[tears-ovr-beers]

This is 26.

I never post on my tumblr anymore but whenever I feel like I rounding something out, I feel the need to put my thoughts into something. Typically thats my journal... but this is something I like keeping to show my growth.

26, on god that sounds insane. I graduated college almost 4 years ago. Graduated high school almost 8 years ago. I've gotten to a point in my life where I can say I'm developing in my career. I've been with the love of my life for over 3 years now. I'm happy, a level of happiness that at the age of 14 I wouldn't have ever thought was possible. I've developed who I am as a person, I've figurred out what matters to me, whats important, what I value, who I am, who I want to be. I've continued to figure out how I function.

Years ago... this all would've seemed impossible. Unrealistic. A dream.

Today in more than one occasion, I was described and appreciated and valuable. Thats what I strive to be. To be the difference in what someone learns. To be the difference in the way someone is treated. To bring value to a job, a friendship, a relationship. I don't have to be known by many. I want to be known because it mattered to someome. To be the reason someone laughed or smiled, the reason someone learned something new, the reason someone feels loved, the reason someone felt cared for, and every other reason that matters. Days like today, I know thats exactly what I'm doing even on the days that it feels like I'm not... even on my lowest of low days I am something to someone. Even if its just to me.

This is 26.

[angel-veil-blog]

guide to life

[centralperksource]

[ashes-of-your-nightmares]

// The Story So Far / All Wrong

[tears-ovr-beers]

2020

I being the true “words of affirmation” language lover more often then not find myself need to put thoughts into words at a time any time I am rounding out a year or birthday and I feel that this year I felt this even more so with everything that I have experienced in the hell fire that was 2020. 

I think I like any other person started the new decade with a sense of optimism. I felt like my life was somewhat on a right track, I think as “right” as someone in there’s early 20′s could feel. I always tell people that the last “normal” thing that happened to me was my 24th birthday. I sat in a restaurant with my family with at least another 100 people in the same building and it is absolutely insane to think about. 

The pandemic sent my life into a whirl wind. My department at work was cut in half in addition to the only other person working with me hours being cut in half so essentially we were 40%? of the team we were originally. I despite being the youngest and having the least of amount of time was the only kept on full time. My unearned guilt ate away at me, because somehow this felt like my fault. A majority of my year has been working on a short staffed team, training new team members who end up leaving after a few weeks, and arguing what pretty much feel like aways because most people are not happy during a pandemic. Worst of all having to come home to my parents everyday knowing that I see handfuls of people in a day and even if I wear a mask and sanitize and wash my hands, shit still happens. By the end of November the bottom floor of our building had 10+ people out of office due to contracting COVID and this all started to feel like an absolute nightmare. In the time from March to October we had not scares, no cases, nothing. Between now and November I have had to take 4 COVID test in 4 separate occasions and it has not gotten an easier. 

But despite all of this, I continue to tell myself that I am one of the lucky ones. I am one of the fortunate people who did not lose my job or income. I have had a paycheck every other week to pay my bills. I didn’t have to worry about going into debt or where my next meal was coming from. I haven’t gotten sick other than a dumb cold. I haven’t lost anyone close to me like I know so many people who have through all of this. 

Through all of this shit I have still had the opportunity to see new places and felt more love than I have in the other 23 years of my life. I have been lucky to be with someone who has heard me complain almost everyday after work over the absolute shit show that it was. To be with someone who time after time always just asks “what can I do to help?”

I can’t say fuck 2020 worst year ever, but I hope 2021 is better. I always wish for the same thing with a new year, more adventure and more love. That’s all I can ask for. 

Stay safe everyone. Happy New Year. 

[lopmon]

[softwaring]

[tears-ovr-beers]

I'm good as gold honey 💫💕

[aidashakur]

[catchymemes]

[tendernxss]

take me as you please // the story so far

[preservable]

[section8babe]

everybody been actin funny lately but its ok cuz im bouta act hilarious lmao

[wifedad]

Why is this vaguely threatening

[thomasprior]

[christophernolan]

Let me just say something because once we get into this, I’m gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke. I just want to say that I…I love you, and I’m gonna miss you. And I’m so sad that you’re leaving. Oh, you know what? Let’s not say anything else. I love you.

[howlvalley-deactivated20260406]

[englishgradinrepair]

foggy essay writing vibes