Tad

[tdaaaa]

Extra sad talaga when you're bummed out on your birthday

[tdaaaa]

I wish I could say your name so that you'd know it's you, because I really miss you, and I'd give anything for that one date with you...

[tdaaaa]

Talking to experienced doctors.

Do it. If you plan to take up medicine, as soon as you get the chance, whether it's your own personal doctor's appointment, or you get the chance to talk to your professor who's also a practicing doctor. Ask questions. Smart questions. Ask them about the practice, converse with them, be curious about their own experiences and (if they'd actually consider you as a friend to some degree) talk to them about their personal life /// their personal perspective on the practice of medicine.

More often or not, you'd come across that experienced doctor who's successful in her/his practice and they're at a point of their lives where they're cozy, and more often than not, you'd get to realize that they're only successful because they've retained their passion for the practice throughout their lives.

In my own personal experience, throughout the years I've been close with several experienced doctors to the point that I, a 23-year-old 'nothing' in the field, could consider them as friends. In my perspective, I truly am just curious about the questions I ask, most of them are about the practical applications of the theories I get to read, of the studies I come across, and the actual experience of being a doctor. I've heard lines such as "you SHOULD take up medicine" or "it'd be a waste if you wouldn't end up taking medicine" and more recently, I've even been offered a chance at a scholarship in case I'd ever need it.

And damn, it just hits different. I'm not saying that I'm special by any means, but to be offered a scholarship, prospective residencies in surgery and/or pathology departments from the experienced doctors I've grown close to? When I haven't taken the NMAT, when I haven't even graduated from my pre-med degree? To be seen as smart, by these individuals? To get a sense that they'd be proud to train you, to have you as a colleague? Damn. Yes, I'm gonna be a doctor.

[tdaaaa]

Hindi ko din alam kung bakit naririnig ko padin yung boses mo; paulit-ulit lang sa isip ko... Lalo kapag ganitong oras—

[tdaaaa]

I just want to let you know that I miss you...

+ at this hour? I think of you all the time...

[tdaaaa]

I can't believe that I'm thinking of deleting my tumblr just because I miss you so bad..

[tdaaaa]

Sometimes I forget what I am,

And yet I always remember what I'm not.

[sunflowersandsearchinghearts]

[starspangledcaptainamerica-blog]

Anonymously tell me how you feel about me. I can't reply, I just have to read it and post it.

[foxmouth]

[recaption]

[maisogon-deactivated20221023]

thank u @tdaaaa!

tad and i haven’t been talking for a while but when i called, the first thing he said was, “why are you stressed?” and “tell me everything that’s on your mind” he’s been such a great listener! and i’m grateful that i get to talk about medicine and then politics and then my own personal life with this person!

[tdaaaa]

It's only 6am and you've already made my day! 🤍 @maisogon no matter how good I am with words, you manage to always make me speechless 🥺

Guys/gals, this amazing woman has brought so much happiness into my life. The mere fact that I get to be a part of her life? —

+ Getting to listen to her talk about med (which really makes me feel her dedication towards her acads)

+ The stories she shares about her friends (and how much she cares for them! Sam does, trust me!)

+ To not only get the chance to understand her pov in life, but to also get the chance to share mine.

+++ to actually feel that I'm adding value to the life of an amazing human being?!

I'm beyond lucky to have her! I'm beyond blessed to be a part of her life.

We have to understand that people wouldn't always have the time to spend chatting/talking to each other, and that's okay! We all have our dreams to claw our way towards. If you're one of Sam's friends/you regularly check her tumblr, I want to urge you to keep showing her the love and support that this woman deserves. Specially if you know her as well as I do, and if you'd say that you know her even better than I do?! Then it should go without saying that you already know that this woman deserves the best that life has to offer! 🤍✨

[shambholic]

[tdaaaa]

The soul and the concept of sentience have been explored through the millennia. Religions have sprung up as a way to explain the unanswered questions that we ask ourselves. Futile attempts to fill-up the void brought by questions that-in 'reality'-should have never resulted in the utilization of our human imagination to conjure up stories, legends, and myths that are neither rooted in science nor in the obs...

