Solitude & Skooma

Bardras Drels, Oathman in the service of House Telvanni. Previous resident of Port Telvannis. Currently studying the Dwemer ruins located in Skyrim. And perhaps also looking for a new dealer.

[telvannibardras-blog]

I'm not proud of this

[telvannibardras-blog]

askthavrin replied to your photo

Man, youre so weird! Wanna help me break my kitties out of jail?

“Yes, I can do that,” Bardras said. Helping people was stupid, but getting kittens out of a jail cell would be a good deed. Azura would be grateful, that was for sure. She loved cats. Everyone who matters loves cats.

“I will accept one cat as payment for helping you,” he said, nodding to himself. That was a bargain by anyone’s estimation.

[wrathfulandsullen-deactivated20]

Payment?  This guy wanted to treat his precious fur-babies like lowly, common currency?

“Uhh… well, I… oh okay, fine.  But not Lena!  We share a special bond!”  Specifically, that bond involved Thavrin almost being eaten by Lena’s mom, and then him feeling bad about braining her in his attempt to get away.

“I think they’re being held in the guardhouse, but we have to hurry!  Gods know what those stupid, dumb, evil Nords are doing to my babies!”

[telvannibardras-blog]

"Probably eating them," Bardras said. "They eat mammals, aren't Nords strange?" He tapped his chin, wondering how a person would go about preparing a cat for a meal, shaking his head. "Nords."

He shuffled through his bag, counting how many restore magicka potions he had. "Yeah, let's go," he said. Worst case scenario, he'd be in jail. And he'd have somewhere to sleep. Best case scenario, Thavrin would give him a kitten. Either way was fine with him.

[telvannibardras-blog]

1, 15, 13

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

Bardras shrugged. "Not really something I consider likely to happen. Sex happens to me, out of the blue. Or I'm forced into it by some greymage curse. Not Molag Bal style. Well, maybe it is. I'm not sure."

"If you must have an answer-- and you damned things always do!-- then fine. I'd like to have sex with Almalexia, Mephala, a spider daedra, and your mother.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

"Look, I'm really sorry.""Yeah, okay.""I am, though. I thought you were enjoying yourself.""Sure. Yeah. I'm sure you've set loads of women screaming. Out of outrage!""Is this really a big deal? I don't see the problem, just wash it.""It is a big deal. I just had this styled, it'll all have to be undone and cleaned! Have you ever had to get this stuff out of hair? I'll send you the bill.""What!""I told you!""I'm not paying you, you greedy wh--""I told you: not in the hair!""Should have been in your mouth anyway. Damned idiot woman--""You are just awful!""Don't want it in your hair? Just keep it in your mouth. How hard is that?""I'm sure you're real familiar with blowjob protocol. Swallow and everything. It's the only reason Master Mithras keeps you around!""Shut up!"

Enough of that!(He did eventually pay her to have her hair restyled, that's the only thing he's embarrassed about, really.

1: When did you lose your virginity?

When he was 20, after a couple of years trying (and failing) to pick up saucy Telvanni ladies. ((I'm about to post a big thing about it, just after I post this))

[telvannibardras-blog]

I like Feya's---

Bardras mumbled something under his breath, blushing up to his ears. Shuffling deeper into the alley, he shook his head, grumbling now. "Why can't you greymages mind your own business?"

[demon-of-vengeance-deactivated2]

♗ telvannibardras started following you ♗

[demon-of-vengeance-deactivated2]

An angry elf. Maiyah couldn’t have seen that coming. Well, perhaps she could have. This one was… a grade separate from the rest though. A far cry from those she met at Solstheim. Those accents, those rich voices… how she admired and envied them. But this dunmer seemed… off. Normally she would keep her distance from such types. But now she was curious. This was no Cicero-brand weirdness. This was something completely different.

Maiyah remained in the shadows and followed him, careful not to rouse any suspicion and turning completely stone-still and silent should she catch his attention. She watched him with unblinking eyes, a curious fox stalking the oddest little critter it ever did see. She had no plans to hunt him. Just watching him was entertaining enough.

It was when she stopped in front of a Dragon’s Tongue plant, when she started to have her own little fit. How she hated Dragon’s Tongue. She was… allergic to it. Stopping right in front of it sent her down the miserable and terrifying path of sneezing while under cover. She held her hands to her face and shook her head violently, eyes tightly shut, trying to push back the threatening tickle in her nasal cavity.

But she failed in the most miserable fashion. A delicate sneeze made its exit, and she froze, face turning red in both embarrassment and horror as her cover was blown.

[telvannibardras-blog]

At the sound of the sneeze, Bardras froze-- not literally. Almost literally. But it wasn't that cold yet. Quickly casting a Detect Life spell, he searched the surroundings for signs of something that could be responsible for the sneeze. Hopefully just a deer or whatever lived out in the woods.

"Hey!" Bardras said, voice going a little bit too high pitched to be indignant. More like petulant. Whiny. "What are you doing? Stalking me? What have you got planned? Huh?" With the spell, all he could really see was a miasma of blue fog, couldn't make out who or what was following him.

"If you're a bandit, I'll kill you," he said. But who ever heard of a sneaky bandit? They just didn't exist. He crossed his arms, trying his best to look intimidating. Didn't work. "And if you aren't a bandit, then explain what you're doing." His altercation with the bandits earlier left him pretty low on magicka. He doubted he'd be able to muster more than a few fireballs in his state. It'd be best to try and avoid fighting.

[telvannibardras-blog]

Bardras followed the other mage, downright cheerful now that he had something to look forward to. It was rare, him having anything to look forward to. So, if he had a spring in his step, then please forgive him.

