Empires Always Fall Chapter Fifty-six: Halek: Ykseis
finished the edit :) if you saw something very very similar to this a year ago no you didn’t lol
I hit 70k words during this chapter!
content notices: alcohol mention, drunkenness, touch, guns, murder, military/police violence, mention of familial conflict, mention of (approximately same-aged) cousins being romantically involved (culturally normal for them), PTSD, discussion of incarceration & dehumanization & nonconsensual tattooing, blood, familial relationships, swearing, emotional dissociation
"Alright, see you kids later," said Míúren, giving them each a quick hug before heading off to the adult celebration. "Have fun. Uoliveg's upstairs if you need anything."
As Míúren left, Aedrii-Nú flapped her hands and squealed. This was the first year she had been allowed to come to the children’s Ykseis celebration. She wasn't technically Beri by the strictest definition, but Halek's Beri grandparents Juni and Taehogh considered her essentially one of theirs, and she was growing up in a partly-Beri household, so she was close enough. She didn't look particularly out of place, either, in a Beri bell dress and with many of the Beri-Rāmians here being mixed and having skin as light as hers or even lighter, ranging from the typical Ðíúharlaes light-medium brown to Halek's ebony Beri skin. She had inherited hair the same texture as Halek's from her mother, so Míúren had even done her hair up in celebratory Beri braids for her.
Talí wandered off, leaving Halek with Aedrii-Nú and Roo. As usual, he was the responsible one.
Next year he’d get to go to the adults' celebration for the third night of Ykseis and enjoy himself without having to be the responsible one. Next year.
"'Eyyyy, Sú-kogh!" Yainogh crashed into him and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "Happy New Year! Baby girl!" He picked up Aedrii-Nú with his free arm and swung her around as she first protested that she wasn't a baby and then shrieked with laughter. "Roosí-Roo!"
Halek reached out a hand to steady him as he wobbled dangerously over his crutch.
He wrinkled his nose. "Yainogh, are you drunk?" There wasn’t really supposed to be alcohol at the kids' party, with most of them under drinking age, but Yainogh's breath smelled like it and sometimes it snuck in.
"Maybe a bit," Yainogh said, and laughed. "Don't worry, it's on the high shelf, the little ones can't get at it." He grinned down at Roo and Aedrii-Nú. "Don’t drink 'til you’re older! The bubbly's kinda shi- kinda bad anyway, tasted cheap and sad. Maybe it always tastes like that! I don’t know! Never drank it before! But now I’ve tried some! It’s Ykseis!"
So. Drunk Yainogh talked even more and faster than normal Yainogh. Lovely.
"You aren’t dressed up!" Yainogh said, in what was probably mock horror, though knowing Yainogh the horror could have been real.
"'These are my best clothes!" Halek said indignantly.
"I'm dressed up!" Aedrii-Nú declared. "Look at my dress, Yainogh!"
She twirled, and the tiny bells jingled.
"You look beautiful," said Yainogh. "Your Sú-kogh, on the other hand, looks like he's interviewing for a job, not coming dancing at Ykseis."
"My scarf has bells on it," said Halek. "I outgrew the gown. I've been eating better the past couple years and it’s too tight."
"Ah," said Yainogh. "Good, good. You'll have to get the gown adjusted, don't keep showing up to parties like this."
"I'll get around to it," said Halek. Yet another thing for his list of issues to resolve.
Yainogh swung an arm around Halek’s shoulders and pointed his crutch across the room. "Me and Ísel, we're gonna get married. I love her so much! She's so pretty! She’s so fun!"
Halek sighed. Of course it had to be Yainogh and Ísel. There were over a dozen of them, so of course some romantic entanglement was bound to happen at some point, and that was fine as long as he- as the Sú-kogh- wasn't involved, but they'd managed to avoid that so far.
The break-up would be messy and he would have to clean it up.
"Can I do the garlands?" Aedrii-Nú asked. She had climbed onto Roo's lap, managing to insert herself between Roo and her knitting so Roo had to reach around her.
"Of course, baby kogh!" said Yainogh. "Don’t worry, Halek, we'll be safe."
"It's just that you were also going to marry your last girlfriend," said Halek. "And the boyfriend before her."
