The number of pictures yesterday makes up for none today right? I'm scared about what to do..I would have tried to get a corporate job by now but I know I won't be able to take off for my sisters wedding and like hell am I gonna miss that....but also its so hard to get work as a farrier right now, so much so that I'm seriously considering moving two states just to be in an area with a farrier deficit. Also considering selling Zee where people can work with him and not have so many emotions and adequate tack (I had a longe line, and it has been gone for so long, and it's not even the kind people I was around at the time preferred) I mean pet wise he's all I have left but I seriously have such a hard time riding him because he's everywhere and I'm everywhere and someone needs to have some form of focus? Like any other horse in its stall or otherwise takes him completely off track...most of the time the ones just stalled as fine like he gets over that, but today this buckskin he's next to was trotted through the barn area TWICE and Zee completely lost it, kicked at me and cantered as fast as the round pen would allow him and like I had to just stop paying attention to him for probably a minute for him to get back to the trot and even then his focus was else where and getting a head set was three minutes of unnecessary trotting and giraffing. Considering I probably do like maybe 45 min workouts this takes up a lot of time to regain focus and then regain form each time he does it. Today there was more than normal and no one was even annoyingly standing next to the ring with their horse, no one came close to us! I nearly lost it when my mom suggested I sell him, despite all the trouble we have I've been the only constant for him..I know that doesn't often matter for horses but...idk, I watched him be born, I broke him to ride all by myself, and shown him to ribbons with what shitty training I got into him. Technically he can jump 2'9 purely from my own stubbornness. He has collected beautifully for an arab with no help from anyone else (literally I wore him out one day and then he could do it how my coach wanted it but she put forth limited effort the whole time) this dink of a horse has gone to Scottsdale and all over california (except the north) at this point and just adapted to it. His first show he was nervous in his stall and then we tossed food and he was like "K, this is home now" and has done that with every show and move since. Unfortunately I can't afford board next month..or this month for that matter...its shitty for me to keep him when I can barely feed myself everyday. I just hate the idea of him ending up in a home where he's beaten for pulling his shit..beaten for anything I just hate it. He clips everywhere but the ears and face...that'll bother someone. He stands for the farrier..mostly and that might piss off someone, or worse hurt them, he's only threatened to pull back on the burns but I'm always there to talk him out of it. He trailers...but doesn't always get in right away, when his poll went out he suddenly stopped just jumping in, and though he's been chiropracticly fixed since then he still likes to have you make him get in (clicking from behind or shaking of a bucket up front and there's no issue, he really is just being a punk). He ties... but small things scare him, idk what to say I just haven't gotten him bomb proof or ready to accept the sound of crunching bushes while tied. He had a 9yrold riding him just fine (with a trainer) but he pulled a test, reared a little (initial story was barely anything, weeks later it WAS THE BIGGEST REAR EVER :P) and the trainer pulled the kid and encouraged her fear instead of telling her to ride forward a little before getting off (girl had two trainers, one that would have told her to just ride it out she's stronger than that, and one who typically teaches older ladies who get off when it's windy outside and stops a lesson if anything isn't dead perfect..guess which one she was with that day) and yeah, I wouldn't say Zee is a kids horse and normally wouldn't have agreed to him being used by the girl because he pulls punk moves like that but I was told she had a competent trainer who was hoping this girl could make it to 1d barrel races or congress or something implying she could handle the very small shit that could be pulled. I just...I can't think of someone who would invest in a half-ass broke 8 year old who is kids sized. I guess someone tried to sell their I'm guessing similarly broke 10 year old arab and since I haven't seen more ads I'm guessing someone picked it up...so there's some hope. In total my biggest fear is that he would get dumped in the desert or somehow deemed dangerous and be put down. That last part is extreme I know but people have done crazier things. Idk...I was scared to say about the future and that transferred to my horse making him a dip shit for everything but standing tied at the shoeing rack.