“That’s just rumor,” Bardras said. “You know. Our enemies spread rumors about us, but there’s no way our House could ever die. It’s too individualist. So long as there’s more than one of us, House Telvanni is still going.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” he sneered. “But Telvanni won’t fall. Ever.”

[dovahvamp-deactivated20130601]

Nergui scoffed, physically having to bite his tongue to stop a rather scathing dose of sarcasm about Telvanni skooma addicts and how a Great House couldn’t constitute of one and a former slave.

But it was so hard to keep his natural urge to fight insults with insults under check for so long. “Really? Never thought the Empire would be enemies with Morrowind.” he shot back, stepping through the front door.

Even if he mooched off his friend’s house, he knew his way to the basement. And he even knew where poor Rok hid his skooma. Which, suffice to say, was rather easy to find.

[telvannibardras-blog]

Bardras did not like being sassed back. He was the one who sassed. It just didn't go the other way, that wasn't something that happened. Not ever.

Resisting the urge to snap back at the other mer, Bardras kept his composure (a feat not attempted since he'd worked for powerful and vicious mage-lords who would set an underling on fire as soon as talk to him). Never underestimate an addict.

"You probably have better sources than I do," Bardras said in his best don't-set-me-on-fire voice. "I've traveled a long time with only mouthy and uneducated nords to provide me news. Most-- all of it-- is rumors." He shrugged, following Nergui into the house, as guileless as any Redoran maiden. "What do you care, anyway? You're not Telvanni. How do you even know what Telvanni is?"

[kii-nam]

TMI Tirdas

[go ahead make my day]

[telvannibardras-blog]

somethings-collective replied to your photo

You dont want me to cuddle you, Bardras? But Im such a good cuddler.

[telvannibardras-blog]

((Someone broke into my car and stole my 12 volt coffee maker.

I'm like. Really confused. Now I can't make coffee at work anymore, so that's sad. But. Why the coffee maker?

"Let me just steal this $12 coffee maker and ignore the $100-something solar panel bolted to the roof and the $200-something battery it's hooked up to" ???))

[telvannibardras-blog]

askthavrin replied to your photo

Man, youre so weird! Wanna help me break my kitties out of jail?

"Yes, I can do that," Bardras said. Helping people was stupid, but getting kittens out of a jail cell would be a good deed. Azura would be grateful, that was for sure. She loved cats. Everyone who matters loves cats.

"I will accept one cat as payment for helping you," he said, nodding to himself. That was a bargain by anyone's estimation.

[telvannibardras-blog]

[telvannibardras-blog]

The number of dicks that I've sucked is--

"I haven't!" Actually, he's sucked one. "Don't believe any rumors, it's the work of the Four Corners!" He sucked one, and it wasn't that bad. He's not sure which he's more embarrassed about.

Huffy, Bardras sought the refuge of his dark alley, hoping the greymages would mistake him for a bag of trash or something.

[telvannibardras-blog]

I like Thavrin's--

"Abundance of cats and willingness to share drugs," Bardras said. "I bet you filthy things wanted me to say 'his butt.' Or, 'his facepaint.'" His facepaint was pretty cool. "Well, no. It's his cats and drugs. Nothing else."

[telvannibardras-blog]

NSFW ASKS (Ohgod why)

1: When did you lose your virginity?

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

5: Favourite sex position?

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

12: How often do you have sex?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

30: Do you watch porn?

[telvannibardras-blog]

((OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS HOMEWORK FOR 3 HOURS AND I CAN'T GET IT DONE.IT'S JUST CONFUSING AND I [GROSS SOBBING]))

[demon-of-vengeance-deactivated2]

♗ telvannibardras started following you ♗

Elves. Maiyah didn’t have much love for them. The only few elves she ever cared for were those that were of her own hive mind. Killers. Servants of the shadow and the void. All others were dust in the wind. Granted, when she arrived in Solstheim some months ago, her opinion changed. The delectable accents and the might of the Redoran guard had surprised her. They were… articulate. And grand in their speech. Intelligent and ..dare she describe it in such simple terms… sophisticated.

It was… a delightful change from the huff and gruff nature of Skyrim. Her nordic brethren could be… a tad overwhelming in their one-track-mindedness at times. Still, even in this relatively calming landscape, Maiyah had to be cautious. And how she missed being there. Returning to Skyrim was bittersweet in and of itself. She had her duties to return to, however. Souls needed to be delivered to her Dread Father post haste. Towards the Pale she traveled, but was stopped short during her journey.

Upon noticing a shift in the wind, a presence near, the nord assassin melted into the shadows, eyes darting from here to there in search of this entity. “Where are you,” she whispered quietly under her breath.

[telvannibardras-blog]

Delectable, articulate, sophisticated. All words that weren't applicable to Bardras in any fashion. No, it really wasn't possible to describe him with any of those words. Unless, of course, with the liberal application of sarcasm. Delectable indeed. More apt words would be "dirty." Maybe "mad." Or just "strange." He's Telvanni. But mostly, he was cold. And of course, he was heading north. Why? Oh. Right. He's Telvanni, and thus mad. Actually, that wasn't right either. He was looking for a job. And, like any other completely normal person who was searchign for a job, his plan was to wander until he came across someone who needed a bandit burnt to bits or maybe a lecture on why Mysticism was a real school of magic. Foolproof plan. It always worked. Bandits were plentiful and he was happy enough to play the vulture and strip them of their items once the fire died down. Now, after a successful raid of a bandit camp, he was stomping along the road in the worst mood. It was cold. It was ridiculously cold! And there wasn't any inn to stay overnight in. It was enough to drive Bardras into huffy grumbling, the closest a person could come to throwing a tantrum without drawing too much attention too himself-- Oh that isn't true at all. He's drawing a lot of attention to himself! He always does!

[askboxmemes]

Send me half a sentence and I will finish it!