The mirrors gleamed, the floor glistened under the overhead lights, and the silence hung like a noose.
Until the door slammed open.
Her sneakers hit the floor with the force of her mood.
She didn’t care who was watching. She never had. And especially not today.
Because he was here.
There he was.
Leaning against the mirror, arms folded, hair messy in that annoyingly effortless way, chewing gum like this was a joke to him.
Wearing black sweatpants and the stupid oversized shirt that made him look like some street-style god.
Riki Nishimura.
“Oh,” he drawled, lifting his head without even turning fully toward her.
“The ghost finally shows up.”
She dropped her duffel bag to the floor with a loud thud. “And the devil’s still here. How original.”
He turned now, one brow raised, slow smile curling his lips like he knew something she didn’t. “Thought you quit. Or disappeared. Or broke a hip from dancing too soft.”
She scoffed. “Still projecting your insecurities, I see.”
“No, just observing. You walk like you’re angry at the ground.”
“And you exist like you're allergic to humility.”
There were gasps from the background, a few dancers already whispering, edging away from the growing warzone. Everyone knew about them.
They performed hostility.
They didn’t argue.
Riki stepped closer, cocky, controlled, every inch of him screaming I own this floor.
“You here to lose again? Or just thought the studio missed your tragic pirouettes?”
She took a threatening step forward. “Please. If I danced like you, I’d sue my own feet.”
“You talk big for someone who cried in the locker room after our last battle.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You know what’s sad? You keep replaying that moment in your head like it was a victory. Pretty obsessed for a guy who claims not to care.”
He leaned in just a little, his voice dropping like velvet knives.
“Oh, I don’t care. I just really enjoy watching you fall.”
“Then don’t blink,” she said, fire in her throat. “Because this time, I’m taking you down so hard they’ll need a mop to scrape up your ego.”
The music flared up behind them — a beat heavy, brutal, fast. Someone had hit play, maybe on purpose. Maybe because the studio was starving for a show.
Neither of them looked away.
They didn’t need choreography. This was instinct. Rivalry. Hunger. Hate.
They hit the beat in perfect sync.
But there was nothing harmonious about it.
Her moves were sharp, furious. His were slick, mocking.
They circled each other like wild things — beautiful, dangerous, untamed.
And god, it hurt how right it felt.
Like they weren’t enemies at all.
Like their bodies had always known this war.
When the song ended, she was panting, sweat sticking to her skin, fire rushing through her veins.
And he was standing there like he hadn’t even tried.
He wiped his brow lazily with the hem of his shirt, flashing a sliver of abs. “Still too soft,” he said.
She rolled her eyes so hard it could’ve cracked glass. “Still too desperate.”
He stepped forward, mouth barely a breath from hers.
“We should’ve burned each other a long time ago.”
She didn’t flinch.
“We did. We just danced through the ashes."
The studio floor vibrated with bass. The kind that rattled bones and thoughts and everything in between.
She walked in with her headphones blasting a remix she didn’t even like. She just needed the noise.
Of course.
And there he was.
Center of the floor. Hoodie half on. Chain dangling. Sneakers that cost more than her rent.
Riki Nishimura.
He didn’t look at her — not at first. Just kept moving, shoulders ticking to the beat like the room was his personal stage.
“I see your ego’s still louder than the speaker,” she said as she passed him.
His reply came quick, effortless:
“Nice to see your attitude made it before your technique.”
She stopped. “Funny. You sound like someone who lost to me last summer.”
You mean when you cried yesterday?
She rolled her eyes. “I cried because I had to breathe the same air as you for three minutes.”
Someone in the corner coughed to cover a laugh.
The instructor clapped. “Pair up. You two. Freestyle battle warm-up. Go.”
They didn’t hesitate. They didn’t have to.
Because when it came to hating each other, they were perfectly in sync.
The music hit — gritty, brutal hip-hop.
She stepped first, hitting sharp, precise movements that screamed I don’t need you.
He responded fast, body rolling into a glide that pulled every eye in the room.
And they circled each other like wolves.
Snapping.
Spinning.
Too close.
Too much.
Until she hit a drop too hard and he caught her.
Instinct. One hand on her back. The other on her thigh.
Too real.
Too fast, she shoved him off. “Don’t touch me like that again.”
His jaw clenched — but not from offense. From something else.
“Relax,” he said. “I was trying to keep your face off the floor.”
She stepped closer, low voice dangerous. “Next time, let it hit.”
He smirked. But it was softer. Almost… sad?
“You act like you hate me,” he said. “But you never miss a beat when I’m near.”
And for a second — just one — her mouth opened, but nothing came out.
Then, calm and steady:
“That’s because I rehearse. Not because I care.”
They stared.
The music ended.
But the tension didn’t.
Not even close.
"I don’t like you," she said, but her hands were shaking.
Riki stepped closer, heat in his breath.
"Funny," he murmured, "you only tremble like that when it's me."..
They gave each other a cold glare before walking past each other like they don't care about each other or at least they think
“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women
What you’re about to read is a confession to you. An apology, if you prefer to call it that, as I’ve professed my love to you plenty of times—although it won’t ever be enough—and you’re at the knowledge of every crime I’ve committed since we met.
My Korean teacher repeatedly reiterated the lack of clarity in my essays and oral exams. I’m not good with words, you see. That’s why I thought that letting you know about the events in my life that shaped me and the feelings that followed me throughout these months would make you understand me better.
I know our conversations weren’t as deep as you probably expected. I’ve tried to explain myself to the best of my abilities and even if it was a mess you seemed to make out that flurry of words and comfort me. Sometimes, I truly thought you understood me more than I did.
It’s true that we always talked in riddles and puzzles but it made more sense that way. Because our—my—love was pure madness and somehow the riddles explained it better than we ever could.
The lack of sleep shouldn’t have affected my mind too much, at least in the part that’s in charge of writing.
If you’re reading this, I hope you understand. Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, and sorry if I will ramble more in the following pages. Right, sorry if I’m apologizing a lot—you told me not to do that. I just can’t help it.
I was tortured since the age of 6 when I started going to elementary school, that’s as far as I can remember. You could also say I was “bullied”, it’s what the adults like to call it, but it’s the same thing. People get defensive, almost offended when I use the other term. “Wow,” was a common reaction, “that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” I didn’t think it was extreme.
When I so naively asked my teacher the difference between the two words, she chuckled and looked at me as if I asked her what the difference between hot and cold was. Surprise was another clear feeling I could read from her expression. She asked me how I knew those words. I simply said I heard them from outside and she told me to forget them.
That evening, when I came home, I took the chair from my mother’s desk and put it next to the bookshelf, I climbed it and looked at the books on the top shelf. They were the books she used the least and between them, sitting all dusty and forgotten, was also the dictionary.
I blew and rubbed the dust away then I looked for the two words. I read the two definitions closely and more than one time but I still didn’t understand. They were the same.
I didn’t ask my teacher anything else. My teacher was clearly against explaining them to me.
But I was sure, I knew those two words extremely well because I felt them on my skin.
I wanted to be an idol. I told everyone in my class because I thought it was a normal dream—we all watched idols on TV in the afternoon—and being an astronaut seemed a lot harder. Apparently, it wasn’t. Because I wanted to perform on a stage, I was “pretentious”, “narcissistic”, an “attention-seeker”, and a “whore”. I didn’t know what they meant and thought they were compliments and they etched those words into my skin.
I later found their definitions in the dictionary and understood what they were saying.
I wasn’t the only girl who wanted to be an idol. Hayoon, a classmate of mine, dreamt of testing for JYP, SM, YG, and all those big companies. She took dance and singing classes, they were both in group and private. She could afford it because her family was very rich. From what I heard in the classroom, she started training when she was just a little girl because her parents saw her dancing in front of the TV during an episode of Inkigayo.
Surprisingly, Hayoon was never shamed. Because she was “humble” and had “her feet on the ground”. She was loved by everyone and was the most favored prospect for the role of an idol, everyone seemed to believe in her dream. She was confident, danced well, and was beautiful. All the girls went to her house at least twice a month to go to her huge pool, splendid garden, and majestic house. I never went, I was never invited.
She was good at everything and topped all subjects. However, I sang better than her. In music classes and festivals, I was always chosen and often took the roles instead of her. When she realized she wasn’t the best, she became embarrassed and frustrated.
She didn’t have any way of making me sing worse and neither could sing better than me, even after all those expensive lessons, so she took to poking fun at me to try and drag me down. Of course her friends joined as well. They were always calling me "ugly", "weird", and "gross" in a way that didn’t seem childish or playful, but demeaning and insulting.
The other kids constantly berated me between classes, glued my books to the desk, slapped me and then ran away. They knew all the spots where there was no CCTV in the school. They even stole my brand-new headphones and glued my shoestrings to my shoes when I didn’t see them. We wore slippers and my shoes were in my locker.
My teachers never helped me. I’ve tried telling them and they didn’t believe me, or rather, they chose not to believe me because that was easier for them.
Only a girl had the courage to help me, it only took one word and two days to have everyone against her. “Stop,” she only said that and then everyone hated her. You never go against the group, you never try to make yourself different, you never try to fight back.
In the end, I understood the difference between torture and bullying: one was for hurting and one was for fun.
During middle school, the bullying stepped up a notch. Some of my classmates went to my same middle school, they had many friends there and the rumors spread like wildfire. Many of the students liked to take their stress out by bullying other students. They were pathetic and talentless, they hated anyone who had potential unless they provided them anything, like Hayoon.
Smoking was illegal. But they didn’t care. They found all the corners of the school where the CCTV didn’t see them and studied where the professors usually walked to avoid their path. It wasn’t always perfect and sometimes they were caught but it sure helped them and the bullies.
One day, I was dragged by my hair behind the basketball court and after getting pushed to the ground, the girls started slapping, laughing, and kicking me. The smoke from their cigarettes and the kicks to my belly and back took the air out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. They were experienced—they noticed my lack of breath, gave me breaks to catch it, and started kicking me again.
They were caught by a teacher who forgot his bag. They claimed they were only giving me “birthday punches” and didn’t admit anything, nor apologized. They weren’t stupid either. The girls had a very good reputation and a good student persona, essentially they didn’t have any criminal records.
When I was asked what happened, I was ready to tell them all the atrocities that took place in school. But then, I remembered the girls’ eyes. I looked at the professor and I knew, right there and then, that he didn’t believe me, even before I said anything. They wouldn’t have done anything but the word would have been out, that I snitched on the bullies and then I wouldn’t have survived.
So I stayed silent.
The girls only got punished for smoking after they explained they only wanted to try and continued to do it anyway.
Between the end of middle school and the start of high school, the bullies got more creative. They tied me up and broke my legs with a crowbar. The older the girls got, the more of them wanted to be idols, and the first thing they had to do was to get rid of the competition. They succeeded as I stopped dancing altogether since that day.
I continued singing but nobody wants to see an idol in a wheelchair, right?
After I couldn’t walk normally anymore, they started treating me like a rag. They used me to clean the bathroom, by pushing me around on the floor, putting my face against the toilet, and mopping me with dirty water. I was like a toy to them and their friends joined the fun.
