Untitled

adding a description so nobody blocks me for being a bot. she her.

[tanafyam]

Baja Blast is good and all but it does not taste that color

[storyweavingspider]

There’s a spider in your computer. Her name is Astrid. She heard the World Wide Web needed a World Wide Spider, but she needs some help getting to each place. Can you reblog her to help her get everywhere?

[prokopetz]

I've had a couple of people ask for a digestible version of the whole "the real problem with Dungeons & Dragons is false advertising, not anything that's present in its text" thing I keep alluding to, so here's the bullet point version of that argument:

Dungeons & Dragons is owned by Hasbro. Yes, the same Hasbro that owns Monopoly and My Little Pony.

Hasbro wants D&D to be the only tabletop RPG that anyone plays.

In order to accomplish this, Hasbro needs D&D to be a universal entry-level game.

D&D is not a universal entry-level game.

All game rules are opinionated about how the game ought to be played, and as tabletop RPGs go, D&D's rules are more opinionated than most. This is not a flaw, but it's not what Hasbro needs.

D&D is also on the high end of complexity as far as tabletop RPGs go, and it's complex in a way that strongly rewards system mastery, so it's pretty far from "entry level".

Hasbro could produce a version of D&D that's at the very least less opinionated and more entry-level than it presently is, but they don't want to, because they've determined that certain rules features which run counter to both of those goals are critical to D&D's brand identity.

They also don't want to produce multiple versions of D&D tailored for different audiences, because they want every single D&D group to be a potential purchaser of every single D&D product; they'd be effectively competing with themselves for their own customer base if the published game was actually modular in any meaningful way.

So how does Hasbro square that circle?

Simple: they lie. They insist that D&D is in fact a universal entry-level game in spite of all evidence to the contrary, and back their advertising up with sponsored thinkpieces and podcasts and such to "prove" it.

Further, they've spent decades fostering a culture of play which conceals the gap between the game they're advertising and the game they're selling by ascribing any appearance that D&D isn't a universal entry-level game to the incompetence or malice of individual GMs.

The game the rules want to produce disagrees with the game the group wants to play? Nonsense – even the rankest beginner should be able to produce any experience of play using any set of rules, and if your GM can't, they're a Bad GM.

The game is hard to learn? No, it isn't – your GM is merely gatekeeping you. This wouldn't be a problem with a Good GM.

The upshot is that the published rules are more or less irrelevant with respect to achieving the desired experience of play, because they're operating within a culture of play which dumps 100% of the work of making that desired experience of play happen on the GM.

Indeed, much of what modern D&D presents as GMing best practices are really methods of working around the fact that the rules you're using disagree with you about what kind of game you're playing.

(It's not a coincidence that D&D's entrenched culture of play also insists that it's normal for GMs to be miserably overworked and treats GM burnout as a big funny joke, then turns around and loudly wonders why there's a constant GM shortage.)

The trick is, because you're still at least notionally using the rules of D&D, the fruits of all that GM labour are perceived as the product of "playing D&D", not of the GM's hard work.

In essence, Hasbro's business model for Dungeons & Dragons is selling you your own GM's labour with a D&D sticker on it.

It's a very neat trick, if you can pull it off.

Now, at this point some readers may be asking: well, sure, but not all GMs are doormats. What about "killer" GMs who do gatekeep and railroad their players and otherwise act like complete tyrants? I hear horror stories about them all the time.

That's the second trick: these are not opposites. The GM as human Xbox and the GM as tyrant of the table both represent the GM doing all the actual work of making the game happen. The latter isn't the outcome that Hasbro wants, but it's a logical conclusion of the position they want the GM to be in.

[prokopetz]

I've seen a few folks in the notes respond "okay, but if that's true, why is D&D so much more flexible than most indie RPGs?", and the answer is that it's not. That's part of the sleight of hand I've talked about where the GM's labour is framed as part of the product. To break it down:

As noted above, all game rules are opinionated about what kind of game they wanted to produce. This isn't just a matter of setting (though setting-neutral games are often misleadingly called "universal" games), but also a matter of the basic structure of the narrative which emerges when you follow the rules.

