-> a/n. It seems I was in my feels during my sf9 era
-> collection. songfic
-> started. ???
-> fin. Nov. 3rd, 2020 @ 16:43
-> edited. Thurs., Oct. 25th, 2022 @ 22:04
-> divider credit. @saradika-graphics
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🩶Binnie🩶
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r u coming home tonight?
no, im busy tonight
work?
yh
okay
don't come back too late
i love you
[Seen]
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You rubbed at the bags under your eyes, a shaky breath leaving your lips. Your eyes were red from crying, clutching at his pillow for comfort that he couldn't give you.
This had been going on for who knows how long at this point, and you were starting to get tired. Literally and figuratively. You were sleeping less because he was never home, and when he was he'd arrive early and then leave before you were up. You were so sick and tired of going to bed without him, waking up without him. It felt like you were slowly shutting down, your routine becoming robotic.
You sighed, running a hand through your hair before checking the time.
03:00
"A bath couldn't hurt..." You mumbled to yourself, walking to your bathroom and starting up the water. By the time you had gotten into the bath fifteen minutes had already passed, a towel situated on top of your pajamas which were sitting on the lid of your toilet. Your head was facing the ceiling, neck on full display. You had been staring at the ceiling for the entirety of the five minutes that you'd been in the bath. You heard footsteps and turned your head to the bathroom door, listening for the noise on the other side.
"Y/N?"
"In the bath." You said in a sing-song voice, meeting Youngbin's eyes as soon as he opened the door to the bathroom. He arched a brow as he walked inside, closing the door behind him with a gentle click, walking over and crouching down by the tub.
"Why're you in the bath this late?" He asked quietly, studying your face while gently running his fingers through your hair. You leaned into his touch with an aching heart, sighing slowly.
"I couldn't sleep and needed to think..."
"About what?"
"Oh, this and that.. Nothing important." You opened your eyes and smiled at him tiredly. He nodded after a moment of contemplation, standing up to leave. As he took hold of the doorknob he stood in the doorway, looking at you with questioning eyes.
"I'll be waiting for you. Don't take too long or you might catch a cold." You nodded with a smile as he left once more, leaning your head back as a tear trickled down your cheek.
When you finally got into bed it was 03:45 and your fingers had started wrinkling from sitting in the water too long. You turned your back to Youngbin, pulling the covers up to your chin with your knees pulled into your chest, laying in a fetal-position.
You were surprised when he slung an arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest. You had to hold back your tears. It had been weeks since he had last held you like this. It felt like it had been weeks since you had even felt his skin against yours. It was only after you took a deep breath to calm yourself that you realized he smelt of perfume.
Your heart broke but you ignored it. You'd pick up the pieces tomorrow morning.
It was a few hours later; you could tell because it was lighter outside and Youngbin was no longer holding you. You could still feel his presence however, so you guessed that he was sitting somewhere.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I think I'll have to come a bit later today." You heard him say under his breath, loud enough for whoever he was calling to hear but not loud enough to wake you, had you been sleeping. You caught only a few words here and there that the girl on the other line said, the volume not loud enough to hear more.
"I can't come sooner. I'll just spend this one evening with her and then we'll be right back to routine." He whispered again, his fingers trailing up and down your spine, making you shiver.
"Yeah, okay. Mhm. I love you too."
You bit down on your lip, forcing yourself not to shake. Forcing yourself not to cry and not to break down. Not now, you told yourself. You wouldn't break down. He would pity you. You didn't need his pity.
A few more minutes passed as the sun started shining through the curtains. You felt the bed shift as he stood up and closed your eyes as he went to your side of the bed to pull the curtains open.
"Y/N, love? Wake up." He said as he shook you gently. You opened your eyes, trying your best to act as if you had just woken up. He smiled brightly at you, and if you hadn't heard his conversation you probably would've smiled back, oblivious to what had been happening under your nose for the past few weeks. "C'mon. I took the day off work. I wanted to spend today with you. Shall we make breakfast?" You sat up and nodded with the best fake smile you could muster, letting him pull you out of bed and into the kitchen.