Part 2
It was no wonder that many bullied students leave the school. Sometimes, they leave on their own, because they can’t stand the torture anymore, other times, the school removes them. The bullies only bully others because they can and they know they can get away with it: they have influential parents or come from wealthy families, so the school can only quietly get rid of the problem and those are the victims that can’t stay quiet.
The class in my department didn’t have many students but it was enough: 20 students. During the year, 5 students left, and at the end of the year, 2 others were sent to another school in the province. The remaining 13 weren’t enough to be left alone in the classroom so they joined us with a class from another department that also lost many students. In total, we were 31, which was a big number but they didn’t have any other choice.
You were one of those students. I only noticed you after a week because I got used to keeping my eyes low not to anger any of my classmates. You sat beside me. People usually tend to avoid me since they could also become victims of the bullies but you knew it and it was your decision.
“Is this seat taken?” you asked me. When I heard your voice, I had a moment of hesitation. I kept staring at the wooden desk but then I thought that you might have accused me of being rude for ignoring you and that would have been a good enough reason to pick on me, so I raised my eyes.
“No, it isn’t,” I replied. Your eyes were cold. I genuinely thought you were a bully too.
“Then, can I seat here?”
“You can if you want…” I told you, unsure. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“What? You fart a lot?”
I was taken aback. “No! I don’t.”
“I suppose it’s fine then,” you said and took the chair out to take your desk. You started getting ready for the lesson and didn’t seem to have any intention of doing anything to me. Every time someone spoke to me, it was to make a comment, make a joke, or give me an order. Still, I was suspicious of you.
The lesson proceeded as usual. You took your notes very diligently, writing almost everything the teacher said, making graphs and small summaries to keep your memory fresh. If you were to tell me you were the top student in your class, I would have believed it and later I’d find out you really were.
Your behavior wasn’t the one of a bully. And it wasn’t the behavior of a bullied either.
At the end of the last lesson before the lunch break, the teacher gave us surveys for our future career choices. I stared at the paper with a pen in my hand. What should I write? My future, my future was stolen from me. My dream was as meaningful as an ant’s life. After everything they did and said to me, a miserable life of insignificance and sadness sounded perfectly fit for me. I kept wondering and pondering until you turned to me.
“What do you want to do when you grow up, Chaewon?” you asked me while you were lazily spinning your pen between your fingers.
“I- I don’t know, what about you?” I stuttered. I couldn’t bring myself up to pronounce those words. I felt as if I had been banished from even muttering them and thinking about it only brought me horrible memories.
“Web security,” you said. “I go around and check companies’ safety in their servers and sites. I’ve already started an internship so I’m sure it’s what I’m going to do.”
“An internship? This early?”
“Yeah, I figured the more experience I get, the better. I got nothing better to do anyways.”
“Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you hang out with your… friends?”
“I don’t have that many friends, to be honest,” you replied nonchalantly. “I mean, I do go out like once every three months so it isn’t a lot but I still have friends I can talk to. I’ve never been good with people, I guess.”
“Ah, is that so?”
“I was always better on my own. I tried a lot of stuff and I liked web stuff better,” then you turned to me for a second time, looking at me more intensely than before, “but you didn’t answer my question yet. What do you wanna do?”
Being put on the spot like that, I wasn’t sure about what I was allowed to say. More than that, I didn’t know what I really wanted, if the dust of my once desire was still in me if my heart wasn’t dead cold. However, after all these years, a subtle string of fate kept me going and it was still something that I liked doing.
I looked at your eyes. They didn’t scare me.
“I want to be… an idol,” I said in a single breath. After I finished the sentence, a heavy feeling of guilt dawned on me. I felt as if I just committed a crime and I was in danger.
But you didn’t judge me.
“An idol, huh?” You laid back on your chair. “That’s pretty cool. I know it’s very hard if you really want to do it, props to you. It takes some guts to train for that stuff. To dance all day, to have everyone look at you, it’s something.”
“Do- do you think I can do it?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t know how well you dance, or how good you sing, or even what you tested for.”
“But is it a possible dream?”
“You can watch idols too, right? They had the same dream as you did. They did it. I think it’s possible, yeah. And I think you can do it, Chaewon.”
When you said that, I felt so relieved. It was comforting. Finally, I found someone that didn’t hate me, that didn’t shame and believed in me.
Just as you stopped talking, the bell rang. It was the time.
“Oh, look at her, ms. Idol,” said Yejun and pushed my head away for fun. He started laughing.
“Hands off, Yejun. And go away before I sock you in the face,” you said.
“I’m so scared, oh my god,” he laughed. “What do you think you’ll do huh? Do you want to protect this filthy rag? How generous,” he said and then slapped me.
“That’s enough, fuckface,” you got up and stared into his eyes. “That’s the last warning. Leave before I do something I might regret.”
He scoffed. “Really, you talk a lot. Don’t forget that you work for my father.”
“I don’t think you get it, Yejun. I don’t just work for your father. He depends on me. One click and his whole 20 servers will blow up. Do you really think that incompetent fool of your father fixed all the problems? He doesn’t know shit about his stuff, he only knows how to count money and scam his workers. There are so many weaknesses I could just hack the whole thing and change your company to my name.”
“You aren’t funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be. Now, that I’ve seen who this rag of yours is, tell your friends to keep their hands off her. I don’t want to see your father come back and beg at me and he’ll know it was all your fault. Everyone listens to you apparently, so spread the word. I won’t hesitate.”
Yejun stormed out of the class in anger.
I felt like I was reborn, that I finally found my savior. You were the angel I needed and you came to save me from this hell.
“I don’t like this place, let’s get out of here,” you said and I followed you.
We went to grab lunch but right behind the vending machines you got attacked. He called you a nerd, whatever he did, but I couldn’t stand it. I felt a force in me and I grabbed his neck, I squeezed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.
I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for you trying to get me off, I would have killed him.
Just as that guy run off, you freaked out. I didn’t blame you. Still, you took my arm and pulled me to somewhere more covered to talk to me, scared that someone else might have seen it. I could see the surprise in your eyes, but you didn’t look terrified, you were concerned if anything.
Your hand was still bleeding, the red liquid dripped to the floor. I stared at the droplets, slowly coloring the grey concrete, as if it was the ticking of a clock. At each tick, I was getting more impatient, there was something inside me that wanted to jump out, run after who hurt you, and make him pay for it. But I had to calm down, you were in front of me.
“Chaewon, what the hell!” you whisper-shouted while repeatedly glancing behind your back and into the hallway. “Where did that come from?”
“I-I don’t know what happened,” I stuttered. I was saying the truth—at the time, I truly didn’t know why I reacted in the way I did. I never raised my hands, I never talked back, I never reacted.
“Shit, I’m bleeding a lot,” you cursed. You gritted your teeth and started walking towards the school clinic. I followed you.
You talked to me as we were walking. “You don’t just choke people randomly, you know?”
“I- I really swear! I pro-promise… I have no idea what happened!”
“Listen, Chaewon, I saw you pinning his neck against the wall. You raised a senior with one hand.”
When we were in front of the nurse's office, you pinched your nose and waved your hand to stop me from talking. The cuff of your white shirt was stained with red, it already spread so much in just a short time. You must have been in pain. My blood was boiling.
“You can explain yourself later,” you said and opened the door. “I have to close this wound first.”
I followed you into the room. For some reason, the room was empty, there was no trace of the nurse and it looked like she hasn’t been there for a long time as everything was very tidy and the coat hanger was empty. Often, when people can avoid work, they’ll do it. The nurse must have seen that there was no one needing her in the morning and decided to leave for some coffee.
You sat on one of the beds, keeping your arm stretched out so the blood wouldn’t stain the sheets and with another hand, you searched into the cabinet for something you could help yourself with. You took out bandaids, alcohol, gauze and cotton buds. You really made a mess, trying to pour the alcohol on your arm and spilling half of the content on the floor.
After sloppily cleaning yourself with cotton, you got the bandaids.
“Do you really think bandaids will do?” I asked you. “It’s way too deep.”
“Is there any other way?”
“Yeah, we have to put stitches on you.” I took the chairs from the desk and sat in front of you. In the cabinet beside the bed, there were also needles and thread for that procedure. Luckily there was an anesthetic as well.
I put on gloves. I cleaned your wound again, better than you did before, and applied the anesthetic gel. It took about two minutes to take effect, in the meanwhile I prepared the rest of the equipment I needed: forceps, curved needle, and new thread.
When I was sure you didn’t feel anything, I started stitching your wound.
“How did you learn this?” you asked me so curiously.
“I… I got used to taking care of myself,” I said softly. It was embarrassing. You nodded. I could feel your eyes scan me, looking at all my bruises, the bandaids on my face, and many more wounds underneath my shirt.
You sighed. “I’m sorry. I hope they won’t attack you anymore. Always stay with me, they are scared of people who have a known name.”
“Thank you, but I don’t think it will do anything.”
“Just do as I say,” you repeated. I could see how sure you were from your face. You definitely didn’t see, as my face was facing the floor, but I smiled for the first time after you said that. Your desire of protecting me was honest. I was really happy that you cared for me.
When I came home, I had the time to think through what happened that day. As I was drinking a cup of water, I looked at myself in the reflection of the window, my fingers tracing my wounds and bruises, itching the dried blood on my nails. Where did that strength come from? I could have sworn they had taken every ounce of energy from me, I knew I had no will, no ambition, no desire to even talk back until today. And yet, I hurt him.
I felt good. It didn’t feel good to hurt him per se but to know I defended you. As to him, I should have killed him. But you stopped me. You shouldn’t have done that. He hurt you. That shabby gross fool tried to hurt you, how could he?!
I was so lucky to have caught you before it was late. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to you if he succeeded—the bruises on your face, the blood on your face—you would have looked just like me. No, I couldn’t stand that. You didn’t deserve to go through the pain that I did, not after you defended me. Oh, if only I could lay my hand on those sinners, the pain I could inflict them, all the experiences that I felt inside my skin, into my very flesh.
I want to hear them scream. To beg for forgiveness. To regret their very existence. I want them to apologize to you, to offer their life…
Crack
I looked down at my hands. What a mess. I completely shattered the cup I was holding—bits of sharp glass everywhere, even some into my skin. The veins of my hand were bulging, I could feel the blood in my body flowing so fast and forcefully. The adrenaline was high in my brain.
I didn’t realize what I did until I heard the sudden noise.
It was true, just as you said. It wasn’t me. But why? This must have happened because I was thinking of you getting hurt… yes, it was your thought, just you. It was because of you. I didn’t want to see you hurt, you were my only hope in this world, just the thought sent a shock through my spine and into my head, and I would go crazy.
You made me like this.
Completely insane.
“Chaewon! What happened?” I heard Yujin calling me and I turned around to see her rushing out the hallway. Yujin was my roommate, we shared the rent because it was cheaper that way. She wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she couldn’t understand my life, she lived between rich girls and handsome guys.
To be kind, you need to know what misery is. She was just nice.
“Oh, Kirin-chan,” I said.
“How did you break your glass?” she asked worryingly, grabbing a towel to clean my bloody hand of the bits of glass.
“My bad, I was standing up and it just slipped out of my hand.”
“Then how did it get all over your palm?”
“I slipped and fell right onto it, you know how clumsy I am.”
“Yeah,” she commented without much belief, “just like all the time you come home with bruises on your face.”
“It isn’t my fault if they don’t put warnings after cleaning the stairs.”
