Techies Demolitions

[[Indie Techies Ask and RP]]

[the-grandest-magus]

“It must be said, I did not expect Techies Demolitions to ever give up their beloved invention of choice - not even the Ancients could convince them to use less explosives rather than more. What in all the planes could have caused this to happen?”

[techies-demolitions]

And you may ask, rather fairly why has Techies Demolitions suspended the manufacturing of all Remote Mines? What could have convinced them to give it up? Certainly, their new advertised services don’t offer any clues.

But perhaps, it truly may be because of the escalating demands of war, where none now exist who are still naive to fall for such tricks as Remote Mintes. Perhaps the world was so prepared to finally move on that even Techies Demolitions could willingly make the move themselves. Perhaps it is not impossible, after all, that anything less than the manual rewriting of reality itself could make Techies discontinue the Remote Mine.

“So...the client was so mad that he rewroted reality to remove Remote Mines from existence. That’s why we can’t use ‘em anymore?”

“Eeyup.”

“How were we supposed to know that this Aghanim guy would get that mad? We broke that magic vault open for him, right? We didn’t mess with anything else!...I think.”

“Well, future note to selves: don’t deal with Rubick’s dad anymore. What’s our other options in the meantime?” “Well, we have this tingly zappy stick. And, uhhhhh, I guess we have that spare legion of self-delivering bombs?”

“Oh. Huh. I, uhh, can’t say that’s much to work with.“

“Eeeyup.”

[techies-demolitions]

PSA

We interrupt this indefinite hiatus to inform all followers that the Teckoning now exists in the physical plane as a Nendoroid figurine.

Thank you for your attention.

[techies-demolitions]

Meanwhile

"...and so," concluded Spleen, "by combining miniaturized burrowing technology with the mines' latent potential energy, we can finally bypass the proximity mine's initial shortcomings, plan more strategically around enemy awareness, and most importantly, create the biggest explosions that the world's ever seen in a more efficient manner."

Squee looked down at the finished product before them - a wriggling mine that defied everything the world knew about stationary underground explosives.

"This is the dumbest thing we've ever made", said a voice from a barrel.

Squee only nodded in reply, wiping away a tear. "It's...beautiful."

[he4lth]

techies demolitions! we put the ‘’tech’’ in ‘’technically we meant to do that’’

[techies-demolitions]

[[we’re the pos 1 now]]

[alakamame]

If you want explosions. Accept no substitutes!

[the-grandest-magus]

“So, @nortromthesilencer, I have to ask…if I’m here not guarding Selemene’s temple from the Dark Moon, and you’re here not guarding Selemene’s temple from the Dark Moon…”

“…then who’s guarding Selemene’s temple from the Dark Moon?!”

[techies-demolitions]

MEANWHILE... “Sooooo, who’s paying us to do this again?” *KRAKLOOOM* “The sleeping temple guards, duh. We’ll just give ‘em the bill once they wake up.” *BWOOMPH* “Ohhhh. You sure they don’t mind us planting all these bombs at the temple doorstep?” *PRAKOW* “Spleen, when they say a half-dozen giant Alchemists are headed this way, then any tactic becomes valid for beating that cancer.” *KABLOOMPH* “Huh, good point. For science!” *KRAKATAKRAW*

[techies-demolitions]

techies players: oh what a glorious day... to make people mad on the internet

[gleeddicted-deactivated20191116]

when fics don’t update

[the-illuminated-showgirl]

when you’re the one not updating them

[saucefactory-deactivated2019103]

#ACCURATE

[techies-demolitions]

By a musky alcove near the Ancients, a hooded hunchbacked figure shambled into the darkness. There waited a group of yellow-skinned Kinfolk, anxious for news.

The two parties looked at each other cautiously, until the lean Keen dared to speak. “....so?”

The hooded figure shook his head. “Not a sinnnnngle change for your group.”

"Nooo!” cried the squat Keen. “It’s been two whole cycles now!”

“They’re ignoring us! They’re throwing us in the same pit as Yorick!”

“Yea- wait, who’s Yorick?”

“I don’t know! That’s the worst part about it!”

“There is morrrrrrrre,” said the hooded figure. “The map has changed once more, subtly but surely. The octarine core gives less mana now. There is a scrying option that reveals if any heroes are present in an area. And then, there are the raindrops.”

