orbit around it a few times while the crew members prepare for landing. The pilots complete this part of the mission and in no time they have the aircraft hovering over the lunar surface. It docks on the surface with no complications. Kun’s takes control of the aircraft, sitting up front as Mark and Jaemin move to the spacious area behind the seats where everything they needed was found.

“Are you ready for this?” Says Jaemin, who is currently stepping into the tight undersuit he was to wear under the space suit. Mark is zipping his up and chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, you?”

“Shitting my pants, but yeah. I feel ready.” Mark knows it’s half truth and half to release the tension floating through the air. It makes Mark and Kun laugh, Mark appreciates the gesture.

The two help each other into their main suit, the bulky expensive material is a lot lighter but also a lot more complicated than it looks. It takes them 10 minutes to completely get their suits on, in this time the crew members at headquarters have stated it was safe to leave the aircraft.

Mark and Jaemin finish putting on their helmets, sealing them and waiting for the oxygen supply to reach the helmet space completely before approaching the opening dock of the aircraft which would lead him to a smaller area excluded from the main aircraft area. An area that was exposed to the lunar surface.

Mark takes a deep breath and reaches for the handle. “You’re making history today, Mark.” Kun says, watching his colleague and long time friend, open the hatchet. Mark turns and smiles at him, he says something but the words reach Kun’s headset a few seconds delayed.

“We’re

making history.” Kun nods, as does Jaemin.

They see Mark off with a good luck.

Once on the other side of the door, Mark immediately reaches for the next door, opening it wide and looking out.

It’s quiet. It’s so so quiet. The only sound being the static of the headset and Mark’s breathing. The sky is vacant of any blinking stars, making it just a black abyss. Oddly enough, Mark finds it beautiful.

The tension begins building up once again as he is instructed to use the ladder latched onto the side of the aircraft to make his descent to the lunar surface. His gloved hands shake violently as he grabs the ladder and steps his first foot on it. Mark takes his time going down the steps, taking deep breaths and pauses after each one until he was finally at a distance where he could step down.

In the calmest voice he could muster, he says. “I will step on the lunar surface now.”

As he lets go of the ladder, and he left boot touches the dusty surface of the moon Mark’s hit with the realization that he finally is that someone. That kid who looked through the attic window that night with his grandfather is that someone. A million thoughts rushing through his head that are interrupted by the sound of cheers and applause through the headset. “Any words, Mr. Lee?”

Mark suddenly remembers the words he had practiced with Mr. Jung a few weeks before the launch and chuckles in disbelief. “It’s one small step for man, but a giant leap for mankind.”

The applause erupted again. Mr. Jung’s voice sounds through the headset. “Not bad. Billions of people are watching you right now.”

Mark seemed to forget that the mission would be broadcasted throughout the world. “They can hear what I’m saying?”

“Yes.”

Mark sighs shakily, “Is it okay, if I say something personal?” Jaehyun hums Yes.

Mark looks at the marble looking place he calls home and feels an overwhelming amount of pride, tears arise in his eyes. “Y/N,” he breathes out, “We did it.”

-

“One small step for man, but a giant leap for mankind.” Sobs of happiness immediately rack your body as you press the heels of your palms into your eyes. The other woman are around you cheering and some even crying too.

Mark finally got to achieve his dream of being the first man on the moon. You are so unbelievably proud proud of him, you knew no one else deserved it more than him. You cry even harder when Elliot jumps up at the sound of his father’s voice coming from the TV. “Daddy’s on TV!” You laugh and nod at him, pulling him close and kissing the crown of his head, tears still streaming down your face.

“They can hear what I’m saying?” You hear your husband’s voice and chuckle at him asking such a question on national television. However, you freeze when you hear what he says next. “Can I say something personal?”

You’re breathing halts when he says your name, “Y/N,” you lean your head on Elliot’s and close your eyes tightly. “We did it.”

You smile despite the sobs rising within you, you whisper, hoping the messages will somehow get to him. “To us.”

-

Victoria’s shoulders relax and tears leave her eyes as Jaemin follows Mark onto the moon, and the speaker of the television transmits his excited, “Look at us!” She laughs at her husband’s bubbly behavior and wipes her eyes, leaning over to kiss her two girls, thanking God that at least the first half of the mission went as planned.

-

Mark and Jaemin spend 2 hours exploring the area before it’s time to board the aircraft. Mark let’s a hand rest on his chest where Johnny’s wings are, he pats them twice. He knows Johnny is probably watching from somewhere and proudly bragging to anyone who would listen that Mark had been the rookie he recruited all those years ago, he tells him in his head that he couldn’t have achieved his goal without his guidance and friendship. They started this together, and they will finish it together.

-

Summer, 1969; 4 Days and 20 Hours After Launch

The descent of the aircraft to Earth had every person on the planet biting their nails. This part was said to be the most dangerous, due to having the most risks at hand. Also the fact that NASA lost connection to the aircraft and therefore could not contact any of its crew members.

The children were currently taking their afternoon naps, leaving the three of you alone is nervous silence to imagine the worst. “It’s ok,” says Pom, “This was very possible occurrence since the speed they must be going at prevents the connection from staying stable. They’ll report back in a bit.” You take her word for it, she does know more than you do about these things. She is nervous, but you expected her to be since the aircraft carries her beloved as well. You appreciate how strong she has been for you two this whole time, and place a hand above her, hoping the action will express your gratitude.

After waiting an impossible 6 silent minutes, static begins to sound and the three of you perk up. “Houston?” It’s Kun’s voice. Pom clutches a hand over her heart in relief as the crew gets back in contact with headquarters.