“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “Anyways, don’t forget to clean it up, I’ll go back to studying,” she ended, turning around and leaving the lounge to return to her prettier room.
I continued to stare at my hand.
I couldn’t help but think about you again… my head got foggy… my thoughts haunting…
What if they scarred you?
What if they bullied you?
What if girls broke your heart?
What if you were friends with the wrong people?
I knew I was crossing a line when those questions took form but it was too late and I didn’t even care anymore. It was a promise I made myself, to protect who I loved, and I swore I wouldn’t fail again. I would protect you forever, no matter what.
I feared that you’d run away from me but instead, we got way closer than before. When I walked into school the day after the incident, I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t have seen you—that you had stayed at home, that you changed class or even school. What worried me the most was the fact that you could have been scared of me.
I waited for you anxiously. I kept scratching my nails, rubbing my arms, looking around for you. So many times I got up and walked around the paths outside the school where I thought you’d usually walk, even if I didn’t know well what were your habits, and not finding you, I’d sit back at the wall and wait again.
After several minutes, you arrived at school. At the sight of you, my dizziness and worries faded away. I immediately ran at you and hugged you so tight, you had to know how much I missed you.
You were surprised, of course, you were. “Huh? What has gotten into you Chaewon?” you laughed jokingly.
“I just thought you wouldn’t come to school anymore,” I told you.
“Why would I do that? Today is a school day.”
“It’s okay, that’s perfect. I’m just so glad I can see you again.”
Part 3
The door opened to the locker room and I and the other trainees entered sitting down. They changed their clothes from casual streetwear to old clothes and gym wear. I’ve been training for a bit now, I got to know all the trainees well, there were a lot before but now they only remained half. The one that finished first started stretching. "It's one minute and a half. Let's do this," she sighed.
One of them threw to the other a white sheet with a name written on it and did the same with the others. "Here. Your name tags."
"That's it? Just a minute?" the girl chuckled.
"A minute and a half. Everyone does their part and it's a difficult choreography, don't you forget. It will be enough."
"It's for evaluation. Don't forget every detail counts," another girl added.
We went out of the room and made our way toward the practice room, each one with a name tag on it. The corridor leading to it was cold, probably because they just changed from thick to thin clothes, but it got hotter towards the end where the air got denser. One at a time, they entered bowing at the line of men sitting on the right of the mirror in front of the door.
Everyone had papers and a pen and a serious look plastered on their faces. After a couple of stretches, the girls got into position and the music started. They smiled and danced with their full capability and the judges looked sharp. When the music stopped they held their ending pose and went in a line waiting for their words. The air suddenly felt cold.
"There had been improvements on what we said the first time. But we can also fix others," the first said and the men nodded. They wrote on the paper and scribbled.
"You. When the others did their move you were coordinated and that's fine but you did it wrong. You need to raise your hand higher," he said making the move himself and the girl followed.
"Can you do the move a bit before the ending?" another one asked, gesturing his intention. "Yes, that one. Please get into the position and do it."
They did and when it came to the next section he spoke again, "One more time."
"Once more."
"Five...six.. seven... eight... an-"
"Okay," he said and got up walking to the center of the room. He demonstrated the move more and more times. "Don't tense your muscles too much when you do this alright?"
"But," the oldest got up, "you were all a lot better today, good job. Specially Soojin and Gaeul."
"That's it, goodbye," they said.
"Thank you!" the girls answered together.
BLAM. The oldest almost slips as he got out and the others held him up. The girls let out a muffled laugh, their mouths covered with their hands."See girls, don't tense your muscles too much or they won't work properly," the man chuckled. The judges left fast, embarrassed by their eldest and the group laughed in relief.
"Are we really doing this? They are not saying anything anymore."
The youngest looked at them from the ground, laid down breathing hard, and said, "We're close to debuting."
When everyone was done with their stuff and cleaned themselves they left. Almost all of them ran out to catch the last bus of the day or were just in a hurry. I, on the other hand, had to walk home so I did everything slower. When I got out, in the distance, I heard a group of girls around my age shouting and laughing. When they got closer, I realized they were my classmates, there were about four of them and they were drunk.
They noticed me.
"Look at you. It's late, pretty girls like you shouldn't stay out," one of them said and I frowned.
"Don't tell me. You were practicing?" she said laughing. The other three got in a semi-circle in front of me.
"It's a really difficult life isn't it, miss idol? Everybody wants you and you're here dancing until late," she mocked me, with her fingers under her eyes faking tears, and let out a hearty laugh. The choir followed with a carol of joy.
"It's sad really," she continued, "so popular but so tired."
She pushed me down on the ground and the group stepped back making more space for the two. She forcefully pulled my hair, forcing me to get up. The girl got closer and said, "And you're so pretty. It would be a shame if anything happened to this pretty face."
She slapped me. They laughed. They kicked me. I tried to defend myself, curling into a fetus position and protecting my head. They snickered as they continued wasting the effects of the alcohol on me. When they were finally satisfied, they got up and left me there on the side of the road and went away to the opposite way of where they came from.
I remained on the ground with tears on her face and sobbed trying not to make any noise, I wanted silence. However I heard their voices again, from the distance, and they were screaming.
"What do you think you're doing?!" the same girl as before squealed."We're girls, you think you can-." The group gasped.
"You're five and I'm one and you just beat that girl up. You think I care?" It was a male voice.
The girls ran away but the guy didn't try to chase them and walked to me.
"There's a convenience store nearby, we can get something cold for your face," he said with a soft tone. I recognized the voice and looked at him, I recognized his face too. It was you. My legs trembled a little as I held myself upon your shoulder for support. "It's fine, take your time," you said dusting my back.
At the shop, you bought a bag of frozen peas so I could put it on my face where it still hurts. "I ate those for dinner, they're great. I can use them for everything, look, you're using them too now," you said and I laughed. I calmed down a little and your face got more serious and worried.
"I told you. Starting from tomorrow I'll bring you home," you said.
"But it was only this time," I said.
"And the other four before."
"Kind of."
"Being there by 11:30 should be good."
"But you should sleep."
"I would just be studying, and either way, it's way better to have your company," you insisted, leaning down on the chair. A small smile formed on my face. Ever since that day, the two always walked home late at night even when it was freezing or when it was raining. We got way closer.
You grew up so well. Unfortunately, many girls seemed to notice you and fall for you. I don’t blame them, you were very charming, so attractive for such a young student but I couldn’t let them near you. They were fools, too stupid to realize they were nowhere close to your level, you were levels above and they were just insects. I had to make sure no one bothered you, to avoid you crying because some worthless bitch broke your heart.
I was surprised when you told me you got asked out. But then I felt my chest burn.
There’s only one thing that I can’t stand in this world and that’s people who think they can take what’s mine. I don’t care about gossip, jealousy or envy, I don’t have anyone to compete with, I just want what’s mine. And you are mine.
It was so easy to scare them away. All it took was a quick talk behind the school, a very convincing speech, a cutter to their throats…
They were scared of me. Good. You didn’t suspect anything—they’d still smile at me as if nothing happened, I made sure to tell them. I couldn’t let you know, to worry more than you already were.
The bullying had completely stopped towards me because you were always by my side defending me and eventually they all got the message. If you were just a crush before, now I love you. If I loved you, now I worship you. You’re my religion, my god, my purpose. I’ll kill for you, live for you, and I’ll love you forever. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Whether that’s heaven, hell, or any other world. My very existence is embroidered into your name, I can’t exist without you.
Things were going great, so great. You only had eyes for me. Those two beautiful pupils could only look at me, at my face, at my body, only at me. I loved when you stared at me, I was yours after all, you could watch how much you wanted.
That was until those two eyes became one. You got a big bruise on your left eye, it was swollen, black, and horrible.
You were waiting for me near the big tree behind the school like you always did, and you talked to me like you always did, without worry or pain. “Hey, Chaewon,” you greeted me.
“What happened?!”
“Nothing, I just hurt myself,” you lied. How naive you were, you were too kind, too nice. I didn’t believe you one single bit. I wonder why you did that? Why did you lie to me? Was it to protect whoever did that to you? To protect who hurt you?
“Tell me. Tell me, who hurt you?” I asked you calmly.
“It’s really nothing Chae… I’m serious, I only hurt myself—”
“TELL ME WHO THE HELL HURT YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” I asked again, the sudden increase in volume startled you and you backed away into the tree. I didn’t know at the time, and you’d tell me later, but my eyes were empty. You got scared, I apologize, I just couldn’t help it.
“Ch-Chaewon?” you stuttered.
When I realized you were terrified, I calmed down. “Huh? Oh, my bad, sorry… I was just really worried, but now, please tell me.” I shook my head and took a couple of steps back.
“Okay, I will tell you… it was Seojun,” you finally confessed. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink on his uniform. I apologized, but since I was alone and his ‘friends’ were with him, they thought they could get their revenge on me.”
“I see… let’s get you some ice for that eye for now,” I told you and we started to walk into the infirmary for the second time. I hated walking into that place, especially with you. I tried my best to hold it inside me, not to scare you again, but I was going to snap anytime soon.
“Chae, are you alright?” you asked me.
“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear… and it will okay from now on. You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.”
You know, people say that the first time is special, you never forget it. The first time I bathed my hands in the warm liquid that is human blood, my body was cold. I felt hesitation at first, but I knew I was doing it for you, and thinking about you, all that fear was gone. And I killed him.
Yes, it was me that killed Seojun. I don’t regret one bit what I’ve done to him. I made sure he suffered as much as he made you suffer. An eye for an eye, as they say.
That day was special, it was like I confessed to you and instead of a ring, I gave you a life. It was only fair you’d give me your life in return.
The murder of Seojun made headlines in the news and when asked about it, the students never said anything nor praised or acted sad at his death. No one missed him. It’s quite sad that life can be so insignificant that not a single person will care about how gruesome your death was and forget you the next day. To be quite honest, he deserved it. We die in the same way we live.
You were a bit suspicious of me at first. You didn’t really doubt me—you were curious. The news of his death was delivered by our professor during the first period with a sigh before continuing the lesson. The reactions were mixed but mostly towards one extreme: relief.
When a bad person dies, two things will happen: if you’re a good person or a victim, you will be happy; if you’re equally bad then you’ll be scared, because you know he already got what he deserved and nothing prevented you from having the same fate as nothing is stronger than luck.
You were both worried and glad. I’ve always noticed how you tend to care about other people, it’s something that I really love about you, you just have to direct toward the people who deserve it. “Hey, Chae, do you know anything about Seojun’s murder?” you asked me during the break. You were hesitant at first but I was sure you’ve thought about it long enough to decide to spill it.
You must have thought about what I said the other day: You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.
“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at you. “Why would I have anything to do with his death?”
“W-well… you see… you said that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore and the next day… he dies.” Your shoulders were so tight almost as if you were trying to keep the words inside of you. Your gaze flitted around the room, never settling on one person or object for long.
“It must have been a coincidence,” I told you. “And karma.”
“Right,” you muttered. Then you relaxed your shoulders.
“By the way,” I changed the topic, “there is going to be the last test before the debut at Hybe.”
Your eyes changed completely, they brightened. Every time I talked about my dream, you always seemed too excited for me. You fully believed in my ambition and constantly encouraged me to keep trying. Whenever I practiced, I always thought of you.
