A break is needed.
With everything going on in the world, I understand how selfish it is of me to remain silent and distance myself from staying updated and fighting against the injustice present in our society, but it is equally unfair to my own well being to allow myself to be put in a situation that deteriorates the hard work that I have put in to better myself.
I understand that my words and actions will offend others as I am making this about me and not talking about those who are fighting for their lives and rights. I have had a difficult time taking everything in this past week and if you care to understand why then you can continue to read this post but if this strikes you with anger and frustration against me then I urge you to unfollow me.
I have been on social media for twelve years, and before anyone puts blame to my parents for allowing me to be on social media, I will admit that I lied to them about what I was doing. Regardless, twelve years is now more than half of my life and I can say that I grew up with my life out on the internet. I’ve seen cancel culture grow stronger as people learned how to hide behind their screens, create fake accounts and thrive off of giving hate and horrid comments to complete strangers and sometimes their own friends. I’ve struggled with depression since I was 14 and I put a lot of blame to my downward spiral on the effects of Social Media. At the age of 14, no one should be receiving death threats and anonymous messages to go kill themselves. I would not even wish that on those who have hurt me in the past.
People often question why I don’t get along with my relatives and in short, I learned to push those who degrade me out of my life. I have a loud voice and I was not afraid to use it throughout high school. I talked to trusted adults about my internal struggles and found confidence in my voice.
2016 is my earliest memory of the Black Lives Matter movement. I was 19 and did not hesitate to show my support to the Black community. I wasn’t educated on how to help, so I took to social media to express my fury towards those who practice racism today. Unfortunately, I was met with backlash, mostly from people on the internet that I didn’t even know. A lot of the criticism was targeted towards my use of Social Media to manipulate others and how stupid I was to think that a chain would help end anything. It got to a point where I grew to hate myself for my stupidity, and I attempted to drive my car off the freeway on my way home one day, but somehow my car locked its wheels and prevented me from tipping over.
While this may seem dramatic to some of you, this was scarring for me. Because of this, I refused to participate this time around. I’m still unsure why my feed has been filled with all of the negative posts towards people who aren’t using their voice, but it has been. I’ve seen posts where I feel forced to identify as a racist because I am not showing proof of my donations or because I am not sharing all of the resources that I can with my followers. I understand that none of these posts are specifically geared towards me as a person, but I cannot help but feel like a shitty person because this was all said to me directly at some point.
I have also found myself caught up reading stories from the MeToo movement and while I am so extremely proud of the girls who have spoken up and faced their abusers, it has filled me with fear and anger. A lot of the posts mention that girls do not realize they are a victim until they reflect on it and it has brought back unwanted memories for me as I try to distinguish whether or not I or someone I am close to have been impacted by this. The answer to that question is yes.
The point of this post is to not to shame anyone of anything that they have said or done, but to remind everyone to be mindful of the impact that your words can have. In a time where the world seems to be falling apart, it is perfectly fine to speak out about what is wrong to point out how things can be made better. However, if you have participated in this cancel culture because someone hasn’t used their voice, then I simply ask you to reevaluate the situation and try to understand if there are underlying reasons as to why. I genuinely hope that none of my friends have labeled me as a racist because I didn’t speak out, but I also question if I want to surround myself with someone who would even question that.
With that, I am taking a long break from social media to rebuild myself. It has been 12 years, and it’s time I look after my mental and emotional health. If you also feel overwhelmed by the situations in our society today, I urge you to also put everything down and take a moment for yourself. Just because mental health awareness month has passed, it doesn’t mean we need to stop caring for ourselves.
With all of my love,Tang