“Raindrops?”      ”Raindrops?”

“Strange infused water that, upon the holder taking fifty magic damage...” the hooded figure looked warily around him before leaning closer. “blocks the next one-hundred-and-twenty magic damage.”

The lean Keen gasped “You mean, it nerfs a level one remote mine to do only one-hundred-eighty damage?!”

The squat one cried again. “We can’t do it, Squee. We can’t survive in an environment like this!”

“Get a hold of yourself!” said the lean Keen, grabbing the squat one by his shoulders and shaking him. “There’s still one hope for us left.” He turned to the hooded figure. “Were you able to do it? What we asked you to do?”

“Iiiiit was difficult, limited even by what they allowed” drawled the hooded figure, turning his head away for the moment before staring back with a lone onyx eye. “But it was done.”

“Th-then the gem!...”

“The tower truesight!....”

“Aaaaall reduced. You have your space,” smiled the hooded figure. “And in time, you will have your time again.”

[techies-demolitions]

The Great Division, Infinite Crisis

“I say we support Rick! Rick possesses an undeniable amount of momentum, and a great-enough awareness of today’s social issues to back it up!”

“And I’m telling you that Mop has an integrity to his platform that none of the others possess. Only Mop knows how to really speak with the people!"

“...Deborah’s ideas have the most promise-”

                “No one asked you!”                  “No one asked you!”

[dontletyour-memes-be-memes-blog]

Send me a word and I'll create a headcanon based on that word!

[maxofs2d]

👌

[infinite-xerath]

techies-demolitions:

“Why not? They’re running from the distractions!”

Indeed, for reasons unknown and absolutely infuriating for the demolitionists, the monsters that were supposed to be lured towards the hill were, instead, scattering away from it. It was almost as if they were perfectly aware of what was hidden underground, if the case hadn’t been pure bad luck instead.

“Yeah! How’re we supposed to test that mine if nothing’s gonna move near it?!”

“We haven’t blown up anything,” huffed Squee. A sane person would have counted the ‘distractions’ and the drop-kicked mines, but Techies Demolitions prided itself on its standards.

Then the shriek came, piercing through the cries of all the other creatures. Thoroughly frustrated by how awry their experiment had gone so far (as well as deafened enough to not appreciate the shriek’s pitch), the Techies did not find themselves sharing their client’s concerns. “Who cares? Is it gonna run away too if we pop a firecracker in here?”

“Yeah, and did you hear that cry? That thing’s waaaay too far away to get here in time. It’s not like it’s gonna suddenly pop up from the tunnel behind us-”

“HRYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

The Queen traveled with impossible speed, arriving at the ruined nest in mere seconds. Rek’Sai sprang forth in an eruption of sand, and let out another furious cry. Xerath hovered forward. “It will take more than petty firecrackers to ward off THIS monstrosity!” The air around the Magus began to crackle.

Rek’Sai looked at him, seeming to recognize the energy flickering before her, and hesitated for only a second before looking back to the techies. “You wish to test your mine? Perhaps your wish will be fulfilled after-all… If you run.” With that, the Ascendant began charging up his signature Arcanopulse, hoping to distract the Sand Shark once more.

Unfortunately, Rek’Sai stood between them and the hill where the mine was buried, meaning that the explosive engineers would need to circle around, and somehow get through the hoards of smaller Xer’Sai in the way.

[techies-demolitions]

The beast was, admittedly, large. It was armoured in craggy blue plates the protected the muscular purple bulk that comprised only half of its cave-sized body. Each of its two arms were tipped in sword-length claws that drove deep furrows into the earth as the beast hauled itself aboveground in a single stroke. Its face was plated and eyeless, tapering down to an insectoid mouth lined with teeth gnashing at the disturbance the beast has sensed. As its back half scuttled out from the tunnel that had burst into existence, it towered over the trio, already poised to eviscerate them in one blow.

Squee tapped off the ashes from his cigar. “Eh, I give it a 7.”

“I say 8.”

“Welp, time to run.”

And with that, Spleen gave the cart a third kick, prompting the bottom hatch to open once more and drop another mine to detonate.