I always think of you.
“That’s awesome, Chae. It’s your opportunity, you wanted to become an idol all this time.”
“I will start practicing right away then,” I said. “I want to be with you that day. Can you come with me?”
“What day will it be?”
“Next Saturday, 4:00 pm.”
“Next Saturday… 4:00 pm,” you repeated. “I’ll make sure to be there—I will be there, I will.”
“Thank you,” I smiled and hugged you. You were still a bit against the idea of hugging but slowly you were getting used to it. I trusted that you’ll eventually come to love it.
I had prepared about four songs for the test: two for my singing and two for my dancing, one of them was good for both. I decided to be very broad with my songs because if they asked for more, I’d be prepared. You never know. I didn’t want to go there and have them ask for a random song and fail horribly.
You were waiting for me in front of the building with a little bag of snacks. I mentioned all of them before to you and you remembered. Some of them were for when I’d finish the whole thing and some as a snack to calm my nerves.
Honestly, I felt like you were my boyfriend already. If anyone saw us together, they’d say the same thing. Every little thing you did was so full of attention, I knew you cared for me, and I loved you so much.
Anyways, the time came. I bid you goodbye and entered.
The test went terribly wrong.
You waited two hours for me, only for me to blow it all up. When I came out, I was so embarrassed, I didn’t want you to see me at all.
“So Chae, how was it?” you asked but I didn’t reply. It was hard to come up with any word at all. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes.
“Chae?”
“Chaewon?”
You finally got enough at the third time and you grabbed my shoulder to shake and direct my gaze at you. “Chaewon, answer me please!” you said with an upset tone.
“Do you… do you think I’m a failure?”
“What are you talking about?” you asked back.
“Hey, am I a failure? Tell me. Were the guys right? I am not meant to be an idol after all, should I give up after all? Tell me, please!” I hiccuped and cried. I was truly heartbroken. It was the test per se but the fact that I disappointed you, that I wasted all your determination and belief you had in me.
“Chaewon, no…” you whispered and went for a hug. It was awkward, you didn’t know how to hug. You tried to put a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip, but it didn’t work. Then you tried to put both of them on my shoulder but you looked like you wanted to headbut me. On the third try, you succeeded and properly hugged me very tightly.
I buried my head into your chest, it was where I could really feel safe.
“Chaewon, what happened in there? How did it go?”
“I FAILED! I BLEW IT ALL UP! IT’S ALL GONE!” I yelled and gripped you harder.
“How is that possible? You’re perfect, I mean, you sing so beautifully and you’re beautiful,” you said. “You’ve been practicing… why? How?”
“I’m sorry it’s that I was so worried. I got distracted. I continued to ask myself if I’d fail and so on… I knew the lyrics but I got jittery and…”
“No, Chaewon! I told you to believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do it.”
“But—”
“You have talent, Chae,” you repeated, “and I’ve seen it since day one. You will not fail. You just have to try again.”
I was embarrassed to see if I could try again but you weren’t and you stormed inside the building, dragging me by arm to ask the staff if I could try again. You explained everything and even pleaded with them until they gave in.
This time, you were waiting for me outside the door. I knew I wouldn’t fail again.
Don’t think about anything else. Focus.
I sang the first song. Just like I practiced. Then I danced. It was perfect.
I passed. I was so happy and I just had to tell you. I ran outside but you weren’t there.
I searched everywhere until I understood you weren’t in the building and had to search for you outside. I found you in an alley, bloody and bruised.
I immediately called the ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Your condition was so bad they had to x-ray your whole body and do a small surgery.
When I found you, you could barely talk or even breathe. You were laying in a pool of blood, that came from the numerous cuts all over your body—they weren’t clean but all rough and jacked, meaning they came from brute force and not blades. Your clothes were also messed up and ripped. Together, I could count on 19 injuries at least. I couldn’t understand at all. Why would someone do that to you? And how did it happen?
Together with you was a bag with two drinks and a couple of sandwiches. I suppose you went outside to a convenience store to buy something, maybe for me, and then… you were attacked. This may have been premeditated, it’s impossible a group of people randomly hurt you that bad.
I couldn’t stop crying, you know?
To see you in those conditions, I could only think of the worse.
What if you’d never wake up again?
What if you’d be miserable for the rest of your life?
What if you died?
It was my fault. I’m sorry, it was totally my fault. It was because I took way too long in the test, chatting with the staff, seeing the other girls so happily, while you were being jumped… I could have protected you, we could have gone home together and this would have never happened.
The doctor called me. “Kim Chaewon?”
“Yes?” I raised my eyes. I saw him and wiped my tears before standing up and walking to him.
“Is he okay…?” I asked.
“He’s not in danger is what I can tell you. Some of his bones are broken and he has received a concussion, he may be asleep for a while, you see,” he said.
“Can I see him?”
“Yes, you can,” the doctor agreed, “this way…”
He guided me toward another floor of the hospital. You have been transferred from the emergency room to the patient’s rooms. You were in the section where more care was needed—the hallway was quieter, everyone walked slower, and everything was more gentle.
I entered your room slowly, holding myself up with a hand on the door frame and then I saw you. Your eyes were closed. Your whole body was covered in bandages and you were hooked to all sorts of machines with cables and cords everywhere. It was almost like seeing a puppet tied up in strings and they were keeping you alive.
I was scared to come close to you. I feared that any of my movements could have damaged you even more. You were so fragile at that moment.
I gently lowered myself to the chair next to your bed and held your hand. I cried. I cried again, so much. I couldn’t help but keep thinking it was my fault. If only I was quicker…
Some of your items were put in the drawer. I noticed your phone together with your wallet and backpack. The screen was cracked and some of the blood crusted into the cracks. I don’t know why I felt curious but I unlocked the screen—you trusted me enough to let me know your password months ago to check some messages while you were busy cooking—and it opened KakaoTalk. You were texting me and the phone memorized it.
Chae be careful the bullies might be after you
Don’t go in the shortcut at the
Oh, dear. You were on the brink of death and all you could think was to warn me, to protect me. You didn’t even think of calling for help. I understood everything. It was those bullies again… they didn’t forget, did they? It’s because their life turned to hell after they didn’t have anyone to bully anymore and they got revenge but attacking you.
I was angry. I was furious. I was so pissed that I unconsciously cracked your phone even more. It was that feeling again, all over—the fire in my chest.
I will kill them. Each one of the. I will make them suffer. I will tear them to shreds. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them.
I will make them pay for everything they have done for you.
They were so stupid. It was so easy to trick them: I attacked their leader when he was coming home late and forced him to send a message to everyone who was involved in your attack—he confessed right away when I showed him my knife.
The guys came on point the next day. It was all so easy. They always hung out at the abandoned warehouse where they could make all the mess they wanted and dragged their victims to torture them properly and in private. Now they were dragging themselves to their death.
I dressed in black that day. You never liked seeing me in black. People used to tell me I tried to stand out too much so they forced me to use torn, old, ugly clothes, but when they stopped tormenting me, you brought me to buy more clothes for me.
But that day I wasn’t dressing as the victim. I was in the guise of the Grim Reaper.
I prepared my knives, axes, clamps, nails, and staplers and waited for them in the building.
Humans are so easy to kill. They are so frail and mortal—I had to be extremely careful not to let them die immediately to cause them all the pain they deserved. I’ll spare you the details. You don’t have to know of the gruesome parts of their murder. I’ll just tell you everything they did to you and in their years of bullying, I did to them. From crowbars to knives, to fire and stabbing.
When the last one stopped screaming, I felt at peace. The silence was absolute. I couldn’t even hear the wind, the cars, or the noises of the city. It was completely quiet.
I finally avenged you.
Part 4
Disposing of the bodies was quite simple but extremely tiring. I had to chop their bodies to bits, bury them and hide all the evidence. I cleaned with bleach all my weapons, the floor, and the walls of the warehouse. I had to soil the floor since it was dirty before and I couldn’t leave a clean patch in there, it would have been a dead giveaway.
Of course, I had to get rid of all their phones. I broke them into little pieces before grinding them up to a bag of dust and flushing them down the toilet.
I got most of my weapons from around the city. I stole the knives from the school kitchen and returned them to them. I did the crime on a Friday night and finished in the evening of Saturday so they wouldn’t have noticed the disappearance of their tools. I bought the rest of the tools from a hardware store so I could have just put it in someone else’s garage.
I couldn’t burn my clothes or rags because that would have caught the attention of my neighbors or anyone nearby so I colored it with all sorts of paints so the blood would have been unrecognizable. If anyone analyzed them, it would look like they were of an artist. And then I disposed of them.
Burying the bodies was the most laborious part and I could only do it during the night. It took me both Saturday and sunday to get rid of all the evidence.
The next days were all marked by nightmares. I didn’t dream of what I did. What haunted me was you leaving me. I was afraid that my crime could have separated us.
Chaewon, you’re a monster.
I can’t be friends with a murderer.
I can’t love a killer.
I hate you.
I wish you died.
I was distressed and jittery during the day and couldn’t sleep at night. Many times I would get distracted in those thoughts, imagining all the things you could say to me, and not realize people calling me. I would often zone out and not hear anything else.
“Chaewon? Are you okay?” my classmates would tell me. I would snap out of my daze and realize most of them were looking at me then I’d realize I actually chipped a corner of the table off with my grip.
“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” I could only say. They would continue with the day forgetting about it or just tell their friends excitedly about a classmate with a freakish strength.
It was especially hard when I was training with the other trainees but I told myself you wouldn’t be proud of me if I wasn’t doing my best and forced myself to dance.
On Monday, their disappearance was announced but nobody could find anything. Not a single trace. The secret was safe with me.
They also announced your attack but they didn’t connect the two events together, assuming you were also a victim. The attacks in this Korea were common anyways. Bullying was so widespread you could say it was part of our culture.
After a week. you were still asleep. The doctor concluded that they must have stomped your head too for you to be concussed that badly. They damaged the nerves.
Unfortunately, I knew only after I killed them. If I knew I would have done the same to them so they could feel the pain you felt but I guess cutting their limbs counts as nerve damage as well.
I was getting extremely impatient waiting for your awakening. The doctor couldn’t help me but it wasn’t their fault. I’ve only realized now how much I relied on you and those days without you were as sad as Halloween without candies.
When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if the Sun rose already or if it was still sunrise, it was timid, and the light cast a somber hue in the room. It was gray and pale. The soundscape was eerily quiet, the usual chirping birds seemed to have disappeared, as if even nature was mourning alongside me.
Walking through the corridors of the school, I felt like a solitary figure amidst a sea of faces. Conversations echoed around me, yet they seemed distant. The classrooms, usually alive with energy, felt suffocatingly silent.
I couldn’t help but notice how happy the other students went on with their days, completely ignoring what happened to you. Worst of all, some students even mocked you, saying you were a loser and you deserved it. My bloodthirst was beyond the roof. I had to hold myself back a lot not to commit other killings, reminding myself that I could have raised a case of a serial killer if I wasn’t careful enough.
I thought I had been sneaky enough not to raise any suspicion but I didn’t know the only person to find out would have been you.
I was in an alley near the hospital when I met one of those mean girls. They were badmouthing you and I had to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t kill them, you don’t have to worry about that. I merely sent a message, a little punishment. I got one nail for each insult they said toward you. Poor them, they won’t have nails for months—I hope it hurts.
