Mar 13, 2025
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zucchini on pizza
i’ve had her and she’s so yum (add basil & mushrooms for extra yum points)
wow that sounds good. break me off a piece of that zucch
not my cup of tea but i think that’s a relatively normal thing to put on pizza
click here to express horror/disgust at the idea of zucchini/pizza holding hands
“I’m sorry Zucchini,” I mutter as the knife descends. I imagine the Zucchini would scream if she could, or perhaps whimper. But her lack of a mouth keeps her silent as the knife pricks into her skin and cleaves off her stem.
I try to be quick & efficient to make her experience as painless as possible. Unfortunately, when I was born, I was cursed with a strange and precipitous affliction called dyspraxia, and the Zucchini is cut into uneven, lopsided slices.
I lay my Zucchini slices across my triple-cheese pizza and wonder: is she happy for the chance to be consumed? Or does she wish for an existence unburdened by her gastronomic fate? Does she know the alternative is to soften and wrinkle until her flesh melts to slime, until her skin oozes mold?
As I slide my pizza into the oven, I allow myself the briefest of moments to consider my Zucchini had been waiting her whole life to be cooked. Maybe she’s been waiting for this moment since she first burst from the seed. But do you think my Zucchini would be pissed to be cut sloppily and tossed onto a pizza? She could have dreamt her whole life about becoming an exquisite ratatouille or a hearty squash soup, only to be slapped onto a frozen pizza and thrusted into the oven
Last week's faux hashbrowns: yellowsquash, zucchinisquash, carrot, & spinach. This week's breakfast , some sort of crustless quiche thingy. Contains eggs (of course), spinach, yellowonion, roma tomato, mushrooms, half-n-half, pinksalt, pepper, basil, cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, and bacon. I laid down full spinach leaves for the "crust".