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heart. smile. Merry Christmas from the Dorseys! #DavidTheoIII
beauty for ashes.
In order to fight for healing following the death of my daughter, I had to take the word of God and hide it deep within my heart.
In the early days of my journey through grief, I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to pray for one of the Mercy Teams at Victory World Church during a staff prayer meeting. Usually, this wouldn’t be a cause for anxiety, but the Mercy Team the Lord prompted me to pray for was Victory4Life, the ministry that serves women that have lost children through abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth or in early infancy.
Yeah...it was going to be tough to get me out of my seat and up to the microphone.
He was patiently persistent in His prompting, and I finally obliged. I don’t remember everything I prayed, but I do remember praying that the babies would live and not die in Jesus’ name! Later that evening during my personal time studying scripture and praying, I ran across this verse in Psalm 118:
17. I will live and not die,
and I will tell what the Lord has done.
I felt that it was confirmation that I was supposed to pray earlier that morning.
A brief 2 weeks later, we found out we were pregnant with our son, and I adopted Psalm 118:17 as the scripture I would confess over him daily for a safe pregnancy and delivery.
On the morning of June 9, 2015 I woke up super early because I was scheduled to deliver my son that morning at 10am. I opened up my Bible App to a Devotional by Youth for Christ for Youth Leaders. It’s a 30-day devotional, and I admit, I had been reading it for way longer than 30 days. However, I was near the end and on that day I read one entitled “Confronting Impossible Odds.”
Fear had been creeping into my spirit in the weeks leading up to June 9th as I never made it past 34 weeks with my daughter. The morning of his delivery at 38 weeks, I felt like I was facing an impossible odd, and the devotional was RIGHT on time.
In it, the author says, “God has not checked out of this business. He never tires of delivering. He still does the impossible. Bring Him the ashes wet with tears. Bring Him the jeering. Bring all of it. All things are possible...yes, all things. Especially today.”
Along with the scripture references, God made it clear that He was going into that operating room with us and that my son would live!
I relay the details of the devotional because in the operating room later that morning, my doctor’s words echoed loudly throughout the room before I heard my son’s first cries: “This is a miracle! Someone grab a camera!”
After a bit of commotion, I heard the cry of my beautiful son, then my doctor explained the miracle she had just witnessed:
As she was performing my c-section, when she got to the point of cutting my uterus, it was already wide open! My son was protected in my stomach by the amniotic sac alone with no extra support of my uterus, which in her estimation had been open for quite some time. Had I gone into labor on my own with my water breaking, with no enclosed uterus to support my child, both he and I would have died within minutes.
Do you see the importance of the devotional?
Beginning at 8 weeks pregnant with my son, I began seeing both my obstetrician and a fetal specialist to ensure my child would be born without circumstance. However, it was God’s sovereign hand that ensured his safe delivery because even with twice weekly appointments, the ultrasound never showed my open uterus... It’s a miracle that we’re here today!
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God is in the business of miracles and he will always exchange beauty for ashes. Though the enemy tried to steal the life of both my son and I, God has honored my request that we live and not die to tell what He has done! He alone declares our beginning and our end.
To all who mourn in Israel,[c] he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. -Isaiah 61:3 NLT
I love how this scripture reminds me that it's not my responsibility to change someone's heart. It's His alone. All I have to do is open my mouth! http://bible.com/116/act.16.14.nlt
I missed #tbt so here's my #fbf. This was right before I moved to Atlanta and a few days before all kinds of craziness broke out for me in my final weeks of being in New York. I don't ever think I shared this publicly, but I was robbed by a teenage boy outside my home right before I moved here, which shook me to my core. That happened right after I stopped riding the train and started taking the bus (which would let me out on my block vs walking 4 blocks home) due to a man harassing me at my train stop everyday. Before my last month in New York, I had NEVER experienced anything so crazy - even when I wasn't thinking and would ride the train home alone super late at night. Looking back, what that craziness has confirmed is that the enemy was trying to keep me from my purpose in Atlanta. Even though the road hasn't been easy here, (God told me this would be my Egypt, yet He would be with me - and He has!) I'm so glad I didn't let fear keep me from moving to a foreign land alone. Our faith can move mountains, and mine moved me to a place of pain, yet into a purpose to see women healed from being bound by guilt, shame and condemnation. Turn your fear into faith! God is with you! ...and when the kid robbed me, I never felt the touch of his hand. I was protected. "Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. (Psalms 91:5-7 NLT)"
bring it to Him.
The Lord woke me up this morning with these words from Him heavy in my spirit:
“I cause the rain to fall on the just and unjust the same. I do. So, the problem you have is not with them - it’s with Me.”
Yea... HEAVY.
Bitterness doesn’t just arise in us from being offended only by people, it also arises when we don’t resolve issues with God - something many Christians are afraid to even admit.
God is a big God. He can handle our anger, pain, discontentment, and more... if we bring it to Him.
And, guess what: He already knows! But, in order for us to heal, we can’t hide from Him; we have to abide in Him. As with any relationship, that means we have to have those difficult conversations. He will listen. More than that, He will respond.