They ran away but when I turned around, I saw you. You were looking at me so horrified and disgusted.
“I had my suspicions, Chae…” you said. “The coincidence was too perfect. I woke up and saw the news, I knew it was you. And now, I’m sure.”
“You’re mistaken, dear,” I tried to say foolishly.
“Chae, I saw everything.” Your face morphed into an extreme melancholy, of disappointment and sadness. My face instead contorted into a horrified frown. You… my best and only friend, my love. You discovered my worse secret—I knew what the consequences were and I knew what the risks were.
“I mean, what are you even doing here? Weren’t you still sleeping?”
“I woke up this morning—I got discharged—and the doctor let me take a walk… and then I saw you.”
“Do you know what I did all of this, darling?” I asked, my nerves were so tense and my blood was pumping like crazy. I was getting more and more scared. There was a thread inside me that was being pulled and pulled…
“W-what is it?” you asked with hesitation.
“It’s because… I… I love you.”
I saw the shock on your face but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I did it. I snapped. You found out and there was no turning back. You didn’t have a choice either.
“W-what? What are you saying?”
“Darling, don’t you get it? I love you so so so so so much. I love you so much—to the point I killed for you. Yes, I did kill them. I murdered them. I slaughtered them. I made them suffer, love, the way they made you suffer… Please! Please understand—I’m doing this because I love you.”
“Chae, you’re scaring me. Stop…”
“Oh, don’t be scared, my love. I would never harm you or kill you… I would only cherish you—in fact, I did all of this to protect you from those bastards! I love you with all of my heart.”
That fire inside of me took over again and this time I was already glued to you, my knee under your thigh, pinning you to the wall, a hand on your cheek and one near your waist. You couldn’t move at all, I wouldn’t let you. I was finally this close to you… your skin was so smooth and soft—just like you, my precious baby.
Maybe I was smiling a bit too much. You’d describe to me later that I looked psychotic, yes, I was crazy.
You didn’t know how to react. I admit, you were so cute—so vulnerable and fragile, just at my mercy. Yet, you dared to take and push my hand away from your face.
“Chae, I’m sorry,” you said and it almost broke my heart, “but I just… I-I- I don’t know…” you said.
“What aren’t you sure about? Is it my love? Is it not clear enough?” I asked. “I’ll do anything for you, just ask me.”
“Please stay away from me,” you replied, “for a while.”
“What are you saying, darling?”
“Chae… you’re my best friend and I understand why you did all of that. I do. But I need to think about it. Don’t worry, I won’t say this to anyone, no one at all, but I need to stay alone for a bit,” you pleaded, “I just recovered too.”
“Okay, fine,” I agreed. You were right. It was a bit too much for you, especially after you just woke up from that concrete hospital bed. Also, I knew I could trust you. You never betrayed me so that did not scare me.
You slowly backed away and left me, alone in the alley.
I don’t know why but I started laughing hysterically.
I thought I messed up a lot. That isn’t the way your lover should look at you, right? Terrified and pleading on the verge of tears. You should have looked at me lovingly. I was so scared you’d leave me and I couldn’t let you do that. I needed you too much.
But then you left me waiting for almost a month. I respected your choice and didn’t contact you at all but it’s been too long. I figured that knowing I killed tormented you so I didn’t touch anyone else but rather I kept it to simply threatening them verbally and that seemed to work.
You have to understand I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at your pictures every night wasn’t enough. Listening to your voice from the vocal messages wasn’t enough. Smelling the shirts I stole from you wasn’t enough, and the smell was fading away. My imagination wasn’t enough, especially when I knew I could have you and I was just waiting for the right moment.
Then the right moment came. I sent you a message just to let you know, you couldn’t say no. I went right to your house, which I came over to many times already, and even your mother knew me. She let me inside with a smile, she was so kind. I knew where you got that virtue from.
I heard you running frantically around your room. You must have been dressing up, so I waited until you were done, knocked, and opened the door. Your room smelled just like I remembered it, it was so good, it was just you.
“It’s been a while, Chae,” you said, clearly nervous. “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing terrible, honey,” I answered honestly and you gulped. “You know, I’ve been good to you. I waited and did nothing else. I did not kill or hurt anyone. I let you have your space, then why did you disappear for an entire month?”
“I kept thinking and reflecting on what happened…”
“For a month?” I was furious. “Did you try to make me forget you? Did you try to forget me?”
“It’s that… It has been a tough month,” you said. “My best friend murdered 6 people, or more… How could I go back to what we were before? You killed… humans.”
“So? They didn’t deserve to live anyways. I did it for you.”
“No, Chae—”
“They beat you up so badly you couldn’t even walk!” I snapped. “They badmouthed you, they laughed at you and… why are you defending them?!”
“Yes, but you took their lives.”
“They were going to take your life too! Don’t you get it?”
“Chae, please—”
“No! Shut up! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t forgive them. They’re always making fun of you, beating you up, torturing you—just because you’re my friend! But you keep shoving it away and get hurt for me… I- I…”
I hugged you. I had to hold onto something and you were the only one that could have helped me stand up. All those years… I was so pent up, I was so tired of it. I know you told me many times to let it be but I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t help it. I can’t let anyone walk away after they hurt you, even if it’s something as little as pinching you, because you mean too much to me.
“Darling, I love you!” I sobbed and pleaded onto your chest, bathed by my tears, “I missed you so much. If I don’t see you even for a day, it starts to hurt, you know? I’ll do anything to stay with you, anything! Just tell me! I want to see you every day, I can’t let you leave like this…”
“If it’s like this,” you started, “we can make a deal.”
“A-a deal? Really?”
“Yes, a deal. You can see me how much you want but absolutely no killing. No physical assault and no insults to anyone.”
“Is that it?”
“Yes, you just have to restrain yourself.”
“Very well. Then, I promise, I will never kill again, I swear. Does that mean I can see you every day?” I asked. My tears finally stopped pouring out, the hiccup was still there, but I could focus and talk to you properly now. I took a deep breath and spoke, “Then you have to be my boyfriend from now on.”
“What did you just say?” you asked with confusion.
“You can’t say no. You are my boyfriend now. You know already, I told you so many times. I love you with all of myself.”
I knew you liked me a little already. I wasn’t sure if it was as strong as my love for you was, although I doubt it can, I knew you were interested in me. No one would stick with me for that long and no one would defend me from all those bullies. I knew you loved me, of course you did, you always took care of me since our first day and I couldn’t help but fall for you too.
I tried my best to change my appearance to suit your ideal type more. I dressed better, I dieted, I worked out, and I practiced so much that I wouldn’t disappoint you.
“Chae, are you sure? I’m just a regular guy and you’re an idol…”
“Don’t lie to yourself, honey. I wouldn’t give myself to just anyone. You never laughed about me, you believed in me when nobody else did, and you infected me with your kindness and humanity. You’re the best man I can ask for.”
“Thank you…”
“You’ll be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend, okay? Do you accept?”
“Uhm…”
“Do you accept?”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Ma’am?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you have some weird fetish going on… It’s okay. Just tell me, I won’t mind, hehe.”
Part 5
You have been very strict with me. The first thing you did was to establish a set of rules and all the punishment that would have resulted in breaking them. You’ve been very clear in defining them and made sure I understood you were very serious about it and would absolutely punish me if I dared to not respect them. They were something along the line of:
NO KILLING. The punishment is an instant break-up.
NO BODY HARM to anyone. The punishment is no contact for two weeks.
NO KIDNAPPING/STALKING/THREATENING other people. The punishment is no skin touching for a week.
RESPECT YOU. We’re together in this relationship and I have to listen to you.
TRUST YOU. You'll leave me if I don’t trust you when you tell me you aren’t cheating.
I accepted them and we started dating. Our relationship was as good as it was before but this time I got to be as clingy as I wanted, hugging you as much as I wanted, holding your hand wherever we went, and most of all you gave me a lot of head pats. You always gave me head pats to congratulate me when I did well in school or had a good performance.
It was difficult to respect those rules and you showed me how convinced you were of them when I broke the hand of a guy who shoved you against the lockers. You really ghosted me for two weeks without saying anything. When they ended I couldn’t help but jump on you and I promised to be more careful. Since then, I didn’t break any other rules and you showed me your love in so many ways, I lost count of them.
We learned a lot about each other and helped each other all the time. You helped me be more confident with my skills and get angry (but you told me I was cute when I got mad). You were always a bit discouraged with your work, giving up easily, and I made sure you knew how great you were. Just like me, school has really made you more insecure about yourself, but when we were together, we achieved a lot more.
Recently I discovered a hidden diary you used to keep under your bed, between the mattress and the frame. The last thing you wrote was months ago, way before the incident, and it was you rambling about me. ABOUT ME! And it was so adorable. “I have the biggest crush on my friend!” You wrote on the last page.
I stared at the words in a daze, it was like the words were screaming in my face. I was used to only obsessing over you and knowing you were going through the same thing warmed my heart.
You know, I’ve never believed in good endings, but with you, I think I finally found one where we are the protagonists. Our story is not like a fairy tale, it’s far from perfect, I am not a princess, nor could ever be one. However, you made me feel like one and I’m more than sure you’re my prince.
Sorry if I am always so obsessive and so imperfect, I just can’t help it.
Jin took you in and gave you everything you could have imagined. But then you find out he’s been reading your diary.
——
You wondered why you agreed to even move in with him in the first place. What made you decide this would all be a good idea. Because how things had panned out over the course of three and a half months, a good idea it was not...
You weren’t together, no (but Jin thought differently). If anything you were still hung up on your ex. You wrote about it, and how you longed to see them again and wished things could have gone differently with them.
You met Jin at a diner just three and a half months ago. You were alone, broke, and on the run. He took pity upon you. A shy, but very strong willed individual. Jin was very generous to you, he always had been. He always gave you what you needed. Never asked for anything in return.
He convinced you to let him give you a ride to wherever it was you had decided to go, but he had a way of talking. Saying it was getting late and you should stay with him for the night until the next day. One night turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks to months. It was official you had lived here with him now.
Not that he minded. In fact it seemed he liked your company, as he was always holding you in bed when he slept.
One particular day though, Jin had been in a mood for some unknown reason. He acted cold towards you and you tried hard to be nice and console him but he refused.
“I’m sorry...maybe I should leave.”
“Leave? And go where? Back to that Namjoon guy? From what it sounds like, you’re better off without him Y/N.”
Your eyebrows lower and your face is overcome with confusion at the mention of your ex. How did Jin know of Namjoon? You hadn’t ever mentioned him before. You were trying desperately to forget him.
“How did you....you’ve been reading my—“
“I’m entitled to it, aren’t I? After all I’ve done for you...I can do whatever I want. You owe me Y/N.” He crosses his arms as he says this incredibly serious.
You stand with your fists clenched at your sides and decide you’re leaving. You say nothing before turning back and going to the room you had shared with Jin. The bag you first brought with you neatly tucked away in the corner of the room.
You had a lot more things now since Jin had been buying you clothes. You felt bad accepting them but he insisted. You decided to leave them here as they weren’t cheap at all.
This was a mistake coming here and staying so long. You’ll be better off without anyone around you it seems...
