Restoring Innocence

B | 20 | Child & Family Studies | Hard worker, Deep lover, and avid Seeker of Truth | Sbux barista | Recovering from this mess we call life |

[makeuphall]

[tellmama]

Happy looks good on you :)

Been v busy eating, laughing, crying, and healing 🤷‍♀️

Growing up in an abusive household is a fucking trip dude……If you’ve never had someone angrily wash a dish at you or fold a sock in your direction then how are you gonna understand why I get nervous when you quietly do the laundry, or why I ask “are you mad at me?” when you set the bag of groceries down too hard? It’s a totally different way of living and it impacts you long after you’ve left the situation.

[sothisistherapy]

This is so important.

[notsafevorework]

Abused kids speak a language you can’t learn

[kittyinhighheels]

I’ll never forget the people who threw a fit about this post because they didn’t understand the anxiety when someone just seems angry while in your proximity

[lifemaniac91]

[worshipgifs]

[slytherinnpride]

[heavyweightheart]

i don’t own a scale but something i still catch myself doing occasionally is body checking, like putting my hands on my waist to see how thick or thin it feels, or checking how wide my thighs look when they’re on a chair. i’m almost always aware of how my clothes are fitting, even if it’s the same as always (that translates to “oh i didn’t get bigger or smaller” in my automatic thought processes)

one intervention i really love and need to do more is compassionate self assessment. for example if you, like i do, put your hands on your waist as a checking behavior, take them off and then gently lay them on your waist or your belly and just send them compassion in that moment. say something corny like “oh thanks, you’re still keeping me upright” or “you’re doing a great job protecting my organs”. if you notice your thighs spreading, lay your hands on them and say “y’all would be comfortable to lay my head on”. it’s so silly right? but that kind of touch is very healing and it literally rewires your brain

if we have compulsive body checking behaviors we really only have two choices: to let the checking behaviors continue and increase our anxiety, or to practice this intervention (or similar method you find helpful) and move from a judgmental assessment to a respectful acceptance, and maybe a little levity

[angel-flowers]

this is the first helpful thing that i’ve seen for body-checking… i’m tearing up a little bit

[sweeterthanabumblebee]

this is amazing

[runwithcourage]

[mymemphisparade]

[bnmxfld]

“You are worth finding. Worth knowing. Worth loving. You and all your one million layers.”

— Unknown

[ask-bait]

💌 25 valentine’s day asks

first date: describe your ideal first date.

first kiss: what’s the best way to be kissed?

preference: sexuality? what’s your ‘type’?

blush: what could someone do this valentine’s to make you feel special?

hand holding: do you like pda?

family: how important is your family’s approval of your s.o.?

doves: what’s the most romantic thing someone’s done for you?

love hearts: where were you when you met your crush?

candy: favourite thing to eat on a date?

100th date: would you prefer to stay in or go out this valentine’s?

roses: do you like picnic dates?

giggle: what’s more important in an s.o.: intelligence or humour?

lace: who looks best in your favourite colour?

cupid: have you ever been set up? have you ever set anyone else up? how did it go?

lovebirds: at what point in a relationship would you make it ‘public’?

love knots: would you like to forget the person you shared your first kiss with?

promise ring: who do you see yourself being with in two years?

ballad: best love song?

aphrodite: how important are looks?

angel: do you like ‘bad boys’ or sweethearts more?

harp: have you ever written a poem for a crush?

red: where will you be spending february 14th?

love notes: who was your last valentine? where are they now?

flowers: what’s the best romantic gift to give someone?

st. valentine: what are your hopes for love this year?

[plantedsarah-deactivated2019072]

these are so cute!!!! I’d love some!!! 💕

[protect-and-love-animals]

[0uh0h]

