𝓉𝒶𝓋𝒾𝒶

i wanna LOVE somebody wanna feel their love on me but after everything I still believe in TRUE love Not being able to find it DAMN it tears me up and I know it's my fault I know it's my fault let's take a trip, ten thousand miles above the clouds we can stay up here until we figure it out I don't wanna go home DON'T wanna be alone I've got some damn bad intentions

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

he only shrugs his shoulders as an answer. the fact that she believed he couldn’t run away only made him want to run even more, just to prove that he could. “it’s a surprise. stop spoiling yourself.” he shook his head. “as your maid of honour—” he said unironically— “i picked out the best ones. bridget helped too, if that makes you feel less nervous about it.” he pushed open the door, greeted by their other siblings who were already busy fighting about which ice cream flavour was the best. they never really did grow up.

she really, truly did love her brother, but sometimes she wanted to hit him right upside the head. at least he’d finally realized that he wanted a life with bridge, was finally able to admit it to himself. she was just glad she didn’t have to watch him get pissed off about her anymore - not in the same way, at least. “ you’re not gonna live that down, are you? even if i make you wear a dress? ” she asked, raising her brows, curious to know how committed he was to this whole maid of honor schtick. “ that does make me feel better - bridget does have fantastic fashion sense, ” she replied, stepping into the store. she watched as her siblings fought, her eyes darting from one arguing brunette to another. “ hey! ” she said, grabbing their attention. “ first and foremost - you’re all wrong. vanilla, kenz, honestly? and mack, are you not an adult? you’ve really gotta get over this whole bubblegum ice cream phase. ” she shook her head. “ second of all, we’re here for m e. so pause the argument and tell me how awesome these dresses look, unless our biggest brother failed and picked out a bad one. then yell at him. ”

[tcviias]

eleanor ! --

nora didn’t know how long she’d been crying for. all she knew was that whenever she thought she had no tears left to cry, that she had it all under control; there always seemed to be just a little more waiting to force its way out. it wasn’t like her to cry; let alone in public, but it was dark, it was a weekday, and she was about 90 percent sure no one would see her.  who was out this late anyway?

hearing the familiar voice behind her, nora let out a sigh. it was almost like the universe was intent on making her life as difficult as humanly possible tonight. of all people who could have stumbled upon her in her moment of weakness, it had to be tavia. perfect. just perfect. she sniffled slightly, quickly patting away the rogue tears with the sleeve of her coat before turning towards the girl. “if you’re here give your two cents, i’ve got to warn you right now: don’t. i’m not in the mood tonight.” and with that, she broke into tears again.

tavia held her hands up in surrender - for once she wasn’t there to argue with the girl. as much as she would’ve reveled in the moment a few weeks ago, right now she just didn’t have the energy. and it wasn’t like lyss was going to be a fan of tavia kicking one of her closest friends while she was already down. “ don’t make this harder for me than it already is, ” she replied, rolling her eyes at the girl. “ i’m not here to make whatever’s wrong worse. i was actually gonna suggest -, ” she swallowed, not really believing the words that were coming from her mouth, “ - i was going to suggest that we go get wasted and try and forget about our problems for the night? drinking a bottle of whisky on your own just makes things more depressing than they already are and well... you look like you need a drink as much as i do. ”

[tcviias]

reid ! --

nora ! –

as he spoke, she stopped, hand resting on the door handle. part of her wanted nothing more than for him to wrap his arms around her, and for them to sort this out, right here and now. for him to tell her it had been a mistake, an error in judgement; for life to go on as it had up until about a minute ago. for someone whose entire existence revolved around public speaking, she found it incredibly difficult trying to string together coherent sentences right now. perhaps it was the feeling of betrayal that seemed to well up in her, perhaps it was the fact that she was about fifty seconds away from crying, but she couldn’t seem to put her thoughts into words. “s-so am i,” she spoke, a slight tremor in her voice, before turning the handle and disappearing into the dark.

it wasn’t until she was sure he couldn’t hear her she allowed herself to cry.

reid was too overwhelmed with the thought that she’d pull away from him if he reached out for her, despite how much he wanted to. maybe the closer she was the less broken this would all be. he knew it was naive. he’d messed up whatever was between them more than he ever thought possible. at the tremor in her voice, he felt a sting in his chest. was he ever going to be able to repair what damage he had done? he opened his mouth to say more but stood silently as he watched her exit. he rested his head against his door after she left, a heavy, broken sigh escaping his lips.

