I'm Sorry For The Demon I've Become @telalovesnobody - Tumblr Blog

anxietyproblem

crimsolyn

junkfoodcinemas

MIDSOMMAR (2019) dir. Ari Aster

lanaknowsitried0

The moment I’m all alone and have nothing to distract me is when I fall apart and I give in to self destructive behavior

morlehmorlam

anyone else feel like they’re too damaged to be loved or is it just me

hiqey-a-deactivated20200630

YALL THE AMISH CAME OUT ❤️❤️❤️

angiewrltes-deactivated20201222

I was corrected on Twitter by someone from the community — they’re actually Old Order Mennonites! Although they follow that ‘plain living’ doctrine that the Amish do, they also carefully allow technology into their communities. Televisions are one of the few pieces of modern tech that’s allowed in certain Mennonite sects. The Mennonites and Quakers are no nonsense when it comes to oppression of any kind. Google more about them and you’ll quickly find out that it’s no surprise they showed up. They always show up.

threesideddream

after hurricane sandy, mennonites came through Far Rockaway, NY and rebuilt houses and Black churches that were devastated for free, the ones i’ve met have always been down to do real work for the cause

fatsexybitch

I’m always amused when ppl are surprised Anabaptists are down for the cause. They all grew out of the Radical Reformation (aka they didn’t think Martin Luther and Co. went far enough in breaking with the Abomination [Roman Catholicism]) and have been persecuted by pretty much every country since basically the reformation. They eschew technology not because it’s evil, but because it detracts from family time and community service. They are fundamentally collectivist communities.

They know the world is fundamentally broken, and they’ve been quietly working to fix the little pieces they can since forever. They were heavily involved in abolitionism work. The Quaker, Amish, and Mennonite communities were all stops on the underground rr for a reason.

09•24•2019

Today makes three weeks since our last conversation.

Not that I’m counting..

Okay, I am.

But only because it feels like a hell of a lot longer!

I swear it’s been months.

But no, only three weeks so far.

Sometimes my mind wanders and I find myself wondering what would happen if we ran into each other somewhere and I get nervous just thinking about it.

Not that I would run from you or hide, but I’ve seen you hide from other people while you were out and about with me so I wouldn’t be surprised if you were to do the same if you saw me..

Makes me sad though to think you probably would. You know?

But that’s only a possibility at public places in certain areas and only at certain times.

I really try not to think about you.

Makes it easier.

Most nights at work I’m fine but if I see her it’s kinda hard..

I’m not really sure how to go about that either though. I started trying to talk more and get to know her before our conversation and now I don’t know if I’m supposed to stop and avoid completely or if it’s okay to still try to make her a friend.

I mean, that’s your family.

They don’t write books about how to navigate through stuff like this.

I’m just doing my best here.

One day at a time.

I hope you’re okay.

I’m sure you’re getting a lot done.

I hope you’re eating and sleeping.

I hope your friends are all supportive and checking in on you.

I hope the rest of your family is good too.

You deserve to be happy.

Yesterday should’ve been our one year anniversary.

But it wasn’t.

I thought it was my fault.. I guess it still is. But not completely.

I’ll tell you one day, but not today.

You’re flying away today and i don’t want you to think about it while you’re gone.

I told Shar once but not in detail. I mentioned it again last night and told her everything and she says I should tell you. But I don’t want to throw it at you.

Maybe one day if the conversation ever goes that direction.

But for today, the rest of this week, and however many days go by until the next time I see you, I’ll miss you like I always do.

the-moon-whisperer

livingthegifs

♪Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when Our common goal was waiting for the world to end♪

By: thejennire

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Thing are different

and I don’t want to explain.

forthehungryboy

You know when people say “I watched this movie because you talked about it” or “I’ve been listening to this artist because I know you like it”, tenderness

It’s been about 8 1/2 days..

I say that because she didn’t finally say the words until around 1am on March 2nd.

I spent all that time with her that night hoping those words would never come, but I knew as soon as she started talking about him what she was going to say.

I couldn’t stop it.

I couldn’t think of the words to say that would change the course of what was going to happen.

I just felt horrible.

I wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her we could make it through if we stuck together.

I wanted to tell her it was possible for us to stay together and work through it.

But I honestly didn’t think it was going to be this way.

I thought she needed a short break..

It wasn’t until last Monday (03/04/2019) that she finally made it clear that we’re not going to get back together.

Then I completely broke.

I couldn’t believe it was happening.

I still can’t.

But I can’t change it.

I can just do what I have to do to get where I need to be and hopefully she does the same and we can be friends.

Even then, it’ll suck for a while because of where we’ve been, but I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all.

I’m trying my best to give her space but it kills me that I can’t just text her to see how she is.

I know she got the job she was nervous about.

She said multiple times that she didn’t think she was going to get it but I told her that the woman that told her about it wouldn’t have said anything if she didn’t think she had what it takes.

I always believed in my girl.

I still do.

The only thing I don’t believe is that she’s not my girl anymore.

But that’s my problem.

I’m still in love with her and I miss her insanely, but I’ll just stand over here and watch her rise.

It’s what she wants.