Jules of Nature
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Kiana Khansmith
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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we're not kids anymore.
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@teachornot2teach
A little more benign...
We're working on handwriting/penmanship/cursive. This activity is pretty soothing to me as an instructor-- the kids are their own worst critics.
Working on lowercase m, n, v, x, y, z. This one kid is making dive-bomb airplane sounds when he's writing. It's pretty cute.
He raised his hand and asked me, "Miss T, when you make an m, it's like a u, but pulling it's teeth."
Um, sure, buddy. I can see that.
Go back to your airplane sounds. :)
The stuff that kids say...
Some days, I can do nothing, but shake my head...
One student was flipping her legs over her back and head-- lying on her back-- doing a yoga or gymnastics move.
Another student walks up to her and says, "That's a cool move, you look like a taco! But it makes your vagina look weird."
Um, what?
I bit my tongue, but I wanted to say, "Let's not use those scientific words. It's called a hoo-hah."
EVEN more words comin' outta my mouf...
This is kinda a part 2 to the previous post.
So little Sally has spilled her cashews (nuts, if you will) on the floor during lunch time. One teacher on duty has commented (REPEATEDLY!) to pick her nuts up, why doesn't she pick her nuts up, it's not nice to drop your nuts...etc. I could barely keep it together.
Little Sally is a little spoiled, but she's not generally a bad kid. So I walked over to her and asked her, would she please clean up her mess.
She wails, "I DON'T LIKE TOUCHING NUTS! I ESPECIALLY DON'T LIKE HAVING NUTS IN MY HANDS! NUTS THAT HAVE BEEN ON THE FLOOR!"
Oh, hunny. Don't we all.
Well, you'll get a little older, kiddo, maybe the nuts won't be so bad. ;)
More words comin' outta my mouf...
And again!
It's lunch time and a little girl dropped her tupperware container of cashews on the floor.
Another teacher comments, "Sally, you have to pick your nuts up off the floor."
The teenaged students look over at me, with desperation in their eyes, and all I could do was smile.
They were trying so hard not to laugh.
But come- ON! Pick your nuts up off the floor!? You can't say that around teenagers...oh, and dirty-minded me!!
Do you hear the words comin' outta my mouf?
OMG. It never fails. Teaching makes you say the craziest stuff.
This kindergartner is wearing a tutu skirt thing. Somebody asked her about it, so she took it off. At lunch. While we're eating.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: Excuse me, why do you have your skirt on your head?
Different kid: SHe has leggings on.
Kid with skirt: It's not a skirt, it's a tutu.
Me: Same question. Why do you have your skirt on your head? Let's keep our clothes on at the lunch table, okay?
Great. I mean, maybe she's training for a different career than her parents intend...?
Not so much on teaching...
Not a teaching post...but a dating post...
I moved to a new city 8 months ago. Dating has been pretty pitiful. There's really beautiful men here...I just don't seem to be dating any of them.
That's cool, no big deal. But let me mention, kids, that the internet is a dangerous and wonderful place where LOTS of information can be found.
I started dating a guy pretty casually a few months ago. He's funny, beautiful, clever, interesting, intelligent, educated....and as of last night when I googled him...
a registered sex offender.
I've made jokes for a long time that I like to travel and I'm open to different religions...I've dated Catholics, Protestants, a Muslim guy, Jewish guys, an evangelical (oops, there), Agnostics, Atheists...and I'd wondered if there was a Buddhist in my future. He identified as Buddhist.
a registered sex offender Buddhist.
How can those two concepts POSSIBLY go together?!
So, I hate to logically put together aspects that do not share causation...but, he was so unbelievably fabulous in the sack. The best roll(s) in the hay I've ever had. The tastiest pizza ever. I can keep going with the euphemisms, but I'll stop. The best sex I've ever had, was with a...
registered sex offender.
That's just messed up.
We will, we will....confuse you.
I like to introduce my kids to GOOD music. There are different bands, genres, and musical experiences on my youtube feed or my ipod I play when I'm teaching.
One of my younger kids started clapping to the beat of Queen's "We Will Rock You." Normal reaction, right? Pat-pat-clap, or Stomp-stomp-clap. That's what you do to We will Rock You.
She piped up...my Grandma and I play this song!
Me: Oh, good! My mom likes this song too, and she's a grandma too.
Kid: Oh no, we play the game.
Me: What game?
Kid: The wind up-robot game. You run out of energy and this song brings you back to life.
Me: Oh....sounds fun!
(At least they're listening to Queen at home??)
Another map misnomer
I'm chatting with a young student who comes from a very affluent family. She says, "I've never been to Atlanta."
I said, "Are you sure? You go to the Caribbean islands every winter and summer, so you probably took a connecting flight there."
She answered, a little perplexed, "Nope, we stopped at an airport somewhere French. I think it had a French name."
"St. Louis? New Orleans?"