tav had been doing anything she could to avoid her home during the waking hours since lyss woke up. anytime she went home, she found herself unable to stop herself from sneaking into the girl’s room, wishing she could get close to the girl again. it wasn’t healthy, she knew that much, which is why she did her best to be anywhere but there. after walking around for what felt like hours, she paused at an unfamiliar sound, slowly tracing her steps toward the noise. her eyes widened in surprise when she realized the sound was none other than nora, tears pouring down her face.

truthfully, she hadn’t been aware that nora had enough feelings to get hurt, let alone enough to cry. she bounced on the balls of her feet, unsure of whether to approach the girl or not. it was nora, after all - but it would also be a welcome distraction. plus, she had to admit she was a little curious as to find out what was causing such a public display of emotion from the girl. and a drink or two with a companion wasn’t such a bad idea either - she’d spent much too many nights drinking alone recently. she was a little afraid she was following in her father’s alcoholic footsteps, not that it would stop her from dulling the pain with yet another shot. “ hey, ” she said softly as she approached the girl, hands sliding in her back pockets.

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

“okay, see. now you’re just scaring me.” he felt his claustrophobia creep in at the mention of how constrained he currently was. he was already unsettled by the thought of being married, now it just made him doubt the whole thing. “if i disappear tomorrow and never come back—in typical ollie fashion—you have have to explain to bridget that i was about to propose, until you scared the crap out of me.” he joked. “but in the meanwhile, let’s get you going to that appointment huh? i worked really hard to get you that.” he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her to the direction of the shop.

octavia raised her brows at her brother before shaking her head at him. “ you’re an outright idiot, ollie, ” she stated. “ not sure if it’s because you actually might run away or you think that you could. between bridge and i, we can definitely get you back. plus, you leaving new york? that’s less likely than me joining a convent. ” she huffed as she was pushed into the direction of the shop before walking on her own, lips pursed. “ really though. what does this dress look like? should i be prepared to fake that i love it or am i actually going to fall in love with it? ”

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

“a convent would never take you in and as long as lyss keeps her mouth shut, i’m okay with it.” he shrugged his shoulders casually. “besides if she does start to babble, i’m confident you know how to shut her up.” he nudges her, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly at his innuendo. he sighs heavily, getting married, the weight of the words suddenly crashing down on his shoulders. “wipe that grin off your face, will you? i really hate marriage and the constraints it comes with, you know that…” he takes a deep breath. “but, it’s bridget.”

" i may have a few tricks up my sleeve, ” she replied. she attempted to force back her smile but it only slightly disappeared before it came back more pronounced than before. she clasped her hands together and looked away from her brother, all but jumping up and down in excitement. she knew just how much her brother cared for the girl, the fact that she’d stuck around for more than a few months was enough proof of that alone, but now he was taking a step tavia never thought she’d see. “ it is bridget, which is why those little ‘constraints’ you’re psyching yourself out over are absolutely ludicrous, ” she rolled her eyes at him. “ what’s she gonna do that she hasn’t already? hate to say it, big bro, but you’re kinda whipped. ”

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

he looked back at her with a soft smile, appreciative in a way. “it’s not your fault.” he reached out to ruffle her hair like a kid. realising just how tall she’d actually gotten, he never really did see her as an adult. “oh please, like you haven’t already.” he nudged her with a teasing grin. “i might crash someplace else…” he didn’t know where he was going to night, he just knew he wanted to not see any of their faces. he hated that tavia had to be the bearer of the bad news, now she had become a reminder of it. “though, i’ll definitely think about the offer.” perhaps when he was drunk enough or high enough to forget the treachery. “call you later, okay? and yes, nothing over two hundred.” he flashes her a quick smile as he made his way back to his place with a man hunt on his mind. “it’s not like reid is worth anything to me right now.” he mutters angrily to himself, fist clenched. knuckles going white.

tavia’s hands immediately went up to deflect her brothers, a pout forming on her lips as she fixed her hair. there was an ache in her chest and she diverted her gaze from him, unable to deny his words. it was as close as she could really get to the girl. it wasn’t like she could just crawl into the hospital bed. “ if you change your mind, just let me know, ” she said softly. as much as she didn’t want to admit it, her brother’s presence would’ve been a welcome comfort in her home. she nodded at him and brought the bottle to her lips. “ okay. see you. ” she gave him a half-hearted wave before following in his footsteps, downing her own bottle as he walked away.

