Mar 10, 2019
the number of people who have told me I'll be fine for my orange belt test is 7 but it's like that fucking "who would win" meme
like
"who will win 7 trained martial artists or one(1) anxiety brain"
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the number of people who have told me I'll be fine for my orange belt test is 7 but it's like that fucking "who would win" meme
like
"who will win 7 trained martial artists or one(1) anxiety brain"
so I got invited to test for my orange belt at my studio in 3ish weeks
my reaction and then my friend telling me to chill
Shit that has been said at my martial arts studio JUST in the last 36hours
“Mount me daddy”
*does single handed cartwheel* “Just do that”
“It looks really fucky, but it’s actually pretty natural”
“What do we do if we just want to die though?” “Pull the knife into your throat”
“So there’s this thing called body awareness” “Yeah?” “I don’t have that”
“Yes, I am aware I look like a toddler.”
“You see my brain gets it, it’s just getting my brain to get my body to get it is the issue”
“Harder daddy”
“Fuck you.” “Maybe next week.” “Ew.”
“It’s disgusting in here.” “That’s just because I walked in.”
“Someone get on me”
“It’s just one-one thousand-*snaps fingers*” “Tap, snap or nap bitches.”
“Let’s go my dude.” “You can’t rush perfection.” “Which is why we’re trying to rush you.”
“I forgot how much of a nerd you are.” “It’s not nerdy it’s history!” “Oh honey, its both.”
“Just go straight down the lane.” “I can’t do that!” “Then go gay down the line then!”
“Or you could do a straight punch.” “Gay punch” “HAI-maker”
“I didn’t almost drop my water bottle that time so everyone had to be paying attention to what I said!”
“Or just like 27 times.” “What is with you and multiples of 3?” “I don’t know...OCD?”
“YAS get it queen.”
“Okay I’m gay but that’s fucking gay.”
“I guess if you’re average height you just get to suck then”
“Do you have a safe word?” “Nah, I’ll just pass out.”
so i told my friend Zero about my ridiculous on RD and he will
NOT STOP MAKING FUN OF ME
he walked in to the studio towards the end of the level 1 class and i go over to say hey to him and his son he motions to RD with his head and goes “look who got a haircut” and i staredat him for a moment before just kind of giving in and going “i know! and he has stubble! it’s not allowed” of course that just set him off
so when i made a joke about a move being taught being an “overly aggressive hug” and he just leaned over and went “speaking overly aggressive hugsi bet youd like to aggressively hug him[RD]...well one part of him” so i smacked his tit and walked away
we ended up partnering up for the advanced krav and he would not LET ME LIVE
if he saw me even glancing in RDs direction he’d lean in and roll his tongue, go ‘rrrrr’.
but RD said hi to me first today and i go all squishy
like
Not Allowed(TM)
Teen Child: Mulan sucks.
Me, Zero & HLBI: WHOA!
Me: I'll fight you!
Zero: Yeah.
HLBI: Agreed.
Me: [HLBI] will fight you, so get ready to die.
Nipple: Come on Jamie, come on!
Me: Treat me like a dog again and I'll break your ankles.
Nipple:...
Nipple: Here girl! *pats thighs*
Me: Alright say bye-bye to your ankles!
HLBI & Zero: *laughing*
Me: *makes a joke*
Zero: *makes same joke*
Me: Hey I just made that joke!
Zero: I know! I credited you, you deaf jackass.
HLBI: He literally said "like Jamie just said".
Me: Oh, well then.
Zero: Like I said, deaf jackass.
Zero: I saw your shirt and thought it said "San Diego Steak" instead of "San Diego State".
HLBI: What? San Diego's a city not a state.
Me: He said steak.
HLBI: Oh...
Me: A wonder the vegan didn't hear the word 'steak'.
Everyone: *laughs*