“Where are you going?” Jin calls rather rudely to you from the doorway of the kitchen. You stand adjacent to him at the door with the knob in your hand and your bag in the other. You couldn’t look him in the eyes because it was sad to you to be leaving, again.
“I think I should go, Jin. I’ve clearly been a burden to you and you’ve invaded my personal thoughts and space and you mock me of it.”
“You’re going back to him, aren’t you? You love him, don’t you?”
You look up in confusion, as if he listened to literally nothing you just said.
“No, Jin. Well I mean, I did yes. I’m trying to heal from him. That’s not the point! What makes you think I owe you anything? You didn’t have to pick me up from that diner. You didn’t have to even spare a glance at me.”
Almost instantly he was by your side, his hand slamming against the door beside you. You wince at the sudden noise and Jin stares at you. A look you’ve never personally seen on him.
“But i did. I gave you a ride, a place to stay, and you’ve been staying here with me. I buy you things, lots of nice things. I think it’s only natural Y/N that you give me something back.”
“What do you want from me!?”
He stares into your E/C colored eyes momentarily with his coffee colored ones. You thought maybe you had him and he didn’t have any answer. But the second you tried to open the door, you were pushed on the couch.
“What are you-“
“You know what I want Y/N? Do you really?” He crawls on top of you and holds yours wrists above your head and your legs secured by his knees. It hurt, but you were too entranced and frightened by this new behavior of his to really say anything.
“I don’t understand...”
“The let me explain...” his breath was hot against your neck; making you turn your head away from him.
“I want you, Y/N. You. I want every part of you. I want you to belong to me. I want control over you, for you to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I want you to feel that you owe me your entire being. I want you to love me, and never ever mention that Namjoon again.”
“Get off of me, that will never happen!”
“You think? What makes you say that? What makes you so sure I’ll let you leave?” He chuckles lowly in your ear, as if this whole thing is just a game.
“He’s looking for me. I know he is. He didn’t want me to leave and he said he’d come back.” You try to be confident as you struggle beneath him. But instead of his smile dropping, it only grows wider.
“So, so, silly Y/N. You’re right, he is probably looking for you. But that’s not the issue, is it? He isn’t looking for me...”
A/N: Hello, I’m back. Lots of better ideas and darker ones in store (;. Sorry this one isn’t too great. Thank you!
It's all what Kyungsoo can describe the world before him.
He weakly stands on his bathroom floors, eyes staring at his reflection in the mirror. His swollen eyes have developed bags underneath his eyelids accompanied by his build that obviously decreased in weight. He hadn't eaten properly ever since she left.
He hadn't felt alive too
.
What he only feels are the turmoil of sadness, guilt, and betrayal inside him. These feelings are what weighs heavily on his chest and he had cried so much that no more tears made its way out of his eyes; it's like he has evolved to be numbed to the effects. He feels like an empty husk of his former self.
It's all my fault. He says to himself.
He felt like he was the one to blame in putting such a relationship to waste. The 10 years of memories and hardships, gone. Their marriage, forgotten. If only he had changed sooner.
But he couldn't figure out why. He did give her everything— a roof over her head, his undying love, and a lavish lifestyle. What more could she want? All he wanted was for her to stay, but how could she betray him like this?
She promised him that she will stay by his side for all eternity and this was evidenced by her accepting the ring at the time of his proposal. He also promised to change his ways, and he did. But she still left.
It has been a week since she abandoned him and the memory continues to play on his head like a broken record.
"I want to break up."
"What...?"
"I said I want to break up, Kyungsoo. I can't handle this anymore!"
"Jagi," Kyungsoo he says to her. He attempts to grab her hands in which she immediately swats away. "Is there something I did again? surely we can sort this out—"
" I don't think I would want to sort this out again, Soo."
"And why is that?" He questions.
"I want to END this..." Y/N answers.
He couldn't believe what she was saying.
Is she really trying to do this now? He thought.
"End... " He repeats, inquisitively. "A-are you serious?"
Y/N, in response, just lowers her head and diverts her gaze on the floor. She's not the type to joke around on these type of situations. Her silence is enough to send him the sign that she is indeed serious on what she's saying.
Anger is slowly building up to him. He can't fathom her intentions on abandoning a long term relationship and the marriage that is drawing near.
"END?!" He shouts. "What is this bullshit, Y/N?! You want to END all we've been through?" He then plunges his fist into the wall, leaving light cracks on its surface. He's slowly loosing himself and is beginning to give in to the intensity of his emotions.
Y/N flinches from the noise. His manner of speaking is starting to frighten her, but she promised herself that she won't back down. Even in the midst of fear, she forced open her mouth.
"I-I don't care anymore, Soo! I don't want the marriage, and I...I—!!!"
"YOU what Y/N?!" He threatens. "You don't wanna be with me anymore?"
"Yes, Soo. And this is not—"
"Oh please!" He interjects, kicking the furniture next to him. "This again?! Oh come on Y/N, you're really breaking it off when IT'S 6 MONTHS BEFORE OUR WEDDING?!"
He's doing it again. Instead of reasoning out, he reverts to guilt-tripping. It's all because he's blinded by the emerging feelings inside of him and the rising fear of her leaving. He can't stop, he doesn't know how to and this is the only thing he knows on how to respond to these kind of situations. Deep inside, he wants her to take back all what she's saying. Anger is his weapon, but this time it wont affect her as much.
"FUCKING YES, I AM!!!" She finally snaps, angered by his reaction and childish choice of actions.Now, she's using the same tricks as his.
"Why? 'Cause you don't love me anymore? You don't LOVE me, who gave you everything for the past 10 fuckin' years?!"
Yes, keep going. Tell her everything you did and throw it in her face, she is nothing without you. Let's see if she still has the guts to leave...
"You really want me to answer that, Soo?" Y/N challenges him. "FINE!"
Kyungsoo's eyes widens, fearing the possibilities of what she might say.
"Soo, I can't love you anymore, you kept on HITTING me. And for the past 10 god-forsaken years, you still haven't learned to control your goddamn jealousy! I've endured all of this, because I LOVED you! But now I just can't take this anymore!"
It's true. All of this is true. But he just simply cannot control himself, and again, he doesn't know how. And he just loves her too much to the point that he must do things in order to make her stay, even if it means that she will answer to his hands.
But he changed didn't he? He even got some help like she always asked him to do. Was that not enough for her?
"B-But I've changed Y/N!" He says, with tears starting to form around his eyes. "Tell me... When's the last time? It was like, months ago remember?"
She remained quiet again, this time staring at him with mixture of sadness and contempt in her expression.
"...Remember?"
"Soo..." She says. "After the last time, my love for you started to fade away..."
It puzzles him even more. What does she mean it started to fade away? Was he living with the mirage of her loving him all this time?
"What?" He says. This is now his breaking point."What do you mean...?"
"I don't love you as much anymore." She bluntly replies. "I thought I would love you again after you proposed. But I did not, especially the time you did it again..."
Reminiscing those painful memories brought tears to Y/N as well. She can remember the pain of his broken promise that he will change for the better. The pain of his fists landing to her body and his insults towards her left a mark that she definitely won't forget.
Then it hit him. The words that came from Y/N became a knife that pierced through his chest that sliced and cut his heart into a million pieces. He felt his body go numb as his tears made its way out if his eyes, trailing down his face. This can't be true — she couldn't possibly mean what she says, right? They have fought like this before and still managed to be together. Surely this will all pass and she will come back again.
Or so he thought.
"Y/N, y-you can't possibly m-mean that, r-right?" Kyungsoo pleads in between his sobs. "Please t-tell me you don't mean that!"
"I meant what I said." Y/N hisses out.
She rolls of the sleeves of her blouse, revealing her arms filled scars and cuts that came from Kyungsoo's beating.
"All of this was from you, Soo! And I think this is alone is enough for me to end this."
She covers her arms again and fixes the sleeves of her blouse. She takes an item from her purse, and brings it in front of Kyungsoo's face. The item was their engagement ring. It's silver luster and reflectious diamond stone mimic the light of the sunset rays coming from the window.
"We're through." She says, then she proceeds to throw the ring across the room.
The ring bounces off of the opposite wall and falls in the red, mahogany floors of Kyungsoo's house. It's impact on the floor emits a sharp tinging sound. He didn't attempt to look at where the ring has landed off to for he was still frozen of the events happening before him. She then takes one last glance at Kyungsoo, with the sharpest gaze she could muster.
"This talk is done, goodbye Doh Kyungsoo. Don't contact me ever again."
Y/N turns around and walks towards the door, but before she can reach the handle, Kyungsoo reaches to her, wrapping his arms on her waist with his face resting on her shoulder. She could feel his tears dampening her shirt.
Why is she feeling bad?
"Please," He says, sobbing. "P-please don't leave me! I will make things right, I'm sorry! I know I can't control myself sometimes but I swear I'll work on myself! Just don't—"
Y/N sees the hysteric state the he's in. She is starting to feel guilty about what she is currently doing, but it has been decided that she would leave their toxic relationship. What is the essence of lavish living if she would just constantly live under his fists everyday? It's time that she should think about her own wellbeing rather than their both.
She tries pry off his hold to her, but he won't budge. He is stronger than he looks.
"Kyungsoo please..." She pleads as she squirms in his arms. "It's going to be the same again! Just let me go."
He then lets go of her. It became clear to him that she no longer wants to do anything with him. He watches her make her way outside his house as she slams the door in front of him.
Y/N is his whole world, and always will be. She was his savior from his own darkness, but the down side to that is, in certain times she takes all of it. The outcome of this is their frequent fights, leaves Y/N as always the loser, evidenced by the painful marks left on her skin. He did gave her everything, as he said.
But...She still chose to leave
Going back to reality, he stares at the object sitting at his sink. He's been contemplating of doing it, since he lost everything the day he lost her. However, he sets this plan aside for the moment, because he is yet to bring her back to him. He'll even beg in his knees if he has to.
-----
SM Telecoms is the company that Y/N works for. On the foot of the building is a café, where he and Y/N would usually meet. This is where he often picks her up— he even knows her favorites from their menu.
The café's exterior was made up of windows huge enough to see it inside, which is usually filled with customers from or outside the company. This is Y/N's hang out place after her work hours.
Kyungsoo's car was parked parallel to the café, granting him a clear view of the place, even when he's on the other side of the road. He patiently anticipates the time she goes to the café. After a few hours of waiting, he spots her on the building's lobby, with her peers around her, seemingly chatting about some stuff he doesn't care about. She looks so normal, as if nothing has happened to her. He makes his way outside his car and crosses the road to meet her, which in turn just ends up him standing outside the building's entrance. There he can see her better, as she and her friends enter the café on the entrance on the building's lobby.
He decides to observe them some more before barging in. Two of her female friends went to get their orders while she and a particular male friend sits on a spot together. They are sitting in the same side and appears to be chatting. Y/N seems to be enjoying it as she laughs along with him.
She doesn't laugh like that around me... He thought.
He took one step towards the entrance, then stopped again to take another glance at her. She looks so happy with them. This made him hesitant to continue on his intentions because he also thought that it would do nothing.
It's pointless coming in here... I should just leave her alone. That's what she wants.
