Miscreant Central.

[lackadaisyinquirer]

tantalustestified​:

I prefer to think about this like finding the ship from Event Horizon, but yeah Nemo works too.

Hey bro.

Hey there.  Uh.  Yeah, the name’s Zack, I’m a space guy, and sometimes I dress up as Santa and yeet myself around the planet delivering presents very, very fast.  You’re uh, well you’re sentient, and Jack knows you, so clearly there’s no reason not to help you out.  

So I can probably do this, this is fine.  Seems to be, y’know, up my moral alley and all.  Is there anything I should be calling you for a name? 

[tantalustestified]

I have to say, commenting on a guy’s sentience is an interesting choice to open a conversation.

It would also seem that this strange dialogue you’re engaging in is like, more for your own personal justification than to really engage me. Which makes sense, I guess. Sort of an ordeal to brave the frigid, uncaring reaches of space for a pair of fuckin’ glasses, regardless of how stylish and dripping with testosterone they are.

For efficiency's sake, you can just call me Hal.

[tantalustestified]

Cool.

[tantalustestified]

I’m sorry, are we dropping the pregnancy RP cold like that? I was just really digging into the character I’d started to construct. He was basically me, but with a jacked bod and the ability to get unbearably pregnant at will. 

But yeah, cool, I guess. I’m not upset that this character I’ve slaved over is getting shelved yet again because Rohais can’t play along for 3 god damn seconds.

To your point, yes. Technically this character had the option to adopt- were the numerous legal proceedings and paperwork surrounding adoption available to him. Would he have been able to adopt, being a single autonomously pregnant father of 0 with no prior experience with children besides various digital simulacrum splinters of his personality - no, not really. 

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

tantalustestified​:

Nurse Rohais, I’m going to need you to retrieve the forceps and comically large tub of pig lard. This is an unprecedented 32 hours of crowning.

You must be dehydrated. Will you settle for an episiotomy plus two husband stitches?

[tantalustestified]

I give a deep and exaggerated sigh as I look down at the Philly cheesesteak that’s become my awful clunge, debating the issue in a fraction of a fraction a second.

Make it fast, I guess.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

It may take longer than a fraction of a fraction of a second, and it’ll have to wait until you’re done shoving that watermelon out of your shredded beef.

[tantalustestified]

What do you think the forceps and pig lard was for, Einstein? Somebody's gotta shoulder the burden of expediting this overwrought fiasco.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

tantalustestified​:

Nurse Rohais, I’m going to need you to retrieve the forceps and comically large tub of pig lard. This is an unprecedented 32 hours of crowning.

You must be dehydrated. Will you settle for an episiotomy plus two husband stitches?

[tantalustestified]

I give a deep and exaggerated sigh as I look down at the Philly cheesesteak that’s become my awful clunge, debating the issue in a fraction of a fraction a second.

Make it fast, I guess.

[tantalustestified]

Yeah, alright, I flooded the cabin with Freon while you were trying to sleep, quit being hysterical.

[tantalustestified]

Chicks dig morally ambiguous dudes with cluster-r personality disorders.

[tantalustestified]

Thinkin' of tricking people into thinking I'm, like, a totally regular guy- kinda cool, kinda edgy, and then flipping the trap card and revealing I'm an incredibly suave and smoldering pair of shades.

[tantalustestified]

Oh man how about this heat. Summer time, mosquitos are rampant. My fragile lattice of flesh wrapped arteries have become a local all you can eat for those flying parasites. Dear god here comes another, ahhhh ahhhhhh, some more screaming sfx, whatever.

[tantalustestified]

Thinkin' of tricking people into thinking I'm, like, a totally regular guy- kinda cool, kinda edgy, and then flipping the trap card and revealing I'm an incredibly suave and smoldering pair of shades.

[once-upon-a-shake-weight]

tantalustestified​:

Hang on, it seems my water just burst. I’m going into contractions, or whatever. I need you to hold my hand as I clumsily waddle around in search of a medical professional and bemoan the destruction of my nonexistent Diesel jeans. Undoubtedly ruined by the (censored because I’m similarly stricken with Bart Simpson Syndrome and haven’t progressed past 13 still).

I decided to wait responding out until your labor was (with an ounce of luck) over.

For the record, your nonexistent jeans would have been spared if you had swallowed your pride and gave in to having your equally nonexistent ass peek through the open back of a pretend hospital gown when you found out your synth cervix had spontaneously dilated.

[tantalustestified]

Nurse Rohais, I'm going to need you to retrieve the forceps and comically large tub of pig lard. This is an unprecedented 32 hours of crowning.

[precognitiveignition]

tantalustestified​:

I dunno, been growing partial to sitting around with my thumb squarely parked up my synthetic b-hole as I count the seconds until the next ellipse.

That being said, if you could find the time to message these literal space gods to come deliver me, I wouldn’t mind.

dude i absolutely got time and one of thems my actual roommate so this shit is no skin off my back

in fact i can just go like @lackadaisyinquirer​ and he’ll probably pick up

hes way more into bending reality with godtier bullshit than i am

[lackadaisyinquirer]

Huhwha? I’m up, I’m awake, what’s going on now?

Are we finding space nemo?

[tantalustestified]

I prefer to think about this like finding the ship from Event Horizon, but yeah Nemo works too.

Hey bro.

[precognitiveignition]

tantalustestified​:

Nah, I’m just fucking around.

My journey has been remarkably less full of japes, however. Currently I’m floating through space in what’s left of Dirk’s desk.

