What up, I'm a mess

[tc-anxiety]

Oh, I forgot to post about my last TC dream. It was a recent dream, but it was about D, my TC from middle school, who I haven’t seen in nearly ten years now. He was only in a bit of it; this is how that part went:

The dream was in a school setting, and for part of it I was in his classroom. I was cleaning his chalkboard, which dream-me apparently used to do in middle school as a part of my crush (in real life, said classroom had no chalkboard). And then he walked in and saw me cleaning his chalkboard, and we both froze. It was awkward because back in middle school, I had confessed my crush to him. So there was an uncomfortable silence before I decided to speak.

"I'm gay now, by the way," I said to him.

He stared at me in kind of "..." way. "Just really fucking gay," I muttered.

[tc-anxiety]

This is just to say

"I'm watching this new show by the showrunner of Friday Night Lights, and every time someone mentions FNL elements of the show, I'm reminded of you.

And that probably seems strange, that I make that connection to you so strongly, but that's who I am, always drinking in other people, always falling harder, always desperate and grasping.

And I should probably just let myself fade from you're mind like I'm meant to, but it's so hard when you still take up space in mine, and yeah, maybe the image is starting to get distorted, but the colors are as strong as ever.

So, if you ever have the chance to message me back, that would be like the loosening of knots that are threatening to cut off circulation to my hands.

The show's not that good so far, by the way."

[tc-anxiety]

lol remember the time I sent M an email telling her about my feelings for her, lol no you don’t because I never posted about it because even as I was hitting send I knew it was one of the stupidest things I’d done in a while.

She never replied to it. It’s been ten months.

[tc-anxiety]

I logged into this account by accident, but maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking about M more than usual recently. I feel like after a certain point of distance, you can’t say you’re in love with a person as much as you’re in love with the memory of them, you know? And anyway, with M I’ve gotten to the point where I think I’m in love with the memory of a feeling.

[tc-anxiety]

Did anyone else ever ask their TC about their Chinese zodiac sign to figure out their TC's age or was that just me?

[tc-anxiety]

So I just remembered this one time I went to talk to M during her office hours. I was a bit nervous I’d forget what I intended to talk about because, you know, her face, so I wrote notes down on my hand that I glanced at a couple times while in her office. When our conversation was winding down, she smiled at me and said, “So, does your hand say anything else?”

And then I burst into flames, and I’ve been a pile of ash ever since.

[tc-anxiety]

One time I stopped Googling M for a few months, and during that time she started working at my college again and I probably could have seen her if I had kept myself aware.

I’m not sure what lesson I’m supposed to take away from that, but it’s probably not the one I learned.

[tc-anxiety]

Hello there! I'm creating a new tumblr, if anyone cares. It won't be TC themed but rather more personal/mental illness/I'm not entirely sure. I'll probably be more active there than here, but I'll still try to post here from time to time. Message me if you'd like my new url.

[tc-anxiety]

I had a dream about a TC. Like, not even one of my TCs, but like, my brain dreamt up this guy, made him my teacher, and then had me have a crush on him.

Real TCs give me enough trouble, I don’t need made up ones too.

[tc-anxiety]

Remember how both Colin Creevey and his younger brother Dennis were muggle-born wizards? And of course, while possible, that would have been extremely rare. So, was I the only one to wonder if their milkman muggle father had actually sired the two Creevey boys?

[tc-anxiety]

watching someone give a presentation involving a YouTube video when they don’t understand how the “Up Next” autoplay feature works honestly gives me so much anxiety

[purpleninjafrog]

All will be well; you can ask me how, but only time will tell.

[tc-anxiety]

me applying for jobs tomorrow: so, have you watched 13 Reasons Why?

[tc-anxiety]

Me:*dreams about crush from 10 years ago*

Me: Maybe I should message him

Me: Or go see him

Me: Or--

Me @ me: Do! Not!

[tc-anxiety]

I had a dream about D last night, and I’m just saying, it should be illegal for dreams to be about a TC you haven’t seen in nearly ten years.

[tc-anxiety]

What happend?

Oh, just sent an email I probably shouldn't have. It seemed like a good idea at the time? For like a minute?

[tc-anxiety]

Hoooly fuck, what did I just do.