You were silent as you helped him make eggs and toast, sitting on the couch and watching a drama while he finished with the eggs.
He was glaring at the eggs as he flipped them, annoyance slowly building as you continued giving him the cold shoulder, not talking to him even once. He spends time with you for the first time in weeks and you don't even utter a good morning to him?
He dishes up the food and instead of taking them to you, he puts it down on the kitchen island, storming in front of you.
"What's wrong with you? You're not even talking to me!" He shouts, grabbing the remote and switching off the TV angrily. You look up at him tiredly, your eyes tearing up as soon as you do.
"Tell me to my face—" You begin in an emotionless voice— "that you are all mine."
Tears stream down your face in hot streaks, racing to see which one can roll to the floor first.
"What... What do you mean?" He stuttered, seemingly dumbfounded into silence. You take a deep breath as you stand up from the couch and take a step towards him, cranking your neck to look him in the eyes.
"I heard your conversation, Youngbin. I should've guessed..." You scoffed, your voice slowly raising in tone, your anger at yourself starting to show. "You're spending less time at home, leaving before I wake up and coming home when I'm asleep. I should've known." He looks at you with a sort of sadness and regret in his eyes that you can't quite place and to make sure that you don't feel bad for him, refuse to acknowledge. "We never even fought, Youngbin. Not once. I was too tired to fight with you." You said, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Listen, Y/N, I was going to tell you—"
"And then what, Youngbin? Give me a heads up that you were cheating and then dump me? Leave?" You said exasperatedly, smiling sadly. His heart wrenched, staying quiet as he had nothing to say. Nothing to make this okay. Make this better.
"Send her my regards, would you? Now if you ever really loved me—" You scoffed, rolling your eyes and shaking your head— "No, if you loved me this wouldn't be happening. If you ever really cared for me, you'll leave my apartment. Send me her address and I'll mail you your things." He was about to protest but you were already pushing him out the door, locking it behind you.
Even though you had been subconsciously preparing for something like this, it didn't stop you from hurting. It hurt like hell, and you were pretty sure that you wouldn't be able to salvage the broken pieces anymore. It would be lost forever. You sat by the door, wailing into the emptiness of your apartment, letting out all of your pain, anger and frustration. He had enough things. You'd burn some of it. You'd get rid of things he gave you. You'd remove him from your memories, and then you'd forget.
warning(s): sexual content, swear words, unprotected sex, cheating, a messy af scenario i am sorry
song suggestion: blackbear - @ my worst (slowed & reverb)
“Say you don’t want me anymore and I’ll disappear.”
Your voice comes out more as a plead than you would have hoped; arms wrap around Youngbin’s neck, fingertips gently caressing his nape. You move a strand of hair from his face, trying to look him in the eyes. He is still avoiding your gaze, biting his inner cheek as your lips trace his jawline.
"It's not like that."
“It’s ok, Binnie, we both know it,” you show him a feeble smile in return for the way his right arm brought you closer by your waist. “We both know it.”
His heart beats a little faster when your kisses move down to his collarbones.
God, he wishes he had the guts to end it. He wishes he had the guts to stop sneaking out in the middle of the night just to turn your lonely sighs into lewd moans. But he can’t because shit, you look too beautiful when he is fucking into you from behind. Arched back and those parted lips purring out his name like he is the only one you need. Like your other lover did not exist. Like he will be the one to hold you in the morning.
“When will you break up with him?”
His voice is choked out, cursing in his mind for asking you about him for the fifth time that evening. He couldn’t help it.
Your kisses pause for a moment. You sigh, hugging him closer, your bare chest rubbing against his as you roll your hips over his own. He doesn’t fight it and bucks his hips up; his growing bulge sending a shot of pleasure down your spine.
