🙄

[strawberryswinger]

if being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now

[bakwaaas]

[flimflix]

[monsterlets]

[89words]

“So maybe this time, love doesn’t kick down the door— doesn’t rattle the windows or plant weeds in the flower garden. Maybe you can’t smell the smoke because, for once, nothing is burning. Maybe this love is all the things those loves wanted to be when they grew up. Maybe you spent all that time running so that you’d know how to hang up your coat when you were ready.”

— Ashe Vernon

[desertmmermaid]

maybe

[toastbutteregg]

[therearenogirlsontheinternets]

The Onion knows the real score

[thessalian]

So, the Onion just gave up on satire altogether, is what we’re saying. Can’t say I blame it.

[toastbutteregg]

I SO DO THIS

[firefox-official]

idk where “monkeys like bananas” came from but im so glad its a thing because its so fucking funny for no reason at all

[risenempire-deactivated20210506]

They are both the same color

[firefox-official]

?

[patheticperipatetic]

They’re thinking of Curious George the yellow monkey

[firefox-official]

?

[firefox-official]

[jokesarefunny]

Paddington bear wears that yellow ass coat

[firefox-official]

[firefox-official]

his name is ted. also, he’s not a monkey

[firefox-official]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[kiracles]

[pinkmanthedog]

Bitsy saw my dad for the first time in over a year 😭❤️

[throwbackblr]

You try driving in platforms. Clueless (1995) dir. Amy Heckerling

[boredteen-deactivated20110916]

[1dietcokeinacan]

I can’t STAND her she’s too fucking on it. The pronunciations

[doggyspew]

“French money”. Like, the Euro? That is used almost in the entire EU?

[1dietcokeinacan]

You all get that she used that specific phrasing on purpose, right? Like in line w the rest of this obvious satire?? Cuz if not then I hate to break it to you but that means you’re not really displaying how smart you are here after all......... you’re actually just showcasing that you’re pretty dense. Like publicly

[goth-aunt]

Anyways why are people insufferable? Lol

[thenatsdorf]

Billi speaks. (via billispeaks)

[noctomania]

billi want food

billi get food later?

billi want food!

billi mad.

billi want drugs.

[thenatsdorf]

When you finally get the puppy you always wanted. (via alyssalauren)

[prismatic-bell]

THEY GOT THEIR CAT A DOG I CANNOT

[doggosource]

[peppylilspitfuck]

bogdog

[regularlesbian]

[thedancingcostumeyoungadult]

My friend asked how I learned to cook and the answer is I didn't. I know like 5 things about cooking and they are:

Always use more garlic than the recipe calls for

"Ehhh fuck it close enough" is a great measurement tool

Find like 5 recipes that you like, adjust them how you like them, make them until you hate them

Clean as you go

If a recipe is from a mommy blog, you will need more spices

If anyone wants to add, please do

[datenshi-no-hime]

None of these are wrong.

[flygirlreads]

Another tip: Have 3-4 good sheet pan recipes where you can easily throw your  veggies and meat all on it and cook it. Bake it usually at 350 for 30-45 minutes, depending on how charred you like your veggies. These are for those late nights or lazy cooking moments you’ll have and then you won’t spend an arm  and a leg on a delivery app. Then microwave a 90 second rice and serve your meat/veggies combo on top of the rice.  

[exit6666-deactivated20200609]

[thewomandiaries1984]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i would be screaming if i was a parent watching this