All This Time
“Stiles, son, I’m so sorry.”
The rain pours down from the gray sky, the drops slipping over the silver casket. Three days ago he’d made the worst mistake of his life and someone else paid for it. As his black dress shoes sink into the mud today, he can’t help wondering what he’d been thinking. His father tentatively wraps an arm around his shoulders, hand squeezing his arm to try to comfort him. Tongue darting out to lick his lips, he sucks in a breath when he tastes salt. He hadn’t remembered shedding them, but tears have mixed with the steady downpour.
The pastor finishes his speech about what a wonderful kid Scott McCall had been even though he didn’t know the first thing about him. The crowd moves forward one by one to leave a rose on the casket. His best friend hated roses. Stiles stares at the pile, tempted to wipe them all off, but his father’s steady grip on him keeps him in place. He stares down at the white flower in his hand, fingers gently sliding over the soft petals. The first time Scott had smelled a Lily, he’d shoved his whole face into the middle, trying to get more of the aroma. He’d gotten the orange pollen all over his face and it took an entire hour to get it off.
Raising his gaze, he almost loses it when his eyes land on the petite brunette sobbing under her umbrella. His father drags him forward, but Stiles is terrified of facing her. Once at her side, the man hesitantly reaches out a hand to graze her arm. She turns to them and Stiles expects the worst . He expects her to shove them away, to scream at him that it’s all his fault, to tell him to leave.
Instead, with a loud cry, she falls into his father’s arms, clinging to him. Stiles swallows hard, unsure what to do. The man holds her up, arms wrapped around her, hand stroking her head to soothe her. Stiles turns away to stare at the casket, the words Scott McCall 1995-2011 glaring up at him. He wants to place his flower among the roses,but wonders if he’s even allowed. His best friend would still be alive had Stiles not dragged him out of the house that night.
A cold hand lightly grips his left and when he looks, he finds Melissa. Stiles is quick to lower his gaze, ashamed of himself. He shouldn’t even be here. He didn’t deserve to-
Surprisingly strong arms wrap around his shoulders, a gentle hand rubbing his back. More tears spilling down his face, he returns the embrace, tucking his face into her dark curls. He doesn’t know if this means she doesn’t blame him, if she’s trying to forgive him, if she’s simply acknowledging the fact that Stiles was her son’s best friend and feels obligated to comfort him.
She eventually pulls away and glances at the wilting lily in his hand. A wobbly smile comes to her face and she covers his hand to guide it onto the pile of roses. It takes him a full minute to be able to let go of it, but when he does, Melissa holds his hand tightly, moving in for an even firmer embrace. They hold each other for several minutes, his father tentatively joining, wrapping his arms around her from behind to embrace the both of them.
The rest of the crowd had moved out awhile ago, but the three of them and the pastor remain at the gravesite. His father tries to pull them away when the workers get ready to lower it into the ground, but Stiles’ feet are stuck. Melissa turns away with shaking shoulders, a hand over her mouth. She lets the Sheriff lead her away to the small limo they arrived in.
“Son,” he calls over the rain.
Stiles barely hears him, eyes transfixed on his friend disappearing into the ground. He knew he was gone, but the pain hadn’t fully registered until this moment. It tears through him now, the clenching of his stomach making him shrink in on himself. He doesn’t realize he’s wheezing until strong arms are holding him up and he’s being pressed against a steady chest.
“It’s going to be okay, Stiles. We’ll get through this, I promise,” his dad says.
On some level, Stiles knows he’s right, but it feels like he’s nine years old again watching his mother disappear. She lies around the corner under a weeping willow, her grave still covered with the sunflowers he brings every week.
It takes awhile for his breathing to steady, but when it does, he finally let’s the man pull him away. As he walks across the drenched lawn, a distant figure catches his attention. When he realizes who it is, his steps almost falter in their trek. Scott’s father glances at them briefly, but doesn’t greet them. Stiles wants to muster up the usual amount of hate he has for the man, but it’s dormant today. Though he’d been absent for much of Scott’s life, Stiles almost feels bad for him. That was still his son lying in the ground.
“Come on, kid,” his dad murmurs.
Inside the limo, he rests his head on the window and stares at the hole that is his friend’s new home.