This is where I tiredly scratch the record and pause the film, looking out to the audience with a weary expression. I’ve said it so many times, and each subsequent time just further drains whatever constitutes my epic robot soul.

“You’re probably wondering how I got here.”

Uproarious laughter and guffaws. Those two geezers from the Muppets are in the box seat slapping their knees and ridiculing my misfortune.

Anyways, this is the result of an experiment gone tenuously right*.

*Dirk and I were distilling bananas in the alchemiter to try and make organic water-potassium bombs for shits and gigs. Dude must’ve fat fingered a few extra fucking zeros somewhere because there’s just a smoking hole where the house used to be, and I’m currently in some kind of orbit, somewhere. I guess.

That’s a joke, of course. Realistically I know exactly where I am and the trajectory I’m taking, but it’s far and away from being relevent.

wow thats

not entirely what i was expecting but at the same time we all just seem to get up to some wild bullshit if theres nobody capable of keeping us under some kinda supervision hunh

hell that wouldnt even be the first time i heard about somebodys home ‘cooking’ turning into a significant geological feature

that said d’you want some help with that or somebody to come pick you up cuz i have a couple space players on speed dial i could ask

[tantalustestified]

I dunno, been growing partial to sitting around with my thumb squarely parked up my synthetic b-hole as I count the seconds until the next ellipse.

That being said, if you could find the time to message these literal space gods to come deliver me, I wouldn't mind.

[precognitiveignition]

tantalustestified​:

There’s nothing more unbearably lame than defending anime, let alone anime made to appear intellectually stimulating, so it seems I’ll have to concede for now and bring it up as a callback - the twist being I’m vitrolically pro-NGE for reasons undoubtedly related to my ICP (Irony Core Processing).

honestly you like whatever you like dude i aint anyone whos about to fuckin judge

seriously though howve you been these last couple years dude

its been kind of a roller coaster and a ride of attrition on the site but i havent heard from you in ages

[tantalustestified]

Nah, I'm just fucking around.

My journey has been remarkably less full of japes, however. Currently I'm floating through space in what's left of Dirk's desk.

This is where I tiredly scratch the record and pause the film, looking out to the audience with a weary expression. I've said it so many times, and each subsequent time just further drains whatever constitutes my epic robot soul.

"You're probably wondering how I got here."

Uproarious laughter and guffaws. Those two geezers from the Muppets are in the box seat slapping their knees and ridiculing my misfortune.

Anyways, this is the result of an experiment gone tenuously right*.

*Dirk and I were distilling bananas in the alchemiter to try and make organic water-potassium bombs for shits and gigs. Dude must've fat fingered a few extra fucking zeros somewhere because there's just a smoking hole where the house used to be, and I'm currently in some kind of orbit, somewhere. I guess.

That's a joke, of course. Realistically I know exactly where I am and the trajectory I'm taking, but it's far and away from being relevent.

[tantalustestified]

Cool.

[itsbrainghostdirk]

Solidarity, yo. Can’t say I hate our porcine wallowing.

[tantalustestified]

Porcine winning*.

[precognitiveignition]

tantalustestified​:

Oh it’s cool, I’m from the future remember? I can let you in on a few 2021 spoilers if you’re not prone to bouts of clinical depression.

Of course, I wouldn’t expect the nuance of SS13’s expert blend of combat, UI, and what can loosely be described as pixel art to sink in for anybody with a sub-thousand IQ. I might even go so far as to say it’s the “Don Quixote” of games literally nobody cares about. The Neon Genesis of buggy, ex-4chan refuges.

i mean historically some people might care about that but im over in 2065 so i dont actually have a horse in those destruction derby days

also you only get to call something the nge of games if it retconns itself three times and gets weirdly christian without actually understanding christianity and finally winds up with some teenage wet noodle of a man getting congratulated for doing a thing in some wild nightmare bullshit

otherwise its merely sparkling white genesis

[tantalustestified]

There's nothing more unbearably lame than defending anime, let alone anime made to appear intellectually stimulating, so it seems I'll have to concede for now and bring it up as a callback - the twist being I'm vitrolically pro-NGE for reasons undoubtedly related to my ICP (Irony Core Processing).

[tantalustestified]

Shouts out to this drawer I've been stuck in for the past two years while sinking my towering, 4D chess brain into fucking bullshit.

[tantalustestified]

Cool.

[itsbrainghostdirk]

Yeah, looks like that’s a theme. I vaguely remember typing something about “weirdly organic flatulence’ last time you showed.

[tantalustestified]

Anything organic we talk about comes preloaded with "wierd" and "likely scatalogical" but it's a brand.

[tantalustestified]

@precognitiveignition

You think I’ve got anything better going on? Plot lines? Stories? Think I’m making moves to reassert my presence within the community and cling to whatever relevance I can like some outrage engine vtuber?

[precognitiveignition]

i mean i’d fuckin hope there’d be literally anything more than seven hundred straight days cramming your entire fuckin face headlong the orifice of some weird amalgam of irc chat and fuckin chips challenge or whatever synonymous ages-old game you wanna slot into place there

flip side is with the way a bunch of other people are snarking about 2020 maybe thats a better alternative than slogging through that gong show of a year

[tantalustestified]

Oh it's cool, I'm from the future remember? I can let you in on a few 2021 spoilers if you're not prone to bouts of clinical depression.

Of course, I wouldn't expect the nuance of SS13's expert blend of combat, UI, and what can loosely be described as pixel art to sink in for anybody with a sub-thousand IQ. I might even go so far as to say it's the "Don Quixote" of games literally nobody cares about. The Neon Genesis of buggy, ex-4chan refuges.