“Three teaspoons of sugar a glass of orange juice and a large bowl of cereal and not one measuring cup or special utensil used and the mirror is only worth a short glance while the warmth of the sunlight is much more friendly. Three teaspoons of sugar a glass of orange juice and a large bowl of cereal and no one says anything but lately the mirror has started to become friendlier and the reflection seems to be worth more company. Two teaspoons of sugar a glass of orange juice and a smaller bowl of cereal and something is wrong when there are ideas of how to sneak pieces into napkins or how to plan each meal. One teaspoon of sugar half a glass of orange juice and a smaller bowl of cereal and lately the mirror is becoming a friend with a convincing lie. No sugar and half a glass of orange juice and a smaller bowl of cereal with half left and lately my knees are beginning to hurt from all of the jump rope I am using to gag my mind with. No sugar and a glass of water and half a cup of cereal and lately my ribs are becoming more sharp than the reflection my blurry eyes can barely look at. No sugar and a glass of water and half a cup of cereal and my hands are beginning to shake and I can barely stand and my body is so cold that my Sister does not allow me to touch her to console her of the pain I have brought. No sugar and a glass of water and half a cup of cereal and finally my body collapses when I fall sick and I can barely pick myself up only to throw up poisoned thoughts and false depictions. No sugar and a glass of water and half a cup of cereal and clothing meant for children three years younger than my body but lately my mentality has started to crumble like the pastries I refuse to touch. No sugar and a glass of water and half a cup of cereal but my Sister is beginning to cry more than I do and my hair is so thin my Father never calls me a princess anymore. No sugar and a glass of water and half a cup of cereal and my Mother screams at me for three hours straight telling me I am tearing the family apart but all I can do is count the number of times her voice cracks. One teaspoon of sugar and half a glass of orange juice and cereal enough to fill a small bowl and I can only taste the saltiness of my tears but I still force it down so my Sister will speak to me again. Two teaspoons of sugar and a glass of orange juice and more cereal and lately the mirror and I have been talking about how lonely our minds are without our thoughts to keep us company. Three teaspoons of sugar and a glass of orange juice and a bowl of cereal and I am wondering if this is really worth it after all I went through to lose but we both know I have always preferred winning to losing. Today I put as much sugar as I can fit in my cereal bowl and drink as much orange juice as I want and the mirror and I have made a deal to keep quiet of our opinions and we know we can someday move on from our bitter past and my Sister and I spend our winter days collecting snowflakes rather than searching for blankets to keep me warm.”

— Sugar and cereal - I like the taste of recovery. (via dollpoetry)

[mirithebrave]

twelve years -

my god, she thinks, sinking onto the couch my god the world has kept turning without me even noticing

it was just yesterday she was sixteen and learning to drive procrastinating her algebra homework and going to friday night football games (it was, she could have sworn it.)

she suddenly feels very, very tired

if only she could have known what was coming if only she could rewind the clock yell beg scream at her foolish teenage self to run the other way if she could shove a flashing neon warning sign in the girl’s face DANGER AHEAD TURN BACK WHILE YOU CAN

she gets up and pours herself a glass of wine.

she’s become a disappearing act lately showing up late to work and early to bars she still smiles politely at your jokes attends your dinner parties and inserts laughter in the appropriate places but she is falling again transitory she is smoke and mirrors but mostly smoke she is restless flitting around leaving bits and pieces of her all over the place you reach out try to grab hold of her but she slips right through your fingers she’s a wisp becoming less and less whole each day

she leans back against the cushions on the couch sips on the wine and massages her temples

twelve years, she says out loud tasting the way the words feel on her tongue

the doctors told her at sixteen that it would probably take years to recover she had laughed at the time i don’t have years to waste hadn’t those been her exact words? she had been so sure that she knew than they did (naivete? arrogance? youth?)

why had she not gotten out when she had the chance? when her body was only partly submerged in the water, when she could still see the shore?

her body feels weighed down by twelve years and bones that never stop aching she feels ancient and much too cynical for someone so young

and what did she have to show for all of these years? more scars and a slowed down metabolism?

she feels like doing something reckless taking a map and closing her eyes and buying a plane ticket to the first place her finger lands on she could pack up and move and be someone new maybe dye her hair strawberry-blonde start calling herself marie and say she is from quebec eat to her heart’s content without fear she could pretend that she has never known Monsters wisp twelve doctors bones pizza quebec smoke and mirrors she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath twelve years is a very long time yes, she thinks, a fresh start sounds nice

[eevocativee]

hard truth

when fighting an addiction you cant trust your mind. it is most likely working against you. addiction is a disease and there are millions of people just like you. you arent weak for asking for help. you can do this. recovery takes time. if it seems like youre getting nowhere, just know baby steps are better than no steps at all. dont let the distance scare you.

[thegoodvybe]

[tellmama]

Alright friends

So update vid never worked out. I’m so sorry 😩😭 but I just decided to take a social media break altogether. My life is going really well and I just want to soak up all the peace I can!! I am working a lot, but also spending a lot of time with my dear loved ones and now with school that all leaves me with very little time to think/pray/be so something had to give! I may be back, who knows! I’m just going with the flow. All my love and peace to y’all 😘❤️