-

Summer, 1969; 7 Seconds Before Arrival

Overwhelming heat is the only way Mark can explain the atmosphere in the aircraft right now, the craft is going in a downwards trajectory a few hundred thousand miles per hour into the Pacific Ocean and Mark briefly fears it might burn up before it gets there.

However, Mark’s fears have no time to become a reality because the aircraft is suddenly splashing down in the ocean.

Mark let’s go a breath he had been holding and thanks god a million times. The mission was a success, and they had arrived to planet Earth safely. Jaemin laughs in relief. “Holy shit, we made it.”

For the first time since the launch, Kun genuinely laughs out loud. “I can’t believe it!”

Mark chooses to stay silent, but is smiling widely, anticipating seeing your face when they finally get home.

-

Jaemin is the first one to emerge from the aircraft. Immediately finds the camera attached to the helicopter hovering above them and throwing a peace sign, then a kiss which is obviously intended for the crying woman next to you who finally allows herself to breathe for the first time in 4 days upon seeing her husband’s face. Kun is next, Pom cries for the first time and laughs when she sees that Kun opts for an awkward wave at the camera rather a bright entrance like Jaemin did.

You hold your breath, you don’t know why, but you do. And then you see the crown of his head emerging from the opening and let it go. He looks up at the camera only because Jaemin tells him there is one and smiles awkwardly while saluting. You laugh in relief, in happiness, and suddenly Victoria is jumping over you and Pom, causing you both to crash on the couch in a group hug. “They did it!”

All you can do is laugh and cry, but that’s okay. Because the Launch was a success and Mark was coming back home to you.

-

Summer, 1969; 12 Hours After Arrival

After the arrival, the 3 men go into a mandatory 21 day quarantine at the NASA facility, Mark’s heart ached to see you and he restlessly paced the small room they were given within the confinement area. There was a bed shoved into the corner and a desk in the other, it would’ve felt like a prison cell to Mark if it weren’t for the people who pass by his room every now and then to congratulate him and thank him for his bravery. And although he was grateful for the praise and the nice comments, you were the only thing on his mind.

He is rubbing down his face with both his hands when a female worker wrapped in a protective suit knocks at his door. Mark perks up and rushes to the door, opening it. He greets the woman with a nod. “You have a visitor, Mr. Lee.”

His heart races and he breaks into a smile, the woman chuckles at the man. “Mrs. Lee was very eager to see you as well.”

Mark nods, staying quiet with a smile on his face as the woman leads him down the hall to the room you were waiting for him in. Upon seeing you through the glass division separating you two when walking through through the door, something snaps in him and he instantly runs to the chair set opposite to you and falls weak into it.

You let out a teary laugh of relief as you finally see your love walk up to you. Tears began streaming down his own face now, and he knows if it weren’t for the glass dividing you, you would’ve already wiped them away for him. He leans forward and smile while watching you with loving eyes.

It feels like he can finally breathe. Ever since he made this his dream, he always wondered about all the what if’s of the mission, about whether he would live to see another day or to see Elliot or you. He breathes knowing he no longer has to think of whether that mission could cost him his life, because it didn’t and he's here.

And he is never ever leaving your side.

You motion to the landline phone placed next to you, then to the identical one on his side. He nods, picking it up.

Neither of you says anything. Just sitting in silence and staring at each other wondering if any of this is even real. “You’re okay, Mark.”

Mark sniffles quietly, wiping his tears. He sees your tear filled eyes as well. Words keep leaving you as you try to calm him. “You made it back, thank you for keeping your promise.”

He face contorts as he cried harder, the sound of your voice doing a number on his heart. He looks down at his lap as he cries, you observe your husband with furrowed brows. “Hey Mark,” your soft voice meet his ear and he looks up, he expects you to say something. Instead you bring your left hand up and press your palm against the glass. He does the same on his side, pressing his hand as hard as he can into the glass as if it would break away and allow him to interlace his fingers with your own.

The eye contact you two share is sweet, sad and love filled. Yours eyes conveying so many emotions of relief and happiness.

After a long silence, Mark’s hoarse voice sounds for the first time. “Now, I’ll spend all my days with you and Elliot. I’ll get him that dog I was talking to Jaemin about, a puppy so they can grow up together, you think he’d like that?” His voice is a sweet song that entrances you, all you can do is smile dreamily and nod.

“We would get to work on our second as well.” This makes you laugh, you can tell Mark was trying to brighten the mood.

“Oh hush you.” You say playfully, leaning back in your chair with a wide smile on your face. Mark smiles along with you before adding:

“Maybe a girl this time?” His voice sounds partially playful but there’s also some underlying genuity to his words. “Would- would you like that?” His words suddenly sound nervous.

You feel fresh tears blossom in your eyes, nodding.

“I would like that a lot, Mark.”

Another silence falls over the two of you, but it’s comfortable. Your eyes watching each other; carefully studying every detail of each other’s faces that had already been engraved in your minds. He leans forward and leans his forehead on the glass, eyes watching you as he waits for you to do the same. (You momentarily apologize in your head to the person who has to clean this mirror later on.)

“Hey, Y/N…”

You hum, eyes closed. The air you exhale creates a mist in the area right before your lips.

Mark feels invincible. He always has with you, even when he pushed you away, you still held on and made him feel like he could do anything. With you, in a way, he feels immortal. Like the two of you are engraved in the sky and will forever be sparkling bright in the night sky when the sun finally lays to rest.

“The Gemini twins wish they had a story like ours.”

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