It might be his excessive jealousy, but seeing her with another guy sent an overbearing amount of anger and hurt in his nerves. He can't continue on his plan anymore, for it appears that she had found someone else to lean on, therefore there is no point of him pursuing her. He confirmed it— she doesn't love him. He went back to his car, and drove away with such speed.
The car ride back to his house was absolute hell -- he drove carrying the feeling of heartbreak and loneliness with small tears clouding his vision. He almost got caught for over speeding and even thought of crashing it to the traffic in front of him.
He blames himself, yet he's pins all of this at her. He loves her, yet he loathes her.
Days have passed, but he still feels the same. He even sent her hundreds of messages and missed calls, to which she didn't even bother to answer. His mind is slowly succumbing into madness. He abandoned everything — his family, his work, and his life is coming next. His family and coworkers are wondering where he is, because he's not even responding to their messages. He's closed himself off to everyone.
He thinks that there is no more point in living, especially if she's not in there. The one who gave him purpose has thrown him away. Everything reminds him of her, and it's driving him insane. He wants her so bad but he can't have her anymore. All of his irrational thinking is clouding the clarity of his judgements and its spiraling him out of control. Drowning within the emotion of anger, sadness, and betrayal, he grabs the object that has been waiting for him for so long.
His handgun.
He begins loading it, and switches it off to safety. He takes one final breath, and then proceeds to point it on his head. The index finger of the hand that holds the gun brushes on its trigger, and in a split second.
He fires.
He brought his insanity in his grave.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Local Man commits suicide — Cause unknown; no letter found.
Calling...
Mrs. Doh
"Y/N! Y/N!!!" The voice calls to her in the midst of crying. "My dear Soo! *sob* H-He's gone! My S-s-soo's gone!!!"
Y/N can only stare at the tv, wide eyed, with regret slowly creeping up to her.
It's all my fault.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is like wine as many would say; the longer it gets, the sweeter it tastes. But in the case of Y/n and Kyungsoo's relationship, the 'wine' in their 10 year relationship has grown moldy that it leaves a very strong, unpleasant taste. This only signifies that the love that binds them together has not been nurtured well, therefore creating a very sickening and pungent flavor. A flavor that only Y/N tastes between the two of them.
In the beginning, she thought that he was the one. Others would say that she is lucky in having him in her life— very hardworking, mature, and has a future planned ahead of him. Y/N, on the other hand, compliments him. She is known to be steadfast yet loving and soft; a kind that every man needs. If one were to only view the tip of the iceberg, their relationship would be described as a "dream" relationship. But plunging further to its depths is where things goes in a much darker turn. Their relationship became toxic as she began to feel trapped under his spell. It's very suffocating, knowing that someone is slowly gaining control of your life.
For her sake, she decided to end it all.
But where did it land her? Did she get any satisfaction from what she's done?
The sky is painted gray as countless of droplets plunge into the earth from the skies. It seems to mourn with them for the loss of their beloved Soo. People dressed in black has their tears mixed with rain as their wails adds to the sound of thunder that ravages the clouds. She stands in front of him, yet she couldn't take a look on where he's at. She's at pain too, and its because of the mixture of sorrow and guilt that she feels.
She does cherish a handful of good memories with him, and she did love him nonethless. But she never expected that he would go like this. She also knows herself that she has something to do with this
"Y/N," his mother calls to her. "I think this belongs to you. We found this at his house... I think you'll need this."
In his mother's hand was a shiny, silver ring decorated with a big diamond gem — their engagement ring. It still shines despite the gloomy weather.
She doesn't know why, but something's compelling her to not take the ring. It radiates a certain negative force, causing her fear that screams in the back of her psyche. She's afraid of the item, because it reminds her of him. Noticing that Y/N was not taking the ring, she grabs her left hand and proceeds to insert the ring on Y/N's ring finger.
"Please don't loose this," she says to her. "This is the only thing that binds you to him..."
They say that emotions get left behind on certain places or items. An example of this is the feeling of happiness, or nostalgia, upon seeing an item or a place that has made a special connection to you. This is also like looking at a photo, wherein as you look into the pictured world presented before you, you either feel the sensation of joy, longing, sadness, or any emotion you think attributed to the picture.
This is the case for the ring he left for her. The memory of betrayal and anger has marked the object, thus Y/N sees this as something dreadful. These certain emotions harnesses energy emitted by the mind, thus attracts certain entities or beings beyond human comprehension. However, If these emotions are strong and lingered long enough, the entity it attracted will find it difficult to leave, because it has already made a strong connection to the emotions. What she thought she has left can never and WILL NEVER leave her at this point.
The ring was still in her hand as she made her way back into her own home. Night came and enveloped her room in moderate darkness, with the moonlight shining on her. Her eyes can barely figure anything in the dark, yet it is still open. The longer she sees the ring, the more powerful the guilt grows inside of her, eating away what's left of her sanity. She is alone in her current house with no housemates or relatives to keep her company.
She closes her eyes, yet she can still see his tear-stained face, begging for her. Finally, she delves into sleep but unbeknownst her, a pair of watchful eyes observe her in the darkness. It feeds off her strong emotions that is caused by the memories that haunts the ring.
He promised to take her back, and he will. Even if he's in the afterlife.
A/N: I finally did it! My first post!!! More coming soon though, please be patient with me. Also, I do apologize if I took too long, did a lot of last-minute changes. Feel free to DM me to help me improve my work. Criticism is accepted, just as long as you are nice about it. See you again on the next part! ^____^
The sound of photos being taken echoed on the dark night garden as she was spying on the most infamous mafia who sells illegal stuffs to another country mafia she crouched down under the tree so he or anyone won't find her she took some more pic of them talking something her eyes fell on the man who was tall brown skinned with dark hair talkin' sitting on his spinning chair casually
......call is being forwarded.....
..yang121.. is being connected to the call
Hello?.."a male voice was heard on her side as she spoke to her team member informing about that mafia who she's been spying on for a long time she didn't moved a inch neither moved her eyes from him as she spoke on the call while monitoring his move yang121" i think his next mission is to kill the president of North Korea and to steal all of his works?..I have no idea i can't hear him well",she muttered sighing looking at him",
We need to collect the information as soon as possible girl don't mess up",her fellow team mate spoke from the other"
Yeah I understand b-..",it was until her eyes fell on him again this time they both made eye contact her heart stopped at the sight of staring at her with smirk she stuttered nervously on the call still keeping eye contact
"Jungwon I think I screwed up"
what?
He saw m-..girl run away from there",her team mate said from the other line with terrific tone knowing she messed up but instead of running away she took a step back panicking as she sweated heavily his way of looking and body language raising her fear even more seeing this he laughed from inside of his room as she ran away fastly grabbing her stuffs for her life
The very next day she was sitting on her bed arranging the pics and documents until she heard a knock on the door at first she ignored thinking who would knock on the door at 1:45am?..then again there was a knock scratching her hair she walked from her room to the front door to open the door
Running her eyes she opened the door to come face to face to the man whom she took pics of . yesterday yeah the one and only
Lee heeseung
He gave her a smirk within a few sec she was shoved inside her living room by 4 buff men as the 5th men locked the living room casually heeseung sat on her sofa spreading his leg looking at her terrified face reaction chuckling a little she stood up quickly as she yelled at them trying to hide her fear
Who are you?!!"as a response she only got a chuckle sound from him as she panicked more and more",
Aww..you don't know me?..."he mocked her smiling looking at her up and down as his bodyguard laughed at her pathetic lies"
I said who are you-
Ig you don't remember shall I make her remember?",he asked his bodyguard standing up from the couch walking to her as he took his pistol from his back she gulped backing trying to grab anything to protect herself from him and his bodyguard Heeseung tilted his head slightly, watching her movements like a predator amused by his prey’s panic. His voice was low and almost calm, which made it all the more terrifying.
“Now now, no need to grab anything. If I wanted you dead…” — he pointed the pistol at her forehead — “…you wouldn’t have opened the door.”
She froze. The cold touch of fear pressed down on her chest like a weight. But she didn’t show it. Not fully. Her grip tightened around the edge of the coffee table.
“I’m not here to kill you,” Heeseung said, lowering the gun just a little. “At least, not yet. I’m here for a little chat.”
“Chat?” she scoffed, trying to sound brave. “You call breaking into someone’s house with armed men a chat?”
Heeseung smiled — that same damn smirk that made her blood run cold the night before. “You took some lovely pictures of me. I came to return the favor.”
One of the bodyguards dropped a thick envelope onto her table. Dozens of photos spilled out — all of her. At her job, on the subway, jogging in the morning, even inside her apartment through the window. Her breath caught.
“You think you’re the only one who spies?” Heeseung said. “Cute.”
She looked at the photos, then back at him. Her hands trembled, but her voice held steady. “What do you want?”
“I want you to stop. No more spying, no more photos. Delete everything.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but Heeseung cut her off, walking closer until they were almost face-to-face.
“Or,” he whispered, eyes locked on hers, “I make you disappear. Just like the last agent who tried.”
Her heart thundered, but something in her eyes shifted. A flicker of defiance.
“You’re scared,” she said quietly.
Heeseung laughed, genuinely amused. “Of you?”
“Of what I know. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.”
The smirk dropped just slightly.
She stepped back, heart still racing. “You’re not here to kill me. You’re here because I know something. Something you don’t want getting out.”
Heeseung studied her, then slowly put his gun away. “You’re smart. Dangerous, even. I like that.”
He turned to leave, motioning to his men. “We’ll be in touch.”
Before walking out the door, he glanced over his shoulder. “Be careful, sweetheart. Curiosity kills more than just cats.”
And then he was gone. The silence in the room was deafening..
She stood there, shaking, surrounded by photos of her own life — knowing one thing for sure:
Run run run y/n ! ", su hyeok screamed when he saw the zombies running towards us we ran fast as fast we can namra pulled my hand and ran pulling me with her we all ran inside a classroom and breath in and out geongsu locked the door and slipped down there breathing heavily Cheong San throwed the water bottle at him he grabbed it struggling and gulped it in a sec we all looked at each other then sighed
Hey you are infected ! ", nayeon screamed looking at me grabbing everyone attention onjo took her steps infront of me and checked my arms while looking in my eyes
Is that a bit mark ? ", she asked me as i shaked my heart as no
Ofc ! That's what a infected person would say
nayeon said making evryone look down then walked towards me grabbing my arms but before she could pull geongsu stepped infront of her pulling her from me she stumbled on her steps and glared at him
What ?! Don't tell me that you don't belie-.
I don't believe you at all ", geongsu said as he stood infront me
It's alright geongsu I'm fine I'll leave ", i said while walking away but he stopped me again
You don't have to leave just cuz that b*tch said (reader name)___ ", he said as he glared at her she gasped as she looked around to gain attention
"Tf you just called me? a*shole ! ", she said as she punched him as they fought with each other cheongsan screamed and stood infront of them as he pushed them away from each other ", stop it guys ! He screamed at them
(reader name) ? Is that really a bite mark ? "He asked as he stepped closer to me
No ! It's not I was with you guys ..", i explained to them but they don't seem to believe I just smiled then walked to the door about to open untill geongsu stopped me again
Don't go i believe you
I can't stay with one person trust geongsu..",i said walking out of the class smiling at them one last time i ran out of the class sobbing on the way trying to forget that my own friends didn't believed me i ran ran ran and ran pushing all the zombies I was exhausted but still I ran I ran outside the school halls i saw a bat there I took it and swing it around the zombies face there I saw a small way to somewhere being scared I ran inside there
Shit
I cursed at myself when I saw lotts of zombies were coming towards me I ran into another side and there were none i sighed heavily as i sat there taking a deep breath sobbing my eyes out I was crying untill someone patted on my shoulder I got scared and about to swing the bat on that zombie but someone grabbed it and held it tight when i saw who it was it was a boy clothes dripping in blood one of his eyes are damaged he looked at me up and down
Who are you ?"he asked as he pulled the bat towards him I got scared for dear life he stepped closer to me he smelled me and smiled creepily as I was shivering to dead because of his cold gaze
I'm ---",i said as he raised his eyebrows in confusion
I've never seen you here before?..
