Enneagram 4: The Romantic
Healthy Fours are deep on many different emotional levels, but also know not to speak or act on every feeling they experience. They know they do not have to be special to win othersâ love, and have overcome their shame and insecurities. They are deeply creative, honest, and attuned to beauty.
Fours love the unconventional, dramatic, and refined
Fours feel they never truly belong anywhere
Fours have many intense feelings in a day
Fours pride themselves on their uniqueness
Fours tend toward melancholy and melodrama
Fours are extremely sensitive to criticism
Fours sometimes do the opposite of what they are told
Fours feel they lack something essential within themselves
Fours pursue an âidealâ soul mate and find it hard to settle
Fours tend to be self-conscious
Fours can overwhelm others with their intense feelings
Fours are often a fountain of internal creativity
Fours feel misunderstood by most people
Fours pull people in, get nervous, and push them away
4w3: want to be both unique and the best at everything they do, and channel their energy into competitiveness. 3 makes them more aware than other 4âs of the need to dial back their emotions and eccentricities to be more socially acceptable. Prone toward extroversion, melodrama (and theatrics), mood swings, and toward making their dreams a reality.
4w5: are more introverted and unconventional than the 4w3, highly concerned with their uniqueness but less interested in being noticed. They are quietly different and often eccentric, seek more solitude, and find it easier to allow their emotions to happen without acting on them, or talking about them.
Under stress: Fours act like unhealthy Twos, by repressing their own needs and becoming dependent on others, craving attention, requiring tons of reassurance and affirmation from loved ones. They are prone to intense jealousy.
When feeling secure: Fours move to the positive side of One, where they cease discussion of their creative ideas and pursue self-discipline so as to actualize them. They are more aware of present concerns, centered, and calm. Their relationships improve since they have learned not to act on or discuss every emotion.
Advice for the 4: be careful not to drown in self-absorption, or think you are the only person who experiences extreme pain. Do not instigate drama when your emotions feel boring to you. Focus on and express love for whatâs unique in your loved ones, rather than focusing on their negative traits. Remember, you do not have to be enslaved to your feelings of shame and inferiority. Never give up on yourself! Rather than wallowing in your suffering, figure out the cause and try to heal it. Do not compare yourself negatively to other people. Stop fantasizing about the âidealâ and work hard for what is possible. Do not look into the past; it has nothing new to tell you. Do not exaggerate or drown in your feelings; they can change.
Influences on MBTI Types:
ISTJ: more unconventional, rebellious, and emotional than other ISTJs; may experience a daily struggle between Te-objectivity and Fi intensity, but also more able to see through their artistic / creative endeavors to completion, may withdraw from / ignore others who have hurt them or failed to see âtheir true self.â 4 may enhance inferior Ne development, and manifest it in creative ways to seem unique (different tastes, interests, or ideas from other people, and the ISTJ taking pride in these things).
ESTJ: may struggle to find the right pursuit, since too many things that come easily to ESTJs may seem too mundane and/or ordinary, but has strong tert-Ne creativity, and puts their heart and soul into their projects; 4 stokes inferior Fi fears about relationship failures, not knowing how to connect to others, and may make them more dramatic / childish when young, when dealing with others who cannot accept them for themselves.
ISFJ: an extremely creative and emotional ISFJ, who favors strong inferior Ne development (but also fears their Ne isnât as âgoodâ as a high Ne user / their ideas are not smart / unique / eccentric enough); will often compare to others through Fe, and may try to make others acknowledge their uniqueness as a form of self-assurance; 4 + Fe means this ISFJ is much more open about their feelings and in discussing them as things happen, and fearful they will not be loved for themselves. May mistype as and relate to a Fi-dom (due to emphasis on âauthenticityâ).
ESFJ: intense emotions that run their lives, and spill onto others in the immediate area, prone to over-reacting and feeling isolated; the desire to connect to others but also remain different from them; may believe there is something âwrongâ with them. Inferior Ti makes them reluctant to step away from, or admit their emotions may be too intense for the situation. Often prides themselves on being an âartistâ and going against the grain; may involve themselves in various good causes, and then drop them when they become âtoo mainstream.â
INTJ: far more emotional and aware of their internal deep melancholy than other INTJs; prone to Ni/Fi loops in that they want to experience each exquisite drop of their pain, and extrapolate some higher meaning from it; may set unrealistic romantic expectations, and place much emphasis on their artistic pursuits, be more easily hurt than they care to admit, and feel isolated from peers while not wanting to fit in.