The rules of Dungeons & Dragons are not less opinionated than those of your average indie RPG, and in fact are more opinionated than most. (Again, having strongly opinionated rules is not something that's wrong with D&D; it's merely something that's inconvenient for Hasbro's marketing goals in a way they're unwilling to address.)

In brief, D&D really, really wants your game to be a sword and sorcery dungeon crawl. If the GM is using the framework of play furnished by the rules at all, or if the players are responding to the rules' player-facing incentives even a little bit, it's going to squish your game into something dungeon-crawl-shaped.

(This should not be surprising; it's literally in the name!)

The rules of D&D being opinionated in this way tends to fly under the radar for a couple of reasons, one less problematic and one more so.

The relatively benign reason is that many popular RPG premises are not done any great violence by being squished into the shape of a sword and sorcery dungeon crawl.

A cyberpunk smash and grab caper? Basically a dungeon crawl already.

A special forces op in a modern military game? That doesn't need to be shaped like a sword and sorcery dungeon crawl, but it can be shaped like one and remain intelligible as what it's supposed to be.

Gritty logistics-driven survival horror? Not inherently dungeon crawl shaped, but the two genres are compatible – a game can be both at the same time, as video games like Fear & Hunger and Look Outside demonstrate. (Indeed, Look Outside's apartment building follows the structure of an old school D&D megadungeon nearly beat for beat!)

Thanks to D&D's pervasive cultural influence informing what people expect a tabletop RPG to be, as long as this kind of compatibility is present, many folks won't even notice their intended premise is being squished into the shape of a sword and sorcery dungeon crawl.

If your chosen premise isn't compatible in this way, or if the group notices what's happening and decides to push back against it, though? That's where the sleight of hand I alluded to above starts to come into play.

Remember: a Good GM™, even a total novice, ought to be able to use any set of rules to produce any desired experience of play, right?

So get to work!

i.e., just as much of the game's putative approachability is the product of Hasbro selling the players their GM's labour in a D&D-shaped box, much of D&D's putative flexibility is the product of the GM being sold their own labour in a D&D-shaped box.

To be clear, this is not militating against homebrew content or rules. Homebrew is perfectly cromulent, and certainly, some games are more or less structurally amenable to it (though modern D&D tends to fall on the "less" side).

The problem is that what we've got on our hands is a culture of play that wants to have its cake and eat it too: when doing extensive homebrew is treated as part of the GM's basic, entry-level responsibilities, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking of the product of that labour as merely being a feature of the game.

Which is, of course, exactly what Hasbro's marketing ghouls want.

[prokopetz]

(I feel I should emphasise for the folks going "yeah, D&D sucks!" in the notes that at no point in either of these breakdowns have I said anything for or against D&D as a game. These problems would still exist even if D&D was the best game in the world at being the kind of game that it is!)

[lensdeer]

I made a little web app to generate xkcd 2501 edits right from your browser

[i-am-a-fish]

You is fih...🐎

I'm fih..

[tanafyam]

Dis fih empty... YEET

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

r u guys ok i haven't heard anyone say yeet in awhile

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

u guys used to love yeet...

[tanafyam]

This post empty. YEET!

[aesungaia]

I'M AN EXPLORER

[aesungaia]

By the way, if you enjoyed this, you can get the full-resolution version for free (or pay-what-you-want) over on my itch page: https://aesungaia.itch.io/im-an-explorer

It comes with a coloring book version of the book too, so you can color in the pages yourself if you want

[inbabylontheywept]

imagine a normally "on" fire alarm, where by default it creates a horrible unending screech, but in the presence of fire it stops.

downsides to this system: it is awful.

upsides to this system: having it run out of batteries, or having its power supply interrupted in any way, would result in a false positive immediately, instead of a false negative later.

alternative idea: there is a pressurized air container. this container holds many liters of mult-hundred PSI air. there is a little, powered gate between it and a vuzuvuela. if it detects a fire, it retracts the gate. but also if there is a power outtage, or a fault in the wire, or anything that interrupts the power supply - immediate, thermonuclear.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

so it remains silent by default, but still fails into a position that is egregiously awful and will physically compell you to flee.