Part of the word God gave me this morning comes directly from Matthew 5:45, which is amazing to me because chapter 5 contains the Sermon on the Mount when Jesus taught about the foundation of our roles as Christians. In this chapter, he says in verse 24 that we should be reconciled to a person that holds an offense toward us. I believe that God pursues us when we have an offense toward Him so that we may be reconciled to Him and truly enter into the fullness of His grace that is sufficient for us.
So I ask, what are you holding today? Bring it to Him.
those that wait upon the Lord
After we lost Phebe, I had a vivid dream in which I was running in a marathon. As I was running, I passed by people to my left and right, and my eyes brightened as the finish line came into view. Excitement began beating within my chest, then it happened - I fell. I didn't just trip, I tumbled and was so badly injured that I had no strength to lift myself up to complete the race.
Those same people that I had recently passed began racing past me, crossing the finish line as I cried out in pain sprawled out on the ground. In my own strength I kept trying to pull my mangled body toward the finish line in sight. But it was no use, I couldn't move an inch without feeling like my body was about to fall apart.
As I lay on the ground I heard a voice say, "Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." Tears rolled down my face because I didn't want to wait, I wanted to finish the race! The voice continued, "They shall mount up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
Over and over that voice gently spoke those words to me from Isaiah 40:31 and I woke up in tears knowing exactly what this dream meant.
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At the time of the dream, it had only been 2 months since our daughter died and our doctor told us it would take at least 6 months to conceive again. As I looked around me, it seemed as if everyone began making pregnancy announcements and those that were pregnant with me either had or were having their babies with no complications.
I was jealous.
The "what" and "why" questions played over and over in my head plaguing me with thoughts of, "what could I have done differently?", "why did my child have to die?", "what is a cord accident?", or "why do bad things happen to good people?"
I had to wait upon the Lord.
About a month later, I just "felt" different. I hadn't missed my cycle yet, but my husband and I decided that I should take a pregnancy test to "see." Within minutes, the test came back positive. Three months after losing our first child, we were now pregnant with our second.
Fear, excitement, joy, anxiety and a number of additional emotions immediately rushed through me.
I had to let the Lord renew my strength.
Now, nine months after Phebe passed away and six and a half months into my second pregnancy, those thoughts are creeping back in as I watch others "cross the finish line." Pictures of beautiful babies full of life populate my timeline and I continue to wait.
I have to mount up with wings like eagles.
My son, David, is due two days and one year after his big sister, Phebe, went to heaven. As my due date approaches, I choose to meditate on God's promises that my child will not die, but will live to declare the works of the Lord!
I will run and not be weary.
His promises strengthen me, and as I stand on that strength, I know that my waiting has not been in vain. I will, in fact, cross that finish line!
I will walk and not faint.
Happy Birthday to my beautiful sis, Tyra Lynn! I'm so happy I'm home to celebrate with you! I love you to the moon and back! #birthday #memphis #sisters
Happy birthday to my sissy Tyra! #birthday #memphis #sisters
Meet my "gratitude journal". My goal is to find something to be grateful for each moment of each day and record them here. You should join me! #lifestyleofgratitude
"Cancer wouldn't win if I died. Cancer would only win if I failed to cherish Jesus Christ. When people see us smile in the midst of trials, they will look at us and think, "Her God must be pretty great to inspire that kind of loyalty. I think that's amazing that she can smile in the midst of her affliction. I want what she has. I need her joy." Oh what a rich testimony that is." ~Joni Eareckson Tada
Trying my hand at putting together a gallery wall... I'm thankful that I have a picture of Phebe that makes it a step closer to complete 😌 #itsthelittlethings #peacelikeariver
Cooking makes my heart smile :) #shrimp & #grits #homemade
#dinnerlab with the fam was on point tonight! Next time, Mr. Dorsey and I are going for the win! #applebutterbakery
tonight's prayer. ♫ Gungor - "Wrap Me in Your Arms"
This photo reminds me of the freedom we experience in worshipping Jesus! How awesome is it that when we worship, we join with the angels in giving glory and praise to the creator of the universe. Like, really. #humbled. (c) Aravind Krishnaswamy
the joy of the Lord.
Last year, I was worshipping at a Jesus Culture concert and a woman seated behind me leaned over and said the following in my ear:
"The Lord will restore your joy."
She had no idea that I was struggling with contentment and joy at that time, and all I could do was thank her for being bold and telling me what she felt the Lord had put on her heart.
Later in the year when I learned I was pregnant with Phebe, I felt that through the birth of my child, God would restore my joy. What the woman so sweetly told me months prior was finally coming to pass!
We decided not to find out the gender of our child until her birth, so while Phebe was in my womb, I affectionately called her "MJ" for "My Joy."
What I've learned in Phebe's death is that she was not the source of my joy, God was and is. It's amazing that even though my emotions indicate sadness, my spirit continues to shout JOYFUL praises unto the Lord. His joy is deep down on the inside of me and my outward circumstances can't take it away. I won't let my sadness rule my life, I'll proclaim His goodness and remain steadfast in my pursuit of Him and the joy of His salvation!
Our joy can be consistent in our suffering because the source of our joy is constant. God is unchanging. He's the same yesterday, today and forevermore and as long as I keep my focus on Him, in Him my joy will be complete.
Thank you, Jesus!
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13 NLT
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