“Is that the only thing that matters?”
“I...” he pauses, finally looking back into your eyes, “It’s just that you...”
He shakes his head, swallowing his words when your palm slides over his abdomen and into his boxers. Your hand wraps around his cock, thumb brushing over his already leaking tip as you free his erection.
“Tell me, you can tell me anything.”
He pushes your underwear to the side, staring at the way the soaked fabric stuck to your skin. You looked so pretty, he hated that someone else gets to see you like this as well.
“I want to be more than this to you,” he whispers against your lips while his digits get coated in you. “I don’t want to be just another name on the list of men you’ve fucked.”
Your head falls on his shoulders, tongue tracing the hickey you left earlier while the same fingers tease your slit.
“You are more,” you mumble between quick pecks on his skin. “You are my sweetest boy. You will never be just someone I fuck and forget,” your lips curve upwards.
"Then why the hell are you not mine?"
He lifts your hips, placing himself at your entrance. Your smile fades when he fills you up at once, his pace much rougher than usual. A sweet pain rushing down between your thighs as he reaches your sweet spot almost instantly.
His mouth crashes against yours, brows knit together as his teeth tug at your bottom lip. He sing-songs how you always look so beautiful naked on top of him; how he almost forgets he never gets to call you his when you moan his name like that. It really wasn't fair.
Your lipstick is all messed up now, just like his heart. He takes in all your cries as if they were his as he fucks into you continuously, his palms caressing every inch of your body, bringing you as close as he could.
"I don't want to let you go anymore," he mumbles while he takes a break from nipping at your skin to admire the crimson hickey on your chest.
"Fuck, that's off-limits" you almost yell noticing the mark on your boob "why would you do that to me?"
“You don’t know what you do to me,” Youngbin’s eyelids fall shut as he finds your lips again.
“I do,” you manage to reply breathlessly, holding onto his shoulders. You throw your head back when he finally allows you to ride him. “I know you lose sleep over me and I know you think about me all day long.”
He swallows hard while his mind tries to get lost in the pleasure and ignore every word you say. He did not want to hear it tonight.
“I know how bad I am for you. I’m terrible. I’m fucking you up each time.” You lean closer to his face.
You kiss him with a blank expression before continuing between shaky breaths.
“Why would you let me do that to you, Binnie? You’re too sweet for your own good.”
He closes his eyes, still trying to block every sound. You were right, but what can he do when you own every part of his body and his soul? When you are the only person he wants to be with; the only person he wants to hear moan his name as you are right now.
“Stop it,” he hisses, “shut up. Just shut the fuck up,” he lashed out at you gripping your hips too hard “I don’t care, I really don't fucking care.”
The tiny mewl he earns from you makes him search for your gaze before noticing the print he left on your hips. You open your mouth and Youngbin guesses it will be another empty apology, one that he truly does not want to hear right now. He just wants you.
His right arm cups your face, bringing you closer and forcing you to lean over him.
"I didn't mean to, Y/N."
He holds you gently now as he rocks himself in and out of your pussy. Your foreheads touch and his nose brushes against yours before you scrunch up mumbling how it tickles. His mouth hovers in front of yours; so close that you can feel his breath on your skin and his heart beat in the same rhythm as yours. His lips feel like feathers against yours and for a moment everything feels right.
Youngbin imagines you are his and that you will stay with him. And tomorrow morning, he will wake up before you, preparing coffee, and most likely burn the toast while you complain and pout so cutely. He imagines he is happy.
But Youngbin is not happy, and he bites his tongue so hard he can almost taste blood when your boyfriend’s name pops up on your phone. Would he know you are with him right now? That he always fucks you so good that you forget your own name?
Your hand reaches for your phone and Youngbin’s breath gets caught in his throat. Shit. He feels sick as he tries to stop you. His stomach turned upside down only thinking about hearing another man calling you baby and saying I love you on the other end.