[inbabylontheywept]

alternative alternative idea: there is no sound. there is no compressed air. there is a gate valve that requires power to stay on, and fails "open." and behind that valve, there are thousands and thousands of angry wasps.

[inbabylontheywept]

alternative to the alternate alternative: there is no electrical power whatsoever. just many dozens of moderate sized fireworks hidden inside your walls and furniture.

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

Alternative to your alternative alternative idea to the alternative: big tube of confetti and glitter. small rock attached to a rope pulls down on a fan when the power fails or smoke is detected. Glitter and confetti everywhere is quite hard to miss. Additionally, like the first alternative idea, a big bag of fart gas is held shut by the same power gate. Bonus points if it's pressurized to 100 PSI so the failure immediately creates a very loud BANG and then creates an unholy stench magnitudes easier to detect than the burning sensation

[inbabylontheywept]

hear me out.

there is a large, cast iron weight held up by an electromagnet. this weight dangles outside my window. there is a large mannacle attached to this weight, which i then attach to my ankle before sleeping. if there is a fire, the magnet disenages, the weight drops, and i am dragged by my ankle safely out the third story window of my unreasonably tall and narrow wizard tower townhouse. thus bypassing any need for conscious awareness whatsoever. the weight does all the work for me.

[male-to-less-male-derogatory]

Fire detector connected to a wi-fi network, transmitting a constant signal while there is no fire.

Also connected to said network is a medication pump implanted into the subject. It relies on that constant signal to slowly administer the anti-toxin to gas we have filled the subject's house with.

Should a fire occur, the subject will immediately feel a helpful and informative sense of impending doom before losing muscle function :)

[inbabylontheywept]

the highest compliment i can give this is that it sounds like something GLaDOS would pitch. or Wheatley, but completely unironically. the colored words are very GLaDOS.

[sharkgirldick]

Kill yourself? No no, noble warrior. I said "kill those elves!" Those bastards have had it coming for far too long. Here, take this axe.

AXE OF FROST added to your inventory.

Good luck out there.

QUEST STARTED: I Guess They Have It Coming

[sharkgirldick]

What!? Those brutish dwarves would have you slaughter us wholesale? They've got another thing coming. Thank you for speaking with us instead of choosing violence. Now...

BOW OF THORNS added to your inventory.

Go give them what they deserve.

QUEST UPDATE: I Guess They've Got Another Thing Coming

[sharkgirldick]

Psst, hey. You want the real source of the elven/dwarven conflict? I hear the goblins are orchestrating the whole thing. Here's their location... And a little someone extra.

Map updated.

DAGGER OF SHADOWS added to your inventory.

They'll never see you coming.

QUEST UPDATE: I Guess They'll Never See You Coming

[sharkgirldick]

Hey, warrior. You didn't think you could just waltz into the goblin chieftess' tent and not be noticed, did you? Especially when I know you were coming. Speaking of... Wanna fuck? You can think on it. I know you've got a lot on your mind.

GOBLIN CHIEFTESS PHONE NUMBER added to your inventory.

You'll be cumming all night, I promise.

QUEST UPDATE: I Guess I'll Be Cumming Tonight.

[sharkgirldick]

COMPLETE: I Guess I'll Be Cumming Tonight.

REWARDS: 220,000 GP, GOBLIN WIFE, ENCHANTED WEAPON (x3), 1,013 EXP

[shencomix]

WOAOW THIS GUY MOVES NOW!!

[nyaa]

ケモミミモドキのひみつ - [akai sashimi]

[ministarfruit]

I love this text post so I drew it

[cigarette-fox]

This blog is a mess

My whole gelatine brain is a fucking mess

[bayesic-bitch]

Tell me, Adeimantus — you who have spent so many hours in the discords and subreddits of our people — what is it that distinguishes a shounen anime from a shoujo?

