to wong foo, thanks for everything! julie newmar
from the 1995 film. alter as needed.
ready or not, here comes mama.
i was overwhelmed with my own sense of majesty.
what can i say? my heart is full.
i'm just so excited i could spit.
i feel that i am a handmaiden to a miracle.
now, go and scandalize this country, girlfriend.
little latin boy in drag, why are you crying?
now, little one, what is your name?
i wanted to win this so much because i never won nothing.
every time i do something, i get it wrong and somebody's always laughing at me.
maybe i'll meet somebody nice who will rescue me.
i'm a loser. i hate my life, i hate myself, i hate everything!
don't be giving me that bleeding-heart look.
i'm not going upstairs with you.
i ain't driving you no more, miss daisy.
not on your young, queer life.
so much for spirited debate.
there's a hint of the romantic in there.
i want you to sit right here. we'll be right back.
you don't want to get mixed up in that mess.
i must admit i am shocked and just a little saddened by you.
darling, i cannot be held responsible for that.
i wish i was as beautiful as you.
oh, you speak french. how bi.
i'm like a compass near north.
that is totally out of our league.
are we discussing driving from new york to los angeles?
no one say anything frivolous for a few moments, i am having a significant experience.
there is something about a cadillac convertible that brings out my eyes.
i feel like miss jayne mansfield in this.
believe it or not, it's my hometown.
how come you never told us you were rich?
next time you give something like this up, call me, i'll take it.
when a gay man has way too much fashion sense for one gender, he is a drag queen.
you have huge potential and you are squandering it!
so now, i want you to turn your little self around and get back in this car.
p to r to the in to the cess! i'm a princess!
you still have a lot to learn.
does everything have to be a joke?
i'm so tied, i wish i were dead.
i don't know. it's just so middle america.
i've got to sleep in a real bed.
live life before it lives you.
take a picture, it'll last longer.
we're staying in this no-tell motel, so be quiet.
i love to be wined and dined.
do you know what it is like to be so horribly alone and have a chance at specialness and… to fail?
we are sensitive people and we can imagine such things.
we have a problem that only you can help us with.
can’t go nowhere without a rabbit's foot.
are you making fun of me?
let's go get something to eat.
your beauty lures men to their rocky deaths.
darling, i can’t be held responsible for that.
quick, someone create a disturbance.
this could prove problematic.
all the other children used to laugh and call me names.
there are more important things than money.
don't be putting on airs with me and whatnot.
get ahold of your bad self.
you know what i hate? when life just befuddles you. like war, and hatred, and fear. i mean, i don’t get it.
my life is always horrible, just sometimes, i get a warm bed.
i bet you were the brightest in your class.
lovely night. look at those stars.
i could be in a comfortable, climate-controlled environment on a transcontinental airline, enjoying my individual package of peanuts and my warm towel. i can't believe i let you talk me out of my airline ticket to be stuck in a broken car in the middle of nowhere!
well, i’ll be cow-kicked.
this weekend has nightmare written all over it.
you got to say stuff like that to be polite.
you know lots. you sure are something.
if you saw pictures of me in high school, i guarantee it would curl your hair.
after all we've done to include you, you would leave us so quickly?
i am hereby stripping you of all your princess points.
ooh, that's voodoo. that's cold.
i got more legs than a bucket of chicken.
you seem a little tired so i'll leave you be.
why do i feel like i'm in the tournament of roses parade?
what are we gonna do now, miss know-it-all?
if i was your bread, would you be my butter?
my god. this is my idea of hell!
we will make the most of it.
there's nothing interesting here for you, you're from new york city.
let's just all suck it up and make this place tolerable, ok?
if you won't do something, i will!
they used to take us troubled kids into the country for picnics.
that's how you pick up a lady.
you are going to have a shiner.
i think that maybe you'd better just let me finish this alone.
that little run you took me on really took a lot out of me. not that i'm not in shape or anything, but…
those boys didn't hurt you, did they?
look at your eyes. they're as blue as window cleaner.
this nail polish is fierce.
no sooner is a moment noticed then it is gone, child.
life ain't something to be avoided.
that was so brave what you did back there.
you were a regular knight in shining whatever.
if you were my girl, you'd never cry for anything, except maybe from happiness.
you said a mouthful there, boy.
i'm the eldest in my family, too.
you can be anything you want.
you might want to set your sights a tiny bit higher.
i'm gonna tell you because i knew i could trust you, being as you're not a big talker and everything.
this is something i ain't told nobody, not even [name].
pearl bailey's birthday should be a national holiday.
you're not gonna start walking across water and making the blind see, are you?
you do this to make me sad. why do you want to make me mad?
i've never heard that expression before.
it's like living in a tex avery cartoon.
baby, you are a whole lot of woman.
i hardly think you're the man to give it to me.
i think you should apologize to me.
here it is, a faultless saturday afternoon, and you ain't got nothing better to do but be standing on a street corner, acting the fool.
go home, take a bath, comb your hair, and please put on a clean shirt when you step outside.
it's an affront to the very delicacy of my nature.
hello, you handsome thing.
look! they're from the sixties! there's a whole bunch of it, and there's something for everybody.
this book has been sort of a bible for me.
check yourself, [name], before you wreck yourself.
we should play these. the air should be filled with music.
i've got a secret romance.
i have fallen into a norman rockwell illustration.
let me tell you, my papi is built like a brick.
hon, do you, like, ever not cry in this room?
i spy with my little eye.
is that who you have your little brown roots set on?
you're not my mama and you can't stop me.
this is about jealousy because i'm going out with a cute boy and you ain't.
there are human rules by which we operate, sweetheart.
you are an uptight, cellulite, fossil-face, cracker witch.
when i look at you, it makes me want to throw up.
there are times when you help people and then there are times when if you help people, you end up being killed, so you don't help people.
there's a fine line between trust and stupidity.
you need to mind your own business.
you listen here, and stop your soapboxing.
this is like what nuns wear when they're off duty.
i'd pull keanu reeves out of a burning pile.
you go ahead, girl. you're gonna get screwed.
sometimes i think we should just get rid of all the men.
my goodness. you're always on time.
how could i disappoint you? i'm your knight in a shiny pick-up, remember?
my whole life i've always wanted someone who will understand how i felt inside and someone who would hold me for always and then you showed up and you were it.
you make me feel like the most perfect girl.
you are the perfect girl. you're beautiful. you've got class, glamour.
i really respect that. i do.
that was so very generous of you, putting someone else's needs before your own.
it's alright, baby. i deserved it.
i've got a broken heart for every light on broadway and when one goes out, i just screw in another one.
i have lived in apartments that weren't half as big as these pores.
just ignore your old auntie [sender name].
we're hoping to inspire a romance, not a dry hump.
you can and you will, darling.
do that eye thing i taught you.
this is the first time i've felt so much life.
wow. you look really pretty.
i've waited [number] years to ask you this.
sometimes it just takes a fairy.
i wouldn't be lying if i were to say that i was really gonna miss you.
if we're going to be friends, there really is something i should tell you.
you look like the miami sound machine just exploded all over you.
now i realize that you gotta take chances. because you never know.
when i find my honest and true love, i'm never gonna let him go.
everything i touch doesn't turn into caca.
i can tell you one thing about them founding fathers of america. they sure had fabulous wigs.
i want you to believe in yourself, imagine good things, and moisturize. i cannot stress this enough.
i'll guard it with my life.
you ruin my language and i still love you.
i used to dream of getting out of here.
important moments demand important designers.
i think of you as an angel.
larger than life is just the right size.