"I'm older now," said Yainogh.
By less than two cycles.
"If you say so," said Halek. "Keep these two company for a minute? I'm going to say hi to Misa. Don't let Aedrii-Nú have those cookies, they have gluten."
"Coolio!"
There was a suspicious lump under Misa’s long coat when Halek hugged him. For the sake of his mental state, Halek very much hoped it was not what it felt like.
"You didn't bring a gun to Ykseis," Halek hissed in Kelétsowif, popping his hearing aids in so they could talk quietly.
Misa shrugged. "Sorry. Just in case."
"You're going to get in trouble and then we’ll lose you and the gun." Their QD cell only had two. They were not supposed to come out of storage. They were certainly not supposed to be carried around casually. "Never mind that if they have any reason to look too closely into your activities that compromises our security. And anyway there's little kids here."
"Relax, Sú-kogh," Misa said. "No one will know, okay? I'll put it back soon. I promise. You worry too much. It's a party- lighten up and have some fun. I'll keep an eye on your younger ones, you go dance or eat or something."
Halek tried to have fun. He did dance a bit, and it was kind of nice.
Maaziariitna arrived late, but Halek had been worried ffe wouldn’t make it at all.
"You're here!" he said. "Happy Ykseis, kogh."
Maaziariitna didn't say anything in response, just wrapped ffes arms around him and buried ffes face in his shoulder.
He hugged ffer back. "Do you want to talk?" he asked quietly. He really didn't want to talk about it, but Maaziariitna probably needed someone who understood.
Ffe nodded against his shoulder.
"Alright," he said, and guided ffer over to a seat.
"I was so scared," mumbled Maaziariitna, still leaning into him. "The whole time, I was so scared. I just felt so powerless."
"I know," said Halek, suppressing the full-body shudder that wanted to move through him. He was going to be stable, and calm, for Maaziariitna.
"They put a number on me," said Maaziariitna. "Like I was a thing, just a fucking thing to them and not a person. They put a fucking number on me, Sú-kogh."
"I know," Halek said again, very conscious of the back of his neck under his scarf.
"I feel like everyone can see it," said Maaziariitna. "Like it's just this- this bright glowing thing and everyone knows."
"It's not," said Halek, as if that wasn't ninety percent of the reason for his propensity for wearing scarves.
"Can I see yours?"
Against his wishes, Halek felt his entire body tense up.
"Sorry," said Maaziariitna. "I just, mine feels so fresh and visible and I was hoping it would fade with time-"
"No, it's okay," said Halek, even though it wasn't. "Here." He pulled off his scarf lifted his twists out of the way, turning his back to ffer. "Don't read it out loud, though, okay? I need you not to say it."
It felt like the tattoo was burning. JM3160.
The only number he ever wanted associated with him was his student number in Meelasugaado, a nine-digit string connected to academic information he could access at any time.
He didn't ask to see Maaziariitna's. He didn't want to know ffes number.
"Ektanai said you punched a guard," Maaziariitna said. "Badass. Wish I'd been brave enough."
Halek froze in the process of re-wrapping his scarf. "I can't- I'd rather not talk about that."
"It said they put you in solitary for it."
"Stop. You can't ask me about that." He was breathing too fast, already, just at the mention of it.
"Sorry," said Maaziariitna. "I didn't meant to upset you. I'm sorry you went through that, Halek. It must have been really hard."
He appreciated Maaziariitna's rare genuine attempt at showing empathy. I'm just not good at it, ffe had told him once. I've learned by now it's usually better not to try at all. I know I don't feel things the same way and it's just better I try to do what I'm actually capable of instead.
He appreciated that ffe was trying right now for him. It was nice to hear even if ffe didn't really feel it, and it was nice that ffe cared enough to say it anyway.
"I'm always scared now," Maaziariitna said. "I've always been scared of hospitals, or, since I was sick, right, and now I'm just scared of everything that seems like a 'facility' or 'institution' at all." Ffe wrapped an arm around fferself. "I'm scared of everything now, really."
"Yeah," said Halek heavily.
"Does it ever go away?"
"It gets easier with time," he said, a vast oversimplification of a very complicated truth.