I confess I have never considered the matter carefully, Socrates. I suppose shounen is for boys and shoujo is for girls?

A fine beginning. But let us look deeper. Imagine a young boy, playing with his toys. Does he not bash them together?

He does, yes.

And do he and his friends not argue endlessly over which of their toys would win in a fight?

Constantly, and with great passion.

Now imagine a young girl, playing with her toys. Does she not make them kiss?

…She does.

Does she not argue with her friends not over who would win in a fight, but over who belongs with whom?

I begin to see where you are going.

And if Aphrodite has been kind, and has bestowed upon her the φουτζόσι nature — does she not find her brother's Naruto and Sasuke toys, and make them explore each other's bodies?

I — yes, Socrates. I suppose she does.

Then the soul of shounen discourse is powerscaling — who beats whom — and the soul of shoujo discourse is shipping — who loves whom, and how, and with what degree of emotional devastation.

That seems correct.

Now. Is there a further distinction to be made, within these categories? Between those who are, as the moderns say, woke, and those who are chuds?

I think there must be, though I am uncertain how to draw it.

Consider: is it not the woke who care deeply about the precise definitions of abuse and consent — who will debate endlessly about power imbalances and trauma responses and what exactly constitutes a toxic dynamic?

It is. I have seen these debates. They are very long.

And do the chuds not repudiate such pretensions entirely, and concern themselves only with who is the most attractive — who, as they put it, is best to goon to?

They do, and they are also very loud about it.

Good. Then let us apply this framework to some examples, so that we may be sure we understand it. What of Dragon Ball Z?

Clearly a shounen. The discourse is entirely about power levels. Goku versus Superman. Whether Vegeta could beat Frieza if he had another week to train. Neither especially woke nor especially chud — simply loud.

Ouran High School Host Club?

Shoujo, plainly. The discourse is entirely about which host Haruhi should end up with. Neither particularly woke nor unwoke — simply romantic.

Steven Universe?

Woke shoujo, and almost insultingly obvious. The entire discourse concerns whether various gems were abusive toward Steven, what his codependency with his father means, and whether Spinel deserved better. I have never once seen anyone ask whether Steven could beat a particular gem in a fight. I have seen thousands of words written about whether Pink Diamond was a victim or a perpetrator.

And now — Chainsaw Man?

Surely it is a shounen? It has a chainsaw for a head. There are extremely gory fight scenes. I would have said… neither woke nor chud, perhaps. But certainly shounen.

Think carefully, Aneimantus. Did not the scene in the back alley, with Yoru, and the nature of what she offered Denji — did that not spark hundreds of Reddit threads?

…It did. I remember them. They were quite heated.

And were they debating whether Denji could beat a given devil in a fight?

No. They were debating whether what occurred constituted a meaningful violation, given Denji's initial objection and Asa's anger.

Consent and abuse discourse.

…Yes.

And do not some fans still mourn Reze, and insist she was the one who truly understood Denji? While others argue passionately that Asa is the only one who could give him what he actually needs?

The shipping wars are, I will admit, extensive.

And have you ever — even once — heard Chainsaw Man fans argue about whether Denji could beat a particular devil in a straight fight?

…I cannot say that I have.

Then observe what we have found. Chainsaw Man's discourse is concerned not with power, but with relationships. It is therefore shoujo. Its discourse is concerned not with attractiveness, but with abuse, consent, and emotional damage. It is therefore woke. And thus —

Astonishing, Otakrates. Chainsaw Man is a woke shoujo manga.

I could not have said it better myself.

[mikufanclub]

maid-chan ukagaka ~ download now!

[mikufanclub]

[cigarette-fox]

Check him out:

@edwincastro1000

I've heard that the guy won a crazy jackpot and now spends all of it on Tumblr premium for thousands of his accounts.

[cigarette-fox]

My favourite Pokémon is honda s2000 from a hit 2003 Pokémon game "need for speed underground"