annie

29. sometimes i write.

[mishalnasir]

I float on the ocean, like a monstera leaf. I neither drown nor I sway. Stagnant. Like time. I move nowhere. I have got a billion thoughts and ideas, but they all vanish in the night. The demons own my body and I become a different person. And the cycle repeats. There’s not a door to be unlocked. I don’t want anyone to save me either. There’s no way out. No way in.

[mishalnasir]

You don’t need a reason that makes sense to everybody else to do something that you like.

[mishalnasir]

One more day,

One more thing to surrender.

They say it takes a second to take your life. But it’s taking everything in me, every inch of me fighting my way back to life, but there is something massive that pushes me away. Something that makes me give up on one more thing that could have kept me alive.

[mishalnasir]

the leaves will grow again.

the flowers will bloom.

you will see light at the end of the road.

dont give up on the nature, the universe, or yourself.

stay.

[mishalnasir]

Let You Go

I am not gonna meditate on you anymore

I am not gonna think about you anymore

You came like a lightening bolt

Then left like you were never here

Making me question my own identity

Making me question my life’s reality

Was it just in my head? Was it a dream?

Was it a nightmare that I didn’t see?

Aloof, my mind strays in different directions

Were you someone I thought you weren’t?

You walked in and embraced me like a child

Told me you wanna hear all about my mind

Held my hand so it wouldn’t shake while i speak

You said you won’t judge me even if I hung myself on a tree

Then one very fine day, you started drifting away

Into the abyss, where I couldn’t even hold onto you

I kept latching onto the shadow you left behind

Tried to manifest you back cause I was always crying

But I’m tired now, and I can’t go on like this

And so they say,

The final act of loving someone,

Is letting them go

So I let you go

[boatgrave-deactivated20250901]

tumblr is like a pseudo afterlife because everyone on here was supposed to kill themselves a long time ago

[mishalnasir]

facts.

[mishalnasir]

The Art of Letting Go

It begins with a tragic sigh

A sudden cool breeze

Tortuous cold fog

Leaving you unable to see

After a while, you stare at the broken pieces

Your shadow shattered on the floor

Tears falling one by one

You wait for someone to knock at the door

Days pass by, while you sit and rot

Too scared to open your eyes

You keep the curtains closed

You question, “Time flies?”

But then on a very subtle day

You shake your head and get up

It starts with taking a deep breath

Feeling that air in your body, down your lungs

You walk to the kitchen, slow and steady

And make some coffee for yourself

Still confused but something lights up inside you

You pick up and read the book buried on the shelf

It seems like you have to start from the beginning

Back from when you were just a kid

Pushed into this cruel world to “live”

Your whole life looks like a dark pyramid

You no longer wait for that knock

You stop longing for that one hug

You give up on the idea of being “saved”

So you ponder and let it go with a soft shrug

Whatever meant the most to you

Sounds like a stupid idea now

All that grief you were holding within

Seems like a television picture or a show

And this is how you know

This is the art of letting go

[mishalnasir]

10 Years

In 10 years from now

You’ll hear about my death

You’ll stand still for a while

Remembering how it felt

To be around me

To witness my vulnerability

You’ll remember it all

How I wanted to die young

My words will echo in your ears

The tears in my eyes

But it would be too late

To call my name and hear back

I’ld already be six feet underneath

But my body will still remember how it feels

10 years from now,

You’ll hear about my death

When you would have moved on

Settled in with someone

But you would never find me

Never find me ever again

[mishalnasir]

I remember.

She said, “Annie, you know what you are? You are like a butterfly. I have seen you. You have evolved from a caterpillar to a beautiful, stronger butterfly that has overcame so many battles but is still standing tall and flying high. I know you can do this. I know you will go on and choose the right path.”

[mishalnasir]

“Needles”

Blood, more blood

On the walls

The door

What you see is rusted blood stains

I see the flashbacks

Of myself,

Injecting poison

Thinking it’ll save me from my demons

You see sickening red colour,

I see my struggle

I see the girl swaying in thin air,

Trying not to fall, trying not to collapse

I see the arms with blood running down them,

I hear the muffled screams, “Help me, someone?”

Oh what a sight, that I can’t un-see now

She’s falling, hitting her head on the floor

Is she brainsick?

To yet put herself in this mess again

Overdosing like it’s a candy you can’t resist

Oh but, she’s only a human,

Trying to survive, trying not to die of emotions

Trying to let go of traumas she can’t forget

She’s only a girl

She’s only a human

She’s not a monster

[mishalnasir]

Meditation

The Sun,

Cloaked with darkness,

Underneath

I am, and I strive

Its a mystery,

For the locals,

Where the girl went,

Leaving everything in shambles

There has to be a way,

To show

All that she’s hiding,

All that she’s thriving

Enduring pain,

Reflecting love,

She always rises,

From ashes above

Its an art,

The way she thinks,

When she closed her eyes,

She was lost within

[mishalnasir]

To The Guy Who Made Me Believe

Deep ocean eyes,

An entire world underneath,

Said “you’re mine”

As I surrendered

Afraid to relapse on drugs,

Taking small fearful steps,

I relapsed on love instead

For the first time in forever,

I felt seen,

Forgot to look under the cover

All the lies he whispered,

I felt high each time

“i’m yours, you’re mine”

When I needed to be held closer,

He walked a bit farther,

And vanished –

Like I didn’t matter

[mishalnasir]

I will continue to exist –but only in your memories. Yes I am guilty of loving you beyond words can ever express cause I saw the entire world in your eyes. Yes I wanted you back more than anything. But the way you threw me away like an old rusting doll, I am walking away. And I am never coming back.

[mishalnasir]

I'm glad you made it this far

Thanks a lot. I didn’t know if I would, and there were a lot of setbacks, but I can finally say I am over drugs.

[autopsyfreak]

if you shit on people for being drug addicts then just know that i hate you.

[ditzdoll]

addict gf x enabler bf 🎀

[mishalnasir]

fr

[mishalnasir]

They told me to hold onto hope –that it gets better with time. But what if I can’t let go of the time I made out with? I had romance with that time in ways you can’t have with a man. I was treated like a queen and I was showered with confettis every night while my body would dissociate and I was in another dimension. How do it get all back? There is no hope unless there’s not a time I can’t bring back.