She took a few minutes to think about it...and a big light bulb came over her head. "OHHH! It's Mee-ahh-mee. See? A French city."
Yes. I forget. The great French city in Florida- the gateway to the islands. Miami.
ummm, not where you think that is
So I have a kid who didn't grow up in the USA. She understands regionalism though. We're looking at a map that has the regions: Pacific NW, Southwest, Rocky Mountain Region, South East, Mid West, Mid Atlantic, NE, etc.
We are in the Rocky Mountain Region. I am from the Deep South. I say "y'all," "cattywampus," and "okie-dokie." One of my students says to me, looking at this regional map, "So you're not REALLY from the South. It's the Southwest. That's really not so far from here, I don't get why you think it's unusual."
Um, honey, what state do you think I'm from that's in the South West?
She said, oh, this isn't Georgia, right here? Pointing to Arizona.
Nope. Georgia is NOT Arizona. Our governor can't figure out snow-- putting salt on the roads and keeping kids home from school. Your governor can't figure out Immigration in a BORDER state.
Since this kid wasn't predominantly schooled in America, can we blame a different education system??
Grammar...fail
Miss T, is the winky-face the semi-colon or the ellipse? I get those mixed up.
Kids always be up in my business
I work in a school with gifted kids so playing games of strategy are part of the curriculum. I was totally beating them (I guess, I'm not so much into the rules!!) .I'm playing this game with middle school kids and one of them remarks, "In Italy, we have a proverb that goes:
Lucky in cards, unlucky in love/
Lucky in love, unlucky in cards.
I think, Miss T, you're lucky in both!"
So I'm wondering what part of my love life these kids know about, cuz it sure seems pretty lame to me lately!
I know what music your parents like....
I'm starting a new unit on transportation. We're discussing the different types of transportation. Cars and trains on land, planes and helicopters in the sky, boats on the water, etc. They were thinking REALLY hard about what other ways of transportation happened on water. One student said, "jet skis and swimming!"
I prompted, "What about under the water?"
Another kid blurted out, "Oh! Submarines go under water! I know a song about submarines, but only the yellow ones."
Yep Hippie parents. Your secrets are NOT safe with your kindergartners.
Oh, sad panda. Ugly face.
I was having an off morning. I was running late and I usually put my make up on in the car. I happened to catch a phone call I wanted to take while I was driving, so I didn't multi-task while I was driving. I was wearing a nice outfit, so I didn't look a complete hot mess.
I arrive in the building, and then one of my very observant students asks, "Miss T, you look very different without make up on!"
Me: Oh, so I look bad?
Student: Um, your sweater is very beautiful.
Uh huh. I heard that silence. Loud and clear.
International Students FTW
I have a student who's from Russia. He had a headache and I asked him what he wanted to do today.
He answered, "I not feel well. I sleep."
I said, "No, we have to read."
He says, "No, my head ache."
Me: "You need water? So you can re-hydrate?"
He answers, totally deadpan, "No, just vodka.
With sprite."
Ah Russia. Teach your children well. So that when they come to America, they can talk about wod-kah to the American teachers who probably know better than to have these discussions with children.
Dating thoughts and curious colleagues, part dos
Yep, follow up to the previous.
My colleague asked me, so, when I see you tomorrow, you are going to have blue all over your face?
Me: (Thinking because of the strange cold spell) No, I have a jacket, it's just cold.
Colleague: No, you will be all blue because you will be kissing the Smurf! The little man!
Sigh. Yes, My dating life is endless fodder.
Dating thoughts and curious colleagues
So I'm gossiping at work about this dude I met on the internet to date.
One of my coworkers is from a different country, so she was quite alarmed that I probably needed a body guard for meeting people on the computer. I assured her, "I've got this." (I know how to find me an internet boyfriend...no husbands, but definitely boyfriends.)
I told her over the weekend, I met a guy and we had a really good time. I forgot to look at the identity specifics too closely. I met him and he was SHORT! Like barely over 5 feet tall short. Ermahgawd.
So I am laughing, describing this, and she says to me, "So what are you going to call him? Your new boyfriend who is the Enano? You know this word, enano?"
Me-- um, no, don't know that one!
Her: Oh! It is the word that means the same as the little friends in the forest who are the friends of the Princess Snow White!
Me-- Ohhhhh, a dwarf! Got it.
Dating thoughts...
I don't have a lot to add in the school department...so here's a fun one.
I moved to a new state with a very different climate. I have a lot of stress and I'm not getting enough sleep or water.
My skin has decided to protest in the form of heinous cystic acne.
I'm also back to the dating drawing board with the online dating. Awesome. I'm 30 and have wrinkles and acne. That's hot.
So, I kinda had an amusing couple of guys in a row who wrote me messages. Including a guy who is blind.
My first impulse: well, great. He can't see how terrible my skin is! That's great!
My second impulse: Well, damn, if he touches me, it's like I have Braille on me. He could literally read my face. I wonder what it says.
Yikes.