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

he wanted to believe her, she was his sister after all, and he did know she was telling the truth that he denied. he really did despite his words and actions. he just couldn’t admit it to himself, because the scenario itself was impossible. “thank you.” he didn’t have to say it aloud. their gratitude was always a silent one, a nod of the head, a shared look or even just a smile. “i’ll ask one of them.” he wondered how eleanor got tossed in the equation, there were many possible answers, but his head was already filled with so much questions it could possibly explode any minute. he stood up, emptied the bottle and looked at tavia with a smile. “this concludes our brother-sister bonding of the day, yeah?” he tossed the bottle over to a bin, proceeding to crack his knuckles. god, was he itching to punch someone square in the face right now.

she pressed her lips together and shook her head lightly at him. she knew this was hard for him to take in but he had to know. if she’d been betrayed the way he was, she would want him to tell her. she knew exactly how much that kind of betrayal could hurt. “ i’m sorry, ” she mumbled. “ i thought you deserved to know. who knows if they ever would’ve told you. ” she glanced down at the bottle she had and picked it up, noting she’d barely taken any drinks since the start of this. maybe she should’ve drank before dragging him out here. “ yeah. you can come stay at my place tonight if you want. lyss is still in the hospital so i can crash in her bed, ” she offered, like she hadn’t been secretly sneaking into the girl’s room at night already. at least this way she’d have an excuse. “ remember you promised - nothing over two hundred, ” she added, unsure if the promise held any weight anymore.

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

“reid and bridget slept together…” he looked at her confused at the idea, before his expression twisted up into a slightly amused smile. “nice one, baby sis. that really fooled me.” he laughed, lolling his head back. he refused to believe it since there was no way reid would ever do that to him. he had faith and confidence in his room mate. but, on the other hand, he saw no reason for tavia to lie or even joke with such a matter. knowing all well that those were two people that he held very close to his heart, though he’d never admit that fact to anyone, and them betraying him like that seemed impossible—no matter how much ollie had done the same in the past. now he can’t stop thinking about it… how he touched her, how he made her feel… it all made his insides turn. “jesus christ, tavia! now i can’t get the image out of my mind.” he took another swig at his beer. “now stop horsing around and tell me the real news. not this bullshit.”

tavia held her breath as she waited for her brother to take in the information, only to let out an exasperated sigh to escape at his reaction. part of her wanted to hit him for not believing her. why would she joke about such a thing? they’d joked about stupid things in the past but she would never even hint at something like this had it not been true. and even though she hadn’t seen the two hooking up, events following the incident had made her absolutely positive that the source she had was telling the truth. was she going to have to tell him how she knew for him to believe her? no. even thinking about it made her nauseous in ways she’d never been before. it was one thing for her to know - an entirely different thing to vocalize it to her brother. “ that IS the real news, ollie! do you honestly think i would take you away from your home, where HE lives, steal his beer, and take you to a practically deserted park if it weren’t the truth?! what possible reason would i have to lie to you? ” she looked at him with wide eyes, waiting for an answer she knew he didn’t have. “ if you don’t believe me ask reid. or bridge. or nor-- eleanor. ”

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

he didn’t want to argue about it, so he complied quietly, following in her steps to a park that wasn’t really that far, but it was quiet. he took a seat beside her, prying the crown of the bottle with his hand cuff. “this better be good tavia.” he sighs, popping the cap successfully. “sure. fine. okay. i promise. let’s just get this show on the road, yeah? i still have to find the key to this—” he jangled the cuff in the air— “before i get to class.” he didn’t really have classes this morning, he just wanted this to be over with. he downed half the beer, which was probably a bad idea if she wanted him to be rational. it was odd how she instantly assumed he would throw a fit at whatever she was about to relay to him. taking a closer look at the beer bottle, he chuckled lightly. “did you steal this from reid?”

