*.✧(◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

Teddy🧸 | he/him | amateur horticulturalist | gay | 24

[teddybear-boy]

@acequisitor

[fritolaycorporation]

wgats up everyone it's the officiaol, frito lays company representenetive here to tell you that the company officially condones and endorses murder in all instances no matter what, and this is the official belief held by the company. so just keep that in mind. we also condone everuthing else that's bad too

[breakbeatbun]

what doesn't kill you makes you owwwww :( owwieee

[kushblazer666]

[vaporsnake]

they should rewrite the bible so that jesus would be a hot 5'2 girl with a creampie fetish from missouri

[vaporsnake]

would you prefer if she had a different fetish tumblr user nutsacktorturer

[kushblazer666]

we smoke good

[deanwinchesterapologist]

the problem is that i want to crochet a skirt and a halter top and a pair of shorts and a poncho and a jewelry hanger and a fish blanket and an echinoderm/bivalve garland andsome necklaces and bracelets. but i have to finish my partially complete blanket and curtain and other curtain and other curtain and other thing first

[saltoncity]

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close

[red-garden]

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[conzoop]

happy skeleton warrior week, keep those bones strong!

[ethernalium]

Resident Evil 4 (2023)

[creekfiend]

gender essentialism is soooo funny bc it's like "this is what women are like" and you're like "I've met women and many of them, if not the majority, have not been like that" and it's like "well women SHOULD be like that" and you're like "why should women be like that" and its like "because that's what women are like"

[animperfectangelsblog]

[anthonycolonthree]

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

[unwelcome-ozian]

[roach-works]

when i was getting trained as a welder the guys started playing sneaky grabass with each other and with me. i almost hit a few people while holding dangerous tools in my hand because they wouldn’t stop grabbing me from behind, then laughing that i ‘almost’ hit them, so i finally had to go to the instructor and say, look, i’ve had years and years of self defense training due the fact i’m a very small weirdo who is in legitimate danger of getting hatecrimed and at some point one of these guys is going to goose me again and im going to bury a wrench in his eye. get them to stop grabbing me, because i don’t want to get kicked out for hitting people.

the next day i ended up punching someone in the face with a doughnut in my fist because she thought i was being a big fucking buzzkill who tattled to teacher about a harmless game, and, guess what, grabbed my butt. i got icing all over her hair. she complained to teacher...who let everyone know that this was why they weren’t supposed to be playing grabass in the fucking shop.

anyway don’t fucking sneak up on twitchy little queers with hypervigilance, it fucking sucks and you’re lucky if you get a doughnut to a face instead of a hammer.

[kyraneko]

given that this was a welding class, I was expecting this to end up so much worse

[wisedreamdelusion]

i know i am no body but i need 1 minute of fame as other so please please take my pic

[spectrometrie]