This morning I came downstairs to discover that the dogs have invented a New Crime.
My husband get up very early for his Real Adult Job, and feeds Charleston (Black-and-cream Sighthound mix, mostly leg) and Herschel (40lb cardigan welsh crime tube), then lets them out into the fenced yard before he leaves.
I get up at the same time but take longer to boot up, so the dogs frolick about and discourage the local tree rats from lingering about the property while I get dressed/brush my teeth/try to not be psychologically crushed by The Horrors (TM)
Now it's pretty normal for me to find Herschel doing a high-speed yet startlingly efficient MC Hammer Shuffle on his stubby little legs around the base of the large honey Locust tree we have in the middle of the yard so he could keep his face pointed directly up the trunk at something in the canopy, because this his how he tries to herd squirrels.
...but Charlie is usually nearby, cheerfully play-bowing and encouraging the squirrel to come down, nothing bad will happen-!
This time Charleston is nowhere in sight.
I go outside to investigate and Herschel pauses to tackle me about the kneecaps as a greeting before returning to the tree.
Charleston is not behind the garden bins, nor in the side yard.
I am growing concerned, when I hear a telltale guilty scrape of claws above me.
Charleston is on the roof.
I shuffle out to the middle of the yard, until I can make eye contact with him.
He looks down at me, cheerfully wagging his tail, clearly anticipating praise for being such a clever boy.
I at least know how he got up there.
My house has a deck built off the second floor with a set of stairs leading up to it, and a large honey locust tree grows next to it. Part of the roof is easily accessible with a small hop from the deck.
The deck has only a minimal amount of railing ad the roof has none, so I blocked off the stairs with a board that was too high for Herschel, an inveterate explorer and criminal, to jump, but not Charlie.
I didn't worry about this at the time because Charleston is, in fact, The Best Dog In The Universe, and understands that even though he *could* easily jump various barriers, it would be *impolite* of him to do so.
Charleston is Extremely Polite and thus almost never commits any crimes.
...Almost Never.
Charlie has exactly two vices, which aren't even vices because his ancestors were bred for millennia to do these two exact things.
The first is that he is HIGHLY leash aggressive when I'm present (We were both attacked by a St. Bernard the first day I had him and Charlie has decided Strange Dogs Are Not Allowed To Approach Me)
The Second is that he has the Prey Drive From Hell.
He has chased bears and bulls with full murderous intent.
He almost got me arrested because he cut his leash to chase a pronghorn antelope in front of a park ranger.
It is only for the sake of my saftey and pursuit of prey that he will break the rules.
Today, he has his nemesis cornered
Charleston isn't clever the way Herschel is. He's never really explored using his toys as tools, whereas Herschel speedran the early stages of hominid tool use as a puppy. Arwen was a logistical sort of genius who managed to terraform my parent's yard into Rabbit Thunderdome.
Charleston's genius is... psychological.
If the Squirrels see both dogs, they run for the fence, but if they only see Herschel, they run for the tree.
Charlie is much better at tracking and guessing the route his prey might go, so Charlie runs for their preferred escape route of the tree instead of chasing them.
The squirrels compensate by running for the fence, which is farther away in general, but they have a head start on the dogs.
At Some Point, charlie managed to work out that if he stays in the shadows under the deck, the squirrels won't see his mostly-black body, especially when Herschel charges into the sunlight and catches it on his white ruff.
Charleston realized, long before I did, that there is only the ONE branch that overhangs the roof, and therefore if a squirrel runs up the tree, it only has ONE way out of the yard.
The real genius was combining all of the above into the realization that he could let Herschel charge the squirrels, run through the under-deck shadows and up to the deck and roof while the squirrels are distracted, and plant himself on the roof where the squirrels HAVE to land without them seeing him until it was too late.
-And so we stand this morning.
Herschel at the foot of the tree, preventing the squirrel from running back down and heading for the fence
Charleston square in the landing zone on the roof, at the ready
The squirrel paralyzed on the branch between them
...and me, only sort of awake and realizing that I'm probably the dumbest mammal here.
I need to figure out how to disentangle these beasts without anyone getting maimed.
Charleston has the blood of his ancestors baying for the flesh of his nemesis in his ears.
Herschel is dangerously close to figuring out how to get on the roof himself.
The squirrel is contemplating some truly dire Maneuvers, including dropping out of the tree and assaulting me to buy time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet.
"Charleston." I say with a very aggravated sigh. "That's not where dogs go."
Charleston whimpers.
He has Disappointed (TM) me.
A fate worse than death.
He starts to walk back to the deck, but as he takes a step to leave, so does the squirrel, and he is pulled back by millennia of instinct.
This will require. Delicacy.
or delicacies.
"Stay. I'll be right back." I tell the dogs.
I go back into the house, and retrieve The Best Treat.
