WOW! I thought I deleted this blog nearly two years ago. Yesterday by complete coincidence I found an old poem I'd posted here. I haven't thought about this blog in ages! I've spent the last day or so looking at all the things I wrote here, and it's been like a window into this time of my life. It feels like so long ago because so much has changed! I'm logged in for now, but I won't be staying. I like that this blog is kind of like a diary for me to look back on now, to see what I was thinking and feeling at this time. I was so unhappy, oh my goodness. The biggest shock looking back on this blog has been realizing how sad and depressed I was, and how dark my life was at this point in time. It feels like so long ago, but really it was only around 2 years ago that I last posted. I see so many posts about depression and anxiety and sadness...I really want to give my past self a hug. I don't feel that way about myself anymore! I want to talk to my past self and let her know that it's going to be alright. She's going to make it. She's going to break up with her girlfriend, and it's going to be the most painful thing she's gone through. She's going to struggle at university and have to drop out. She's going to go through a lot of darkness. Her life isn't going to be anything like she wanted it to be. But she's also going to find so much light! And her life is going to take her so many wonderful places she never expected. She's going to fall in love again. She's going to find a religion that fills her with strength and she's going to become more beautiful than she could have dreamed. She's going to start recording music and composing, and she's going to realize that art is what makes her happy. She's going to get professional help and learn to love herself and surround herself with wonderful, loving friends. She's going to rebuild bridges with her family and reconcile her trauma. She's going to become brave and powerful. She's going to become confident. Someone will describe her as "brutally intelligent and, in a word, fierce". She's going to get girls' numbers and go on some awkward dates, and some wonderful ones. She's going to find old friends in new places. She's going to love herself. She's going to be okay. I'm not going to delete this blog—I really like having this little portal into my past. If anyone out there is reading this, thanks for coming with me on this strange little journey into myself! It was a blast! I hope you've all grown in the two years since I last saw you as much as I have. 💜 Thanks for tuning in to this strange little snippet of my life! Maybe I'll come back from time to time just to say hello. But I think I'll be leaving this place more or less alone. Until we meet again folks!! Much love, - Eve, two years older and many times happier