ENTJ: may struggle to find the right pursuit and want to craft the ideal âvisionâ (sometimes unrealistic) to pursue; places much emphasis on their unique approach to problem-solving and has the soul of an artist; 4 stokes inferior Fi fears about relationship failures, not knowing how to connect to others, and may make them more dramatic / childish when young, when dealing with others who cannot accept them for themselves.
INFJ: often mistype as INFPs due to intense emphasis on individuality, but may fail to realize their comparison method is through Fe; more independent and less inclined to connect to or mirror others, because this feels inauthentic and insincere; 4 places intense emphasis on Ni-dom creativity which might stoke inferior Se problems of inertia (dreaming of the âperfectâ relationship/project rather than starting it); 4 + Fe means this INFJ is much more open about their feelings and in discussing them as things happen, and fearful they will not be loved for themselves.
ENFJ: charismatic and eccentric, may be a natural trend-setter⊠and annoyed by it, prone to a melancholic view of the world, with much emphasis on their NiSe sense of fashion, design, taste, or ideas; the desire to connect to others but also remain different from them; may believe there is something âwrongâ with them. Inferior Ti makes them reluctant to step away from, or admit their emotions may be too intense for the situation.
ESTP: May seek out expensive or bold items designed to make them stand out, prone to Se/Fe loops and intense feelings not entirely understood by the ESTP (since they tend to analyze emotion and struggle to understand or feel comfortable with it); it may cause them to see no real need to improve Fe, since doing so would make them too âcommonâ but also have frequent emotional outbursts and tantrums. Prone to flattery and charm, then abandonment of people whenever their fears of intimacy arise.
ISTP: a more creative, melancholic, and emotional ISTP, usually more interested in creative pursuits (art, music, dance, etc) than in mechanics or computers, sensitive about their performance, and somewhat proud of being different from their peers. Less hurt by criticism, more inclined to outbursts.
ESFP: will express a dramatic sense of self through fashion and/or sensory hobbies and pursuits, with Fi working with 4 to exaggerate a sense of uniqueness / being true to oneself; due to extroversion, wants to be noticed and appreciated but also feels different from other people, and may drive them away with intense emotional outbursts (Te being prone to bluntness). Good at finishing their creative projects (tert Te) but may be more idealistic with inferior Ni than is usual for ESFPs.
ISFP: sensitive, passionate, emotional (though they may not say it, they will act on it) and with a sense of never belonging; often drawn to other creative / unique people (called âweirdâ by society); usually channels their creativity into art, dance, music, etc., as a method of self-expression. Prone to intense, melancholic Ni loops, where they fixate on a dark vision for the future.
ENTP: has eccentric or eclectic tastes, wants their pursuits to be unique from everyone elseâs ideas and stand out for their sheer creativity; more emotional and sensitive to criticisms than other ENTPs, which will soften their response to others, but also cause intense melodramatic outbursts; 4 stokes inferior Si-related fears of being too mundane / unoriginal.
INTP: eccentric and eclectic in their taste, but may place their greatest âdifferenceâ from people in their Ti-dom analytical skills; will be more emotional and artistic-inclined than other INTPs, more sensitive to how others respond to their ideas (inferior Fe) and prone to outbursts, which later make them feel awkward / embarrassed. Often dwells on past mistakes and worries about not being unique enough in their ideas.
ENFP: more sensitive, melodramatic, and melancholy than other ENFPs, but also more driven to implement their idealizations into reality through tert-Te; often dramatic and attention-seeking, receives a thrill from being âdifferentâ and will go out of their way to be different; has more trouble with inferior Si, in that the ENFP-4 who falls into the grip may become HIGHLY depressed / full of guilt and shame over past mistakes and relationship failures; prone to self-doubt and an intense need to have all their ideas and projects be unique from their peers. Only happy when able to express emotions through their art, often hot-tempered and prone to blasting people with Te.
INFP: melodramatic, easily insulted, and highly individual, the 4 enhances all the natural traits of the INFP to hyper-levels: intense, melodramatic emotions (and more openness in expressing them than other INFPs), high levels of creativity (and extreme sensitivity toward criticism of their hobbies, crafts, writing, costuming, taste in books, etc), a tendency to wax melancholic about the past and fixate on former mistakes, and idealize (while inferior Te struggles to keep momentum going in any project that does not âemotionally resonateâ with Fi).
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