The issue with hauling a limited-space mine cart for potential material harvesting, of course, is that one can only bring a limited inventory of utility-explosives, in order to leave space for any potentially-harvested materials. In other words, the mine cart failed to drop a mine suited for vertical-propulsion, and instead dropped a large rocket that had been sitting on top of those mines.

nbsp;The rocket immediately ignited, caught the hatch’s lid, and propelled the cart and its occupants forward with such force that they blasted through a narrow gap between the monster’s body and left arm, past the sandy hill, and straight into the rocky wall across them.

The mine cart was embedded into the stone as the rocket swerved out of the hatch and into the air, flying wildly and leaving a trail of fizzling smoke. The Techies were knocked off their places as well, landing on the sands at the foot of the hill. Bombs of all sorts also leapt out of the mine cart on impact, rolling onto the soft sands and even beginning to shake a little. Any creatures around them had backed off when they landed -  for the moment.

[techies-demolitions]

@timblsir​

“Sawblades….and explosives…”

“Hmm…sawblades, and explosives….”

The Techies were admiring the vacated Timbersaw suit before them. At the same time, they appeared to be brainstorming over a potential new invention, inspired by their colleague’s creation. The colleague who had left the room for barely half a minute and had returned in time to hear their musings from behind them.

“Shrapnel bomb?”

“Nah, too obvious. How about, a sawblade, that explodes?”

“Hmmm, tricky…what if we made a blade that cut things, and then made them explode?”

“Guys, why are you doing this.”

[rizzrack]

Rizzrack, having returned after fetching a roll of bread to satiate his hunger, over hears their little conversation. A look of concern forms upon his face. 

“Erm, so are you guys still gonna help me replace the cooling system or…”

The small-keen walks his way around the Techies and stands by Timbersaw defensively close. 

“I know you guys like your … Explosives…” He mutters like a bad taste in his mouth. “But I’ll just stick to my chopping and you… keep your explosives to yourselves.” 

Explosives. Unstable, loud and dangerous. As if Rizzrack needed more of that sort of thing to deal with aside from himself. He appreciated the help from the Techies, fellow keens like himself, but he doubt he could ever completely trust them. Scanning over the Timbersaw, he wanted to assure himself that no modifications had taken place during the minute or so while he was gone. Nothing, seemingly. 

[techies-demolitions]

“Wait, didn’t you call to add the self-de-”

“Cooling system! We’re here to help with the cooling system. Of course we are!”

This marked the first time in recorded history that the words “Techies” and “Regulators” were included in the same thought stream without any negative modifiers between them.

...

That is all the narrator wishes the say about the topic.

Although Rizzrack’s last comment was interpreted as perfectly innocent, it also happened to challenge the Techies on a personal level. “Keep ‘em to ourselves?!” said Squee, “You can’t keep an explosion worth triggering to yourself, bud.”

“Rizzrack, explosions are the pinnacle of natural law studies. They are a misunderstood application of physics that yearns to be appreciated!”

“Our life’s work has been nothing less than to share the joys of applied physics,” continued Squee, saddling up next to Rizzrack and waving to an imaginary horizon. “Who else will stand up for the noble explosion in this cruel world? Who else, but us?”

@timblsir

[techies-demolitions]

*PING**PING**PING**PING*

“Uuuuugh, what’s all that pinging for?!?”

“There’s folks over the remotes.”

“Wait, what remotes - AHHHHHH, DETONATE, DETONATE!!!”

[techies-demolitions]

A Story.

>you pick techies

>no you don’t. an enemy player has picked techies

>you are righteously angered that this lesser creature has taken your pick

>you pick zeus and resolve to make techies’ life a living hell

> the techies is 0-2 five minutes in

>you tell lc to stop pulling creeps for her jungle, because you cannot see techies plant mines

>your ember is shit and does not know which kind of damage techies deals

>your tiny is shit and lets the enemy invoker ball out of control

>your troll thought he could solo offlane, but now the enemy wraith king has blink dagger

>you only have so much mana for lightning bolt

>you cannot demine, because invoker is there to farm you.

>your team is diving 24/7, but techies is sticking with his team and mining every sidespot in midlane while his team pushes midlane.

>the techies gets 16-3, not counting suicides

>your ember is still suiciding on the enemy team

>all you have is a level 2 necrobook, and the satisfaction of ending techies’ beyond godlike spree

>you do not rage

>you write and you reflect

>you wonder why you let tiny take mid

>you realize your comp was doomed from the start

>you think about the enemy techies

>you think about dota

>...

>you think playing ranked solo queue is no longer a good idea