“ riiight, class, ” she replied, unsure if he would be going to class at all after the news she had to spill. maybe it would’ve been better to wait until after, but she knew she couldn’t drop it now. she’d led into it too well, ollie wouldn’t let her drop it even if she tried. a long sigh escaped her lips as she crossed her legs, turning her body to face him. she took a sip of her own beer before nodding at her brother. “ yes. and in my humble opinion he owes you much more than two measly bottles of beer, ” she replied. she leaned down to set her bottle on the ground and looked at her brother. “ look - i don’t know how to say this other than to just tell you. and please don’t ask how i found out this information, because i am not ready to go down that road with you - or anyone, for that matter. bridge -- reid and bridge -- ” she took a deep breath. “ a few nights ago, reidandbridgeslepttogether, ” she said, her words stringing together as though it would somehow lessen the blow.

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

“i thought we left the blackmail jig up since the ice cream incident.” he sighs, placing his hands on his hips. “i told the mckidlets to meet us at the shop and you underestimate me too much… i picked an eighties styled one.” he snickered, stepping out of the door and into the street. “—jesus, your fancy ass plans makes my plan to marry bridget in vegas so… ordinary.” it slipped out his lips quite easily, he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone but secrets between them never lasted long. “that. you definitely can’t tell bridget that.” he gave her a pointed look.

she tilted her head back with a laugh and patted his head lightly. “ yeah - me give up blackmail. that’s a good one, ol. what’s next? i’m gonna join a convent? ” she shook her head at him as she followed him into the street. her steps faltered at the news and her eyes widened, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. “ you - ” she blinked in surprise. “ okay. yeah. no. definitely not telling bridge that. but i make no promises on keeping this from lyss. i can only keep a secret so far. -- marriage. damn, i wasn’t sure you had it in you. ” she tilted her head to the side, assessing him before she smiled widely. “ ollie’s all grown up and gonna get maaarriiiied. ”

[tcviias]

jai ! --

he watched her break her calm demeanour in favour of an angry on and it was sheer delight on his own feature at such a development. there were days where he questioned his own plan, would it really affect her? she turned from his loving, funny girl to an icy bitch in what felt like minutes only two years ago? who was to say she wasn’t still that person? but oh, he was right, tavia wasn’t hardened by the world, she just found new people to be soft for and he’d hit her right where it hurts. jai laughed hard as she leapt at him, harder still when her hands wrapped around his throat. prying them off he kept her hands in one of his, running his finger across her jaw before he flipped her onto her back on the grass with him hovering above her. “now now, i never was much for choking, you though…” he lowered his head until his lips grazed the shell of her ear, “i’m not going anywhere doll, i loved you but now you and your brother are going to hurt, i’m going to ruin everything you love, because i loved you and you ruined me.”

the fact that he wasn’t phased by her reaction only served to anger her more. what would it take for him to just leave her alone? her breath caught as he flipped her over, the action so familiar and she stared up at him. it was some twisted joke that her body still reacted to him after everything. she shivered slightly, moving her face away from him and she closed her eyes gently. the fact that he knew her well enough to know what he was doing, what she was feeling beneath her anger, only made her want to disguise the conflicting emotions even more. her eyes darted open and she looked at him, eyes burning. “ don’t you dare say that. if you loved me you wouldn’t have gotten ENGAGED to someone else. you wouldn’t have even started seeing someone else, ” she spat, pushing against his chest. “ people who love each other don’t go off and marry someone else. that’s just not how it works! you broke MY heart, not the other way around. don’t try and twist this around to make yourself some victim. so fucking sorry that i found out you were cheating on me. or was it her you were cheating on? was i always the second girl? ” her gaze softened slightly and she swallowed, unsure if she really wanted the answer to that. he was her first and, until recently, only love. “ what’d you think i’d do when i found out? you know how my family works. or were you just hoping i would never find out and you could marry her and keep me as what, some mistress? ”

[lgbtcinema]

I have you, okay? I’ll never let you go. I’m always going to take care of you. Protect you.