After leaving Maaziariitna with Ísel, he made his way over to their twelve-year-old cousin Kíkam. "I'm glad you decided to come."
"Aelísú was coming," said Kíkam. "Mum says you're a bad influence on her, but I wanted to spend time with her and Roo and Saurikasi and everyone and it's Ykseis."
Halek sighed. This rift between his aunt and the rest of the family had been going on for longer than he'd been alive, but in the past five years he had become a new focal point in it. "Yeah. I know. I hope you have fun, anyway."
Kíkam clearly did not have any interest in continuing the conversation, so Halek went to grab some food and sit down to give his knee a rest.
Uoliveg’s young son sat down next to Halek in the corner of the floor he'd claimed for himself. "It's loud."
"Yeah," said Halek.
"Can I stay here with you?"
"Sure."
"Do you hear that?" asked the boy dozing against Halek's leg.
Halek turned his hearing aids back on. "Hear what?"
There was a distant sound. "That. From upstairs."
Halek focused on it. It sounded like boots. Too many to just be Uoliveg.
Then a gunshot.
Halek was on his feet before he knew what was happening. He put two fingers between his lips and whistled shriller than he ever had before, shriller than he'd known he could. His hearing aids rang uncomfortably in response.
"Everybody listen up!" he shouted. "Stay calm and quiet." He looked down at Uoliveg's son. "Is there a second exit from the basement?"
The boy shook his head.
Halek tried not to panic. He could see that his muscles were shaking, but he wasn't feeling much at all right now, and he needed it to stay that way.
"Alright. So we're all just going to stay calm and quiet. I think-" he swallowed- "I think this house is being raided. If they come down here, do whatever they say."
"Halek?" said a small voice beside him. "Do you think my kether's okay?"
No. No, Halek did not think Uoliveg was okay. "I don't know," he said. "I hope so."
Halek could feel his blood pounding in his head in the tense few minutes that followed. He had to protect the little ones- that was priority one. Talí, Roo, and Aedrii-Nú, then the rest of his cousins, then everyone else. Protecting himself had to be priority two, or three, or four, depending on how he was counting.
The boots came down the stairs.
The military and the police weren't much different at this point. It didn't matter who it was.
When they raised their guns, Halek was sure he was going to throw up.
Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. They will hurt you if you can't stay calm. They will hurt you.
As ordered, everyone lined up against the wall, hands behind their heads.
Protect the little ones. That was all Halek had to cling onto, to keep himself functional. He had to- to ignore the pieces of memory that were starting to seep through the cracks. He had to stay in the present. He was needed in the present.
If the officers searched them and found Misa's gun, it would be a problem.
Halek was not sure he could keep it together if he was searched. There would be hands on his body that he hadn't invited to be there and that might push him entirely over the edge. He didn't want to freak out in front of the little ones. That might upset them.
Yainogh was at the end of the line. An officer made to pat him down, but Yainogh wrenched away.
"Fuck off," Yainogh growled. "Don't touch me."
The officer leveled her gun at him.
"Yainogh," Halek said, his throat dry.
"They don't get to just push us around like that, Halek," said Yainogh. "Fancy badge and uniform, so what?"
"And a gun." Halek kept his voice as level as he could.
"What're you gonna do, shoot me?" said Yainogh, turning back. "Shoot me for celebrating the holidays? Fu-"
Bang.
Everything slowed down.
The bells on Yainogh's Ykseis gown jingled as he collapsed.
Misa fell almost before Yainogh did, screaming and screaming and screaming, cradling his brother in his arms.
Aedrii-Nú ran out, Talí yanking her back just as someone fired a round at her feet.
Halek himself dropped to his knees and crawled the few feet to Misa and Yainogh. Yainogh Yainogh Yainogh. Desperately, he tried to push oxygen into Yainogh's lungs- being caught using magic illegally was a later problem and saving Yainogh's life was a now problem- but he had no success. The bullet hole was right in the centre of Yainogh's forehead, and he'd probably been dead before he'd hit the ground, and Halek couldn't calm his own breathing enough to line up the breaths properly anyway, and through it all Misa was screaming.
"Shut up."
Halek looked up to see the gun now pointed at Misa.