"Oh my, "futile" might be a bit of an insult." *clack* I stop typing "A familiar voice." I continue, giving no attention to this annoying figment. "Now, calling me a figment might just be a tad offensive." "Okay, what is it this time?" "Why? Can't I just drop-in on a friend?" I chuckle, picking up the pack of cigarettes I keep by my bottle of brandy. "Since when did we become friends?" "But you see." I raised my finger. "Oh!" "No. This time, I'm not even going to entertain the thought." "Hmm." It sat down on my bed. "I'll wait."

I slouched back on my chair and tried as hard as I could to just focus on the glass in front of me, getting a few moments of peace, and lungfuls of smoke along the way. Sighing, I finally gave in.

"Okay. You there?" I say, looking out of my window, I'm still annoyed. "Oh, goodie! I knew you'd come around" "Just tell me what you want this time." "I have a proposition for you-" "A deal?" "A deal." Said in unison. "Aaaagh" I groan "I'm not going through this again." "What's the matter? You have something else to do?" "As if you're real." I roll my eyes. "After last time, you really still doubt that?"

Let's see, I'll use my inner voice, and you still seem to know what I'm saying? And like the previous times, if I try to turn around to actually look at you, there's nothing there but air?

"No. I mean yes. Wait-" "See?" I say aloud. "You're just a sick distortion created by my brain." "You're really still going with that? After all of the blood from last time?" "I don't know how it got there, that might have been my brain as well." "Oh you arrogant little prick."

Look. If you really want me to even entertain the thought of you being real, I'm going to turn around, and when I do, I expect you to be there sitting on my bed.

"Fine." I proceed to slowly turn towards my bed. "Holy fuck-" "See?" Throwing up his arms in a shrug. "I'm here." "No, what, no no no." I mumble. "This might be just another." *ploof* It threw a pillow at my face. "Prick."

"Okay, wait. Give me a sec."

[sunkissedandbronzed]

[tdaaaa]

I read 'Desiderata' today

One of the poems that sparked my interest in the craft years ago. The flood of appreciation that I have for such art overwhelms me; knowing that, as a kid, I never really got the gist of such a piece. I never really felt the need for such 'flow' or solace, the need for inner peace and acceptance and the desires of life.

Appreciation that stems from the fact, that despite my forgetfulness, despite my failure to keep desiderata close to my heart as a reminder of where I want to land as the years passed, I still ended up here.

Affirmation. Yes, that might be the word that I'm looking for. Knowing that despite the things that I've done; amidst the things that happened to me and that have happened because of me. The person that I see myself as, is the person that I always wanted to be.

Whatever process, whatever pompous illustrative prose I could give in order to translate the 'how I felt through those years' or the hardship that my choices have entailed. I am affirmed, it what worth it, I am at peace.

[tdaaaa]

Conflict

I am conflicted by the nature of how I write. I used to write in such an unfiltered, raw, and unrefined way, although I don't have the audacity to label my capability as a "talent" that I possess... People have given me support in the form of positive feedback.

Despite what people say, I shut off any emergent feelings of self-affirmation. I never wanted to see myself as a 'good' writer.

This lead me down a path of reading, analysis, application, and practice. A continuous cycle that I still put myself through up until today.

Nowadays, I can't help but notice that I couldn't write without second-guessing myself. I couldn't shake-off the feeling that every piece that I put out into the world should reflect the "skill" that I've honed through the years of subjecting myself through this process; in other words, I find it hard to finish my sentences without second-guessing myself.

Oh God, it's honestly dreadful. As I'm writing right now, I'm trying my best to just let the words flow, to just trust myself that I have the capability to get through a piece with such eloquence and grace. It's ironic to think, that in the practice of this craft, the only part of me that has grown is the part that doubts my use of words.

That constant self-doubt. The feeling that I will always fall short if it weren't for the constant checking-editing-deleting-rewriting. Yet hopefully, if I manage to let go just enough. If I manage to just let my mind do its work, if I manage to trust that my fingers would land on the appropriate keys, if only I could manage to resist aiming for something "good".

You'd be reading this. Though it may not have been something "good". It's something that's 'me'.