flashback: i'll never get what i want if i can't on my own
Someone like her didn’t belong here.
Here in this place that that radiated righteousness and valor. As she stared up at the looming tower in front of her, Rose could hear a voice echoing the heavy beat of her heart in her chest. You. Don’t. Belong. Here. Her fingers curled around the hilt of the small hidden blade up her sleeve, an unconscious habit of self-comfort. Her training was what she knew and who she was. Hopefully that could translate to the other side of the law. Jason believed it could and if for nothing else, she had to give this a shot for him. A shot at being a hero. A word that never sat well in her vocabulary before.
May I give you a random prompt? Father-child bonding with Bruce and a child of choice. Maybe involving snacks or sweets.
[[You absolutely may!!! And this is a super cute prompt, so I hope this is okay!!]]Bruce knew, at least based off all the books he had been reading, articles he had been saving, and notes he had been taking, that no one was truly ready for parenthood. But for him, for Batman to be unprepared for something…
Well, needless to say, not feeling in control was something Bruce hated, loathed even. Because whenever he wasn’t in control… something would go wrong, horribly wrong, lost lives wrong. He had to be in control, and not mess up. Not even for a second.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t been told by Alfred, his therapist, past love interests that had had to learn to deal with not being able to control everything, and everyone, but that didn’t mean he didn’t at least try despite the advice he knew deep down would likely benefit him.
But when he had made the most non-calculated, a spur-of-the-moment decision of his life to adopt Dick Grayson, he immediately felt like he had flung himself way out of control, he had no idea what he was doing, so why the hell did he do it?
Well… why he pushed passed his need for control and did most things. Because he felt it was the right thing to do.
Though as he adjusted to trying to care for the boy, be a parent, he found himself in constant arguments with himself over if it was the best thing to do.
He didn’t often go for advice, but as he struggled to communicate and be open for the boy who he knew needed so much more attention and care.
—-
“Just don’t do what my dad did to me and you’ll do fine.”
“That’s…. not a very high bar Harvey.”
“Well, know you, you’ll at the very least be mediocre at it.” His best friend tried to encourage.
“Gee… thanks.”
Turns out asking your also childless friend wasn’t super helpful.
—-
“You think I know what the hell kids need Bat? I’m a cat lady, and cats are pretty independent. Ask someone else.”
Turns out asking a cat-burglary you have an on-again off-again relationship wasn’t the best either.
—-
“Heck if I know, I’m just trying to do what feels right and care for Barbra as best I can and hope I don’t screw it up.”
Turns out, despite being a parent, the commissioner himself didn’t have a lot to say on the matter except for “try your best” as well.
—-
“How did you know what to do with me Alfred?”
“I didn’t, really I mostly did what I felt was right at the time, and even then it was like free-falling.” Alfred said sincerely before peering down the bridge of his nose sympathetically at Bruce. “If this is about trying to figure out your own parental relationship when it comes to Master Grayson well… I should think, you should start with what you would have wanted from a parent in your time of need, and try and do that.”
Bruce hummed thoughtfully, taking Alfred’s advice into consideration. He thought back, way back, thought about the ways Alfred himself was there for him after his parents had died. But Bruce knew that as a child he wasn’t like Dick, he dealt with his grief by shutting down completely. Dick locked himself away, sure, but in a completely different way. He would be overly cheery one second, then deathly quiet the next. He would cry openly, then deny feeling any sort of upset at all.
Sometimes he’d catch Dick reaching out to him, wanting to find something like a father in Bruce, the man who had adopted him because he understood what it was like to loose your parents that young, but the boy would pull back - and Bruce himself didn’t know yet if it was appropriate to hug Dick or give him space.
He leaned back wearily, still finding himself at a loss of what to do. How could he treat Dick how he’d want to be treated if he doesn’t even know his own wants or needs at times?
—-
It was 3:30 AM, and Bruce couldn’t sleep, the gears in his mind grinding together with anguish. He was lucky, frankly, that Gotham had been quiet as Gotham could be as he had been distracted through his whole patrol route.
He grumbled to himself and padded out of his bedroom to take part in a habit he had since he was five that his parents had never known about, and one Alfred definitely knew about, but quietly allowed.
He made his way down to the kitchen, he knew Alfred sighed and shook his head at knowing the majority of Bruce’s eating habits took place at around 2 - 3 AM when he was having trouble sleeping, but at least he was eating.
Bruce was ready to stalk down, find a guilty pleasure food like cookies or some of the many leftovers, and stalk back up to his room.
What he did not expect when he flipped on the lights was for a Dick Grayson, standing on the counter, mid reach towards the top of the fridge where a stash of candy Bruce realized Alfred must have gotten for tick-or-treaters now that it was October. He almost laughed at the wide-eyed deer in headlights look Dick was giving him.
“Bruce! I was! I was just…!”
Bruce strode across the room with a chuckle, easily lifting the large bowl of candy down from the fridge and placing it down on the counter next to Dick.
“Looks like we were both down here for the same reason.” Bruce reassured, letting Dick know he wasn’t in trouble.
Dick looked up at him wide eyed for a moment before sliding off of the counter. “You… were coming down for Candy?”
Bruce nodded. “Sugar, leftovers, anything really.” he explained as he grabbed a handful of peanut butter cups and handed a few to Dick who took them eagerly as they sat down together at the stools at the center island.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Bruce asked quietly, not a hint of annoyance or anger in his voice that Dick had been expecting for being out of bed so late.