He enveloped Misa in his arms. "Misa." His voice was hoarse, had he screamed too? "Misa. I'm sorry. You have to stop screaming. Misa." He switched to murmuring Beri terms of endearment and Beri pleas at some point, which was a useful transition to what he had to say next, because it had to be private.
When Misa did manage to get his screaming under control, Halek kept him close. "Misa. What I'm going to say to you is going to sound very cruel, but I need you to do it. You need to leave him and get the others out. Please. I know I can rely on you to do your best to look after the little ones." He reached into Misa's coat and felt the shape of the pistol. "I'll cover you, block the exit. Make sure you press the ramp button or you'll have to carry Roo and it'll slow you down. Do you understand?"
Misa nodded against Halek’s chest and mumbled, "Yes."
"I love you." He kissed Misa's stubbly head and hoped it wasn't goodbye.
"Aim between the eyes," Misa said.
Halek did.
The rest of Halek's cousins got out alive, but not everyone did. Bodies of people he'd known his whole life lay around him. The smallest children had all gotten out, probably been put in front by the older ones. Most people had gotten out. But not everyone.
Halek had shot one person in the head, two in the legs, and a lot in the hands. The hands had seemed most logical if he didn't want to massacre a dozen people, so they couldn't shoot.
When the others were all out or on the ramp, he could tap into his magic. He wasn't precise enough to take oxygen from all the officers and leave the others unaffected, but he could keep his own and take everyone else's.
Maybe he should take it forever. It would be easy to kill them all, and a big part of Halek wanted to. But he valued life. Even the lives of people he hated with everything in him. So in the end he just put them to sleep (well, except for the first one, the woman who had killed Yainogh, who he'd killed).
He dropped the gun.
His hand was definitely shaking now.
"Oh dear," he said faintly, then laughed, sinking to the bloody floor. It seemed far too small an expression to sum this up.
He'd killed someone, and Yainogh- Yainogh. Yainogh. Yainogh-aer. Yainogh-aer was dead. Halek should have protected him and he was dead, right in front of him.
When Elèrí- Halek’s family’s patron ðíúfai, water fairy- came to collect Yainogh's body, Halek was still sitting there, holding Yainogh's limp hand in his and staring blankly into space.
Elèrí laid a damp hand on Halek’s shoulder. "I'll take care of him."
"He was only eighteen," said Halek hollowly. "I should have protected him. He was right in front of me."
"His spirit has returned to the air." Elèrí gently collected up his body. "I will return Yainogh-aer’s body to the water."
Halek nodded. Yainogh-aer.
When Elèrí took Yainogh- Yainogh-aer- away, Maaziariitna came back. Halek heard ffer gasp. He was still staring at the place Yainogh-aer had fallen.
Maaziariitna lowered herself down next to him. "The others are safe."
"You'll stain your gown," Halek said tonelessly.
"I don't care." Ffe wrapped ffes arms around him from the side.
The tears came as soon as Maaziariitna hugged him.
"Yainogh's dead," he gasped, rocking in ffes arms. "Yainogh-aer. He's dead. I was supposed to protect him."
"It's not your fault," Maaziariitna said.
"I'm the Sú-kogh. It was my job to protect him- you shouldn't be comforting me, I should be comforting you, I'm the Sú-kogh-" But he couldn't make himself calm down to do that. He couldn't. His glasses were so tearstained- and was that blood?- that he could hardly see.
"It's okay," said Maaziariitna. "I can- I can comfort you sometimes too."
Halek very badly wanted his parents. "I can't go home," he realized, and cried harder. "I can't go home. I killed a cop. I can't bring that back to them. I can’t go home. I want to go home."
"Is there somewhere you can go?" said Maaziariitna. "You could come back to my grandmother's with me. I'm already a fugitive."
"Diihse and Juraji," said Halek. "I need Diihse and Juraji- I need Rovian but I can't bring this back to Rovian- I need my friends, but they're so far away, in Meelasugaado."
"How did you usually get there for school?"
"The flying carpet," said Halek. "But- it's at home. And I can't go home."
Maaziariitna was quiet for a minute, and the only sound was Halek's sobbing.
"I will get you to Meelasugaado," Maaziariitna said.
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