i'm not sure how coherent this is going to be, or even how many people are going to particularly care about it, but i feel a certain way, and i want to talk about it.
there's a lot of posts going around with the intention to assure people that their friends don't all actually hate them, that their friends aren't terrible people, that friends don't act like that. and i understand that it's to help people who have anxiety about that, but here's the thing:
some friends will do that.
i've had it happen. i've experienced people that i thought i could trust turning around and talking shit about me behind my back, or people who secretly thought badly about me, and never said anything, until it exploded in a spectacular display of ruined relationships. it's hard to believe people going "stop thinking badly about your friends, they would never do that!" when you have the lived experience of it happening to you.
i think a more helpful discussion would be: it can happen, but it won't be your fault. don't stress about things outside of your ability to control. if someone does that, it's a reflection of them, not you. don't worry about it, not because it can't happen, but because if it does, then that's on them, not you.
people aren't perfect, and your friends may behave badly. but that doesn't make you a bad friend. it just means that you made friends with someone who didn't deserve your friendship.