Teenage Cocktail (2016) dir John Carchietta

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

he gasped dramatically, a faux offended expression painted his face perfectly. “i beg to disagree! though i really don’t want to talk about ‘who ate out josie better’ it’s too early for that.” he yawned, stretching his arms, noticing the extra weight on his right wrist. a hand cuff dangled in the air, he looks at it curiously, then looks around to search for a key of some sort. failing miserably he shrugged his shoulders, deciding he’d just wear it around for the day, make it a statement piece or something. he quirks a brow at her, noticing her cautious movements. “you mean bridget? c’mon sis, i’m over her.” another one of his blatant lies. if he were talking to another person his sentence would have been plausible, but to his sister it just screamed that he was lying. he sighed, grabbed the bottle and caught up to tavia. he complies easily since the ice cream thing was being brought up, he hated how such a small incident had a gigantic hold on him. “whatever it is, i don’t really give a fuck okay? we said our good byes and that’s that.”

tavia tilted her head to the side in assent. no doubt he’d bring up josie again - the girl did come up at random times in their lives. she decided not to comment on the accessory on his wrist; there were just some things she didn’t want to know about her brother’s sex life. plus, it was mildly amusing knowing that he’d have to walk around campus with handcuffs still attached. “ yeah, sure. and i’m not madly in love with someone who can’t remember who i am, ” she replied, deadpan. she opened the door, exiting his place and she let out a long sigh. “ you think i’d wake you up, give you alcohol, and take you far away from your home if it was something i thought you ‘didn’t give a fuck’ about? come on, ollie, ” she replied, crossing her arms. she walked in silence before she was sure they were away from anyone of importance, sitting on a bench in a nearly deserted park. “ before i say anything, you have to promise not to be mad at the messenger; i’m just doing a service because i love you and i shouldn’t get punished for that. and you also have to promise you won’t break anything worth more than...two hundred dollars. deal? ”

[tcviias]

ollie ! --

he leaned over to peek at her phone. a semi-impressed looked washed over his face, nodding his head lightly. “that’s some fancy ass place.” a huge grin spread from ear to ear. “ah, you know me too well.” he sighs, pushing himself up from his seat. “now. the appointment is now. i pulled a few strings.” he shrugged his shoulders a lazy smirk on his lips. “—by that, i may have flirted with the nice lady who schedules appointments. i have complete confidence you won’t tell bridget about it.”

tavia shrugged with a laugh. “ well, after everything, i think we deserve a fancy place to get married, don’t you? ” she rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. of course he’d wait until the last moment to warn her she’d be trying on a wedding dress. she crossed the room to grab her phone and slide on some shoes. “ did you invite the remainder of our lovely, very opinionated, family or no? ” she slid her phone in her back pocket. “ why would i tell bridge about it when i can blackmail you with it instead? it’s like you don’t even know me. now i’m worried you picked out some seventies style dress with shoulder pads. ”

[tcviias]

jai ! --

”does it matter?” he responded immediately, he’d already set to work injecting himself in all of the relationships octavia and ollivander had, but if she wanted to know how he was free… “good behaviour, i do yoga and i cooked in the kitchens, the petty dealing i did went unnoticed. oh and reasonable doubt too, funny how easy it is to find one person who’s willing to stage a similar crime so that it looks like they sent the wrong man to prison.” jai sighed, now was as good a time as any to inject some fear into her, it was the least she deserved. “so tell me, how is your brother, and his little blonde princess? she was e a s y, though that was always his type. and your alyssa? out of her coma? and oh so forgetful… i wonder if she’ll recognise her sisters new love interest? dana is so lovely, i understand the interest in twin if she’s half as good in bed.”

“ YES, it matters! ” she yelled, taking a step toward him. she needed to know exactly what - who she had to protect. had he always been so difficult or was this just a recent, unfortunate development? of course he’d found a way to dispute the setup. he hadn’t been daddy’s number one player for no reason. “ you - ” she started, ready to defend her brother before the blood drained out of her face at the mention of lyss. he had absolutely no right even knowing lyss existed - let alone that she was in a coma. she felt like she was switching between hot and cold more rapidly than she could keep up with. she was angry and terrified all at the same time. and to bring dana into this? she had no idea what she was getting herself into. one second tavia found herself on the opposite side of the bench and the next, her hands were against his throat as she pushed him against the ground, looking into his eyes. “ go home jai, ” she said, more emotion than she wanted slipping through her angry veneer. was breaking her heart the first time not enough? now he had to infiltrate every piece of her life and tear it apart, too? “ before you end up in jail again. ”

[ohmyshows]

[clarys]