Every episode of Call the Midwife
Narrator: In Autumn, all souls feel the rot but the rot allows flowers to grow and spring will come again. The war absolutely hollowed out communities but also there was jam. Nonnatus house had nuns in it but they were cool nuns. As the weather turned, those in need were ever more vulnerable and we did what we could.
Trixie: I cannot fix this with rouge, Matthew *perky hair toss*
Sister Monica Joan: Aristotle had heard of glaucoma, why won't anybody listen to me, also I've sat on the swiss roll.
Sister Julienne: Nonnatus house may be repossessed/ demolished/ infested with weevils. Our future is uncertain, but damnit the women of Poplar need us.
The Irish One: I love coloured tights but also I've done the autoclave
Harrowing music begins as we watch an unwed teen mother/ man addicted to meth/ victim of some sort of domestic horror/ woman with pre-ecclampsia
Nurse Crane: There you go lass
Harrowing storyline is briefly featured again but also there's a pregnant dog in Nonnatus House.
Dr Turner: Let's give her Pethidine, also I'm progressive about (insert topical issue here)
Sister Julienne: Nonnatus House is a metaphor for the morals of this country and that's why we're going to the dogs
Random Nurse: Actually sister Julienne I think we should teach teenagers about contraception
Sister Monica Joan: We simply must have compline now
Compline and the harrowing storyline (which has now reached its apex through either a harrowing birth scene or some other medical procedure) are now interspersed in a way that is troublingly close to saying suffering is fine actually because Jesus.
The harrowing storyline is now resolved, often with some more voiceover that references the vagaries of the turning world
Trixie: Matthew, I have solved it. And I have put on rouge. I can have it all except a consistent haircut.
Fred: The dog's had puppies, and this will save Nonnatus house.
Narrator: In the worst and dank places, in the creeping dread of the dark soil and the night loam, even as the rotting leaves seep in, there too is love and life. Also someone had a revelation. The end.
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