you let her call me homeless and broke.
i moved across the country to get my life in order and start over.
and you let her say that.
you’re dead to me.
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@tenataughtyou
you let her call me homeless and broke.
i moved across the country to get my life in order and start over.
and you let her say that.
you’re dead to me.
Imagine your husband saying you need to be more appreciative because he risked his job to come check on you after some guy totaled his car with you in it.
Oh how ever will i repay you for this?? I will grovel for the rest of my days.
i hate being asked “why are you crying?”
last year some jerk was texting and smashed into my car in stand still traffic. my car gets fixed but comes back worse. i pay way more money to get it fixed somewhere else.
last year my sister was hit on the highway and killed by some old man who didn’t see her. she didn’t die alone but she nevertheless died. 29 years old.
last year a giant german shepherd attacked me while i was delivering mail and bit a chunk out of my thigh. i still haven’t recovered. im terrified of dogs.
last year, my car got repossessed because i received no compensation for being attacked and i drained my retirement to get it back. now i’m penniless.
in january, my dad died. my family treated me like a stranger at his funeral. as if it was my fault he didn’t love me like the children that weren’t his. and the next day my car windows were busted out and my car was ransacked.
the weekend i decide to leave texas and go home for a reset , my car randomly breaks down after i already quit my job because i was leaving. now i’m stranded here. jobless. no money to fix the car.
today while driving your car after dropping you off, some dipshit makes a left turn into me. smashing in the drivers side door. all the air bags deployed. i’m still coughing from the fumes. you’re more upset about the financial burden than you are about me being okay. you won’t hug me and tell me it’s alright. you tell me not to go to the hospital because “nothings wrong with me.” you just sit and look at me in disgust.
i feel i’ve ruined your life. i could’ve died today. and you’re not grateful. you say you’ve already mentally and emotionally prepared for me to leave so i have to leave.
and now i’m inconsolable. and you ask me “why are you crying?”
because it’s too much. because i hurt. because i want to jump off a building. but you’ll look at my lifeless body in disgust the same way you do when i’m full of life.
i’m crying because you hate me and disguise it as tough love. i’m crying because life is whooping my ass every time i’m halfway healed. i’m crying because i’m married to someone who isn’t relieved i’m okay after all these traumatic things. just disappointed in me. i have nothing else to give but tears.
so i just cry. and you ask me aggressively
“why are you crying?!”
in the same tone as
“wtf you crying for?!”
and i say “everything!”
to which you say nothing and turn off the light and leave me in the dark to cry alone.
i’m inconsolable.
I literally just don’t care anymore.
my intentional morning routine:
-I wake up around 6 AM, instead of immediately getting on my phone like I used to. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes, allowing my body to realize the transition it is making.
-After that, I immediately drink a full bottle of water. This is pretty easy for me because when I wake up, I’m usually dehydrated even if I don’t realize it yet my body does. I’m able to do this quickly and easily by grabbing a water bottle the night before. By the time I wake up it’s usually warm, warm/hot liquids are actually very beneficial to your digestive system. This helps my digestive system get a head start on the day.
-I move onto making my bed. A step I never used to incorporate because I always felt it was unnecessary but once my bed is made I rarely want to ruin the work I’ve created which urges me to not get back in it.
-Tea. I always drink some type of tea in the morning, my go-tos being ginger or green. This is another thing that I do for my digestive system as well as overall calmness. Instead of doing another task while having my tea, I like to enjoy it and simply take gratitude in the drink.
-I then go into breath work, I do a Nadi Shodhana technique of alternate nostril breathing, as someone with severe anxiety breathing has become a big part of my journey in managing it. Even if I’m not feeling anxious I love to get a head start on it (something I learned from my therapist). I tend to do this practice for a few minutes and find my body in a completely calm state afterward.
The Technique:
*Sit in a comfortable position for me this is usually with my legs crossed.
*Place your ring finger on your left nostril and your thumb on the right.
*Cover your right nostril and breathe in through your left, cover your left nostril and exhale through your right nostril and repeat.
*When you are finally done with this practice exhale fully out of your left nostril.
-The next thing I like to do is engage in prayer and gratitude. I have created a specific prayer that I repeat every morning, although it changes when needed. I simply express gratitude by writing out everything that I am thankful for in that moment in my journal.
-I then move onto hygiene and breakfast which I’ll usually have a smoothie or oatmeal if I’m not fasting.
And that’s my intentional morning routine!
I really hope he knows iconic this video is.
A large strawberry squid, one of three caught on the last trawl of the Deep-See cruise. “The strawberry squid, gets its nickname from the berry-like appearance of its bright-red body speckled with numerous jewel like luminescent photophores ”
Polaroid Autofocus 660 Transparent Edition (1982)