I'm a new transferred student from ___", I said as he laughed giving the bat to me i smiled and thanked him as he looked confused ", did you just smiled at me ?", he asked as he looked at me with tense face
Yes is that wrong ?", I asked smiling at him
It's weird ", he said while yawning I took a teddy bandage from bag and sticked on his wood he frowned and stepped back but i stepped closer to him and sticked that bandage on his nose feeling proud I went back smiling he looked at me and then touched his nose glaring at me
Here have this with you this will help "I said giving the bandage to him he pushed it from my hand making me sad I looked away from him taking the bandage from the ground he glared at me again then I was about to walk away untill he said something
Walking through the campass with a bag on his shoulder and a big headset music blasting in his ears he was walking carefree to his hyungs he saw them a smile creeped on his face as he ran to them throwing a arms on their shoulders messing and teasing them they all laughed at his annoying acts but secretly they all loved it he was walking with his friends or whom he calls his hyungs to his class bickering with them till someone softly patted his back he turned to see a short girl with some cloth on her head like a veil she was looking at him with her big doe eyes before smiling at him the hair breezes on her face making her hair slightly reveal she looked off guard as she fixed her veil before looking at him again smiling slightly at him he was awestruck by her aura not like it's his first time seeing a girl but it's his first time someone looking so innocent he tried to keep eye contact at her but her eyes kept darting everywhere but him as he leaned down slightly to look at her as she avoided eye contact making him frown his friends were also shocked to see riki acting so weird as she spoke her voice was very silent and very soft",excuse me..",she muttered very softly as she finally made a eye contact with him as he came to world when one of his friend jay patted his arm as he looked around at them before at her She looked up again, just for a second, and it was enough.
Her gaze — wide, careful, modest — met his before quickly flicking away. The wind teased at the soft cloth draped over her head, and she reached up instinctively to secure it, fingertips barely lifting the edge as she tucked a loose strand of hair away. There was a gentleness in her movements, an elegance that came not from trying — but from simply being.
Then she spoke, her voice like the hush of morning air.
“Excuse me… I’m looking for the library.”
Riki blinked. He heard the words, but they fell around him like soft rain — familiar, yet distant. His smile faltered slightly as his mind scrambled to catch meaning. English. He understood bits, but not enough. Not when her voice was so quiet. Not when his heart was thudding in his ears.
“Uh…” he let out, eyes flicking to her lips, then to her eyes, searching for context.
Jay stepped up beside him, catching the confusion on his friend’s face. “She’s asking for the library, bro,” he said, suppressing a smile, amused at how flustered Riki looked. “She’s lost.”
“Oh—” Riki nodded, quickly. “Library… okay.”
The girl glanced between them, clearly sensing the confusion. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, lowering her gaze again, as if she had done something wrong. “I didn’t know…”
“It’s okay,” Jay said kindly. “He doesn’t speak much English, but I can tell him.”
She again avoided eye contact nodded, clutching her bag a little tighter. Riki was still watching her, the lines on his face softened, curious, struck by the way she carried herself — like her presence asked for nothing and still lingered.
Jay leaned toward him, muttering in Korean, “She needs help getting to the library. Want to walk her there?”
Riki didn’t even hesitate. “Yeah. I’ll go.”
Jay turned to her and translated, “He’ll take you.”
Her head dipped slightly, humbled. “Thank you. That’s… very kind.”
As they began walking, she stayed a respectful distance from him, eyes mostly down, only glancing up to catch landmarks and directions. Riki watched her from the corner of his eye, fascinated not by what she said — but how she said it. Every movement seemed intentional, gentle, as if even her silence had meaning.
He didn’t understand her words.
But he understood the warmth in them.
And somehow, that was enough.
--
They walked side by side, the space between them filled with a quiet that felt soft rather than awkward. She stayed modestly to one side, her eyes lowered, occasionally glancing up to check her path. Riki kept stealing glances, trying to understand how someone could seem so still yet somehow turn the whole world on its side.The library stood ahead, its old stone facade shaded by tall trees. She paused at the steps, turning toward him with a slight smile, one hand clutching the strap of her bag, the other resting gently at her chest.
“Thank you,” she said, barely louder than the wind.
Riki nodded, then quickly pulled off his headset, letting it hang by the cord around his neck. He wanted to say something — anything — but the words jumbled in his mouth. English wasn’t his strength, and she seemed so gentle, so careful, like too many words might scare her away.
He pointed softly to himself. “Riki.”
She blinked, then her lips curved, warm and genuine. “Riki,” she repeated, nodding.
He hesitated, then gently tapped his chest again and raised an eyebrow — trying, as best as he could, to ask her name without words.
She understood.
Her gaze met his for a heartbeat, those wide, doe-like eyes finally holding his — and in that moment, time seemed to still.
"fathima” she said softly, almost shyly, her hand lightly pressing against her chest.
"fa....thi...ma,” he repeated slowly, tasting the name like something precious.
He nodded,“fathima,” he said again, as if committing it to memory.
For a moment, they just stood there — the world quiet around them, the breeze catching the edge of her veil once more. She reached up to fix it, her movements delicate, as always, before giving him a small nod and stepping toward the doors.
Riki watched her go, every part of him unusually still.
And when she disappeared into the warm light of the library, he whispered to himself, “fathima..…”
He didn’t know her story, didn’t know where she was from, or even the words she spoke fluently.
But somehow, in that brief moment…
•He felt like he’d just met the beginning of something•.
8months of their married life it was a arrange marriage between two people who had their own ideas and own dreams to achieve one to become a figure skater and one to become a ballerina but who knows fate had different plans for them bounded by a marriage where they both don't even love each other oh they do speak to each other only when they want something from each other not paying to each other as like they both don't know each other existence the husband goes to work while the wife is a housewife but more like roomates not a actual husband and wife
I'm home.*the husband said walking in taking his coat off as he looked around for his wife expecting to hear his voice taking his shoes off he walked in too see his wife sleeping on the sofa peacefully he raised his eyebrows it was raining snowing outside as he looked at the clock its 2:00am and some delicious smell spreads the living hall he looked at the kitchen walking there to see food he took a bite nodding his head as he walked to his room changing into a comfy clothes as he took the heavy blanket carrying it as he softly wrapped it around her softly covering it on her on his wife as he sighed before looking at her for the first time he actually paid attention to her features he softly moved the hair on her face patting her head as he sat on the kitchen counter eating what she made for her thinking about everything happened so far today he was eating until he heard some whimpers sounds coming around snapping back from the thoughts he looked around to see his wife struggling in sleep he stood rushing to her unknowingly as he stood there infront of her with a poker face not knowing what to do he watched her struggle as she was breathing heavily whimpering as she looked like she's having a nightmare he stood there not knowing what to do as he's someone who don't show his emotions to anyone he slowly reached his hands at her crouching down to the sofa level as he caressed her hair softly
I'm here......im ...here*he said softly stuttering looking at her as he sighed nervously hands reaching on her back patting it softly but only to hear more groaning sounds coming from his wife mouth he shaked her body hoping to wake her up from her nightmare as she struggled on the sleep he looked around awkwardly before sitting on the couch pulling her body to his. Hugging her softly expecting her to calm down as his plan worked out she stopped struggling the noise reduced he looked at her awkwardly not knowing what to do as he let her wrapped her arms around him he pulled the blanket around them he was lost in his thoughts untill his wife Muttered something gaining his attention
Please don't go..."the wife requested in his chest clinging into him tightly snuggling in making the husband heartbeat seeing how close they both are"
I won't
The husband muttered softly as he hugged her tightly caressing her back hair in a soft way comforting her as he closed his eyes Fallin asleep the very next day the birds chirping sound were heard the sun hitted on their face making the wife wakeup she yawned streching her arms as her eyes fell on the male holding into her like he's not gonna see her again if he ever let's her go she looked at him with widen eyes gently moving his hands she was about to wakeup until she was pulled back into his embrace her wrist being held tightly looking around the male deep voice cooed to her ears as she looked at in confusion
Stay"the male demanded in sleep with his eyes being still closed she looked at him before laying her head in his chest nervously
S-sunghoon i have wor-", i said stay."the poor girl was about to speak until her husband shushed her in one sentence making her sigh falling asleep the husband pulled her into him snuggling as he wrapped the blanket around him and her so they can get comfy hours passes by but what they didn't realise was how long it's been now since they been cuddling it's 6:23pm now nearly morning as her husband woke up seeing her wife still sleeping he wrapped the blanket around her walking to the room to do his business taking a bath as he changed into his business attire glancing at his wife before leaving the room he was about to leave the home too untill he hesitated he stopped on his track as he bite his lips he looked back before stepping inside the kitchen as he throwed his bag on the couch making some thing for her after he was done he wiped the sweat off his forehead as he took his bag from the couch walking out of the home before locking it
The wife wokeup as she knows her husband must have left to his work by now she did her business wearing some formal attire as she got ready for the day hours later after reading the books she got bored as she decided to walk out of her home to her garden to clean the grass as she was doing it she didn't realised how late it become as she was cleaning a voice was heard calling for her
Miss !!!*turning around it's her nearly her age male neighbour he walked to her with a very unsettling smile as he looked at her up and down as he folded her arms she smiled at him before nodding her head
Need help mrs..park?*he asked as she declined politely but he didn't moved at all she looked at him with confused face before taking a step back only for him to take a step towards her she smiled nervously Looking at him scared holding her gardening equipment
What's the matter mrs.park I'm trying to be helpful yk?..*he said with a laugh walking to her to scare her even more as she took another step back trying to tell him no no
Beside your husband isn't h-well he's here now",the male voice was cutted off by her husband glaring at him as he walked towards them he eyed his wife and that male"
Oh hey mr.park just trying to be a gentleman and help her out yk men's these days?..*he said laughing as he was about to touch his wife joking untill sunghoon pulled his wrist twisting it making him yelp in pain"
Touch her again and you are dead
The man looked at him like he was some crazy before cursing and walking from there sunghoon eye fell on his wife who was looking at them both he walked to his wife crouching down to his level checking her "are you okay"?he asked looking at her as his wife nodded nervously he sighed before pulling into a hug as her eyes gone widen hesitatedly she returned the warm hug as she patted his back sunghoon broke the hug looking at her
Dont let any man touch you other than me got it?.."he asked looking at her caressing her cheeks feeling something within him for the first time towards his wife
Y-yes*she stuttered nervously scared of her husband behaviour as sunghoon looked at her ruffling her hair before carried her inside the home as he locked the door of the home