The Cat's Wet Food.
Both dogs crave this Most Forbidden snack with an irrational passion, and it is usually both out of reach in the cat tree AND defended by Mochi, who rules the dogs with an Iron Paw.
I return to the yard, and open the can in full view of both dogs.
"Charlie?" I call. "Do you want Wet Food?"
He is halfway down the stairs before I can finish the question.
Herschel switches his orbit from the tree to my person, and I have to shuffle to avoid tripping over them as we go back inside and the squirrel flees.
None of this is the new crime.
I go out with them later to pull Yet More Thistles, and a few minutes in, I hear a little 'huff' from Charlie.
I look up, and he's standing on the stairs, paw up to indicate he's going to jump over the barrier board and go right back up there.
You know.
...Unless there is wet food to be had.
The children have figured out how to commit extortion. I text my husband.
They're so smart! Do you think we can set them on the jackasses across the street? My husband asks, ever the practical man.
I'm going back to bed.
---
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Washington: There are 67 people in this administration. You, Jefferson, are over one man. Why can't you two get on?
Hamilton: You see, I try, sir. I'm not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect Jefferson and everything but it's not easy, 'cos he's such a smeghead!
Jefferson: Did you hear that, sir? Hamilton, do you have any conception of the penalty for describing a fellow cabinet member as a smeghead?
Washington: [chuckling] Oh, Jefferson... You are a smeghead!
Following the February 8th announcement that Ava DuVernay was offered at least 2 high profile studio projects (one from Disney and the other from DreamWorks), Deadline is now reporting that the filmmaker has officially inked a deal to take on the Disney project first. She still has an offer on the table to direct the DreamWorks project as well, but, apparently that’s still up in the air. But the Disney project is a done deal. That film is an adaptation of “A Wrinkle In Time,” a science/fantasy novel by Madeleine L'Engle, first published in 1963, which revolves around a young girl whose father, a government scientist, has gone missing after working on a mysterious project called a tesseract.
Hamilton [in 7 minutes] cover || RANGE a cappella cover
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Eacker is standing upstage on the turntable and Phillip is downstage with his back to the audience. When he gets shot, he slumps over in pain towards the audience and the spot light on Eacker fades away as they start to rotate on the table. Phillip in slow motion starts to fall backwards and two ensemble men grab him and lift him onto a table which has been put just ahead of them on the turn table. Hamilton enters stage left with the doctor and they stand on the turn table and Hamilton is trying to get past the doctor, they are parallel with Phillip on the table so its like he’s in a room down a hallway. He’s so emotional and screaming and is so desperate to see his son. On the “wound was already infected” Hamilton pushes past the doctor and goes to Phillip who has rotated to almost the bottom of the turn table. Hamilton rushes to P and cradles him in his arms, strokes his hair, holds him tight and Phillip clutches to his dads arms. Phillip is telling his dad what happens and they never break eye contact and you can tell that Hamilton knows its not gonna end well and he’s just like “please, rest, it’s okay, everything is okay.” He does this “Sh sh sh sh” thing that parents do to babies when they are crying and its so sweet and sad and Phillip is just gripping Hamilton’s arm, wanting to be close to him. By “I was aiming for the sky” they have stopped at downstage center. Phillip convulses in pain and grimaces and the “sh, I know save your strength and stay alive” is just horrible because Lin is trying to get his son to breathe and be calm and stop hurting and its terrible. And then Eliza bursts in, with her black over dress, and she runs to them (doesn’t touch Hamilton) she grabs Phillip and kind of draws her hands back like theres blood and then she goes right back to hugging him and he grips her arm like he was doing with dad earlier. When Phillip starts talking to Eliza about piano, Hamilton is lifting his head so he can be closer to his mom and she’s smiling at him and holding him and he’s trying to smile back at her. On the second “I would always change the rhyme” Phillip laughs kind of, but it hurts and he grimaces. When they start counting in French Phillip runs his hand over the back of Eliza’s head. When the heart beats stop, Phillip slowly falls back and the light on his face fades out but Eliza keeps counting and she grabs him like she’s trying to surge her life into his body, hoping he’ll come back. Then she does this terrible terrible, chill inducing, awful, heartbreaking scream sob and collapses and holds him and cries into his side. Hamilton bows his head and cries. It’s honest to god, horrible to watch because its so sad. AND THEN THE WORST THING EVER HAPPENS AND IT BREAKS MY HEART: Hamilton puts his hand over Eliza’s to comfort her but she yanks it away and buries her face in her hands on Phillip. Hamilton just leaves his hand where hers was and then he strokes Phillips darkened face and they rotate away on the turntable as “It’s Quiet Uptown” starts. Actual heart break. I feel like my heart has been torn from my chest as I’m writing this and thinking about the expression on Lin and Phillipa’s faces as they watched their son die. No words.
