Part two of this post bc I have more things to say but I cannot bc it’s about Peter. Spoilers up to s9
TW for talk of suicide ideation and self bc,, well, it’s Peter
So I mentioned in my last post how Simon didn’t deserve to face such harsh consequences for what he’s done. Well, Peter definitely shouldn’t. He faced enough consequences for what he did when he was Simon. He’s a whole different person, he’s changed. So why does he still have to pay the price for what he did, for something he’s already more than made up for?
He sacrifices himself repeatedly for team Abel, and nobody ever bats an eye. Yes, he’s immortal, but he still feels pain. He’s constantly putting himself in harm’s way, doing dangerous things. Because he “sacrificed” his friends for immortality, now he feels he has to use said immortality to keep them safe. Not exactly bad in and of itself, but his self worth is so low, it’s almost as if he feels he deserves to suffer because of what he did so long ago. He still doesn’t feel like he’s forgiven
So he lets himself get hurt all the time, and nobody else seems to mind. Important to note, his mental health is terrible. It’s not something he tries to hide, he’s very blatant and clear about it, but team Abel chooses not to address it despite how clear it is. Probably because he’s immortal, so they don’t care one way or another since he’s not going anywhere. Which is absolute bullshit because it doesn’t matter if he’s immortal if he’s hurting. We see constantly how he says concerning things that make his declining mental health super obvious
In s7m10, he talks about taking drugs at a rave to make you feel like you belong and like that’s where you’re meant to be, calls Sam lucky when he says he doesn’t need drugs to feel that way. Implying that Peter doesn’t feel like he belongs. Like he needs drugs to feel something. His state of being gets overlooked constantly. Not a single person made a comment about it
s7m21, we find out he can infect zombies with immortality (I have issues with this also but again, another rant for another day). Peter offers to jump into the lava. He’s definitely serious about it, but nobody really takes it seriously, it’s just another thing that’s brushed off and swept under the rug
s7m23, he literally tries to kill himself. This is the one and only time his mental health is ever “addressed”, and what made it worse is that someone who can arguably be seen as a villain was the one who talked him out of it. Team Abel couldn’t do it, it was Sage who was able to do it. Peter was talking about how he’s a liability, how the only thing he was good for was being an immortal runner. He doesn’t think he’s worth anything if he’s not helping. He can’t just be, he has to be doing something, sacrificing himself in some way, and if he can’t do that, then he’s useless to Abel. He thinks he deserves this. And again, nobody from team Abel is able to talk him out of it. None of his friends could say anything to make him stop. It was Sage, who barely knew him. It never gets addressed again after this
s7m39, Peter literally tries to do it again, asking why nobody can just let him die a hero. And again, it’s Sage who realizes what he’s doing and saves him. Nobody else cares that he was trying to sacrifice himself again. It’s never brushed on again after that, just swept under the rug again
In s8, the radio modes. Maxine casually mentions how Peter regularly disembowls himself and to not worry about finding stray organs and intestines around the township. The fact that Peter is even doing anything like that and it’s treated as nothing is beyond disgusting. Immortal or not, that level of self harm would warrant immediate attention, and he clearly isn’t getting treated the way he needs. He’s suicidal and purposely inflicts pain onto himself, and none of his “friends” even give a shit. Plus he offered himself up to get stabbed multiple times and nobody was very concerned about that
s9m4, we learn he’s had a burn cube put inside of him. It’s been probably around four months since the end of s7 by then, which means at some point between s8 and s9 starting, Peter, who is suicidal, was given the means to kill himself. He didn’t want to be a liability, and everyone basically said that he was such a big liability that they were gonna put a burn cube in him so he could kill himself if a zombie bites him
Not only that, but in s9m19 we find out that it was literally Janine who approved it. Janine, who’s supposed to be his friend and partner. Who’s supposed to love him. That isn’t fucking love. And the fact that nobody else who’s supposedly his friend is just fine with that like Peter isn’t a danger to himself. If team Abel really cared about him, they never would’ve even considered putting a burn cube inside of him. There’s a lot they would’ve done different if they actually cared about him
And then he gets abandoned. The whole “it’s necessary” thing is bullshit, Peter is biased and hates himself and thinks he deserves it. Peter won’t argue with sacrificing himself or hurting himself, and team Abel, ESPECIALLY Janine, shouldn’t be so agreeable when it comes to that. He has issues he needs to work on, yes, but it’s hard and damn near impossible to do that level of mental recovery and healing without a good support system and considering how his supposed friends treat him, he doesn’t have one of those. He’s on his own, mental health still terrible, still sacrificing himself because he thinks he deserves it. The only thing he’s got going for him is being useful to the people he considers his friends and because it’s all they seem to want him for. They treat him as a tool that can be used and discarded when he’s an actual person with real feelings and emotions
He puts himself through so much to protect the people he loves and the feeling is absolutely not mutual. He’s treated like shit by everyone and just takes it because he thinks it’s what he deserves. He’s in a toxic relationship, and everyone else around him who he considers friends brush off his feelings. He’s always there trying to help other people, dealing with their feelings, defending Five when everyone forgets they’re not immortal like he is, but nobody is ever there for him like that. His feelings are cast aside, never addressed. His declining mental health and self mutilation is literally treated as a joke and it’s not funny, it’s sad and horrifying and what makes it worse is that nobody who claims to care about him actually gives a shit, the narrative makes that abundantly clear
Anyway, tldr; Peter is treated like shit by everyone and deserves so so much better and deserves to just move on and heal and find people who actually give a shit about him and his terrible mental health. He doesn’t need to make up for anything else, he doesn’t need to sacrifice himself to feel needed or wanted. He never did. Literally it’s only him who’s ever really had to face the consequences of his actions when other characters have done so much worse. Please for the love of god just let my boy vibe