Dick looked down and started swinging his legs back and forth. “No…”
“Me either.” Bruce tried to say a little more playfully.
Dick smiled quietly as he unwrapped another peanut butter cup, eating it quietly before his calm little smile turned into a quiet little frown.
“I just want to stop thinking about it… it’d… it’d be easier if I could just… forget… or if I had just…” Dick mumbled before wiping at his eyes and looking away. “….sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize Dick. I’ve… had all those same thoughts before. I know it hurts.” He put a tentative hand on the small boy’s shoulder. “But trying to pretend it didn’t happen, or beating yourself up, or trying to act like it hasn’t affected you doesn’t help… trust me…” he said with a self-deprecating sigh. “I’ve tried all of it.”
Dick looked up at Bruce, eyes wide and wet. “Does it… Does it ever go away?”
Bruce shook his head. “No… but it gets easier. The farther you get from it, the other things that happen in life. It will follow you forever, and its not fair… but it doesn’t mean you can’t live.”
Dick thought over Bruce’s words for a moment before starting to sniffle again, and for a moment Bruce thought he had done something terribly wrong and made everything worse, then he realized Dick was standing up on the stool and wrapping his small arms around his neck for comfort.
Knowing it was okay, knowing this was something Dick needed, he was finally able to put the anxiety of wondering if it was appropriate for him to hug the boy… no… his adopted son out of his mind.
He hugged him gently back, allowing Dick to break down and sob into his shoulder while Bruce offered quiet hushes and small words of “I know… I know… it’s okay, you're going to be okay…”
He didn’t stop until he realized Dick’s sobs were now snores, and he had cried himself to sleep on Bruce’s shoulder. So he fully scooped Dick up into his arms and took him back to his room, being very careful not to wake him as he set him down on his bed and tucked him back in.
He sat by his new son thoughtfully for a moment, watching him sleep peacefully. He thought for a moment, maybe it was okay he wasn’t in control, and he and this boy could figure it out together.
He set a few more peanut butter cups on the bedside table before heading back to bed himself, feeling his own thoughts filled with stress begin to calm. He took one last look into the child’s room as he felt himself smile fondly. He was a parent now, wasn’t he? And suddenly that thought wasn’t so scary.
“It’ll be okay chum, I promise” Bruce whispered under his breath in quiet resolution.
He was going to learn how to protect and care for his son no matter what happened, and just hoped he could someday be the kind of parent he knew this kid deserved.
“Come on, you scared?” Dick stood at the edge of our bedroom, not fully dressed, but not in his pjs anymore either.
“I’m not scared, just don’t want to get caught is all” (Y/n) poured on her bed. Dick was trying to convince to break the one rule, once put to bed, stay in bed.
“We’re just going to get cookies, what’s the big deal?” Dick slipped out of the room, (y/n) trailing behind him.
“Dad doesn’t like us out of bed after 10” (Y/n) whispered, pulling out a small flash light, the mansion was huge and dark, and (y:n) didn’t feel like getting lost tonight.
“Well Dad won’t catch us” Dick grabbed the flashlight out of (y/n)’s hand, a smirk on his face.
“I don’t know...” (Y/n) looked at her feet, she hated her dad being made at her.
“Wimp, I’m going with or without you” Dick turned, quietly running down the hall.
“If we get caught I’m throwing you under the bus” (Y/n) caught up to him, place her hand on his shoulder as they went cookie hunting.
It only occurred to them halfway through that neither of them knew where the actually kitchen was and that’s how they somehow found themselves in their dad’s study. The funny thing was though, there was a good chunk of wall missing.
“Woah, what’s that?” Dick walked closer, using the flashlight to illuminate everything.
“We’re not suppose to go in there...” (Y/n) looked at the passage and felt her gut do a small flip.
“Says who?” Dick turned accidentally flashing the light in (y/n)’s eyes.
“My gut” (Y/n) covered her eyes, trying to blink her vision back to normal.
“Well your gut’s lame” Dick turned sprinting down the blue light hallway, laughing slightly.
“Dick, Dick wait!” (Y/n) ran after Dick, hating to be left alone in the dark.
“Mast Richard, Mistress (Y/n), what are you doing out of bed?” (Y/n) stopped, just inches from Dick’s back as they both stared up at the butler.
“What’s going on Alfred?” Bruce called from the floor below trying to see what has stopped his butler at the top of the stairs.
“The children seem to have stumbled upon our secret” Alfred watched the two kids. Dick looked around with wide eyes, but (y/n) seemed to only be focused on her shoes.
“Both?” Bruce sighed, standing up, he had hoped to wait till both were older but, oh well.
“Yes sir” Alfred nodded, now moving to grab both their shoulders.
“Might as well bring them down here then” And that was the night (y/n) and Dick found out their dad was Batman.
I love it when Jason is itty bitty teeny tiny 🥺 that way anyone, but especially Dick, can use him like a stuffed animal, just *yoink* and he's in the air dangling while being fawned over
I KNOW ANON 😣💛💛💛
tiny!Jaybin is so adorable ~~ and Dick loves carrying him around 🙂↕️ {a quick sketch for ya}
To those anons who asked me for Dick and Jaybin art (family dynamic), an AU partially based on this wonderful fic I read on ao3: Glittering Shades of Siblings by Mist-managed (Greyspaces13)