“Don’t do that now, Y/N,” he cries “I’m so close.”
“I know you’ll never get used to this, but I have to.”
Youngbin mutters a “fuck him” as he pulls you in for another kiss. Your phone is ringing again and Youngbin grips the sheets until his knuckles turn white to make that stupid feeling go away. You were with him. Why did that matter? But it did and he does not even realize salty tears are pooling in the corner of his eyes at the image of you with someone else.
“Binnie,” you break the kiss, staring down into his eyes, “why do you let me break your heart each time?”
He bites his tongue again, a million things rushing through his mind and they all start with I love... but he cannot say it because you don't believe in love. You don't believe in anything besides the moments after midnight when you call him over and wait for him on the king-sized bed you will share with someone else the following morning. Instead, he responds to your question with a forced smile.
“Because I’d rather let you break my heart ten times more than fuck somebody else.”
Who would be the best to handle an anxiety attack?
Youngbin and Rowoon would be the best ones to calm the person they love in the middle of an anxiety attack.
I'm choosing Youngbin to this blurb :)
Warning: if you feel uncomfortable with angst themes, please don't read 💛
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You were already feeling a bit down but the way your day went just worsened your anxiety. The tasks you had to do at work were too stressful and you lost the patience with them. It was too much. You felt you would never do things in the right way or have a job that maked you happy. Also your boss could arrive at any moment and call you stupid. Your heart was beating too fast and you left everything to lock yourself in the toilet and call Youngbin.
He got surprised by your call at that hour. "Hello, sugar. What a good surprise!"
"I'm sorry, Bini. I'm not feeling well." You said letting your tears drop freely.
"Oh. Why are you apologizing? I'm still happy with you call. Why are you crying?"
"I'm not crying." You lied not noticing how your voice sounded.
"You don't need to lie. Crying is ok. Imagine that I'm right beside you, wiping your tears with kisses."
"Would you still kiss me? I'm so miserable now." You felt so ugly sitting on the restroom floor, hiding yourself from your co-workers.
"You're not miserable. You're just having a hard time and I can gladly hold you tight and help you to take your fears away." His voice was so sincere. "Listen I'll continue to talk to you until you feel ready to go out from where you are hiding now.
➵ requested. I hope you like this (though it’s pretty short), I’m very excited about getting more requests for SF9, babies they deserve so much love🥺❤️
➵ warnings: a tiny bit angsty.
[10:30 pm]
You were leaning on Youngbin’s shoulder lazily, your eyes fixed on the TV though you couldn’t really tell what the show you were watching was about.
“Are you bored?” Youngbin asked with a short laugh, looking at you from the corner of his eye.
“Huh?” you shook your head “No, not at all” you rushed to say, you wanted to stay next to him a little longer.
Youngbin smiled once again, “We can watch something else” he suggested. Both of you reached for the remote resting in the coffee table at the same time, hands brushing against each other softly. You let go of the remote promptly, looking at Youngbin as a blush creeped up your neck and into your cheeks, Youngbin stared back at you, his grin widening as he noticed the color your whole was acquiring.
And on the spur of the moment, he kissed you. It was a very brief, playful kiss on the lips that made your brain go completely blank for a moment only to fill all sorts of thoughts just as fast: Why was he doing it again?
“So, what do you want to watch?” Youngbin questioned, pretending the whole interaction hadn’t happened as he surfed through channels, without spending enough time on one to catch your interest. It wasn’t the first time he did it, he’d kiss you, or hold you in a way so intimate that you felt like you wouldn’t be able to breathe if he let go, and a second later, he was ‘back to normal’ acting like the only relationship you had was as flatmates.
“I think I’m just going to bed” you said, getting up quickly “Uh, good night, Bin” without another word from either of you, you disappeared into the apartment and closed the door of your room.
Youngbin sighed, falling back into the couch, he continued changing the channel absentmindedly. He knew he was screwing everything up, but he was too afraid to admit he was in love.
